November 16, 2007

Out of your Missouri

How am I supposed to be able to think straight, now that not one…not two…but THREE Big 12 teams are in the top 5 of the BCS…and it’s nearly Thanksgiving? (and my team is one of them) Are you kidding me? Do you know hard it is to keep from just going over and over and over and over again how absolutely WRONG you all were just 10 weeks or so ago? Do you realize how idiotic you sounded back in August? Do any of you think about this stuff?

“Sam Keller is the most gifted QB in the Big 12.”
That was so darn cute.
But alas, we’re less than 6 days from Thanksgiving, and as I've been saying for quite a while...pretty much the perfect storm of hate is brewing. Perennial doormat Kansas….about to go head to head with ultimate underachiever in Missouri. Two fan bases that would just assume kill themselves than root for each other. And now they’re all supposed to come together..in one stadium…for a game that is essentially a National Championship quarterfinal game? Can you imagine the scene in that place when one team has their dreams crushed? (Especially after downing 3 bottles of jack and a couple of cases of Coors Light in the parking lot before the game).

I’m still finding it very difficult to wrap my arms around the ridiculousness of this whole situation. I mean, how do you go from being a fan of a crappy team for oh....your entire life...and then expect to be able to handle your team actually being good...like top 5 good? I mean hell, even if the Tigers took a nose dive right now, they still would have their most wins since the late 60's.

So with such a huge story developing in the conference, you would think the world’s greatest college football fans would be all over it right? You know them don’t you? The same fan base that likes to look down on people who cheer for other teams because they, “Just don’t understand what it’s like to root for a winner.” Aren’t you people supposed to have your finger on the pulse of the college football world? Aren’t you like the gatekeepers of all things college football? Aren’t you the chosen ones?

Well, apparently the chosen ones don’t give a shit anymore, because I’ve heard more sports radio talk about wacky trivia contests and fantasy football breakdowns this week than any other November in my 20 years of living here. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve already proven you clowns as frauds time and time and time again. But you’d think you’d at least have a bit of pride and self worth to at least pay attention to everything else that’s going on.

And speaking of being completely clueless…at what point did Bo Pelini die and become the patron saint of all things football? Didn’t that guy give up 900 yards to Brad Smith not too long ago? Did I see just a few weeks ago that the HIGH POWERED offenses of Auburn and Alabama scored a combined 58 points on the vaunted Bayou Bengals? If he's so great, how come nobody else wants him? Ever thought of that?

Don’t get me wrong, he’s better than the guy you are paying right now…who wouldn’t be? But you dipshits are walking right down the same path that just led you to nuclear holocaust. You’re like my neighbor’s lab who had an invisible fence put into his back yard. He’d walk along…ZAP. Look at it..walk along….ZAP. Stop. Stare. ZAP. Stare again. ZAP. 10 minutes later…ZAP. (right before you crap on the floor and lick yourself for 10 minutes)

Now do that for about 4 weeks, and you’ll get Husker Nation. You’d think you’d learn at some point don't you? I mean...how hard is it for you to look back and go, "You know..maybe we did get sucked in just a little bit in that whole NFL coach/recruiting/bringing-in-players-we-know-nothing-about-and-anointing-them-God thing? Isn't there at least ONE of you out there who sees this? Is it just me? Do I just have oblivious dullards cross my path every day?

* So now that Oregon is done, and everybody seems to have all the scenarios down...what do I think is going to happen between now and the BCS title game in New Orleans? Well, as you read this, some of my points may already be moot. But let me give you a taste of a few things I KNOW will happen.

- Michigan and Ohio State will be anointed the “greatest rivalry in sports” 500,000 times this weekend by the same parent network that calls Duke vs. North Carolina “the greatest rivalry in sports” 500,000 times…just months before the other “greatest rivalry in sports” takes place at Fenway park between the Yankees and Red Sox.

- Kansas will lose, and will lose bad. It may not be to Missouri. It may not even be to Oklahoma. But somebody is going to line up and pulverize that team. (Assuming they play somebody between now and 1/7/08 who has a better than 6-5 record.)

- Tim Tebow will win the Heisman. It doesn’t matter if Chase Daniel, Darren McFadden or Colt Brennan have better numbers. In the end, the voters will go with the guy from the biggest school that is closest to a beach of some sort. It’s tried and true…going back nearly to the days of the Romans.

- Nebraska will hire and unproven and unqualified coach…and he will be praised and showered with adulation the likes of which the world has not seen since the days of King Tut.

- Lou Holtz will be placed in a group home. Seriously….who the hell decides to put that guy on TV? He makes Trev Alberts look like George Plimpton.

- Sportscenter will say the names “Barry Bonds” and “Alex Rodriguez” 852,873,578,355 times before next Tuesday. Seriously….I’m considering writing my senators and asking them if we should revolt from the union. How much more of this coastal ESPN propaganda bullshit are we expected to take? Yes..they’re big stories. Shut the hell up already…we know. Barry took steroids and is going to jail. ARod makes a lot of money. Water is wet. Grass is green. Mangino is fat. We know.

- A large number of Nebraska fans who actually still care will continue to write in hateful comments to this blog and misspell words like “scrotum”.
AJ

PS – Special shout out to my Grand Island Independent readers. You have kept my faith that good ol’ fashion Husker myopia is alive and well. Thank you!

13 Comments:

Anonymous MizzouAstro said...

AJ-

Agree 100%. The Michigan-OSU rivalry is so overrated its sickening. It didn't get hyped so much until both teams got back in the top 10 about 6 years ago. It will be nothing compared to the hate fest that will be 11/24. I'll be there and I'm honestly scared of what will happen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Florida will lose one more game before the Heisman vote, because I don't see Tebow winning with 4 losses, though all the ESPN analysts would be too busy performing fellatio on Tebow's member to realize he was playing for a slightly above average team.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Big Head said...

Holy shit, I about lost it on the George Plimpton drop. Plimpton should have been an expert on Reconstruction...he lived through it!

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Mighty Huskers Fan said...

Ah AJ does it never end! 20 years in Nebraska a place where you don’t like the people and hate the state, do me a favor bud and get to the hospital fast to see if you are actually alive. It sounds to me like you have already died and are in hell bud! Or were you born in Mizzou and raised in Nebraska? Were you beaten up every day after school for being a mouthy little brat, is that where all this hate came from bud?
The conference is shaping up pretty darn nice. Sure my Mighty Huskers are not in the mix but it is nice to see 2 teams from the north along with our friends at OU from the south all poised to represent our conference proud!
I am really hoping all this hatred you MU and KU folks talk about does not end up in something no one really wants to be part of. Remember guys, your teams are at the tail end of monumental seasons. Don’t let that be spoiled by a booze driven brawl in the stands that ends up on ESPN being played a kazillion times. And I have to tell you, each of your teams have fans that are the type to cause major issues that would be embarrassing not only to you but to the rest of us in the conference.
AJ, an old MU coach who played at Nebraska got me respecting your program years ago. You have pretty much killed every ounce of respect I had for MU but I am still going to give MU the nod over KU when they meet. I think MU has a stronger offense than KU and a D that is just good enough to allow your boys to have the lead when the game ends.
Unfortunately I don’t think MU is strong enough to beat OU in the championship game. This is good since I respect OU and their fan base. I have never been treated like shit when in Norman like I have in Columbia and Lawrence because of the team I follow.
It is good to know that this hatred you people have is not indicative of your states as a whole. I have good friends in both states that are class acts. With all that said, you all can kiss my Big Red Ass!

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Stuck in Iowa said...

As a NU fan, I haven't given up. I'm waiting for change. I actually have become more interested in Husker football since the talk of firing this staff. I lost interest in everything Nebraska but the score, when they fired Solich and got arrogant with contributions/season tickets, logo rights and all the other country club attitudes. I think the impending duel between the red-leggers and slavers next week out rivals anything going this season. C'mon Mizzou, don't blow it!

9:02 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Last time I was in Grand Island...there was only an A&W and a couple of taco stands.

I assume it's grown...

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Mighty Huskers Fan said...

What is this thing you have going with Grand Island? I have been there twice in my life and was not real impressed and it never stuck in my head. Did you have a bad experience there?

9:42 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I have a fan club there.

They love me.

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am really hoping all this hatred you MU and KU folks talk about does not end up in something no one really wants to be part of. Remember guys, your teams are at the tail end of monumental seasons. Don’t let that be spoiled by a booze driven brawl in the stands that ends up on ESPN being played a kazillion times.

Similar to the Cosgrove death threats? Best fans in the country no doubt!

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

Ok already, it's time for you to wipe your face, scratch your balls and enjoy the week. Your tiger kittens will get their A$$ kicked next week by the Pizza Guy and his team.

Frank

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Section96 said...

Well, AJ - Mizzou did their part today. KU is doing their part at the half, leading 28-7. Looks like things are a "go" for Armegeddon Week in KC.

If the hatred between the two schools is as you say, and I don't doubt that it is, this should be good.

I sense a blowout win. Not saying for who.

4:41 PM  
Blogger HBF said...

Same old shit (e.g., you hate NU fans, you can't process Missouri's success, NU fans control NU football, KU's just lucky, and your whine about NU fans not paying sufficient attention to other teams in the Big XII North and the rest of CFB), AJ, just a different title; but I keep coming back like your neighbor's dumb lab. Yes, I realize I am dumb, or insane. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Your creative meter is pegged out, AJ. You've become boring.

Why KU will beat your pussys: it's a team; Misery just has some stars. KU is a team of destiny; MU is a team of pending disaster. Now, this is just my hunch - I expect the line to be even for the game. However, the slavers will be slain and you and your kind will not be able to deal with the pain.

Believe me, losing a pivotal game with a season riding on it is so much more excruciatingly disappointing than having a medicore or losing season (case in point: 1984 Orange Bowl; numerous OU wins over undefeated and/or higher ranked NU; 1994 Orange Bowl).

As for that Anonymous poster whose attempt at cleverness suffers from an inappropriate comparison, or if that confuses you, think of the idiom 'comparing apples to oranges': "Similar to the Cosgrove death threats? Best fans in the country no doubt!"

I don't believe that was a conference call from Husker Nation to the Cosgrove residence, but rather one super-sized idiot of a Big Red fan. An aside, I hope they track the bastard down and give him house arrest at AJ's place. Kidding about the second half of that sentence - even AJ doesn't deserve that. In the case mentioned by the MHF, he's referring to mob behavior that, ahem, been's witnessed before from the warm and lovely and, dare I write it, classy, fans of KU and Misery. Think The Antlers on crack, and beer.

9:41 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

My creative "meter" is out because your team fucking sucks.

As soon as you fire Clownahan and start proclaiming yourself the comeback story of the decade for 2008...we'll be right back where we were.

I told you I should have shut this down. Nobody bashes Baylor fans...why should you get special treatment?

11:34 PM  
Blogger HBF said...

Yawn.

9:56 AM  

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