June 26, 2007

50 Reasons to Hate the Huskers

The College World Series is over. Football is coming. To celebrate, I give to you 50 of my favorite 853,657 reasons to hate the Huskers. Remember kids, these are in no particular order and collected in a non-scientific manner.



50 - Jim Rose. "The old Grey lady on 10th street is truly rocking now". Phrases like this and referring to football helmets as "Gleaming white bonnets of battle" makes me want to rip my ears off.

49 - Lil Red. He was stupid and lame before all puffy mascots were stupid and lame. 'Oh look at me, I'm upside down'. Who cares. He looks like the bastard step child of Matt Davison and Colonel Sanders

48 - If not for Penn State, the most visually unpleasing uniforms this side of Pop Warner. And no, calling it "Scarlett and Cream" instead of "Red and White" makes you sound like you flunked pre-school.

47 - Post 1997, Nebraska baseball sports a sold out stadium of 5,000 plus per game. Prior to that, average attendance during Darren Erstad's senior year? 48.

46 - "Greatest Fans in College Football"'s number one celebrity ambassador? Larry the Cable Guy.

45 - "Lawrence needs football in his life"

44 - Things like this:

43 - Lyle Bremser's ancient radio calls of "Man, woman and child did that put them in the aisles!" That's fine if it made any damn sense at all. How could they all fit in the isles? (Especially now with the weight problem in America) Whacked out old bastard.

42 - Lee Barfknecht travels to "neutral" Big 12 football games to show wide-ranging "conference coverage" from the Omaha World Herald. Lee uses that print space to bash the other 11 schools for not being as good as Nebraska. Same writer still gets death threats from Husker fans for voting Michigan #1 in the 1997 AP poll.

41- Fairbury Franks (Official hot dog of NU athletics for decades) is actually made with ground up puppies and kittens.

40- 1971 to 2004: Most important aspect of Husker football is world-class strength and conditioning program, as well as exemplary walk on program. 2004-present: Both are for losers, as Rival stars outweigh everything short of having the ability stand upright.

39 - So much love for their team, they must share it with other teams when their own sucks. (ie - Creighton 12th in the country in basketball attendance in 2007)

38 - Johnny Rogers pimping Lil Smokies 742 times a day on Omaha television.

37 - Giant foam cornhead-hat...cool in any language.

36 - While 62 Husker athletes are heralded as Academic All-Americans on the side of Memorial Stadium, public completely unaware of mural below south stadium that celebrates the nearly 4 dozen individuals arrested from the Husker football team since 1993.

35 - Random and bizarre "rivalries" with out of conference teams (veiled with jealousy and contempt). Calling Florida State a football "rival" is stupid when you realize that Iowa State has beaten NU more times in the past 15 years.

34 - College volleyball. Not cool. Not exciting. Not ever....no matter how many people you have who claim to be "fans". 3 million Iowans love college wrestling more than breathing...that doesn't make it enjoyable to watch.

33 - 1992 to present, Husker fan mocks Kansas State's schedule by playing the likes of Western Kentucky and Illinois State. Ironically, in 2005, Maine is suddenly a 1AA power that "can surprise you by playing scrappy and hard-nosed".

32 - Naming your dog, "Osborne". (Don't laugh..I know two different people who did that)

31 - 2004 "John Blake is the greatest recruiter in college football." In 2007 "John Blake really didn't make that big of a difference"

30 - Bo Pelini..if even for only a couple of seasons. (a jackass is a jackass is a jackass)

29 - NU fans continuously calling players and RECRUITS by their first names. It's not "Marlon". It's not "Cally". it's not "Blaine". It's Lucky, Callahan and Gabbert, and if they were in any other line of work, they wouldn't' give you the time of day because you're a complete douchebag. Stop pretending your best buds by the language you use. Idiots.

28 - Listing National Title game date on all pocket schedules and posters.

27 - Film breakdown every Tuesday during the season at a small church in south Omaha is considered cool and the place to be. Updates and recaps are distributed like presidential mandates throughout Husker cyberspace.

26 - Steve Pederson (Yeah, like I can pick out ONE thing to list here)

25 - Only in Nebraska can somebody think this is cool.

24 - Channel 6's Dave Weber actually CRIED on live television when the Huskers made their first College World Series.

23 - "Sal is dead..Go Big Red!" oozes class to this day.

22 - Husker fans claim the world is out to get them, yet somehow lose sight of this when a last second pass is kicked from 2 yards out, over the heads of two defenders and into the arms of a pasty-white wide-receiver, who was 12 yards away from where he was supposed to be.

21 - Stealing an elderly Husker fan's hat at a Penn State game: NOT COOL because the poor soul did absolutely nothing to deserve the inhumane treatment for doing nothing but attending a game with his favorite team. Punching a Missouri fan: COOL because the little bastard deserved it.

20 - Heisman trophy winners who sign and quit during their first pre-season game to live the life of a professional poster signer back home.

19 - Throat slash

18 - "F*ckin Hillbillies"

17 - Husker fans root for Tennis Player Andy Roddick because he's an admitted Husker fan. (Although born in Omaha and a resident for 4+ years, the family got the hell out of dodge and moved to Florida)

16 - Being charged with assaulting Miss Nebraska in a bar is fine and dandy if you can play the D-line.

15 - Steroid scandals with smoking gun-type evidence conveniently pushed under the rug by Lincoln authorities in 2005. Ironically, less than 10 articles appear in the Omaha World Herald, despite the fact that a convicted pusher lived with several Husker football players.

14 - Nebraska officials praise 55,000 attending NU spring game in April as "unprecedented". Meanwhile, nothing is mentioned of the Alabama spring game that drew nearly 40,000 more.

13 - Scott Frost whining his way to the 1997 (1/2) National Title.

12 - Kirk Herbstreet's comments in December that the 1995 Huskers were not the greatest college team of all time, nearly cause rioting in several eastern Nebraska communities.

11 - Tom Osborne's longstanding campaign against porn.

10 - Striped turf is not cool. Oregon can get away with it. You can't.

9 - Mascot, overalls, corn. Enough said. The only character on earth proven more frightening than the Burger King Mascot.

8 - "That was the most out of control situation I've ever seen in college athletics" - Steve Pederson describing the scene in Missouri as fans rushed the filed celebrating the first win over NU in 24 years. Ironically, only 6 months prior to saying, "This is what it's all about" when NU fans stormed the court in Lincoln in a win over Kansas.

7 - Stealing the Chicago Bulls' tradition of following the players out of the locker room to the beat of the Alan Parson's project, and bastardizing it as your own to the squeals of your own fans isn't cool.

6 - Traveling 50,000 strong to road games does not make you "great fans". It means driving 5 hours is more enjoyable than going to Oakview Mall...which is pretty much the only thing to do in Nebraska..other than go to the zoo for the 86,356th time.

5 - Two words: Trev Alberts

4 - Starting the wave while a visiting player lies temporarily paralyzed on the turf = Classiest fans in sports. Drawing a cartoon about it mocking the situation by poking fun at the opposing coach's weight? Priceless.

3 - Omaha World Herald columnist Tom Shatel's infamous "The Nebraska athletic department would be foolish to fire Frank Solich", just days before claiming "Sorry..I meant to say Frank has to go" the morning after his firing. Apparently the fear of covering Omaha Beef football while his NU press pass is suspended was a bit too much for Tom to keep his journalistic integrity.

2 - Calling Osborne's decision to go for two in 1984, "gutsy", when it fact it was quite possibly the stupidest decision on earth to throw a roll out pass when you average 15 yards per rush.

1 - "The Media is out to get us" (Not to be outdone by my new favorite, "The Lincoln police department is out to get us")
Let Husker bashing season begin.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Refocus and channel the energy you put towards this and you might not be forced to live in a crappy house and work a crappy job in Bugaha. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. Sucks to be you.


2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A KU alumn/fan thanks you for keeping #4 in the discussion. I grew up here and my whole family are NU fans. I get a huge kick out of your blog for obvious reasons.

That was the moment that killed any good feelings I had left for the program I grew up watching.

At somepoint this whole state turned from great college football fans to win-at-all-cost-psychopaths.

3:48 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

It pains you to say you're entertained by this blog.

Admit it J.

I won't stop til you do.

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#51) Nobody gives a crap what some anonymous ahole KU alum thinks anyhow.

What's the KU graduation rate for hoops these days? Let's talk a little bit about win at all cost shall we?

You DBag.


5:02 PM  
Blogger NEBforOSU said...

That list rocks.

And the fact people try personal attacks at you over the internet. Priceless.

I enjoy reading your blogs, and share as much hatred toward the UNL sker as much as you do.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous CJTiger99 said...

Anybody ever caught wearing a giant corn cob on their head should be immediately sterilized.

This world has enough problems.

6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


The world, outside of kNebraska, is a better place because of your blog.

Thank you.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Just learn to embrase the huskers and your life will become complete. It is not that hard to do.

Just repete after me every day in the shower as you get ready to go to work at McDonalds, I LOVE THE HUSKERS, GO BIG RED.

I bet if you do this every day from now untill the season starts you will be wearing husker red and have seanon tickets.

As alway you can eat a mile of my........

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your list really makes me enjoy being a Husker fan. You are just a hoot.

Bring on your hate and keep being the a$$ that you really are.

It really must (as stated above) suck to be you!


8:52 PM  
Blogger Commish CH said...

damn, I think I just peed my pants. Classic. I'd add whenever they lose in Boulder, the urban legends of their almost sub-human treatment by CU fans grows tenfold.

7:36 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Wait...did JP just defend me?

Stop the world, I want to get off.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And look at the morons over at netbuffs glomming on to minor league blogs like this. It makes it all the better when NU beats down aj's team and the buffaholes as well. What's wrong aj, couldn't come up with 100 reasons to hate the Huskers? What a pathetic effort. Hey sykobuff, you still suck.

9:44 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

100? Are you serious.

I barely even mentioned individuals. I hardly even touched on message board freaks.

Trust me...I could hit 1,000 by the end of the day with no problem.

PS - Don't bitch..it's June and what the hell else are you gonna do for 66 more days?

10:10 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...

We got bored and decided to check in.

Remember readers the list came from a person who came to the conclusion, THUGS=HAPPY FANS because "I said so". I'll beat their dealing drugs right and out of the locker room as I type in Oregon State. With logic like that he'd never run out of reasons like, "Nebraska starts with an N, which is one letter after M and one before 0 in the alphabet".

What's more funny, the "red storm" because the Huskers travel so well, or the fact that Missouri ran radio ad after radio ad begging their fans not to sell their tickets to Husker fans. Result, the stadium was represented well with Husker fans (my b-i-l made a killing off his four tickets). (Maybe Missouri would have had better luck saving the money on the ad campaign, and just buy back the tickets from their "fans".)

Hey, I heard you had a ceremony celebrating your college career. I understood it started off like this, "Seinfeld, party of four", at the Giant Panda Buffet.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Jason said...

Im only going to comment about one of your top 50 reasons to hate the Huskers. The comment about NU & Alabama's spring game attendance figures was really stupid and Im not surprised in the least that you didnt provide any facts as to why it happened that way either as it would really de-fang your idiotic statements. The simple fact is that the Alabama spring game was FREE for all who attended. If NU had a free spring game we could just as easily have that many in attendance assuming the stadium was made to hold that many people. The only other thing I have to say to you is this...Jealousy is a BITCH! Isn't it, Mr. Tool?!?

12:31 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Mr. Tool?

Wow, I'm really sparring with a professional now aren't I? So if the Alabama game was free..you're really saying that NU fans are far too sophisticated to pay the WHOPPING 5 dollar ticket price. FIVE whole dollars?

Wow...you got me. I didn't stand a chance.

PS - BHG, why can't you quit me?

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Dreys said...

How can you insult a team for being good at recruiting? Makes very little sense to me.
Nebraska still has one of the top strength and conditioning programs in the nation, and the reason the walk on program has become less of a factor is mainly due to roster limitations the NCAA has set.
It's easy to bash a team if you only tell the part of the story that makes them look bad.

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to see the list of reasons to hate Pederson or what not....sicne you said there are to many to list

4:27 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Two words:

Red waterfall.

(that's one)

4:47 PM  
Blogger NEBforOSU said...

You forgot one point, when sker fans throw there former players under the bus when the former player makes " a negative" comment about the UNL of today.

4:50 PM  
Blogger tiger86 said...

One day several schools from the Big XII were wondering what their colors should be so they went to God to ask for help. God told Mizzou that he saw a golden field under a black sky and their colors should be black and gold. God told Baylor he saw a golden road on a green pasture and that their color should be green and gold. God told K-State that he saw a purple mountain with silver snow capes, so their colors should be purple and silver. And then God told Thought this would entertain all:

Nebraska that their colors should be red and white. The schools were happy with God's decision and left. St. Peter asked God, "Why didn't you tell Nebraska what you saw. You gave reasons to the other." God turned and said, "When I think of Nebraska all I see is rednecks and white trash."

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jason's right. You are a tool.

By the way. Buy a freakin' domain name would you? And set up a domain alias to redirect it here. Sheesh. Get with it. I'm sick of typing in ajthoughts.. It sounds a little gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


7:21 PM  
Blogger NEBforOSU said...

Aj you forgot Nebraska has no rival.
as stated in this link


10:54 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Jesus JP...where the hell have you been?


It's been there forever.

8:24 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...

I'm not sure which Tiger86 is, ignorant or stupid. A Missourian calling anyone a redneck and white trash state has never been to southern Missouri (West Plains). Cripes, I'll bet you can't find five women that aren't married to first cousin or get a can of chew for Christmas.

I have it on good authority that this region was the original site for the movie Deliverance. However the locals didn't trust anyone that had more than three teeth, and therefore they had to go elsewhere.

Here's a little hint that may go over your head, before you make fun of an Asian person, make certain you're not Chinese.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I refuse to type in huskerh8er.com (I just copied and pasted there).

Register something like AJsSmallDingy.com or MizzouWillNeverWinTheBig12.com although that's a little long.


12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved the list. classic. Callahan is slowly ruining what little of the good reputation the Huskers have left. (see #18, 19)

NU is quickly becoming the 2nd cockiest fan base in the Big 12 next to "we are texas." (barf)

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't understand how they lost their bowl game. After all, they were playing with Blake's recruits!! (any Husker fan will understand the irony in this statement)

1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog was genious and I can't wait to see Texas, Oklahoma and USC rape the huskers this year and hell it would not surprise me if A&M did it too...

3:46 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Good to see my new OU fans are enjoying the blog. Welcome.

Also, JP..you asked...I delivered. Stop bitching or at the very least, come up with some more creative URL's.

How's California?


4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for taking the time you spent to do this well researched and fully accurate list. My contempt for the classless Husker coaching staff and disgraced fanbase grows worse with every passing year. I'm going to save your list and read it every time I need a reminder as to why I should dislike them even more than my mood at that moment in time allows.

I hope Phil Steele is right, and your Tigers will issue Hellen Keller, the throat slasher, and the rest of the Richie Incognito fanclub a serious dose of reality on Oct 6th.

-- An amused Sooners fan

11:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I realize you have 853,657 reasons to hate the Huskers and only list 50, but could you find a way to add a personal favorite quote of mine? I just love it.

I've never really heard the expression, "Just wait until we have the right players" before, but when I analyze it, really think about it, it makes perfect sense to me. It's been used now for a while, and so often by this intelligent fanbase, I'm thinking it belongs.

Great list, had no idea about the kittens and puppies, that's really sad. Anything you can do to get these people to stop eating and drinking the way they do, would be great for their health in my opinion.



4:24 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

(Editors note)

2,500 hits from Sooner fans in the past 24 hours.


8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey JP, as least the KU alumni are capable of thinking. They send their players to the pros early, you send yours to the pen. Keep Callahan forever because you both deserve each other.

"Classiest fans" my ass. Easy to be gracious when you are winning, and that hasn't happened much lately, has it?

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lived in Omaha for 4 years and it is disgusting how husker fans treat Nebraska foobtall as a religion. True story, I was over at a friends place for a BBQ and they tivoed the Nebraska game from the previous day. During the BBQ they watched it and "broke" down the plays. They admitted to me they watched the game a total of 4 times in the last 2 days. Sad, thats when I left. Thank god I left that state!

Huck the Fuskers.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous huskernation77 said...

All this hate towards the Huskers says one thing to me.


There is a fine line between fear and hate!

9:27 AM  
Anonymous bcsbound said...

Nothin to do in Nebraska thats right thats why nobody lives there good thing somebody in every state holds season tickits You can right bad or good stuff about any team any leage hate comes from envy I love all off college football maybe thats why im a husker fan

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:02 PM  

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