It Really Sucks to be Me.
As you may have guessed, I’m rather enjoying my work this particular Husker season and between fits of giggling, have not missed an opportunity to do some sociological research. One of the things that does strike me as odd, is this little nugget that I hear from Husker fans quite a bit this year, “I’m so pissed off. We don’t deserve this to happen to us”.
WE don’t deserve this to happen to us?
Are you kidding me? You may not realize this…all of this is teaching you a valuable lesson. Oh don’t get me wrong, you’ll just brush it off as a fluke in a few months, and go right back to acting surprised that a castaway QB with a 4-4 career record and was kicked off his own team can’t lead you to the BCS. But this is exactly why you need a nice 15 year stretch of 3-9, 4-8 and 2-10 seasons. Perhaps this will allow you FAR in the future to possibly enjoy a great season, and not just blow it off as “unfinished business” or whatever lame-ass bumper sticker you are writing this week.
Take my own team this year.
I’m pretty sure I speak for most Missouri fans, but two things jump out about me in regards to this year’s football season. Number one, I have no idea how to act. You have no idea…but trust me on this…if you have cheered for a losing program your ENTIRE life…and you drive your kids to daycare in the morning…you’ve done some suffering. I used to talk trash to my Husker buddies about a 42-24 loss in Lincoln. And now? They’re 8-1 and #6 in the BCfrickinS. Think about that for a second. I’m sure any and all Mizzou fans who visit this little slice of cyberspace will agree with me. We as fans have ZERO experience in this. None. And it’s fan-fucking-tastic.
But above all that, I mostly feel vindicated. Do you know why? Because I know that all of this means the world to you, and you’re not in that position anymore. Do you remember that scene in Shawshank were Tim Robbins crawls through ¼ of a mile of raw sewage, just to find the thrill of freedom?
That is me and my fellow fans during this glorious season.
We apologize to no one. We have put up with more than any fan base on earth should EVER be forced to put up with: Tyus Edney, 5th Downs, Northern Iowa , Rickey Clemmons, Quin and that G*d damn kicked ball that is on ESPN classic every other weekend. ALL of that has made us appreciate special seasons even more. ALL of that has allowed all true fans of the school to throw their hands up to the sky, and let the sweet rain of success pour down upon their body.
However, even if I didn’t live among you, I wouldn’t feel sorry for you. Even if I lived in a cabin in Vermont and burned tree bark for heat, I would roll my eyes at the thought of some poor sap in the middle of nowhere Nebraska…who is all tore up because his favorite team…a team that has had like 1 losing season in 3 generations….now sucks donkey balls.
Well boo flippin hoo Elmer.
I often get the question, “Man, it must suck to be you these days” when things are rosy at NU. The funny thing is… I’m thinking to myself the same thing about you. Why? You have FIVE (2 and 3 split) NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS!?!?! You have Heisman trophies. You have former players with ZERO life after football, ranting and raving about how “great it was to be a Husker”.
Yet you will never know the thrill I am feeling this season. You will never get to turn the tables on others who have looked down upon you for years…laughing at their own problems with malice and disdain. You will never get the thrill of being a National sensation. You will never feel how great it is to watch sportscasters actually raise their eyebrows when they talk about your team. You will never experience that “wow” factor. Despite your pathetic opinions of yourself, these are not things to snicker at….but to be jealous of.
Because you think every year is 1995. Some of you have the gall to say things like, “As long as we win 8 or 9 games every year and get to the BCS every few years..I’ll be happy.” My ass you will. You have set the bar so high..for so long…you will only feel failure and disappointment, year after year after year. Why do you think Callahan is so pissed at you right now? You were fine and dandy 2 months ago..and now all of a sudden…”hey wait…we’re not going to win the Big 12 with 6 losses?” Well no shit Sherlock. What made you think that? Perhaps the 900 yards passing you gave up to Ball State wasn’t a hint?
I realize you will never figure this out…but I would like to at least throw it out here again…so when this happens again in 3-4 years, I can say “I told you so” yet again.
Enjoy the rest of your season.
1) Missouri (8-1) vs. Texas A&M – Two more hurdles for Mizzou before the swirling ball of hate at Arrowhead on the 24th.
2) Kansas (9-0) at Oklahoma State – 76 points vs. Nebraska? Whoopee doo. But they gave up 39? Uh oh. Good thing Okie State and Missouri can’t throw the ball. Implosion in 3….2…..1…..
3) Kansas State (5-4) at Nebraska – A nice chance for Josh Freeman to say “F*CK YOU” to Husker fans and Jim Rose. Oh wait…they all quit. Nevermind.
4) Colorado (5-5) at Iowa State – The Buffs have been salty on the road, but ISU has come a long long way this season. Should be interesting how CU bounces back.
5) Iowa State (2-8) vs. Colorado - I wish the clones could play Nebraska again. Seriously..how did they lose to those guys?
6) Nebraska (4-6) vs. Kansas State – If this was 1998, this would be a great matchup. However, it’s 2007…the Husker suck and the game is on Versus. There ya go.
1) Oklahoma (8-1) vs. Baylor – This game is on TV because???.......
2) Texas Tech (7-3) at Texas – The Raiders haven’t quite been themselves offensively the past few weeks. Luckily, Texas is playing like crap at home. Should be a great game.
3) Texas (8-2) vs. Texas Tech – How the hell can you beat 8-2…you crush Iowa State by 900 points on the road, and then barely beat Nebraska and lose to K-State…handily? I don’t get it. Oh wait, yes I do…bad coaching.
4)Oklahoma State (5-4) vs. Kansas – Under the lights, the Pokes become my new favorite team this weekend. If I was Mike Gundy, I’d run Bowman on a fly pattern on every single play. Stillwater is a snake pit in games like this.
5) Texas A&M (6-4) at Missouri – Javorski Lane, Javorski Lane, Javorski Lane. If the Aggies don’t run the ball 40 times behind their 260lb tailback, Coach Fran should be fired. Oh wait….
6) Baylor (?? - ??) at Oklahoma - “Bring out your dead!”……(thump)….”Bring out your dead!”….(thump)