The "I'm Sorry" Edition
So with that…here it goes. (sigh)
Bill Callahan….I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I called you the Great Raider Flunky. I’m sorry I mocked your ability to lead. I’m sorry I poked fun at your lack of class, dignity and general inability to lead a pack of fat women through the bakery isle at Kroger's. I’m sorry I mocked your speech, your hair and your facial expressions. I’m sorry I compared you with an elderly French woman. I’m sorry I dogged your bland and empty resume. I’m sorry I compared you with the man who cleans up the booths down at the nudie arcade downtown.
I’m man enough to admit this…I completely underestimated Bill Callahan. However, that was before the events of Saturday. I will say this though...I respect the hell out of anybody who goes out of his way to throw up a giant middle finger to the hayseed fans of this state the way Callahan did against Kansas State. The 4th and 20? Absolute genius. Burning redshirts? Brilliant. Advising NU commits to look elsewhere? Classic. And most of all, I respect and admire anybody who has the ability to make Tom Osborne any more idiotic and clueless than Callahan has. "Crusty old fuck?" Absolutely delicious.
“What, you’re offering me 5 million bucks to leave? Screw you guys…I’m taking you hicks down with me.”
Callahan’s salt-the-earth mantra and his scorched earth version of program management has won me over. I can not put into words how wonderful it is to see a man almost literally pour gasoline all over his program, with absolutely no tinge of guilt. But who can really blame him?
You people were the ones who gave him an extension. (Not 3 seasons..but 8 weeks ago). You people were the ones making “Air Cornahan” t-shirts. You people were the ones drooling over recruiting as if it was the crusty macaroni salad on the buffet at Golden Corral.
But regardless….Bill Callahan has shown me that I was wrong about everything. I’m sorry Bill. You’re efforts in exposing Husker fans for the fickle and hypocritical idiots they are is indeed inspiring. I wish you nothing but success in your future endeavors, and wish you nothing but success in badmouthing Nebraska football and their fans to random camera crews and writers for months and years to come.
I was wrong Bill. I hope you can forgive me.
*You know my team has arrived when I get just as much hate mail from KU fans than I do Nebraska fans. I hope the rest of you are about to enjoy the inevitable display of hate and rage that will fill both this space and other media outlets in the next two weeks. I’ve told you for years the true meaning of sports hatred, and brother…if you watch what is developing prior to the 11/24 match up between the Tigers and Jayhawks…you will get what I’m talking about.
Just sit back and watch the hate as it rains down like fire upon the kingdom of Satan.
* Finally, I apologize to my Colorado friends. In my quest to watch the Huskers pull into Fort Worth, riding an unstoppable and sheepish wave of pride and humiliation…I have failed to back you in your own time of need.
As I’ve stated at other times…the Husker hating movement for me did not start in 1997, as a future prison-bound wide receiver kicked a ball illegally through the Boone County night and into the arms of this state’s most famous and lucrative autograph signer.
No, for me the true movement started in 1989, as I watched the upstart Buffs knock out Nebraska, as a young Darian Hagan sliced through the Husker defense at will. The Buffs upset of Nebraska and the subsequent river of tears and excuses that flowed from that loss, set the foundation of the hatred you know and love today. Because of that, or perhaps the fact that I’ve spent several drunken nights on Pearl Street myself (One of my favorite bar districts anywhere)…I’ve always been fond of the Buffs.
So with that being said, in the spirit of the day…I also apologize to you Colorado fans. I have used my own selfish desire to see the Huskers and their fans humiliated to mask my duty of supporting you toward your first bowl game in the Dan Hawkins era.
Despite our teams being rivals within the same division…I share and admire your hatred of all things red. With that, you have my unwavering support on the 23rd as you knock the corn off of their thimble-high pedestal this week.