The Sounds of War Grow Louder

As stated more than once in this space, the game this weekend has entered uncharted territory. After years of swirling amid the refuse and debris of college football also-rans, the Missouri football Tigers take to the field on Saturday as favorites over Nebraska for the first time in 38 seasons. Under a dark mid-Missouri sky, the destiny of two separate fan bases will collide.

OK, it doesn’t set up like a Herman Wouk novel, but the chips are down on the proverbial table, as two teams in opposite directions meet in a black pit of noise and hatred in front of the whole world.

As I’ve stated many times before, I take great pride in separating my ability to spearhead the Husker hating movement, while at the same time be an objective fan of my own team. Regardless, I’m constantly reminded by overall wearing folks around here that somehow you’re more of a man if your favorite college football team won a split national title years before you were born.

Despite all of that, I will answer directly to those of you who have asked. For you see, it is quite easy to sit back and fire off insults under the banner of my favorite team. However, in this particular case, I can perfectly tell you why Missouri should win..and it has nothing to do with where I’m from.

Why do I think Mizzou wins? I’ll give you 3 reasons.

1) Yes, both defenses suck. We’ve seen both teams on TV (well, you haven’t, considering the one time Missouri WAS on TV, your scrimmage with Reno Junior High was on at the same time) and it’s plain to see there are gaps on the defensive side of the ball. But regardless of that, there are two main reasons why Missouri’s defense in particular is better. First, turnovers. Despite giving up chunks of yards late in games, the Tigers are 2nd in the Big 12 in turnover margin. (Nebraska is 77th in that category). Secondly all three of Missouri’s bad defensive performances occurred when the game was seemingly in hand. Sure, it’s easy to look at stat sheets and judge, but if you’re 22 years old, and you see you’re up 28-6…aren’t you going to let up a bit? BIG Advantage Tigers. (Did I mention Missouri is ten slots better than Nebraska in terms of points allowed?)

2) Nobody has seen JC Keller in a hostile environment. JC has won TWO road games in his career. (1….2). He beat Wake Forest last month in a very unmemorable performance…and his lone ASU win came at the hands of big bad unranked Oregon State…the same Oregon State that gave up 38 points to Chase Daniel last year. I think it’s pretty obvious that this will be a more hostile crowd than anything Corvallis can come up with, and WAY worse than the picnic at Lake Winston-Salem on a sunny Saturday afternoon. You saw the difference between JC against USC’s first string, and JC when the pressure was off.

3) Speaking of pressure, the GRF™ has been taking fire all season for pathetic performances against Ball State, USC and Iowa State. Do you HONESTLY think that if Missouri wins, Husker fan will sit back and go, “Ya know…Mizzou is a tough team. I wasn’t counting on that as a win.” My ass you weren’t. ALL of you have this marked as a win, and the GRF™ knows it. You blow this game…you are faced with not just theory…but FACT that you’ve not only “gravitated” toward mediocrity, but you’ve done a cannonball into it, naked while holding a can of Busch Light.

Would I be shocked if Nebraska won? Of course not. Need I remind you that a guy once kicked a ball OVER HIS FRICKIN HEAD WITH ZERO TIME LEFT?!?! If you can live through that…if you can stand strong and hold patient 10 more years…you can deal with anything.

God may blast Mizzou fans in the package yet again and my week next week may be long and painful…but in terms of setting the table, your complete destruction has never been more finely packaged. If and when the inevitable does come, do not look for mercy. I think I know Missouri fans well enough to know, there will be no relaxing until the final gun. I look forward to doing everything humanly possible to make sure your stay in the Columbia area is as unpleasant and painful as possible. I look forward to the challenge if anything.

Let the bodies hit the floor.


North:
1) Missouri (4-0): vs. Nebraska
ESPN cameras, 13 hours of tailgating and buildup, Bo Ruud on the other side of the line at linebacker chasing Martin Rucker off the snap. Enough said.

2) Kansas State (3-1) vs. Kansas
I’m extremely impressed with the way Ron Prince has held that team together through transition. However, I still think the Cats are a year away. I may be wrong, but it’s going to take a much bigger win that pansy-ass Kansas to sway me otherwise just yet.

3) Colorado (3-2) at Baylor
I told you. I told you but you never ever listen. Just as with K-State, I don’t expect CU miracles every week. (if OU fields that punt, they come away with a moral victory instead of a real one.) I’m telling you though, if the Buffs can get past K-State in a couple of weeks…look out. They have NU and MU at home.

4) Kansas (4-0) at Kansas State
Can people even confirm KU has played a game yet? For all we know, the games could have been staged and opponents bought off. Now that the Squaks are on TV, we’ll all see just how horrible that early schedule was. (Well, you’ll see it…I’ll be face down in a parking lot somewhere)

5) Nebraska (3-1) at Missouri
Shall we start the “is this a “must win” for Callahan” just yet? After Mizzou, the hicks host two of the top 8 rushing teams in America. And no…they aren’t from the MAC.

6) Iowa State (1-3) at Texas Tech
Gotta admire the Clones for their performance last week. It’s not easy to run up 415 yards against the blackshirts. Oh wait, yes it is. Nevermind.


South
1) Oklahoma (3-1) vs. Texas @ Dallas
I think it’s safe to assume that OU fell victim to putting the car on cruise control last week. For a year, they heard how bad CU was, despite me telling you otherwise. I don’t see that happening again for a while. Texas is going to be bitchslapped in ways few have ever seen.

2) Texas Tech (3-1) vs. Iowa State
I’m sorry K-State fans, Texas is a bigger fraud than Nebraska. (At least I already knew they sucked.)..and thus, I've got Tech at number 2. The Red Raiders lost a wild heartbreaker in a tough environment down in Stillwater. Ask Husker fan if that's easy to do. Pity the poor Clones, who are about to play the part of Andy Dufrane in the laundry room.

3) Texas (3-1) vs. Oklahoma @ Dallas
I’m tempted to drop UT even further. If you look at each game, you really have to wonder why they are ranked so high after struggling with Arkansas State and Central Florida. Not to take anything away from KSU, but this is not anything more than a mediocre team with sharp looking helmets.

4) Oklahoma State (3-2) @ Texas A&M
This is a HUGE game when you think about it. Okie State has been extremely inconsistent, and A&M is reeling after their coach act like a complete moron before their very eyes. If ever there was a time to catch a decent team like the Aggies on the road…this is it.

5) Texas A&M (4-1) vs. Oklahoma State
Your coach did WHAT?!?! Seriously, what on earth is wrong with people. I would have charged those nerds at LEAST 5 grand for that newsletter.

6) Baylor (3-2) vs. Colorado
This is the SECOND weekend in a row I’ve pimped the Bears. They have one of the nation’s better passing offenses, but can’t seem to put up points when it counts. Would anybody be THAT shocked if they stun CU on Saturday? I wouldn’t. (probably won’t happen…but wouldn’t shock me)