November 8, 2007

It Really Sucks to be Me.

I’ve mentioned this a few times, but I’m not quite sure I’ve gotten my point through. Perhaps you’ve heard this rant before (or something like it), but it seems we may need a refresher course.

As you may have guessed, I’m rather enjoying my work this particular Husker season and between fits of giggling, have not missed an opportunity to do some sociological research. One of the things that does strike me as odd, is this little nugget that I hear from Husker fans quite a bit this year, “I’m so pissed off. We don’t deserve this to happen to us”.

Ummmm…excuse me?

WE don’t deserve this to happen to us?

Are you kidding me? You may not realize this…all of this is teaching you a valuable lesson. Oh don’t get me wrong, you’ll just brush it off as a fluke in a few months, and go right back to acting surprised that a castaway QB with a 4-4 career record and was kicked off his own team can’t lead you to the BCS. But this is exactly why you need a nice 15 year stretch of 3-9, 4-8 and 2-10 seasons. Perhaps this will allow you FAR in the future to possibly enjoy a great season, and not just blow it off as “unfinished business” or whatever lame-ass bumper sticker you are writing this week.

Take my own team this year.

I’m pretty sure I speak for most Missouri fans, but two things jump out about me in regards to this year’s football season. Number one, I have no idea how to act. You have no idea…but trust me on this…if you have cheered for a losing program your ENTIRE life…and you drive your kids to daycare in the morning…you’ve done some suffering. I used to talk trash to my Husker buddies about a 42-24 loss in Lincoln. And now? They’re 8-1 and #6 in the BCfrickinS. Think about that for a second. I’m sure any and all Mizzou fans who visit this little slice of cyberspace will agree with me. We as fans have ZERO experience in this. None. And it’s fan-fucking-tastic.

But above all that, I mostly feel vindicated. Do you know why? Because I know that all of this means the world to you, and you’re not in that position anymore. Do you remember that scene in Shawshank were Tim Robbins crawls through ¼ of a mile of raw sewage, just to find the thrill of freedom?

That is me and my fellow fans during this glorious season.

We apologize to no one. We have put up with more than any fan base on earth should EVER be forced to put up with: Tyus Edney, 5th Downs, Northern Iowa , Rickey Clemmons, Quin and that G*d damn kicked ball that is on ESPN classic every other weekend. ALL of that has made us appreciate special seasons even more. ALL of that has allowed all true fans of the school to throw their hands up to the sky, and let the sweet rain of success pour down upon their body.

However, even if I didn’t live among you, I wouldn’t feel sorry for you. Even if I lived in a cabin in Vermont and burned tree bark for heat, I would roll my eyes at the thought of some poor sap in the middle of nowhere Nebraska…who is all tore up because his favorite team…a team that has had like 1 losing season in 3 generations….now sucks donkey balls.

Well boo flippin hoo Elmer.

I often get the question, “Man, it must suck to be you these days” when things are rosy at NU. The funny thing is… I’m thinking to myself the same thing about you. Why? You have FIVE (2 and 3 split) NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS!?!?! You have Heisman trophies. You have former players with ZERO life after football, ranting and raving about how “great it was to be a Husker”.

Yet you will never know the thrill I am feeling this season. You will never get to turn the tables on others who have looked down upon you for years…laughing at their own problems with malice and disdain. You will never get the thrill of being a National sensation. You will never feel how great it is to watch sportscasters actually raise their eyebrows when they talk about your team. You will never experience that “wow” factor. Despite your pathetic opinions of yourself, these are not things to snicker at….but to be jealous of.


Because you think every year is 1995. Some of you have the gall to say things like, “As long as we win 8 or 9 games every year and get to the BCS every few years..I’ll be happy.” My ass you will. You have set the bar so high..for so long…you will only feel failure and disappointment, year after year after year. Why do you think Callahan is so pissed at you right now? You were fine and dandy 2 months ago..and now all of a sudden…”hey wait…we’re not going to win the Big 12 with 6 losses?” Well no shit Sherlock. What made you think that? Perhaps the 900 yards passing you gave up to Ball State wasn’t a hint?

I realize you will never figure this out…but I would like to at least throw it out here again…so when this happens again in 3-4 years, I can say “I told you so” yet again.

Enjoy the rest of your season.


Power Poll

1) Missouri (8-1) vs. Texas A&M – Two more hurdles for Mizzou before the swirling ball of hate at Arrowhead on the 24th.

2) Kansas (9-0) at Oklahoma State – 76 points vs. Nebraska? Whoopee doo. But they gave up 39? Uh oh. Good thing Okie State and Missouri can’t throw the ball. Implosion in 3….2…..1…..

3) Kansas State (5-4) at Nebraska – A nice chance for Josh Freeman to say “F*CK YOU” to Husker fans and Jim Rose. Oh wait…they all quit. Nevermind.

4) Colorado (5-5) at Iowa State – The Buffs have been salty on the road, but ISU has come a long long way this season. Should be interesting how CU bounces back.

5) Iowa State (2-8) vs. Colorado - I wish the clones could play Nebraska again. did they lose to those guys?

6) Nebraska (4-6) vs. Kansas State – If this was 1998, this would be a great matchup. However, it’s 2007…the Husker suck and the game is on Versus. There ya go.

1) Oklahoma (8-1) vs. Baylor – This game is on TV because???.......

2) Texas Tech (7-3) at Texas – The Raiders haven’t quite been themselves offensively the past few weeks. Luckily, Texas is playing like crap at home. Should be a great game.

3) Texas (8-2) vs. Texas Tech – How the hell can you beat 8-2…you crush Iowa State by 900 points on the road, and then barely beat Nebraska and lose to K-State…handily? I don’t get it. Oh wait, yes I do…bad coaching.

4)Oklahoma State (5-4) vs. Kansas – Under the lights, the Pokes become my new favorite team this weekend. If I was Mike Gundy, I’d run Bowman on a fly pattern on every single play. Stillwater is a snake pit in games like this.

5) Texas A&M (6-4) at Missouri – Javorski Lane, Javorski Lane, Javorski Lane. If the Aggies don’t run the ball 40 times behind their 260lb tailback, Coach Fran should be fired. Oh wait….

6) Baylor (?? - ??) at Oklahoma - “Bring out your dead!”……(thump)….”Bring out your dead!”….(thump)


Anonymous cautious tiger said...

What really sucks for Missouri this year, is that after years of waiting for a decent season to pan out, they have to share the spotlight with a bunch of overrated BuzzardHawks that would get pounded by Oklahoma or Texas, but somehow managed to avoid playing both.

That suckiness is multiplied by the fact that although most Missouri fans have learned their lesson from past self-destructions that it is smart to reserve the smack talk until after the win and exercise cautious optimistism, the buzzards have yet to learn that lesson and are talking about how those wins over the Florida International School of the Blind and the SE Louisiana Penal System will lead them to the national championship.

At least Nebraska knows their season is over. Missouri fans are all taking blood-pressure medication hoping that they don't screw up during the next 3 games.

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


the nubs don't understand the length of the beatings we owe them. since 1982 they have outscored us by 521 points.

if we continue at this year's rate of +35 points we will be even for the last 25 years of beatings in only 14.89 short years.

they have to suck for a long time before it is even close to even.


3:35 PM  
Anonymous Hopefull Tiger said...

Hey cautious tiger,

Look at it this way. If they ChickenHawks stay undefeated it will be all the more sweeter if (when) Missouri rolls over them. Just think, Mizzou will have ruined their "perfect" season of playing teams like Salina HS.

BTW, today is the 10th anniversary of the kicked ball NU win. I know this because it was my wedding day. Wouldn't that have been great! Get married and have Mizzou beat Nebraska on the same day. I spent a fair amount of time at my wedding reception finding a crappy black and white TV in the kitchen and checking out the game.

3:47 PM  
Blogger HBF said...


1. I gotta call you on some points in your blog. First, give us some stats about that “little nugget that (you) hear from Husker fans quite a bit this year.” I don’t doubt that some fans that you encounter have made that lament but don’t extrapolate it into a representative sample of all of us.

2. Speaking for myself, yes, I’m disappointed and have been angry, and have thrown a tantrum in the privacy of my own home during the 4th quarter of the Texas game (trip to the wife’s dog house was two days), but never did I think or utter “I don’t deserve this crap/NU doesn’t either.” However, I did go through the four stages of a major life altering event, like divorce or death of a spouse or child: denial (USC game – USC is just that good), anger (Ball St & ISU games – no, USC isn’t that good, we’re just that bad, dammit!), depression (last four games), and acceptance (as I type this drivel). How’s that for balance?

3. Second, if you’re referring to Keller, he wasn’t kicked off of the ASU team, he quit after Rudy C. got the nod after Sammy K. got the job and then didn’t.

4. Third, you got it backwards: it’s three Nationals Championships (1971, 1994, and 1995) and two split (1970 w/Texas; 1997 w/Michigan). How many does Missouri have? Okay, when did they come close? Wait, when did they last win the Big 8? Big XII? Never mind…

5. Fourth, can you admit this is part of the reason you hate NU and its fans? : “… if you have cheered for a losing program your ENTIRE life…and you drive your kids to daycare in the morning…you’ve done some suffering…”

6. Oh, btw, you let this slip: “I used to talk trash to my Husker buddies… .” So, you admit who have buddies who are Husker fans. Question: do you Husker fan buddies know that you author this blog?

7. Since we have the experience, you might want to talk to those Husker buddies about how to behave in your present situation: “They’re 8-1 and #6 in the BCfrickinS. Think about that for a second. I’m sure any and all Mizzou fans who visit this little slice of cyberspace will agree with me. We as fans have ZERO experience in this. None. And it’s fan-fucking-tastic.”

8. Do your kids have potty mouths like you?

9. Given your euphoric state, I just hope that KU doesn’t snatch it from you. That will be hard to take. If that happens, I look forward to your blog.

10. No one worth their salt is asking you to feel sorry for us. And those talking heads on ESPN who say that it’s good for college football for NU to be, well, NU of old, well, that’s just B.S. Things change. It’s only good for NU and its fan base.

11. More jealousy: “… a team that has had like 1 losing season in 3 generations….now sucks donkey balls. Well boo flippin hoo Elmer.”

12. What former players have this “zero life” and what’s your point, other than being simply petty? : “You have former players with ZERO life after football, ranting and raving about how ‘great it was to be a Husker’.” Again, facts please…

13. After the paragraph that begins “Yet you will never know the thrill… ,” you’re just more or less rambling somewhat incoherently, yet redundantly, and it reinforces the fact that you still can’t get over NU’s three decades of success last century. But hey, I understand your envy of past NU successes. The NU sucking part is just a little new for us Husker fans. Perhaps you Missouri fans could set up some encounter groups to help us cope, given your vast and historic experience with not being good enough, or worse. You know, it’s the same concept as former addicts running drug rehab.

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Somehow' we managed to avoid playing OU and Texas? The leauge schedule has been set since the confrence started. So, follow me here slaver, SOMEONE has to play OU and Texas in the same year and therefore would NOT play them when the schedule switches every 2 years.

Surprise surprise....the two teams with this lovely schedule are ISU and KU. How many bowls do you think we've missed because we played them in the same year? Not playing Vince Young 2 years in a row would have been great for some of our better recent teams!

I get downgrading KU because of the schedule. And I guess I will, as a KU fan, personaly appologize for our non-confrence schedule. But I don't see where anyone in the confrence should be appologizing for the confrence schedule.

5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I can honestly say the Husker fans did not quit this year.

There will be more fans in the stadium (full) then what the Tigers could muster at any game this year.

Once again your writers must be on strike.

Go fuck yourself.


5:38 PM  
Blogger AJ said... almost had at least the foundations of a decent argument...until you said "you have Husker friends?"

Uhhhh...where the hell have you been? That's the entire BASIS of this whole thing. I know you think I'm some dude in his basement with a tin foil hat on....and that's fine....

But if you're going to go on a 8,000 word least do 5 minutes worth of homework by reading more than one post.

Oh..and by the way...if you don't like the language, go start your own blog. You want news and information, click on

Other than that..thanks for the effort and please stop by again.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what you do for a living, but your writing is excellent. I look forward to a new entry each day. Thanks!

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"we don't deserve this"..once again, Nebraska fans act like they're the goddamn Sun, and think they're owed a 10-win season and a spot amongst the nation's elite because they fucking woke up in the morning.Wow. I know stuffed shirt, trust-fund having cocaine snorting Republican SOBs and their uppity prude snot-nosed 16 yr old daughters who have less of a sense of entitlement than Nebraska fans. It's pathetic. They can't handle ANY type of adversity. Now KU is "classless" for running up the score. Now Mizzou and Faurot Field is a dangerous environment full of "thugs". Oklahoma is full of "fucking hillbillies". It's funny no other team's fans have a problem BUT NU. Nobody like you NU fan. You are pompous, arrogant, overbearing and overall assholes. You are the guy at the party that double dips, steals and re-tells bad jokes and laughs at them, gropes people's girlfriends, farts and is obnoxious. People are enjoying seeing you suffer, it's because you honestly think your obsessive t-shirt making behavior is somehow "cool". It's all you know. Your hero and spokesperson isn't Warren Buffet, it's fucking Larry the Cable Guy and Tommy Lee. Get a clue...go fuck yourselves and go to hell.. Enjoy the next few shitty years.

Restore THAT order, bitches.

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Mighty Huskers Fan said...

I will be a dirty son of a bitching KU fan, your right AJ, I don't know the thrill you and your ass buddy minions from KU are having this year from your success.

I wonder why that is?????? Lets kick it around a bit, I was born in 1960 and we had a losing record, followed that up in 61 with another losing record. The in 62 we started a string of winning seasons that lasted until 2004. Kiss my ass AJ that was 43 years of my first 45 years that Nebraska had winning records. And along the way we won outright or shared 24 league championships and 5 national championships. I just didn’t have the opportunity to understand what it was like to be a fan of a pathetic program like you and your boys have.

OK so since 2004 I have had to learn how to take losing a bit more than I was used to before. Does it hurt, not for me because I know it is only a game and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to change the outcome of the field. I will have to admit that I am pissed off about our current state of affairs. I get comfort from knowing that we are different from you folks, we know what winning is all about and we will be back at it sooner than all of you want to see.

Enjoy your short time in the spotlight boys!

8:26 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

To the guy who said he liked my writing..thank you. I appreciate it.

To the other anonymous guys, ranting about the 16 year old daughter and sense of entitlement....


That's one of the best rants I've read in the comment section in a long long time.

Very very well done.

PS - MHF, "We don't understand what it's like to be a fan of a pathetic program like you guys have"

There's your problem. You're 4-6. You gave up 8000 points to KU. MIzzou is #6 in the BCS. Hell, KU is 4th.

Your view on life is exactly what I'm talking about . There are no dynasties anymore. In fact, if's harder than ever to rebuild a dynasty, because even when you suck...people like me and KU fan over here just pile on you for the next 15 years...still pissed at you guys being complete pricks for 1/2 a century.

Perhaps you should save that comment for...oh I dunno...a year where you don't get beat by a combined 117-45 over the two schools.

And I haven't even mentioned KSU and CU fans who don't really like you either.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Mighty Huskers Fan said...

Why I happen to like Larry the Cable guy. He is a real American hero that we all should look up to!

I do appreciate all the nice things you folks say about us! It is comforting to see that we have made life so much more interesting for you folks by being so successful for so long that you hate us so bad. Imagine what your life would be like without us, dreadful thought isn’t it!

Yes AJ, my Mighty Huskers did give up 76 points last Saturday to our poor football neighbors to the south. Now they have something to talk about on those cold long winter nights. Millions of conversations will start with “remember when”. Memories like this will be cherished for generations to come.

Unfortunately my kids and grand kids will be forced to suffer with the same fate I have throughout my life. They will be forced to live with an ongoing football dynasty in Nebraska! You see we are all better and smarter than the rest of you and we will return!

Go Huskers!

8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are killing me! Do you really believe all this shit you post!

8:54 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Long dynasty? All righty then...whatever you say.

9:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mighty Husker Fan said: "You see we are all better and smarter than the rest of you and we will return!"

Does the "N" still stand for knowledge at Nebraska or does it now stand for NOBODY? At least in the college football world.

Be careful who you kick on your way down -- you may need some help on the way back up.

9:27 PM  
Blogger bornred said...

Personally, I believe every damn word.

That guy with the long "we don't deserve this" rant was really going, wasn't he? I don't know about anyone else, but I had to go clean the spittle off of my screen afterward (Bill Cower has nothing on you).

The love-fest is really picking up steam here.


PS. AJ, I can't stand your writing, you know that...

10:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When does 'Husker roundball start? Alexcxks Maric for Heisman!

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Mighty Huskers Fan said...

Ah life is grand, to be fan of the greatest team ever, to be a member of the greatest fan base ever, will it ever stop! Destiny is so good to those of us who are special but yet so cruel to people like you AJ. And the worst part of it all, those of us who were chosen for greatness never claimed any of this. It all has been bestowed on us by our peers in the college football world. This is the part that leaves such a nasty taste in your mouth while making all of us known and the Husker Nation proud.

You and your KU, CU and KSU minions can only hate those of us were chosen to be part of history, you can only wallow in self pity over decades of domination at the hands of the children of the corn. You can only hope and pray that the football gods will drip one drop of sweat on you allowing you an ever so brief moment in the light. But beware my friend, that light is connected to the front of a fast moving locomotion and your football seasons are about to be derailed.

“And on the 7th day God looked down at a small section of the planet now called Nebraska and smiled knowing he had just created something special. He had created a dynasty of greatness never again to be equaled by anyone other than the children of the corn. He created Husker football.”

11:23 PM  
Anonymous corn blight said...

I thought you were getting stuck in a rut there for a while, but this one is better, mostly because you talk about enjoying Missouri's success.

Enjoy it. Should be interesting to see what happens with you and Kansas.

Big 12 Game of the Year. How 'bout that. The apocalypse can begin!

11:27 PM  
Anonymous Growler said...


I think you need to dedicate an entry to the message below. Husker fans are not getting it.

The day of the black shirts is over, the option doesn't work (hire Paul Johnson, I dare you.), and no one... I repeat... no one wants to go to Nebraska. Corn-fed Nebraska is no longer attractive to the college athlete. The popularity of college football is no longer confined (see Oregon, Boise St., hell even Hawaii) and Nebraska will soon be just another University in the middle of nowhere with less to offer. In jest, I hear they are considering adding a cardinal direction... East Nebraska University. Ok, the last comment was aimed to agitate but seriously.... this talk of returning to prominence or even dynasty is ridiculous. The sooner you come to terms with it... the sooner we can all get on with our lives.

(Note: Don't give me the piece of shit "rival's recruiting stars" rebuttal... you, of all people, can admit that it’s all horseshit. How many stars did CD get? I don't remember. I don't care. Do you?)


PS - Go Mizzou! The above theory also applies. Get over the hump now.

PPS - AJ, great blog.

12:59 AM  
Anonymous Mighty Huskers Fan said...

"Never in my life have I experienced this," said Kevin Cosgrove, who started coaching in 1980 and spent 13 years at Wisconsin before coming to Nebraska. "I don't think it should come with the territory. I don't think kids should be getting phone calls and text messages and things like that. I don't think that's right.

"These are supposed to be true fans? Really?"

The depths some people will drop to over a game. I know a lot of my fellow Husker fans get pissed over my comments when I strike a nerve. To fucking bad , get over it!

Today I am calling out those of you who consider yourself football fans who consider the behavior of harassment to be OK. FUCK YOU, you are no better than a common criminal sitting in jail for theft, rape, murder etc. No your lower than those folks, you are at the child molester level!

Get your ass off my Big Red Bandwagon if you think this crap is OK! It is not and this behavior has no place in our world, or any other teams world as far as that goes.

10:17 AM  
Blogger HucktheFuskers said...


Wanted to share an article with you concerning the Universe's Classiest Fans hard at work.

It just oozes class.

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) I call bullshit. No Nebraska fan is lamenting "WHY US?".

2) So Missouri fans who can't handle success get a pass but Nebraska fans who are struggling with failure are bad fans. Once again AJ's retard-o-matic doublestandards come shining through.

3) In response to the point that only Nebraska fans seem to have trouble at other Big XII venues, are you not reading this blog? ("Let the hate flow...yes...your journey is almost COMPLETE!") If you get called to the carpet because you act like an asshat to a fan base, don't point to the fact that you AREN'T asshats to other fan bases as a defense.

Two student sections at CU didn't have to be cleared during the KU or MU games. They must act ok all the time. NU fans are just making stuff up.

4) I hope Kansas creams Mizzou. Kansas has never had a shot in football. Everytime Mizzou has had an opportunity at success they blow it. If Kansas doesn't blow out Mizzou, I hope they win on some stupid non-call, or a weird fumble play. I'm sure Mizzou will come up with some new way to fail and poor ol' AJ can come crying to his blog.

As a matter of fact, the only fan I hear bitching about what they deserve and what NU deserves is AJ. Perhaps AJ is just quoting the husker fan that lives in his head....

11:42 AM  
Blogger bornred said...

cautious tiger said...
At least Nebraska knows their season is over.

What? Over? Did you say over?
Nothing is over until we decide it is.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hell, no!

And it ain't over now.

'Cause when the going gets tough..
The tough get going...

Who's with me?

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I seek permission to use your above post. Of course I will be sure to change the names to protect the innocent.
You see, I wish to recite this post to every St. Louis Cardinal, New York Yankee, and Boston Red Sox fan within earshot when my Chicago Cubs win the World Series. Should I not be alive when this blessed event unfolds, please allow my designated heir(s)to do so without penalty.
Go Big Red!


12:21 PM  
Blogger HBF said...

AJ, thanks for the invite. I realize you put much time into this blog effort and have a life beyond it. An aside, no, I don’t believe you wear tin foil on your head while deep in the bowels of your basement. I also realize you likely get a lot of responses to review and digest – some obviously giving you indigestion (ba-dump-dump). However, for the record, I didn’t ask “you have Husker friends?” Rather, I stated that you let slip that you had Husker buddies (see #6 of my previous post) and asked if those buddies knew you wrote this blog. The answer, by your reply above, is obviously yes. And sorry, bud, but research is for real journalists.

BTW, my Mizzou buddy turned me on to your blog. He loves it. Imagine that.

2:36 PM  
Blogger James Hill said...

This is a great site for KU jokes.

4:07 PM  
Anonymous I want a bowl, any bowl as long as its warm said...


Dont get me wrong, I love you man, but after 55-10 can we bury the 5th down thing. I mean 45 points has to get us a walk on something right?

Keep up the good work, and heres hopin for 77 in Boulder.

7:31 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Sorry about the delay in comment posting guys. I've had some sick kids to deal with.

I'll keep up a little better over the weekend.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Mighty Husker Fan said...

Family first, good to see you have your priorities straight bud. This is a sincere comment not sarcasm.

OK ass wipes, keep plugging away with all your trash just remember we children of the corn are gods gift to the football universe and your all pretenders.

I laugh at the comments that no one would want to play at Nebraska! Hell the few good home grown players you Kansas and Missouri fucks produce can't wait to get out of your primitive states!

And that talk about that bugger eating Chase Daniel is funny as hell. The kid is just another good college player that won't be worth a broke dick in the big show. And like mentioned earlier, you fucks will step on your dicks soon enough and end up in a no name bowl as you usually do.

Personally I would love to see KU make it all the way to the big game. I would enjoy watching them get squashed by whomever they played because they really are not that good. Pretenders and wanne be contenders that won't get it down when the chips really count.

Kansas fans, go fuck yourself!

Missouri fans, go fuck the Kansas fans.

Colorado fans, go fuck a buffalo.

Husker fans, prepare for another long run of domination over the rest of these worthless fucks!

Go Huskers!

9:31 AM  

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