November 1, 2007

As the Corn Turns

How on earth did it get to be November already? Yeesh.

Bizzaro season continues, as the Hick Nation ponders who is going to be their next exalted leader. (That would make Tom Osborne emperor, which many of you know..isn’t too far from the truth.) One question I get quite often is, “Who do you think will get the NU job?”

That question is easy…Bo Pelini. Why? Because that’s what you people blindly want, and after nearly being ran out of town on a rail, Harvey Pullman can only save his ass by giving you exactly what you want. He’s already done that somewhat by having Warden Osborne come in and tell you exactly what you wanted to hear. (“when the new coaching staff comes in?” Whoops. Looks like senility is slowly creeping in.)

I do have a few questions about that potential hire.

First of all, is ONE game of head coaching (interim) experience enough to keep you people from going completely delirious? I realize Pelini took Frank Solich’s players and beat Michigan State (Whoopie)….but shouldn’t the leader of such a “name” program have a bit more experience than one game?

Ok, forget the experience…wasn’t he the same guy who threw a tantrum at old man Snyder when K-State dropped 38 on the Hicks in Lincoln? Didn’t the same inexperienced coordinator you just got rid of (whoops, he’s still here) have the same kind of episode with a certain throat slash? Didn’t that same guy get in trouble for calling a group of college kids, “Fucking hillbillies?”. Wouldn’t you think you people would pay attention to warning signs THE SECOND TIME you go through all of this?

Didn’t Pelini defenses get torched against the three best offenses he faced in that one season at defensive coordinator? Do you realize somebody is going to have to tell him how to snap the ball on the offensive side, considering the guy has zero experience drawing up offensive plays? Do you really think you have LSU talent on the defensive side of the ball?

Seriously, I can only sit here and tell you how things are for so long. Eventually you’re going to have to venture out on your own, and not make stupid and idiotic decisions based upon games that were played years ago. You didn’t listen to me before, and it cost you. Don’t get me wrong, I can certainly see a bright future here at Behind Enemy Lines if Pelini gets the job; However, as you can tell by my inability to consistently and successfully remind you of how much you suck…it’s in my best interests that you are at the very least REMOTELY competitive, in that I don’t want this blog to become or “Behind Enemy Blinds – A guide to window coverings from A to Venetian”

So what do I think WILL happen?

Well, after the K-State game, Osborne is going to go into some lame speech about taking things back to the old days, or something stupid like this. He won’t have the sack to actually fire Bill Callahan, so like Milton in the movie Office Space, Tom Lumburg will re-assign Callahan to a desk in the utility room and stop date his paychecks.

Meanwhile, an “exhaustive” search will continue, as TO goes through his handwritten note cards of people in the game who he has known over the years. He’ll then ask Charlie McBride or some other geezer who knew the game back in the 70’s and 80’s what he should do. Perhaps he’ll take an informal poll of former palyers what they think?

Don’t think TO can make a decision on his own? But didn’t he just say, “I watch 6 games a Saturday, so I’m not out of touch with Today’s game.” Really Tom? If that’s the case, please let me know how you’re getting six different timeslots and all those networks, because on the planet I live on, there are only about 4 slots for games and unless you’re watching games in Hawaii or the Ukraine, I’m guessing you’re full of shit. 6 highlights on College Football Scoreboard does not constitute staying “in touch” with today’s game.

Anyway…that’s how it will all do down.

What should go down? The more I look at it, the more you can’t look to Pelini because of his lack of experience and complete whiney attitude. Turner Gill is out, because let’s face it…2 years in Buffalo is not that impressive..considering I doubt he’s getting his opponents best shot when they visit the mighty Bulls. In other words..if he wasn’t from “the Family”, would you even consider him in 1,000,000 years? This would be another great hire in my opinion.

If you were smart…and I know you aren’t…(that is, if Urban Meyer or Bob Stoops somehow turn you down) you would take a look at Navy’s Paul Johnson. I realize you would never stoop so low as to hire a guy from lowly Navy, but this guy has won everywhere he’s gone and has done it the right way. He’s used multiple offenses, and obviously gets the most out of his players. (Unless the service academies have suddenly seen an influx of NFL talent).

Regardless of how I feel…I’m 100% certain you will screw this up someway, somehow…and we’ll be right back here in 4 years, fighting off the déjà vu as we try to figure out just who is stupid enough to take this job and underperform for your stratosphere-esque expectations.

* Most of you have never heard my views on this, but I’ll throw it out now that it’s over. I really hate Halloween. Not for anything religious or because I’m allergic to candy corn. I just don’t understand why grown men would dress as Boba Fett. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for finding an excuse to go to the bar and grope a coed who is dressed as Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. But some of you really need to let the kids have their day.

Is it really necessary to turn your house into some sort of spectacle, just so you can display your creativity involving a chainsaw, food coloring and a cow’s brain you found at Stoysich for $3.99 a pound.

Oh, and if you’re 14 and you don’t have a costume on….kiss my ass if you think I’m even going to give you a stale piece of super bubble that is harder than a 40 year old Husker fan at the Spring game. If you’re going to take the time to go out begging for candy, at LEAST throw on a hat…or a dog collar or whatever. These punks are lucky I just wanted to get rid of the crappy candy at the bottom of my basket. And if you REALLY want to beg for stuff…go downtown and sit on the corner with the people who really need stuff. Ingrate suburbanite jackasses.

Oh, and if you see an 8 year old boy dressed as a Husker football player, and he’s walking next to his 5 year old sister who is dressed as a Husker cheerleader…is it wrong to ask them “At what point are you going to start beating the shit out of her?”

Ok, that may have been a bit out of line.

I should have said “smacking her around” instead.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bigger the name, the more "exalted" the hire, the most well known coach the better...the further for the 'Skerzzzz to fall. And they will continue to fall.

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO! Bud you need some serious help! Die hard Husker fan who is proud to be just that. Enjoy reading your senseless articles!

You will feel better this weekend when NU takes KU out by 10!

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS, I don't think you have the balls to post my last message you faggot mother fucker!

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on wussy boy, throw up my comments! Or are you one of those fat pimple faced computer nerd runnin it off by hand boys that only post what you like!

6:03 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

K..couple of things here:

1st, to the guy who says, "You don't have the balls to post my comments"....

TRUST ME...I would love nothing more than to show the rest of the world what an intolerant, gay-bashing hayseed you really are. Unless you REALLY cross some sort of line, I will ALWAYS be happy to show everyone else just how the "classiest fans in the nation" operate.

"Faggot motherfucker"?

It doesn't get much classier than that.

2nd, at what point do you idiots realize I'm HOPING FOR YOU TO BEAT KU THIS WEEKEND. You idiots don't even know what you're bitching about If you have any common sense at all..or at the VERY LEAST if you bothered to read the God damn thing, you'd realize just where i"m coming from.

I LOVE it when some hick newspaper like the Grand Island Independent forums get ahold of my stuff. There is nothing more interlectual than a bunch of soybean farmers and Coop regulars, bitching and moaning about some guy who hates their team.

YOU ARE 4-5....I think you have far bigger problems than me.

Please keep the comments coming.

PS - Would one of you regular readers/Husker fans like to tell Mr. Anonymous my policy on posting comments? It's probably better she heard it from you.

PPS - I was busy today. Pardon me I didn't have time to run home and post your thoughtful and intelligent post(s)

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never thought ANYONE could hate Nebraska as much as I do ?

I found my lost brother from another mother. Thanks AJ

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great November 1st blog entry, AJ. One of your best in awhile. Love the Office Space and Halloween references. Keep up the good fight against "the classiest fans in America".

8:33 PM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

Halloween jab was way below the belt. We probably deserve it, though. Good luck vs. Colorado, because as a Husker fan, I could NEVER pull for the Vermin. We'll get that bell back next year in Lincoln...hopefully. Yes, that right there is proof of how far the Scarlet and Cream have fallen. We hope for a win now. Sigh...

By the CAN move to Missouri, you know. As far as I know, Bush's Patriot Act doesn't prevent poor people in Omaha that hate Nebraska from relocating to the heaven that is St. Louis (or Kansas City, St. Joseph, or wherever).

9:00 PM  
Blogger bornred said...

Trust me... you write it, it'll get posted. Sometimes you need to be a little patient, but most days there are at least a couple of times where AJ gets these published...

Enjoy, but it's not for everyone...

10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey nerd boy, you only posted part of what i sent you. Are you afraid that the truth will tarnish your pathetic image!

As far as the classy Husker fan comment goes, I give respect when it is deserved and buddy you don't deserve to lick the sweat of a good Husker fans balls.

You little MU pussies are nothing more than a flash, a one hit wonder. They will be right back to sub par in no time and then what will you do?

I know, you will watch us classy Husker fans win another national championship. You know we have 5 of those don't ya!

I will tell you this, it would not hurt anyone in Omaha's feelings if you went back to Missouri and lived with your mom, your sister, your aunt, hell they are all probably one and the same anyway you inbred bastard.

So why don't you post everything I write so we can really get this little war of words fired up you tuba playing putz!

10:57 PM  
Anonymous #1 Classy Husker Fan said...

Question, why are you fearfull of the great Tom Osborn hiring a coach like Bo Pelini? Is it the thought of Nebraska having better talent than your team that is simply being undercoached by a worthless coaching staff?

Is it the idea of knowing that when we have a good coach on board again and the order restored all of you wanna be's will be back to looking up at the superior Huskers sitting on the top of the world again. It will happen, we will make it happen and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it!

So enjoy your brief moment in the spot lite. It will be a long time before you get to enjoy it again!

11:07 PM  
Blogger Coach said...

Oddly enough, I never peg'd you for someone that shares my thoughts on Halloworthless. What a retarded excuse to go door to door begging shit...

12:41 AM  
Blogger PlusDrew said...

" PS, I don't think you have the balls to post my last message you faggot mother fucker!"

Way to NOT make the NU fanbase look like a bunch of prejudiced assholes.

7:17 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...


I'd have to defend AJ on the point that he posts about anything.

Cripes I've been throwing his "intellectually sound" arguement of THUGS=HAPPY FANS a universal truth back at him for about a year, and I believe he's posted everything. I've made fun of his line of reasoning, his lack of anything other than anecdotal evidence, among other things. (That reminds me, I'm still waiting for you to let me have it.)

This is better than stealing candy from all those kids on Halloween. AJ, the THUGS=HAPPY FANS, a universal truth is challenging the intellectual capacity of anyone else.

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey band geek! Why don't you come on down to DJs Dugout tonight and have a beer. Love to chat face to face with you about football!

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous Dumbass,

For the love of all that is holy, could you try to be less of an ignorant prick? There are some NU fans that recognize this site for what it man's opinion that while contrary to ours, is nonetheless ENTERTAINING!

I do believe that AJ genuinely dislikes NU and some of its fans. However, unless I am completely wrong, he probably has some friends that are NU fans and in private, where it wouldn't ruin his rep. as the huskerh8er, he would probably admit that many (he might say some) are normal (meaning somewhat irrational) fans of college football.

The type of comments you make only validate his rants (and by the way, in case you are too stupid to recognize it, that is what is most fun for him).

Having said all that, I still hope (and have contemplated turning to voodoo to make it happen) that MU pulls a November collapse for the ages and KU manages to win the North - I know how much that would hurt AJ.

In conclusion, AJ and Mizzou can still kiss my hairy, husker ass...but in his response to you, he is right and you're an imbecile.



11:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ <----------- this man blows goats...I have proof.

Also proof that AJ will post just about anything.


11:32 AM  
Anonymous I hate AJ said...

Why don't you ever wear a scarf? It doesn't need to be cold outside for your neck to feel naked.

I do wear scarves. I got it in a gay bar in France while I was tossing a few salads.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous MU Hater! said...

It's choke time at Missouri! Thats right kitty fans, it is time for your annual choke session and it starts this week at CU!

And to make matters worse, my Huskers who really suck big time this year will beat KU who will be pissed off and bitch slap MU in a few weeks because of it!

Lose lose kitty fans!

11:43 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Quick joke:

What do you get a Grand Island couple for their wedding gift?

Shoes for a 2 year old.

Thank you..I'll be here all week.

11:52 AM  
Anonymous davepowers said...

I think you're wrong to project going thru the coaching mess in another four years if they hire a Pellini type coach.

the Huskers won't have near the patience to put up with continued failure. Given a mere half season of continued screw ups and they'll be clamoring for his head as well.

it'll be de ja vu all over again and pretty quick too.

12:14 PM  
Anonymous I Hate AJ! said...

Ah blow me band wagon Husker fans! AJ the putz didn't post what I sent and added words I didn't use just so you idiots could defend him. Now he sits back and laughs because he has you dumb fucks on his side! No wonder he gets so much enjoyment from this blog, he can make you clowns actually like the perverted hating sick bastard!

I am a die hard Husker fan and proud of it. I have donated over 20K to NU over the years and will continue till I drop over dead so don't question my loyalty. If the rest of you band wagon SOB's don't like it join up with AJ and his merry men at the gay bar he hangs in!

Go Blow Yourself AJ defending Husker fans!

12:19 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Anybody who has read this blog for more than a week knows that I print 99.9% of all comments left, in their entirety.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better...they come back and go, "you added profanity to make me look bad". did that yourself Cletus.

At some point...probably not today, and probably not tommorrow...but will figure out that getting all pissed off and firing off a reply to me is just about the worst thing you can do.


Because you not only have no idea how many people read this, but you also don't realize that my whole point is to piss you off. The byproduct of that, is to watch all the CU, KSU, MU etc fans see what complete freaks and psychos you are.

See where I'm going with this?

Of course you don't.

Please continue. This is good stuff.

12:23 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

PS - Can the guy who sent me the link to the Grand Island Independent please leave that again. I accidentally rejected that.


12:28 PM  
Anonymous I Hate AJ! said...

Then we shall have fun in our new relationship!

Interesting enough if you weren't such a hatefull person your stuff would be interesting to read.

And don't think I am angry because I am not. I to enjoy seeing what responses I can draw by playing with the comments I post. You have taken the "I will show you" road now which is getting boring. How about some good old fashion bashing, I know you can do better than you are now!

And what about that beer?

12:29 PM  
Anonymous I Hate AJ! said...

The place sucks but you asked for it.

12:31 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Ironic, because 95% of the people who leave comments feel I'm not nearly hateful enough. I mean, you're 4-5...your program is in shambles...what more can I do to you to make it worse?

Can't make everybody happy though.

Good luck vs. KU this weekend. This time, I really mean it. (kinda)

12:33 PM  
Anonymous I Hate AJ! said...

Well to be honest there isn't anything you can do to make it worse unless you were top shoot the weiner guy at the NU games. I really like those hot dogs!

And this pains me severely but I actually am rooting for Missouri over CU. I am the type of guy who likes to see the have nots win one so they can have a few cherished memories to fall back on when reality comes crashing down.

12:40 PM  
Blogger bornred said...

Where was i hate aj! during Hate Week?

AJ, you have to admit, he's got more fire than corn-ridden shit guy. I'd actually like to give him a shot at coaching our defense...


12:46 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I agree Randy. This guy has way more hate than JP, OHF and the rest who slinked away into the night.

Corn Ridden Shit guy needs to pick up his consistency.

What's worse..he's rooting for Mizzou, and I'm silently pulling for NU to beat KU...(kinda)

Crazy place this world.

12:48 PM  
Anonymous deron said...

Love it when 12 year old Nebraska fan shows up. I laughed so hard I was in tears. But that is one of the big reasons to come here, right?

Randy - We can throw down anytime at Old Chicago. At the bar preferably. ;)

1:34 PM  
Anonymous I Love AJ! said...

What's in a handle! "I hate AJ" is sarcasm, I don't hate you or anyone else, especially over a darn game!

But I sure will talk shit with anyone who will listen and don't have a problem throwing down with the best of them.

1:46 PM  
Blogger bornred said...


I agree with you on Paul Johnson. No mention of Joe Glenn? He's a Lincoln native and has done well at every level...


PS. Although my wife would probably shoot me if I tried to watch 6 games every Saturday, it is possible. Dual receiver dish with DVR and ESPN Gameday package (2 games at 9, 2 games at 12:30, 1 game at 5, 1 game at 7:30 (all time in PST)). I usually get 3 in, but the non-Husker games usually come after the kids go to bed... TO has no kids to put to bed so he can probably do it fairly easy (with fast forward, you can "watch" a game in about an hour)

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously. "Ihateaj" is a plant isn't he? No one's that stupid, but if someone was, Nebraska would be a good place to hide out.


4:09 PM  
Anonymous I love aj! said...

ROFLMAO! Ah so many funny guys on this blog!

Hey I just finished reading the SI with a good article on your pussy cats. Bad bad bad boys, getting in SI is the kiss of death and you can expect to get your ass ripped in Boulder this week as a result.

Hell thats not a surprise, you have been expecting the wheels to come off anyway.

And I am so glad that all my other 12 year old peers post here! We can really get into some hard core posts knowing everyone is on the same level lol!

Guys, does it scare you to know that the torment all of us real football fans in Husker Heaven are going through will end very soon! You do realize that the order will be restored and your bandwagons will be getting mightly lonely as your so called fans all jump off!

Oh I just can't wait to stand in the end zone at the next NU MU game surrounded by Husker fans because the MU folks are all at the bingo hall again because the Tigers were tamed again!

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've seen everything I need to see about Nebraska Cornhusker fans.

This is, extremely telling. I'm at a complete loss of words for what I'm reading.

Stay class UNL

5:53 PM  
Blogger bornred said...


Not sure where you are, I'm in San Jose, we might have to find someplace in between. Maybe we can schedule a cage fight in Vegas ;-P


6:35 PM  
Anonymous Fact said...

Boy ! This kid strikes a nerve with some of these big 12 fans.

He make a good point regarding some of our Nebraska fans.

Many of them are blind.
Bo and Turner are blinding to them.

As a team, Nebraska is not that far off, with a good coach.

5:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a shout out to all you Big Red fans -- get used to how you're feeling. It'll be years before you recover and are back in the thick of things. The nation sees you for what you are -- fair weather fans who attack their own players when you don't win. Good luck with the new coaching search and with recruiting. Go KU!

10:04 AM  
Anonymous I hate aj said...

So KU trashed us today, big deal! The bottom line is you are playing out your ass this year and having some success, even the have nots which you are get lucky every now and then! Just remember, payback is a bitch! Enjoy it while you can with your one year wonder boys!

AJ, we may have gotten our ass kicked today and didn't help those fur balls you root for with a win. But I do think we helped you guys a bunch, we had to wear down that KU offense a bit with all the running they did up and down the field today!

Again to me fellow AJ defending Husker fans, go whipe your ass with a corn cob! You stupid hayseed bastards are the reason we are in this mess! Oh Peddy your such a great guy, oh Cally you deserve 4 years to bring our program to its knees so all these other wanna be Big 12 fans can have a glimmer of fame!

I will drop my annual donnation to NU in the mail today. What are the rest of you red clad hayseeds going to do to support our team! "Please note: If your helping with your wallet and you travel to away games as well as home games and stay till the end regardless of the score I am not talking to you." I am talking to all of you who think you have the right to boo any player, rarely or never make a away game and don't support the students with cash. Shut your smug mouth and don't respond to my posts because you are not worthy to!

So you KU fans get yours today, and you deserve it folks! Congratulations and good luck the rest of the season! I really do hope you run the table and beat the crap out of AJ's wussie cats and win the Big 12. Then you can lose the National championship game and never know what it is like to be a true champion!

3:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's funny that you are all such fans now that you have one good year. For years it has been Nebraska fans filling your stadiums because KU/CU/MU had no fans. You charge more for the Nebraska game than any other because you know Nebraska fans will come. I never see KU/CU/MU fans at Nebraska home games looking for tickets. I don't live in Nebraska any more but attended 3 games this year and stayed til the end. You are all so hateful. You should try channeling your hateful attitude into something more postive. Go volunteer at an hospital or something.


6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen NU fans, myself included, need to just deal with the fact that our program will never be the same. Deal with the reality that Callahan and Pederson helped to destroy the program. Deal with a potential 500 season. This ship will be righted. Its only a matter of time. However don't vent at NU haters, when you lose to NU for 30 plus years consistently then you are entitled to vent when you finally start to win.

11:48 AM  

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