Just One Time
So wait..now Jim Rose is quitting?Holy crap, I should open my own psychic service. Not because it wasn’t easy to see coming, but as soon as I write about something..poof…a glaring example just falls out of the sky. Seriously, with all this pansy-ass quitting and pouting going on, I’m respecting Bill Callahan more and more every day. The only way I could respect him more is if he finally just snaps on you people during a press conference. Wouldn't that be great? I mean, even you people have to admit, he's held back pretty well over the past few weeks.
Here’s how I would love for it to go down at the next press conference:
Random reporter – “Coach, under the circumstances, there are obviously many questions regarding your future. Do you have any comment on your current job status.”
Imaginary Callahan – “ I’m still the coach of this team. I'm just here to help these kids, I'll let the powers that be handle that.”
Random reporter – “Coach Callahan, how do you answer your critics who say your lack of preparation and blind loyalty to Kevin Cosgrove have ruined this program”.
Imaginary Callahan – “What do you care as long as you get free quesadillas in the press box? Shouldn’t you be on a diet anyway you fatass? And that goes for all of you. Who the f*ck do you people think you are? I mean, you’re out here in the middle of nowhere. How many people actually listen to your radio show, or read your newspaper or watch your TV broadcasts? Get the f*ck over yourselves.”
(Heavy Murmuring)
Imaginary Callahan – “You know…I try to be nice to you guys. I answer EVERY question, no matter how butt ass stupid it is. I laugh at Shatel’s jokes, I chuckle with Steve Sipple like I actually like him. What more do you hicks want from me? You want me to snap? You want me to start flipping tables over?” (Flips table over)
(More Murmuring)
Imaginary Callahan – “Here’s a quote for all of you…get out your notebooks. I’m not quitting. Stick your overrated program up your ass and keep your wads of cash away from me. Ruining your piece of shit program is certainly worth it. I mean Jeez…you guys make Raider fans look like dealing with Princeton alumni. Oh yeah, and I’m gonna start burning redshirts like they were sitting next to a flamethrower. I’m going to throw games….hell, I already told …oh what’s his name last week? The big fat guy…I told him all our plays. How do you like that?”
(Angry murmuring)
Imaginary Callahan – “Is that what you guys want? Then fine. Oh…you like that queso dip and nacho chips over there along the wall? Was that good? Well I pissed in it before you all got here and rubbed the spoons with my ass. How do you like that? F*ck you guys. See ya at practice.”That’s what I want to see. Hopefully it will happen sometime sooon.
*** You know what I love about all of this? Well, watching you get crushed and give up 76 points in a regulation game is rather amusing. But you know what’s even more funny? Watching you get all pissed off about it, throwing tantrums and wanting to blame pretty much everybody but yourselves for the situation you’re in. It’s like watching Mr. Rogers get pissed over cold soup at a restaurant and then throwing a tantrum while screaming “Gosh darnit” over and over again. It would be funny if it wasn't so darn cute.
Case in point. One of the whine-fests on the radio yesterday afternoon was talking about how national talking heads were out of their minds because Nebraska may have difficulty getting a “big name” coach. I laughed to myself listening to these guys say things like, “If you pay anybody enough and you’re a big time program…they’ll coach for you.”
Oh really? How many times do I have to tell you that your biggest enemy is yourselves and your completely warped perceptions you have created? I realize it’s difficult to fathom that you are..in fact..barely better than Baylor…but you are not entitled to anything. This sort of thing can hit ANY team. Notre Dame has 10x the tradition you do and they’re 1-8. Miami can equal you in tradition and I don’t know about the top 25 in your paper..but I can’t see them anywhere. Alabama, Florida State, Penn State all are “big name” programs who really haven’t done a whole hell of a lot lately.
Don’t get me wrong..you may someday be like a Florida State and sneak by an incredibly overrated team like Boston College. You may be like Penn State and sit in the 20-30 ranking range for a couple of weeks at a time. But your brain doesn’t work like that. Your heart won’t let it.
College football will not shut down because you suck. Teams like Missouri, South Florida, West Virginia and the like will certainly move in and take the spot you had back when the Macarena was cool and MTV still played videos. I simply do not understand how you could go through such a quick and violent collapse…and yet still be completely oblivious to the very reasons you are there in the first place.
Regardless of why you are here…you my friends…are here. You may as well unpack your bags and get comfortable…you’re going to be here for quite some time.
Say hi to Baylor for us.
posted by A J at 1:07 PM
40 Comments:
Laughing my ass off at that one...A big name coach? Hope that works out like the last time. What was Callahan? The 4th or 5th choice? Yeah, those big name coaches were beating down the door to coach at a school that was 9-3. What do you think they'll say when they are offered the reins to a team that QUIT the year before? You guys are the biggest fools in the college football world. Fans of all teams are LAUGHING at you...behind your back and in your face. On message boards and national TV. And you think a new coach will turn it around in no time. You'll still have that loveable, cuddly defense that opens its legs more often than the woman who works the sidewalk down at the corner Mobil station. You're a joke and we're all laughing. And we continue to laugh as you make outlandish claims of "being back" and the same players "running through walls for the new coaches" next year. And no one, not a single fan base, deserves it more than you. Quitters. Man, that is brutal. F-ing quitters...your team and your fanbase. AJ's right...Callahan is the ONLY guy who hasn't quit this year.
Love the article today. I couldn't agree more. Warren f'ing Buffet himself will have to fund the next coaches contract. Say 7 years guaranteed up front. Who in their right mind would coach the skers without it.... Maybe my high school coach but even then they would have to give him a hummer (read that as you like).
Never before have I laughed out loud at this or any other blog... until today. When I envisioned Coach Callahan flipping out and pissing in cheeze dip after whiping his ass with the spoons, I almost lost it. Well played sir, well played.
To be honest, I too am surprised about how well he has held up. I mean after having Charles Woodson want to fight him, the "Dumbest football team in America" comment, the throat slash, the fuckin hilbillies, and calling TO a crusty old fuck (allegedly), I have been anxiously waiting a blow-up of epic proportions. This is coming from a Husker fan. I want drama dammit. Enough pissing and moaning and everyone quitting, I want some drama.
Oh, off the topic AJ. Seeing as how you are the only KC Royals fan that I know of, I heard and option for Barry Bonds is Kansas City. Is that true?
AJ, you rule. Thanks for the blog.
Yes my football brothers, enjoy this while you can! Continue to kick me when I am down, continue to release your pent up anger at every opportunity you get! But remember, it won't last long! You see while you are throwing sand in our faces we are doing something about the mess we have in Lincoln. We will right the ship and it won’t take as long as you pathetic jealous bastards hope it does. So it is written so shall it be done!
AJ, as always you can kiss my Big Red Ass! And why are you listening to my favorite radio program anyway! You follow the wussie cats don’t you, why on earth would you ever listen to a Husker show! Of my goodness, deep down you really want to be one of us don’t you! You live with us, you work with us and you have seen how superior we are to the rest of you and deep down you want to be one of us! Well get that idea out of your peanut size brain buddy because we don't want you! You see being a Husker fan requires something you and your KU buddies will never have, class!
Speaking of KU, it must sicken those puke bandwagon fans to know that even when laying out the worst beating ever in our history we still get the upper hand on you! Why is that you asked???? We exposed that piece of shit defense of yours for what it is, over rated you stupid inbred bastards! You now get to go through the rest of the year knowing that my Might Huskers in losing provided OSU, ISU and Missouri with a blue print for victory! Your done folks, enjoy your brief moment in the flashlight!
Guys it is so hard to be a Husker fan this year, I have learned what it feels like to suck. The worst part of it all is that I now know what it is like to be one of you. It is tough to support a terrible team and I have to give all of you credit for sticking behind your worthless programs all these years. I am comforted in knowing that my Mighty Husker program won’t be down long! I am comforted in knowing that the jealousy that drives you through your no purpose pathetic life will get worse very soon. Go Big Red!
Anonymous idiot and AJ...I have watched (or listened to) every minute of every Husker game this year. I am certain many other fans have done the same - no matter what, no matter how ugly it is, I cheer my team.
This season has been painful beyond my ability to rationally express, but I am no less a fan now than when I started this year filled with optimism.
As for the fans and pundits laughing at NU - we deserve it. The 2007 team is an embarassment to NU - not because of wins/losses, but because of effort or lack thereof (even a terrible coach could not design a gameplan that would allow KU 76 points if all the players were giving 100%).
Of course fans will be optimistic for next year - aren't most fans before a new season (except for Royals, Clippers and Baylor fans maybe)?
Things could go either way; Alabama coaching carousel or OU with Bob Stoops. It will be interesting to see if NU can attract a great coach or not. Fans can certainly have irrational expectations and maybe that will scare away some coaches - but who wants a coach that is afraid of a challenge?
JH
GBR!
P.S. I'd tell you to kiss my ass and a bunch of other foul things...but frankly, I don't have the strength to do that and watch NU play KSU this week, so...
Mr. IhateAj...I am everywhere. You can not escape me. I am a media empire.
Oh..and I haven't heard that about the Royals. They better pick up a power hitter quick though.
AJ:
JH's comments pretty much mirrors my sentiments: I am no less a fan today than at the start of the season; and I'll be optimistic for the seasons to come. With respect to the hirings and firings of coaches, I can't worry over what I cannot control.
In closing, as far as the kissing of rear ends and other foul comments, that's just not my cup of tea. Other than that, I enjoy reading your blog.
Go Big Red!
Best,
Joseph
Columbia,MO
Didn't know if you'd seen this picture AJ...
http://bullyforoldmizzou.blogspot.com/2007/11/anyone-need-coloradonebraska-ticket.html
it almost sickens me that my cats are going to lay a huge turd in lincoln saturday.
Thanks Joseph...appreciate the comments.
By the way..how in the hell did an NU fan end up in CoMO?
PS - Mike, there's no way in hell you lose to the Huskers this weekend. Just don't win next weekend. ;)
Mr. I hate AJ:
Right the ship.
Restore the order.
We are doing something about the mess in Lincoln.
You are a national laughingstock. I don't know what coach in his right mind would take this job.
Keep on drinking the koolaid. You're going to need it to get through the next 5-10 years.
AJ said...
Mr. IhateAj...I am everywhere. You can not escape me. I am a media empire.
And you call us myopic? Careful, I think your melon is swellin. Pride goeth before the fall. We'll be back, but for now........
GO Beakers! May they stomp your ass! You may get a good line in now and then, but since the Missouri game, this blog has become redundant and irrelevant till next year. Now you're just some guy trying to keep his little kingdom together. You and your minions will regret your short-lived fiesta soon enough.
GBR-GFY-EAMOMCRS! (I think you can figure it out)
Wait....your team just gave up 76 points...they're 4-6....my team is 8-1 and sitting 6th in the BCS....
(read that again)
And yet....
Redundant and irrelivant? Of course it's irrelivant...you're FOUR AND FUCKING SIX. MY TEAM IS 8-1...that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I told you 900 times I should just shut down this blog and declare victory. Thanks for paying attention.
As for the inflated melon comment...here's the difference..and pay attention...
There is no such sign over my door that says, "Through this door passes the greatest blogger on erath".
Thanks,
AJ
Hell all you Husker fans that are to nice to tell AJ and his merry men KU to kiss your ass here is one for you! AJ and the merry men, kiss our Husker ass's!
I did like the article today. I have been waiting for Cally to go postal for weeks. I know if it were me on the other side of that podium I would be telling those sports writers to go to hell. I might even talk like I am a red neck from Missouri and spit every time I open my mouth a few times to get the front row a little wet.
AJ: you need to add an emergency entry to your quitters poll. You need to add Jim Rose to the list.
Personal reasons? Perhaps. Methinks there is more to the story. There always is.
AJ... Can you add Jim Rose to your poll of "biggest Husker quitter"? The guy is mister super homer for how ever many years and then when things get tough he needs "more time with his family" after about six tough weeks.
Hey, if the guy is really going through a personal crisis then I will apologize but this just strikes me as pathetic.
I hope to god you're right, aj. I just have no idea as to which k-state squad will show face this weekend.
It COULD be the one that physically outmatched Auburn on the road for 57 minutes...
...or it COULD be the team that shit in its own apple pie in the last 3 minutes of the same contest.
Oh well, Texas Bowl here we come!!!!
and btw, our win streak over Mizzou in Manhattan should have ended in 2005. We are playing with the house's money. I see a curb-stomping on the horizon.
game...set...match...AJ
Billy Bear
I hear ya Matt...the whole thing just reeks of quitter.
ihateaj said...
"I might even talk like I am a red neck from Missouri and spit every time I open my mouth a few times to get the front row a little wet."
Why not try to master your own language first?
Merlin
To all of you chicken shit posters who post under then name of anonymous, go screw your pet goat again.
Why do you stupid inbred people think it will be so hard for us to get a coach! We are 4 years beyond the actions of a former dumb ass AD you dumb bastards! We now have the messiah of football in charge, a man who knows more about football than all of the readers of this blog combined. The great DR TO will hire a coach who will promptly put all of you hayseed bastards in your right places!
To Merlin, huh?
Section96, Jim Rose is a quiter that I am happy to see gone. Now when Cally turns around on press day he will stop tripping other members of the press with that ass kissing Jim Rose's feet which were always hanging out Cally's ass. How in the fuck do you lose who you are as the play by play man, give me a fucking break!
AJ, you really need to keep your daddy home from the KU games. It must pain you to have your daddy as such a big KU fan. Man you really need to teach him to dance and he could use a haircut. And what is it with those crazy colored shorts.
The end is near Husker fans, keep the faith!
"i hate aj," what you wrote (quoted below) is what aj's and all those Husker Haters' motivation is all about: envy and jealousy from Husker domination over the last three decades of the 20th century - plain and simple. "How dare those simpletons from Nebraska have a team that kicks our arse almost every year!"
Many of us "hated" the Sooners under Switzer for their more than fair share of wins against NU under both Devaney and Osborne. Presently, I really "hate" the Longhorns for their record against NU since the inception of the Big XII. And since the coaches and players are only doing what they're expected to do, win and even better, win big, you turn your focus to the smug fans of those teams and "hate" them. In the end, what goes around comes around. For NU, unfortunately, it's come around. Remember, at risk of getting too serious about a damn game (honestly, I'm a big hypocrite in this regard), and this is not orginal, it's not what happens to you in life, it's how you deal with what happens to you.
What "i hate aj" wrote: "Guys it is so hard to be a Husker fan this year, I have learned what it feels like to suck. The worst part of it all is that I now know what it is like to be one of you. It is tough to support a terrible team and I have to give all of you credit for sticking behind your worthless programs all these years. I am comforted in knowing that my Mighty Husker program won’t be down long! I am comforted in knowing that the jealousy that drives you through your no purpose pathetic life will get worse very soon. Go Big Red!
I pulled this from: http://cfn.scout.com/2/698587.html
"For years, Nebraska fans have been lauded for the way they politely clap for the vanquished opposing team after home games. The shoe was on the other foot this week as Kansas fans clapped for the Nebraska as it walked off the field. Several Nebraska fans have commented on how condescending the nice gesture really feels to the other side."
Now this one takes the cake! KU sucks but they did try and show some compassion for us after the ass fucking they gave us last week! These are the kind of Husker fans that make me sick! You cry baby son of a bitches are the reason we are in this mess! This pisses me off to no end! Man Up you pussies, we suck this year and we should be happy the KU fans clapped instead of cutting our tires like they normally do!
Some good comments on your stay puff twinkie eating whale of a coach KU fans. Get that guy on Jenny Craig before he drops dead, as pathetic as you are he has let you all stand in the bright beam of a small pen flashlight for a bit this year, hate to see you lose him to the big one.
AJ, nothing in there about your wussie cats bud? Are you guysb getting no respect? Damn it must suck to be the best team in the Big 12 and to be playing second fiddle to KU! Damn I love this!
Nebraska fans calling other people rednecks and inbreds!? What universe is this?
AJ, keep preaching the truth, of all the thinks NU fans hate to hear, the truth is the hardest for them.
Ah yes, "ihateaj" tells anonymous posters to GFY, but gets hit squarely in the face with the irony that it is no less anonymous to post under the chickenshit name of "ihateaj". Ihateaj = Biggest crybaby pussy poster in the history of the internet. Post your name and address tough guy before calling folks out.
Ihateaj is my bitch,
Signed,
As Anonymous a handle as "ihateaj"
Hey I hate AJ are you secretly AJ pretending to be a Husker Fan to fan the flames of this comment section?
I ask because your responses are the exact response AJ wants from the NU fans.
Oh you back woods inbred people are so funny! The truth for us real Husker fans is that WE SUCK! No let me say that again, WE REALLY SUCK! I am a member of the greatest fan base on the planet and I am proud of that, even though my team SUCKS!
Call me a spoiled bastard and I will say thank you! I am a spoiled bastard who has been on this planet for 47 years of which 96% of the time my Might Huskers have had a winning season, 5 National championships and who knows how many league titles. Wouldn't you be pissed if you had to live through a season like we are this year! It is a hard time to be a fan but none the less I will be here cheering on my soon to be Mighty again Huskers till they throw dirt on my cold dead ass!
I like many of my fellow Might Husker fans hurt right now. But you chicken fucking inbred bastards would not know what I am feeling because during this same time frame your Missouri and KU teams have been nothing more than mediocre at best and downright poor the majority of the time. If I am wrong rebut my comments with facts showing how many football titles either of your schools have? How many winning seasons? Go ahead share those stats if you dare! The sad thing is the wussie cat fans reading this blog are far superior to you KU scum bags!
You people just don't know what it is like to be a fan of a world class football team, you will never know what it is like to be a member of the best damn fan base in America! It is an elite club that we don't want to share with any of you!
Call me angry, call me a hater, call me a bastard or an arrogant prick, just remember at the end of the day I will still be a Husker fan and you will still be part of a second class fan base!
PS, to those so called Husker fans shocked at my comments, kiss my ass! I could care less about you and your opinions any more. You’re the trash that got us into this mess and you don’t deserve to be a part of the greatest fan base on the planet!
AJ:
Grew up in Chicago (a southside Cubs fan)
Undergrad in St. Louis (Wash U)
Med school (Nebraska)
Wife (Nebraska)- Creighton alum
Medical training (Mizzou)
Kids(Mizzou)- all 4 wore Husker gear for the nursery pics at University hospital!
We thought that we stay for three years and return to Nebraska after training, but we were happy with our church, schools, etc and overall have enjoyed our stay - now going on eleven years - here in Columbia. A little bit liberal for my taste, but it's a college town.
So as you can see, by being a Cubs fan and a Wash U Bear, I am well conditioned to weathering a disasterous season by my Huskers!
Go Big Red!
Best,
Joseph
Columbia,MO
"Why do you stupid inbred people think it will be so hard for us to get a coach! We are 4 years beyond the actions of a former dumb ass AD you dumb bastards! We now have the messiah of football in charge, a man who knows more about football than all of the readers of this blog combined. The great DR TO will hire a coach who will promptly put all of you hayseed bastards in your right places!"
Like Frank Solich? You guys really don't get it. You probably even think the NU job is a better option than the aTm job. Silly Nubbies!
Why would I wait til NOW to make up some semi-anonymous name, and bash myself to make NU fans look bad?
And furthermore, don't you think I'd be a bit more creative/profane if I were to do such a thing?
I get about .000000000000000001 cents a month from the Google AdSense at the top of the page. Someday, when I'm 60...I'm going to cash that in and get me a damn good Milky Way bar.
Trust me...it isn't me.
Hate to fan the flames, but check out this link to SI comparing Bill Callahan to Tommy Callahan of Tommy Boy fame.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/sioncampus/11/07/quick.slants/index.html
Still a 'sker fan at heart, but tired of the current coaching staff...
I can take a lot of shit, hell look at my Mighty Huskers this year. But I can't take being accused of being AJ! Thats over the top and totally uncalled for, I would rather be called a KU fan!
To the guy who is asking for my name, go fuck yourself moron. What the hell would you do if I gave you my name anyway, call me up and make bad nasty threats! Give me a fucking break!!!!!!!!!!! So take your violent thoughts and go play with your peddy because anything else will only get you jail time and a nice fat law suit! So lets just keep our relationship online, Love you man!
PS, I will use a new ID from now on.
Damn, an MD in the house! ... i.e., Joseph from Columbia, MO ... bringing some class and gravitas to this blog.
As for me...
- Dad's a "born-in" Husker native - Hooper
- He brain-washed three of his four children to be irrational about Husker football. The fourth child, and only girl, knew better. She's an MD too, perhaps that explains it.
- Family settled in Illinois, a north suburb of Chicago. We're Cubs, Bears, and Bulls fans, and we enjoyed the Sox win the WS a couple of years ago. But it should have been the Cubs!
- I'm an Illini grad - '84, but their football team's exploits is typically feast or famine with much more of the latter.
- Married to a Longhorn, which is VERY painful being an HBF - Husker Bandwagon Fan.
As for aj, deep down, way, way, down, I believe he's probably a decent person but is having way too much fun at NU's expense. Lord know we'd NEVER do that to the fans of our foes!
I didn't think it was you but sometimes it shocks me how oblivious certain (I Hate AJ comes to mind) NU fans can be. Sometimes I just can't help but think it isn't real. There are some good ones that can take their licks but they are the exception.
Ahh ya.. anyone from about 30 degrees N to 43 degrees N lattitude and 88 degrees W to 103 degrees W longitude is a fucking hypocrit for calling anyone else in that same area any of following
hillbilly
redneck
inbred
bohunk
backward ass
hayseed
bumpkin
Sooo.. unless you were born and/or raised outside that area, you look kinda stupid calling anyone else from your neighborhood any of the above or any combinations of them...
I'm pretty sure if you follow this simple rule, we would see a sharp decline in their use around here (not that I'm expecting it to.. in fact, I predict no less than 4 follow-ups calling me each of the above).
Douchebag, however, is always appropriate no matter where you come from or who you are talking about.
Randy
Randy-
I'll agree that you're all seven :)
For some reason, you're usually always spot on. Except for being a Husker fan, I'd buy you a beer.
HAVE I STRUCK A NERVE! To damn bad is all I have to say!
To the KU fans I offend, boo fucking hoo!
To the Missouri fans I offend, good!
To the Husker fans I offend, go fuck yourself!
Mighty Husker out!
big head,
Damn. that sucks. I could use a beer to cool off my backward ass, inbred, hillbilly, bohunk, hayseed, bumpin, redneck....
I guess I'll just have to ask Ma to do it when she gets back from warshin' clothes down at the crick...
Randy
PS. I'd buy you a beer, but bigredfred said he'd kick my ass sideways into next week so I'm still trying to figure out how to hook up with it since he didn't tell me exactly which day and since I'm not use to seeing my own ass, am I even going to recognize it, much less from the side? If anyone has had experience in reuniting with your ass after it's been kicked sideways into next week, let me know, "I shore 'nuf would 'preciate it"
Why couldn't he just say he was going to kick the shit out of me?
C'mon Randy, you leave yourself too wide open, ie: how could you NOT recognize your ass unless you have an aversion to mirrors?!?! How do you shave etc, if you don't use mirrors? But, I have too much class to say that, and I am quite satisfied to just imply it... :)
And honestly , kick the sh!t out of you?? For??
Maybe it's from the lack of oxygen during birth, or maybe it was all the glue I sniffed back in grade school, but, I find a perverted sense of humor in reading your fragmented and incoherent comments....
Keep up the good work.. I enjoy the read, but then again I ask myself, what do I know, as I sit here and read AJ's blog?!?!
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