November 20, 2007

Simply an Afterthought

That’s it. I’m done.

No way in hell I can think straight with a hate-festival of biblical proportions looming this weekend. I realize that in normal circumstances, I try to keep my personal rooting interests to a minimum. I’m well aware of the past history of the team, the school and the fan base. I’m aware that the more I pimp up my own team…the more I leave myself open to pot-shots and ridicule when things go bad. In case you haven’t figured it out yet…that’s part of the game.

But as you can probably tell, the football world is in complete and total uncharted territory.

Seriously…how big of a deal is it if you go out Saturday and hire Buffalo University's head coach to replace your precious NFL prodigy? How long is it going to take you people to even get within a sniff of where you want to be? (Let alone where you THINK you should be.) As the nuclear blast of October 6th taught us…it’s going to be a long long time. So before we start back and square one….starting with your upcoming National TV humiliation to Colorado this week and kicking off with the coaching search to end all coaching searches….what am I to do?

Can you possibly expect to take a peek on this site and honestly expect me to blast a team that has absolutely NO bearing on anything this season other than some MAC team who may or may not lose their sub .500 coach? If I don’t care…how the hell are most of you supposed to care? I say this again…I should have shut this thing down long ago….but judging from some of the comments this past week…you have all that myopic frustration built up that is set to explode the moment Tom Osborne steps up to that microphone next week and speaks in that tone that could put a person in a coma. (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

No, this week is all about me and my people. This week is a celebration of hate and violence unlike anything the world has ever seen. I love reading national sound-offs from SEC, Pac10 and Big10 fans…talking about how nobody cares about Missouri vs. Kansas. How this one-hit-wonder parade will do little to impact anything beyond who gets to go get blasted by OU in San Antonio. (I’m guessing West Virginia fans care).

But the point is well beyond that. The point is based upon a hate and disrespect the likes of which no one could ever duplicate. I’m guessing Alabama and Auburn fans hate each other. I’m guessing many opposing fans of rival teams loathe each other. I’m also guessing however that rival fans don’t often talk about what kind of acid to bring to the game so they can hurl at each other. I’m guessing South Carolina fans…who share the same state have plenty of disdain for Clemson fans would disagree. But how many on either side would fill up a bag of urine and hurl it at the other team’s fans? How about chucking an empty whiskey bottle at the other team’s band?

The great thing about the game this weekend is not that it’s a matchup between two perennial also-rans. (Well, one also ran in Missouri and a never-was in Kansas). The GREATEST thing is that the Jayhawk athletic department was so butt ass stupid as to move the game out of Lawrence and place it right in the epicenter of hate and violence… place that come Saturday may make the bowels of hell look like a Sandals resort in Aruba.

In no way am I advocating any sort of illegal behavior. I’m not giving my blessing to a Missouri fan who wants to bring a chainsaw, or a KU fan who wants to smash his Zima bottle to the ground and attack an elderly couple from Moberly and use their intestines as a replacement for their black and gold tiger tail that hangs out of their ’03 Saab turbo.

I’m simply stating the facts, because I know first hand what this is all about. I know all about it, because I’ve lived it every day of my life for 35 years. I’ve seen family members not talk for months for rooting for the other team. I’ve seen elderly people in their 80s swear like a sailor on shore leave in Tijuana at the sight of Bill Self on their TV.

I get it. How do you think I got this way in the first place?

So with that being said, I honestly HOPE things don’t get out of hand….I simply know they will. It’s a point of view much like those in the pro-choice movement…..I know high school kids will always have sex….why not accept that and attack the problem at a different angle and hand out condoms? (Save your comments...I'm not going there)

If you’re going to Arrowhead, and you’re going to bring an axe, make sure it has a flexible grip as to avoid slippage and possibly harming a fan of your own team. If setting a KU fan’s car on fire is you method of showing your school pride, make sure it’s done with a slow burning compound as not to cause a quick-fire explosion. This will protect public authorities who battle through the tear gas and make their way to the car in question. If you’re going to pour an undetermined bodily fluid on an opposing fans, please do so away from children as not to expose them to unwanted germs or bacteria. Just because their parents are stupid enough to bring them into this God-forsaken bloodbath, doesn’t mean they have to suffer. The trauma of watching their father choked to death with his cashmere KU sweater vest will cause them to spend thousands on therapy for the next few decades. There is no reason to compound the situation.

Again, I don’t condone this type of behavior (nor will I be there to directly participate in it)…I just know that standing in front of a speeding train with a “please stop” sign isn’t going to help much.

So as you can tell, you Husker fan..have now fallen back to the same level of New Mexico Highland NAIA girls Cross Country. You’re an afterthought…a complete non-player. A spec of dust on the overall landscape of college football. And yes, I’m well aware that you USED to be good, but if you think about it…many of the players on the field this weekend were still watching Nickelodeon and playing with GI Joes the last time NU won a National Title. Regardless of how you see yourself, you can rest assure that others have moved past you. Unfortunately for you, those two share your borders and your recruiting efforts.

So in the end, if you’re a Husker fan and you’re all pissed off that I’m not paying enough attention to you…consider it an unfortunate byproduct of you believing in a system that eventually led you to the basement of all things relevant. YOU are the one to blame with your ridiculous claims and lack of foresight back at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately..you’re also going to have to dig yourself out of this mess…regardless of how long it takes.

Rest assured…despite the success of my team…despite the hate and anger directed at a team that isn’t your own…I will continue to call you out for the myopic frauds you are.

It just won’t be anytime soon.

Have a great holiday and drive safely.

Talk to ya Thursday night. Rock Choke Chickenhawk


(Photo of Maclin thanks to Columbia Tribune. MU-KU pic Lawrence Journal World)

19 Comments:

Blogger bornred said...

The trauma of watching their father choked to death with his cashmere KU sweater vest will cause them to spend thousands on therapy for the next few decades. There is no reason to compound the situation.

Made me spit up Coke on myself and the focus of some strange looks by co-workers who were actually busy doing their jobs... Note to self, don't drink while reading Huskerh8ter...

In my opinion, one of your better efforts. It just sucks ass that we're not good enough to be the focus.. Damnit, why can't you hate us like KU?

Randy

PS. You know damn well that the Grand Island Independent readership is going to show up full force if KU stays undefeated after this weekend...

PPS. Have a good Thanksgiving

PPPS. However, as of Friday, anytime you look to the West, just know that I'm flipping you off from all the way out here again..

3:24 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thanks Randy. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours as well.

And yes..I'm well aware of the Grand Island trolls finding their way here if Mizzou should stumble.

The thing is though...even if they lose...the big picture says 10-2 and a (most likely) Cotton Bowl birth.

No Mizzou fan in their right mind would have turned that down back in August...although losing the North..especially to KU ...would suck.

3:52 PM  
Anonymous James said...

Speaking as a CU fan, I'm upset we never got our Buffalo Husker Hater graphic. I feel deprived.

Go Buffs and Go Mizzou!

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoyed the post again, AJ, even though I'm a Kansas grad. I'm with you that much stupidity and violence is the likely result of moving the game to Arrowhead. I'll be in Denver to try to stay away from the riot. Both sides have more than their share of buttheads, in my opinion.

I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving weekend up until about 7:15 on Saturday night. After that game, I hope whichever team emerges blows out the South champ. I'm sick of hearing from the national media how everybody in the north sucks.

Once again, in all sincerity, have a happy Thanksgiving. I enjoy your entries, as always, and look forward to the next one.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fabulous as always AJ. I'd write more, but I have to sharpen my ax.
Merlin

4:54 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

- AJ -

If all the names and colors were stripped from the uniforms....there would be no other team in the confrence I would rather loose to. I know you would never give KU any props for being a good team (maybe after you loose and go through the 12 step greiving process?)...but your team does deserve what they've earned so far. That can't be denied. If we have to loose to someone...then I guess let it be the last team who beat us.

Of course paint the helmet and sew on the emblem and they can eat shit and die....naturaly.

5:03 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thank you anonymous KU poster. I feel the same way...for the most part. Happy thanksgiving to you and yours.

PS - The CU background had some technical issues. You'll get it by gametime. (Justin in Reno, my web guy is a douche sometimes) heh

Sorry bout that.

6:22 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

There we go. Good to go.

Sorry about that Buff fans.

I will even leave it up a few days if you win. :)

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't been here since the USC game and now I realize why I shouldn't have. (Macklin would have been a Husker if Osborne were still coach.) The fact that you're piling on us makes me feel worse.

I hate you so much.

HMB

8:25 PM  
Anonymous MizzouAstro said...

AJ-

I'm legitimately scared about the game. I might try to hide a taser in my band uniform (can't wait to hear "don't taze me bro!" coming from the mouth of a drunken beaker. Inevitable violence aside, I start shaking in anticipation every time I start thinking about the game and get an urge to punch something.

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Here's to breaking Chris Browns TD record said...

Your way too damn funny AJ. Have fun at the game. Im pulling for your team, I cant wait to read the post if you win.

Buffs 77
Huksters -3

4:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who's Macklin?

I can't wait until Father TO picks the next Husker coach and you bugeaters continue to struggle. Good luck getting good talent outside your state. You're chasing off the guy who could recruit. Too bad he can't coach.

10:24 AM  
Blogger bornred said...

here's to breaking chris browns td record said...

Buffs 77
Huksters -3


In your 5 games in Boulder this year, your offense has managed a total of 99 points, 42 of which came against Miami... of Ohio..

Then again, we are talking about this year's version of the Blackshirts.

As for the minus 3 for the Huskers, I think I see where you are coming from. On the final possesion of the game after we have been shutout by the Buffs D all day, Cally runs his last, best trick play from a 4th and 18 on our own 12 yard line. He puts Ganz in the shotgun and slyly puts Alex Henry in as a slot reciever who comes in motion towards Ganz at the snap. Ganz drops into a FG holder, tees up the ball for Henry, who boots it through our own goal posts as time runs out. Pan to the scoreboard where the Huskers score changes from a 0 to a -3 and then to Cally, who grins into the camera for a final Fuck You to Husker Nation...

It just makes sense

Randy

PS. I actually hope this turns out to be a decent game. Both teams are fighting for a Bowl spot, so maybe there will be a little fire under each of them. I actually like this rivalry and these games have been pretty good, for the most part, since the late 80's.

PPS. I still get sick to my stomach when I think of that 2001 game in Boulder. On the positive side, it did lay the foundation for handling the types of bitch slappin' we've been handed lately... I fucking hate Chris Brown. I mean anyone named Chris Brown. Fuck, even anyone with the first name Chris or the last name Brown....or the initials CB...

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Addendum...

Go Big Red!

Best,
Joseph

10:56 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I chuckled at the Macklin comment.

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

LOL! My addendum made it through, but my main comments did not. Oh well here goes...

Greetings from the motherland! We (my Creighton girl of a wife and our brood of four) fled Mid-MO last night for the heartland to celebrate Thanksgiving back home. First and foremost, may you and yours have a blessed and happy Thanksgiving!
Best wishes, luck, etc. for you and Tiger Country on saturday night. It's a bit weird to digest the fact that two "basketball" schools are vying for Big XII North title, Big XII Conference, and possibly the BCS Championship. It gives this Cubs fan hope that anything is possible! Nonetheless, I am prepared to throw my support your way; even after strongly considering giving my support to Al Qaeda! ::wink, wink::

The GREATEST thing is that the Jayhawk athletic department was so butt ass stupid as to move the game out of Lawrence and place it right in the epicenter of hate and violence… place that come Saturday may make the bowels of hell look like a Sandals resort in Aruba.

FYI... IIRC, the quid pro quo is that the Mizzou athletic depratment will have next season's love fest played there as well.

When we win friday, I pray that you will console the vermin following here with more pics of the USC sweater girls. In that case, I guess that we are all winners.

Again, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Best,
Joseph

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We will kick the fuck out of you no good southern bastards this weekend. This is KU's year, we will not only take the North we own the Big 12 and will knock the shit out of LSU when we line up with them for the gold!

Eat shit and die MU scum!

3:41 PM  
Anonymous RJ in Omaha said...

Amazing how you spend so much time focusing your energies on discussing an "irrelevant" team. How do you explain that? I can understand you wanting to get as close as you can to Nebraska football, to somehow coat-tail a glimmer of new-found fame for yourself. You even come to live in Omaha to do so.

It's like Nebraska football is that girl/guy/donkey that you could never get to love you, pay you any attention, or even acknowledge you exist. And psycho-stalking wasn't enough for you. You had to move in literally next door.

So here you are, alone in your dark, dingy, powerless, waterless, furnitureless, hopeless "apartment" (janitorial closet?), mashing your ear to the wall to eavesdrop on the Big Red party next door. You picture yourself there being ever so droll, charming the room with your wit and smile, with your peerless knowledge of Husker football history and trivia. "Well met, good fellow!" your new Nebraska friends would say after you win another round of your expert analysis. Then hearty cheers and applause after your pitch-perfect leading of "There is no place like Nebraska..."

But no. You slump against the wall each night, exhausted after a full day of vicarious existence. Once again, no knock at the door for you. No invitation in the mail (it would help for you to have a valid address). No requests for you to come join us in The Good Life. No assistant coach to recruit you to heroically take the field in Scarlet and Cream.

Your unrequited love for Nebraska how it burns you! You try to mask the pain, but anyone can see the hidden heart and teardrop in the "8" of your name. Your cry of help is still too subtle for most to hear. If anyone or anything can heal you, it would be a single touch from Tom Osborne. Bathe in his light. Or at least bathe, it does help.

12:43 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

"RJ"

I've been doing this for three years. I didn't decide to do it last Thursday. You people are idiots. I let the world know about it.

It's not that hard.

9:33 PM  

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