The Reign of King Bo Begins...

Has order been restored yet?

Never have so many people looked forward to something so important, and said so little when their wish came true.

Let me start by saying that I’m happy. I’m happy you guys will continue to bombard my comment section with ridiculous claims, baseless paranoia and myopic speculation. I’ve said it once…I’ll say it again 1,000 times: My job is easier when you act like a bunch of douchebags. And having a castoff coordinator with no experience, certainly looks like very well could do the trick.

I’m going to repeat what I said Sunday as well, in case you missed it…nobody knows what this guy is going to do, just as nobody knew what a gigantic flop Bill Callahan was going to be. (Except me) But regardless of fact or educated supposition, many of you will simply grasp at any straw you can find, and immediately take your place on the front lines of a war you simply can not win.

I mean, haven’t you been down this road before? Wasn’t it somebody who looked like you who preached to me for months what a Super Bowl coach could do for such a storied program? Wasn’t it somebody that looked like you who tried to convince me that recruits and turning your program into a pro-prospect factory alone could win you titles?

Hmmm, so now that that didn’t work, what is REALLY the key to restoring the order? Yelling and screaming like a 6 year old at Bill Snyder after a blowout loss? Ranting and going apeshit on the sidelines as Brad Smith runs for another 60 yards? Is that going to work? OK, LSU had a good defense over the last few years…but wasn’t it you people who said “Some people were just meant to be coordinators and not coaches” at Callahan’s firing press conference? Are you so sure about this? Or is it simply another leap of faith into a boiling vat of oil?

Truth be told, you don’t know what the hell you want, as long as it meets your requirement du jour….which in this case was merely to wear a red shirt with an N on it at some point in the past 30 years. Well Mission Accomplished. Seems to me a bit of a high risk, high reward of going about things…especially considering the swarms of valuable lessons that should be swirling inside your head after your abysmal and embarrassing performance this season. (And no, I don’t mean on the field…I mean bragging about things you have absolutely NO CLUE about…like former ASU quarterbacks, rebuilt defensive lines, or systems that have no hope of working in college.)

As your biggest enemy, let me be the first to welcome Quin Pelini to the throne, as lord and emperor of the Husker kingdom. Just as I predicted, the cockroaches have began to scully across the floor, as blind confidence and arrogance begins to rush back into the atmosphere. It was as predictable as the sun rising in the east.

Hope the next 3-4 years will be as fun as the last 3-4 years. Good luck with that. I’m sure we’ll be chatting more about this in the coming days.

****

As for Missouri? Hmmmm…where do I begin on this one?

I know, how bout an analogy?

Let’s pretend some of you sloths defied the odds, and somehow got a girlfriend. Now lets say this modest looking girl was super sweet, super fun and although not a knockout, just right for your tastes. So you stick with this girl for a long while, and develop a great relationship.

But suddenly one day, you come home from a business trip (let’s pretend Arbys has business trips) and find that your girl has suddenly cut and styled her hair, lost 25lbs, and got one hell of a breast enhancement. Before you can spit out the word, “Wow”…she turns to you and says she’s dumping you for her personal trainer named Sven.

Dejected and feeling sorry for yourself, you spend the next several weeks wondering where you went wrong. You break down each and every situation, and play it over and over again in your head. Your emotions go from sorry, to angry to bitter.

Then one day, you are walking down the street and you notice Sven and your old woman walking hand in hand on the sidewalk. Before they can spot you, Sven accidentally stumbles on a crack in the pavement and loses his balance for a moment.

You suddenly run over to the guy, throw your fingers in his face and laugh hysterically. You turn and do cartwheels down the street, as you continue to mock and mimic his stumble…laughing all the way to your 1 bedroom apartment.

Meanwhile, Sven rolls his eyes, grabs your ex’s ass, takes her home and bounces her off the ceiling 3 times a day for a month until she has to wheel her uterus to work in a little red wagon.

So what’s my point? My point is you’re only making yourself look like complete idiots by bashing teams that not just beat you…but crushed you. What’s that? Missouri got screwed by the BCS? Hmmm..something tells me I’d rather take that than a loss to Oklahoma State by 31…at home. Or perhaps go 5-7, after giving up 989,381 points in the final five games of the season. Or perhaps it beats starting over at square #1 with a guy with zero head coaching experience, who was nearly run out of town by his own fans of his current team.

Am I supposed to be crushed? If you say so....but do you have any idea how bad Missouri football has been in my lifetime? Any clue? I used to celebrate 1 point wins over Kansas and Iowa State…now I’m supposed to lose my mind and get all pissed off because the BCS screwed up and every sportswriter in the country is bashing and mocking the decision to no end?

I’m supposed to lose my mind because the consolation prize is a New Years Day bowl (A bowl in which YOU people described as the 5th BCS bowl, more prestigious than any other this time last year), in the heart of the area they recruit the most?

Am I disappointed? Yeah sure, I guess. But am I outraged? Uhhh…not exactly. So no matter what the reaction, it really isn’t going to change much when some 5’3 inch dude with a mullet and a piece of yellow foam on his head comes over and laughs in my face. Say what you will…while you’re restoring whatever it is you’ve put on a t-shirt this week. Just rest assured that while you're doing that, other fans will still be dropping the hammer on what you once had for a long long time..and enjoying ever minute.

Let the new era begin.

The "Nebraska" Way

Just when I thought this couldn’t get any better…wow.

Going through the reader comments this week...all I can say is wow. I haven’t seen you people this pissed off since Little Dale switched numbers. It’s funny to me though, because I don’t think any of you realized what was going within the Big 12 until just about now. Perhaps it was looking at the BCS standings this morning? Perhaps it was listening to any national sports show, as you crumpled up your copy of American Farmer and screamed to yourself, "That should be us!!" Perhaps it was the realization that there are 10 D1 jobs already open out there..and you probably won’t get your hand choice of Urban Meyer, Bob Stoops or Pete Carroll.

Regardless of when you realized that I was right and you were terribly wrong is completely irrelevant at this point. Many of you simply saw my boasting of my favorite team as not only the last straw to lose your mind..but as an opportunity to vent your frustrations that you are pretty much at rock bottom. Despite your not-so-well wishes, I didn't write about Missouri's North title for you. I could give a rat's ass about what you think about it. You're supposed to be pissed. That was simply to inform you that making ridiculous summer claims like, "Sam Keller will show all of you what a gunslinger he really is", wasn't very smart on your part.

So with the Big 12 North in hand and a pending National Championship game, let me save you the heartbreak and inform you that I most likely won’t go on a Mizzou tirade like that for quite some time. (Unless they win it all, in which case I might mention it.) No, I’ve now had my chance to gloat, and it felt good. I've waited a long time for it, and quite frankly, you deserve to be made fun of. Thanks for reading. Thanks for getting pissed. Thanks for reacting. Listening to Steve Ryan of Bigredreport.com on the radio this evening, stammer for words to describe his disbelief and disgust of a Missouri North title was a priceless moment I’ll treasure always.

However, with that ugly episode behind us and because I’m a giver, let’s look at what’s going on with YOU. I’ve said it once..and I’ve said it before…(despite what some of you idiots think) I’m not here to pump my own team. There are plenty of blogs and websites for that, and I really don't care to be one of them. Not because I can't..but simply because I can't piss you off enough with that format. No, I simply wanted you to know that you were wrong..you suck and my team is #1 in the nation. Nothing more or nothing less.

Anyhow, rumors are flying faster than mesh hats off the shelves of a Grand Island Wal-Mart that Bo Pelini is on a plane and heading back to God’s country to restore the order once and for all. I’m going to save my Pelini analysis and breakdowns for when he is actually hired. But in the meantime, I’d like to address a phrase that’s been thrown around like herpes in these parts lately. I’m not quoting directly to one particular idiotic media member..but let me paraphrase…(ahem)

“We need a coach who will do things the NEBRASKA way”

What the hell are you people talking about? Seriously. What does that mean? Does anybody else have an explanation as to what exactly is meant by that phrase?

I like to think I know a little something about you and your team. Despite my white hot-hatred for you and your favorite football program, I do think it’s important to take in as much red as I can stand, so I can rebuke your horrible arguments and lame-ass claims. ("Nebraska's defensive backfield will be solid this year") But in all my years of observing the Husker football program, I’ve never really felt a vibe or actually seen the "Nebraska way” about doing things. (Unless you count the ability to accept domestic abuse as a character trait of players and recruits..in which case I've seen plenty of since 1994)

Does that mean whomever comes in to coach must own at least 5 red solid ties prior to accepting the job? Must he be able to name every offensive coordinator from 2007 back to the early 1950’s? Does a perspective Husker coach have to memorize the name and face of every former Husker, as well as his immediate family? Should he be able to rattle off every mascot of every D2 school in the state at the snap of a finger? Seriously..WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

You goofy bastards have done some crazy shit in your day, but you’ve completely fallen off the deep end in your quest to become…well become anything to anybody again. What in God’s green earth does “welcoming former players” have to do with winning games? I’m not saying you can be like Pederson and throw up a fortress for some odd reason…but what is the obsession with the past? Why is this so important to you? Do you really think this will help? And it’s not just some of you..it’s ALL of you. I realize it's all you have right now, but is it THAT hard to have a shred of forward thinking stuck inside your head for even a moment?

I’m not a psychological professional, but I do have a degree in detecting desperation. Is it not bad enough that you’ve already dragged Tom Osborne out of retirement and are about to roll his legacy through the sewer, just so you can win 8 games instead of 5 for the next 30 years? Do you know how bad Osborne is at making decisions? Do you know who hired that Solich guy? Do you know who recommended that Pederson guy? Who the hell threw a swing pass on a 2-point conversion with a title on the line when his own team averaged 500 yards rushing per game? Why hasn't this dawned on ANY of you?

And now, on top of all that…you’re about to take a guy with no experience…who is disliked by a good deal of his own fans…and make him your savior again because he wore your red shirt for a year while teams like Texas, K-State and yes…Missouri danced all over his defense in 2003? Am I missing something? Didn’t you already try the whole “no head coaching experience” thing before? Hell, Turner Gill may be rotting away in the Siberia of Lake Erie known as Buffalo, but at least he actually ran a team for two years. (Last I heard, I think they’re even D1).

But regardless, your ultimate emperor Tom is about to take the path of least resistance. In one final act of desperation, as the college football world roars by you…as teams in your own conference are climbing to the top of the BCS ladder…you are about to take a chance on a guy, simply because he was on your payroll for a year.

And to think…I was going to shut this blog down because things were getting too boring.

Just call that press conference Tom..and let the fun begin.