The "Nebraska" Way

Just when I thought this couldn’t get any better…wow.

Going through the reader comments this week...all I can say is wow. I haven’t seen you people this pissed off since Little Dale switched numbers. It’s funny to me though, because I don’t think any of you realized what was going within the Big 12 until just about now. Perhaps it was looking at the BCS standings this morning? Perhaps it was listening to any national sports show, as you crumpled up your copy of American Farmer and screamed to yourself, "That should be us!!" Perhaps it was the realization that there are 10 D1 jobs already open out there..and you probably won’t get your hand choice of Urban Meyer, Bob Stoops or Pete Carroll.

Regardless of when you realized that I was right and you were terribly wrong is completely irrelevant at this point. Many of you simply saw my boasting of my favorite team as not only the last straw to lose your mind..but as an opportunity to vent your frustrations that you are pretty much at rock bottom. Despite your not-so-well wishes, I didn't write about Missouri's North title for you. I could give a rat's ass about what you think about it. You're supposed to be pissed. That was simply to inform you that making ridiculous summer claims like, "Sam Keller will show all of you what a gunslinger he really is", wasn't very smart on your part.

So with the Big 12 North in hand and a pending National Championship game, let me save you the heartbreak and inform you that I most likely won’t go on a Mizzou tirade like that for quite some time. (Unless they win it all, in which case I might mention it.) No, I’ve now had my chance to gloat, and it felt good. I've waited a long time for it, and quite frankly, you deserve to be made fun of. Thanks for reading. Thanks for getting pissed. Thanks for reacting. Listening to Steve Ryan of Bigredreport.com on the radio this evening, stammer for words to describe his disbelief and disgust of a Missouri North title was a priceless moment I’ll treasure always.

However, with that ugly episode behind us and because I’m a giver, let’s look at what’s going on with YOU. I’ve said it once..and I’ve said it before…(despite what some of you idiots think) I’m not here to pump my own team. There are plenty of blogs and websites for that, and I really don't care to be one of them. Not because I can't..but simply because I can't piss you off enough with that format. No, I simply wanted you to know that you were wrong..you suck and my team is #1 in the nation. Nothing more or nothing less.

Anyhow, rumors are flying faster than mesh hats off the shelves of a Grand Island Wal-Mart that Bo Pelini is on a plane and heading back to God’s country to restore the order once and for all. I’m going to save my Pelini analysis and breakdowns for when he is actually hired. But in the meantime, I’d like to address a phrase that’s been thrown around like herpes in these parts lately. I’m not quoting directly to one particular idiotic media member..but let me paraphrase…(ahem)

“We need a coach who will do things the NEBRASKA way”

What the hell are you people talking about? Seriously. What does that mean? Does anybody else have an explanation as to what exactly is meant by that phrase?

I like to think I know a little something about you and your team. Despite my white hot-hatred for you and your favorite football program, I do think it’s important to take in as much red as I can stand, so I can rebuke your horrible arguments and lame-ass claims. ("Nebraska's defensive backfield will be solid this year") But in all my years of observing the Husker football program, I’ve never really felt a vibe or actually seen the "Nebraska way” about doing things. (Unless you count the ability to accept domestic abuse as a character trait of players and recruits..in which case I've seen plenty of since 1994)

Does that mean whomever comes in to coach must own at least 5 red solid ties prior to accepting the job? Must he be able to name every offensive coordinator from 2007 back to the early 1950’s? Does a perspective Husker coach have to memorize the name and face of every former Husker, as well as his immediate family? Should he be able to rattle off every mascot of every D2 school in the state at the snap of a finger? Seriously..WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

You goofy bastards have done some crazy shit in your day, but you’ve completely fallen off the deep end in your quest to become…well become anything to anybody again. What in God’s green earth does “welcoming former players” have to do with winning games? I’m not saying you can be like Pederson and throw up a fortress for some odd reason…but what is the obsession with the past? Why is this so important to you? Do you really think this will help? And it’s not just some of you..it’s ALL of you. I realize it's all you have right now, but is it THAT hard to have a shred of forward thinking stuck inside your head for even a moment?

I’m not a psychological professional, but I do have a degree in detecting desperation. Is it not bad enough that you’ve already dragged Tom Osborne out of retirement and are about to roll his legacy through the sewer, just so you can win 8 games instead of 5 for the next 30 years? Do you know how bad Osborne is at making decisions? Do you know who hired that Solich guy? Do you know who recommended that Pederson guy? Who the hell threw a swing pass on a 2-point conversion with a title on the line when his own team averaged 500 yards rushing per game? Why hasn't this dawned on ANY of you?

And now, on top of all that…you’re about to take a guy with no experience…who is disliked by a good deal of his own fans…and make him your savior again because he wore your red shirt for a year while teams like Texas, K-State and yes…Missouri danced all over his defense in 2003? Am I missing something? Didn’t you already try the whole “no head coaching experience” thing before? Hell, Turner Gill may be rotting away in the Siberia of Lake Erie known as Buffalo, but at least he actually ran a team for two years. (Last I heard, I think they’re even D1).

But regardless, your ultimate emperor Tom is about to take the path of least resistance. In one final act of desperation, as the college football world roars by you…as teams in your own conference are climbing to the top of the BCS ladder…you are about to take a chance on a guy, simply because he was on your payroll for a year.

And to think…I was going to shut this blog down because things were getting too boring.

Just call that press conference Tom..and let the fun begin.