January 1, 2009

Instant Gator Analysis - As Good as it Gets

Savor it Husker fans. You’ve earned it.

The way you came back and clawed your way ahead of a 6 loss, mid-level ACC team with absolutely no hint of an offense was something to behold. Now don’t get me wrong…I was barely awake to witness the showcase of field-goal fueled offensive superpowers, although I was coherent enough to witness the Clemson QB…who for some reason looks a lot like Adam Sandler…get sacked on a 20 yard loss on third and goal from the 10 with the game on the line. Seriously, is that their regular QB? Does he know you can throw the ball away while scrambling?

And you people say my team’s QB sucks...yeesh.

That dude was the worst signal caller I’ve seen since Wake Forest trotted out their 4th string water boy against JC and the boys down in North Carolina last season. (Game reminded me a lot of that game as well) But alas, order is restored, and you can now go back to your rightful place on top of the college football world. Then again, your senior class leaves Lincoln a stellar 3-12 vs. ranked teams in their four years, (the three wins were over #24 Texas A&M in 2006, and in 2005 over #23 ISU and #20 Michigan) and won a whopping 1 division title. (For a school that will brag to anybody with a pulse that they've won FIVE NATIONAL titles)

I hate to say this...and truth be told however, this might be it for a while. You break in a new QB next season and lost nearly every single offensive player who played worth a shit this afternoon. (Minus Castille who had a few nice runs.) Plus, don’t look now…but you have to go to Lawrence and Columbia next season; two places you haven’t exactly lit up the past few times you’ve been there. (And oh yeah...don't forget Texas Tech and Oklahoma aren't exactly going to suck next season either...nor will Va Tech)

But who am I to rain on your grand parade today? Today, on this fantastic day of days..where you proved you WERE indeed BETTER than a 6-loss ACC Team, I only have a couple of points. Oh sure, we still have to see how Pelini is going to win using players he actually recruited, but what reason is there to bring common sense and facts into this discussion? Your first January bowl win in 9 freaking years deserves room to celebrate...even from me. (9 years is a long ass time by the way)

* Good for Joe Ganz. That dude played his ass off for you people, and earned my respect, getting his ass kicked most of the game. Hopefully, on his way out the door, he gives all of you a giant middle finger for treating him like shit prior to 2007. You remember those days right? Like when every single one of you wanted him to transfer because he simply couldn’t match up to the physical God-given talent of J.C. Keller? Hopefully he'll turn that upcoming poster-signing business into something a bit more practical in light of your former taunts.

* I know I say this a lot (because...well, it’s kind of my 2nd job), But do ANY of you people realize what complete tools you look on television during the games? I mean, the foam ears of corn on your head are stupid enough, but that’s been done. No, dressing up as a giant ear of corn, while your fat pasty frat brother dances around shirtless in white striped overalls isn’t exactly projecting a cosmopolitan image to the rest of the country. Don’t get me wrong…nobody was watching that snooze fest except for a few people who live in South Carolina..who have identity problems as well…but wouldn’t you think somebody would try and do something about that? (Then again, your team spokesman is Larry the Cable Guy, so whom am I kidding?)

And it’s not just some of you…almost every single one of you douchebags who showed up in Florida’s northeastern armpit today looked like you’ve never seen the light of day, or God forbid watched a sporting event with other people. Perhaps the camera people went out of their way to show your fans at their worst. Or perhaps it was just coincidence that the most hard-core (ie moron) fans made the trip this year. But rest assured, those of us not wearing a faded red sweatshirt today all noticed your complete and total lack of sophistication and charm.

It’s funny when people at NFL games do it because they’re most likely drunk. You on the other hand have absolutely no excuse other than your extremely shallow gene pool.

* I’m going to throw it out there: New Years Day sucks. FIVE games? That’s all we get now FIVE games? Back in the day, New Year’s was the quintessential holiday of College Football. Now, it doesn’t even have ½ the number of games available on TV as a typical regular season. Just call it yet another way the man is sticking it to the common fan. Screw it..at least the hockey game was badass again as usual.

This week, the Big 12 North recap. Til then...See ya at 72nd and Dodge!

Gator Bowl Champs!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

37 Comments:

Blogger Damien said...

Your jealousy is duly noted yet again.

"BEL Prediction: Clemson 31 - Nebraska 17"

Good call dumbass. Thanks for the 5,000 word essay on a game you didn't watch, get a life.

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Mr. Bump said...

Oh AJ...please let this be flush #2 before this turd goes down. Jan 1 may suck but it sure beats playing on 12/29. Even your retarded ass has to admit that.

Every single one of us wanting Ganz to transfer? Paaalease! You're almost as desparate as Booger trying to complete a pass late in the season. Give it up.

Flush. Feel the swirl.

5:37 PM  
Blogger A J said...

5,000 words eh?

That's about how many times you've hit this site in the past 2 weeks...a site you've badmouthed pretty much every single time you've logged on.

Yes, I'm the dumbass.

You don't like it. I get it. Do something creative for once in your life.

PS - Buffalo plays on January 6th. Does that make them that much better than USC?

Again...idiotic statements from...well...idiots.

6:04 PM  
Anonymous SDHusker said...

AJ, just shut this shit house down because your last post was as lame as you accuse all of us to be lol. Fuck that one sucked!

You have lost it bud, time to move on to your Mary Kay career and start selling cosmetics to those fat squaws on the reservation you been porking on the side.

Face it dick-weed things are looking up in Nebraska and you just can't handle it. Will we pull 9 wins next year, it will be tough but the foundation is being built brick by brick to get us back in the hunt soon. That is the reality you have to face and it must really piss you off!

So the sooner the better bud because we don't need you to tell us we suck anymore!

7:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats morons, you capped off your "magical" season behind a comeback over a team considered by many as the most disappointing team of 2008. Just think, had this game been played on the first week of the season, it might have actually meant something.

You're still a sham, plain and simple. The north is absolute garbage this year, and you still only managed to finish second (not to mention getting blown out by a Mizzou team you all are so reluctant to talk shit about). So relish the fruits of your 9* win season and thank god everyday that you don't have to play in the big XII south.

You are not "back". You still aren't ranked, you have zero prospects to send to the NFL, and you still managed to lose to every GOOD team you played this season. I am not impressed.

Enjoy the winter shitheads, you better go start pre-ordering your Spring Game tickets...that's the only thing you have to look forward to.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mizzou was passed up AGAIN in the Bowl pecking order. Hmm, I guess when you consider how POORLY their fans travel you realize why this happens....

And to think Mizzou considers themselves a "football school".

All the hype Mizzou has gotten the past few seasons and all they could muster was a "mythical" Big 12 North "Championship". That and their best win in the Chase Daniel Era was over KU last season....

Losers.

Nebraska got a better bowl and even played better than Mizzou in the bowl.

Mizzou, is heading back to mediocrity next season.... Or should we just say "their usual-selves"?

It's gonna be fun watching KU play for the Big 12 title in FOOTBALL next Fall.

10:46 PM  
Blogger A J said...

SD and DCat...I'm actually glad NU won yesterday, because this is how I want to remember you guys. Not as the pathetic whiney crybabies who threw a fit anytime something went wrong.

No, I want to remember you like this...full of hope, venom and having no clue just how mediocre (if that) you really are.

Thanks for the kind words. I'll miss you guys too.

8:01 AM  
Anonymous KH in 'Mizzou' said...

Savor it "Mizzou" fans. You've earned it.

The way you came back and clawed your way ahead of a 4-loss, mid-level Big 10 team with absolutely no hint of an offense was something to behold. Now don't get me wrong ... I was barely awake to witness the showcase of offensive superpowers (311 yards ... really?), although I was coherent enough to witness the Northwest QB get sacked on a 24 yard loss on third and goal from the 10 with the game on the line. Seriously, is that their regular QB? Does he know you can throw the ball away while scrambling?

You get the point. You're good at your second job, AJ, but it's the easiest job in the world.

Seriously, I've lived in 'Mizzou' for 11+ years now, and most of what you have to say about Nebraska fans could be said about Tiger fans as well. The only differences are that Nebraska fans actually have glory days to look back on, and that they remain on the bandwagon in good times and bad. As you yourself noted, the Tigers can't even get on the bandwagon for a conference championship game in their home state.

KH in 'Mizzou'

PS - The Clemson's QB took the sack on 2nd down, not 3rd.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

AJ , alas we are like any other team in the country, we have stupid fans. I suspect the ones on here crying the loudest are the very same ones who giggled with delight back in 03 when Steve Pedersen led the charge to cannibalize our own program during a 10 win season!! Our fan base as a whole is what it is, and I guess we got to claim the bad with the good. Either that or move.

8:48 AM  
Blogger A J said...

Easy there.

I've written 600+ columns, and I've NEVER ever said Missouri had good fans. In fact, I've often times said we have some of the worst "fans" in the world. Granted, people are people and fans are fans...but you'll never ever see me lobby for that fanbase to be recognized.

Also, I've stated many times that I could write a blog like this anywhere I go. I have a hard time believing however that your life was so tormented for 11 years when Mizzou was churning out 4-7 seasons all the time.

But alas, whatever.

Oh, and not that it matters, but Northwestern finished 20+ slots higher in total offense than Clemson (and played in a tougher conference). But that's splitting hairs.

Bottom line is...you've still done nothing since 2001 and you lost 52-17 when the teams played head to head.

That's all I pretty much need.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous corn holed said...

Thanks to your solid academic training, today you can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous saunders45 said...

LOL Northwestern played in a tougher conference???? The one with ONE (1) bowl win??? What, are you Lou Holtz now?

10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh no, we have to go to Columbia next year. My legs are trembling. How will we ever survive against a front 4 of Baston and 3 losers that were on scout team this year? LOL! Sorry, but bringing back 3 starter from a defense that was ranked 90th in the nation doesn't exactly strike fear in me.

Face it, dude, your team isn't even in the conversation when discussing who is favored next year in the north. Fattie is gone...Coffman is gone...and the fast gang-banger from St. Louis is gone. Your team is done.

But fear not, either NU or KU will hoist the north trophy high (well, maybe not real high; after all, it's still just a north trophy) and possibly make mention of the fact that your team was one of the stepping stones along the way. You had a nice little run, but your 15 minutes are up...

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nebraska fans should shut up making fun of Mizzou, since Mizzou has scoreboard on you guys....it's as pathetic as MU fans talking smack on KU fans this year...remember, scoreboard trumps all!

And as for NYD sucking because their less football, well, I actually don't mind, because everything is stretched out...there's still good college football tonight, tomorrow, and next week....previously it was all done in one day and you couldn't watch all the games anyway.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Damien said...

"I've written 600+ columns"

"Do something creative for once in your life."

So writing 600+ columns over a college football team you "hate" is being creative. Maybe one day I'll be creative enough to post 30,000+ times on a message board!!!!

11:19 AM  
Blogger Damien said...

Oh P.S, truth stings a bit doesn't it.

11:19 AM  
Anonymous Zack said...

Just wanted to give you a shout before you shut it down. I'm a KU graduate who was raised in Omaha. I'd consider myself somewhat of a Nebraska fan, since I was raised there, but have always put KU first. My hatred for all things Missouri, especially your triple-chinned, cry-baby quarterback, runs deeps.


These facts aside, I find your blog absolutely hilarious and incredibly enjoyable. Even when you take pot-shots at KU I find myself laughing out loud (the recent line about Kenny G CDs and Zima had me in tears). I really will miss your sarcastic, tear-inducing rants. I know first hand the idiocy and arrogance of many a Husker fan, which is part of the reason I came here, despite the fact I wish for their on-the-field success. Every fan base in America has over-the-top delinquents and your crusade in exposing this group has been incredibly successful. Well done A.J.

11:28 AM  
Blogger A J said...

- Thanks Zach.

- I hate it when Anonymous posters have good comments (not nice, but funny) and then don't leave a way to identify themselves to the masses. Why even comment? Why am I supposed to give you credit for being funny/creative/worth reading if you can't even bother to put a made up name at the end? Idiots.

- Damien, the truth doesn't sting. Your point is lame and your effort pathetic.

- Funny another anonymous douche writes a pretty funny line about not being scared about going into Columbia next year, but fails to mention Brian Coulter. That little slip is noted.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the fact that you call your work "columns". That's hysterical.

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Missouri Husker Fan said...

So what.......you're sophisticated and charming? BWAAAHHAAHAAAA!!!!! You always say you didn't watch. Then how can you claim to know anything? BLOWHARD!!!!! When are you going to show yourself? Oh yeah, bad idea!

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I watched the game yesterday with my wife, who doesn't know anything about football except for the fact that I am a Mizzou fan. The only comment that she had (the WHOLE GAME) was that the foam ears of corn were aboslutely gay and that the homemade corn outfit some Husker fan was wearing made him look like a big tampon....

I found it hilarious that even an unbiased casual observer like my wife found Husker fans to be gay...

Dom-Kalamazoo

5:01 PM  
Blogger A J said...

Ahem

I'm a published author....It's a column.

You are an anonymous douche. You made a post. That's the difference.

PS - Don't believe me?

http://www.maplestreetpress.com/

Click on authors and scroll down.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Husker fans boasting a 9 win season with that schedule is a lot like a guy bragging about taking the fattest girl in school to the prom...you may get laid, but don't expect any respect from your peers.

5:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your proud of this ??? Even without the edits I wouldn't be running it up your little flagpole!


A Missouri native asshole, AJ the Husker Hater (still too gutless to use his name)is a 22-year resident of Omaha, NE. An analyst in the telecommunications industry (sells cell phones @ cricket), he also authors the blog "Behind Enemy Lines," chronicling the passion and absurdity associated to one of college football's most revered fan bases (because he can't discuss Mizzu's pathetic fan base) (ajthoughts.blogspot.com).
Maple Street Press Publications: A Sea of Red 2008

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The only comment that she had (the WHOLE GAME) was that the foam ears of corn were aboslutely gay and that the homemade corn outfit some Husker fan was wearing made him look like a big tampon...."

Sounds like a classy, intelligent gal you married with a lot going in life. You're one lucky SOB. I'll bet she tosses your salad for you too. Goddamn why couldn't I have met a woman like that?

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This guy's a published author too...

http://www.sootoday.com/content/sports/full_story.asp?StoryNumber=36356

So am I.

You're a complete ass-clown. Learn to spell and get some grammar skills. I think those are skills that most published authors used to possess. Not anymore, obviously.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you sign your checks "AJ The Husker Hater"? Until you slap your first and last name on something in print, you're just as anonymous as the rest of us. I once had a letter to the editor "published" in the World-Herald... Can I call myself an "author" like you? How ironic that the Husker Hater has to be validated as an actual author by contributing 250 words or whatever in a Nebraska Football Preseason Guide. I guess everybody has to start somewhere... Best of luck in retirement.

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahem

I'm a published author....It's a column.

You are an anonymous douche. You made a post. That's the difference.

PS - Don't believe me?

http://www.maplestreetpress.com/

Click on authors and scroll down.

A.J. This is the funniest shit I have read to date. What are you going to say next? “I drive a Dodge Stratus”? Maple Street Press? Something tells me that a publishing company that chooses to incorporate "high quality" into the title of their website may not publish the highest quality publications. Thanks for the link though. What 8th grade web design class constructed the website? Half of all myspace pages have a better layout. I'm not sure which is funnier, the publishing company or you bragging about being published. You should use caution when linking to Maple Street’s website, you just might send enough traffic to crash the site.

Enough about your stellar writing skills. The Cornhusker fans looked bad on television? Did you Tivo the Missouri game and fast forward past the crowd shots? The Missouri fans looked like they came straight from a monster truck rally to the game. No costumes were necessary for the fine Missouri folks that were in attendance. Watching the Daniel family was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer. Did his old man go out for smoke during the TV timeouts? I’m not sure what was funnier, when Daniel’s dumb ass sister was jumping up and down after Missouri’s missed field goal or when the crowd booed her fat as brother’s overthrow of a wide open receiver.

Northwestern? The same team that blew out Ohio 16-8?

Shut it the fuck down.

Cue your pathetic attempt to impress us with obscure facts about Maple Street publishing.

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is the big deal about playing on January 1? When that was the day that most of the big games were on it meant something. Now with bowl games stretching from the 22nd to the 5th of January, I was pretty sick of watching by New Year's Day.

Nebraska's MVP of the game -- Clemson QB. What a tool!

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

Don't even think of posting "The Best of Behind Enemy Lines" once this thing runs it course.

Good luck in the food lines.

Gomer

9:41 AM  
Anonymous SDHusker said...

AJ don't disappoint me with your final article! I want hard core sarcastic horseshit spewing from your keyboard that I will be proud to fire back at. Don't give me any more of this lame ass shit you did here bud, I know you can do better!

As far as Missouri goes, who gives a rats ass!

And KU, I didn't even give that bunch of pretenders the honor of watching them whip a lowly Big 10 team.

Now Clemson, they are a power house who lost all their games by a total of 12 points this year! Had a few breaks went their way they easily could be playing OU next year.

And they showed their power by running up and down the field on us scoring 21 points with ease! Then we flexed a bit of muscle and clawed our way back into the game 1field goal at a time until we had enough to get the win over a true power house. Go Huskers!

As far as next year goes, we have a QB waiting in the wings who is more than capable of making everyone forget all about Joe whats his name! Yes Mr Witt clearly demonstrated that he is ready to step up and take us back to the promised land!

So all of you other wanna be fucks take notice, the Order is being restored!

3:59 PM  
Blogger daddyact said...

You wrote a friggin' column in a friggin' magazine.

That doesn't make you a published author any more than the letters I've had printed in the L.A. Times make me a published.

You're hanging your self-worth on that?

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

You truly are pathetic.

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Approve some posts. Pussy!

6:07 PM  
Blogger daddyact said...

As opposed to Missouris offensive-fueled extravaganza?

Uh, I know you didn't notice, but the Tigers had exactly one drive in their bowl game against NORTHWESTERN that went more than 30 yards.

ONE!

And speaking of FGs - if it hadn't been for your kicker the only offense generated consisted on a singel sixty yeard drive at the beginning of the third quarter.

Unless you insist on calling Maclin's seventy yard return offense.

Apparently your Missouri Tigers ran out of steam about the same time you did this season.

6:14 PM  
Blogger A J said...

Let the record show that i didn't approve any posts yesterday/last night because I spent the night in my car along I-29 in the ice last night. Yes, thank you for caring about me.

As for all the publisher slander going back and fourth, none of it means jack shit to me.

You people read my blog...I don't read yours. You blast my spelling and grammar, which is fine...I never claim to care that much about this whole thing...but then go on and on about how "nobody cares"

If "nobody cared", I probably wouldn't have made it over 4 years and caused you to pull that giant yellow piece of foam out of your ass. Truth be told, that's exactly why I'm not writing anymore: You don't deserve the attention.

Bottom line, I'm not stupid enough to ignore the fact that the day I DON'T get any replies from you is the day I've stopped doing my job, which in case you haven't noticed yet is to piss you off.

Regardless of what Maple Street Press does or says, let the record show that in this whole little hobby..this whole little side gig I've got/had going for so long...I actually made money off of you. Not a lot mind you, but more than $0.

That alone says more than 630 posts or 1.4 million hits.

You came to me. I didn't come to you.

One last thing....let the record show that almost NONE of you giant pussies were spouting off this much at the beginning of the season. My mantra has remained steady this whole time..from the time I started this in 2005 when my own team was off of a 5-7 season..to the end of last year when you were in complete ruin.

You're still in complete ruin, you just have convinced yourself otherwise. Let the record show, I can say more by shutting this down, than you can for decades going on about what a jackass I am blah blah blah.

You weren't here to defend your team when times were shitty. (Even though they are still shitty..you just havne't realized it yet.)

Game over.

PS - I can't use my real name with Maple Street because you fucking idiots within the "classiest fans in the nation" keep sending me death threats and have for years. That speaks volumes as well I must say.

2:01 PM  
Blogger A J said...

PPS - Let the record show, the pussy "anonymous" UNO Hockey fan bashing me is noted.

Some things never change.

You know who you are.

2:06 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Damien calling AJ jealous is funny....

Is there anything more jealous than firing a 10 win coach because someone else dared win a football game (only NU gets to win!)?

But please guys go on...explain how we are jealous that we don't have an septegenarian we can pull out of retirement because we took a giant wizz on his legacy.

Yeah. If only we could be more like NU. Last time I checked...only KSU was looking this desperate. Well actually more so because they put a headset on the guy and put him back on the field.

10:13 AM  

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