Happy Dig-us Day 2008!!

As most of my long time readers know, today is a very special day. For decades now, generations of Husker minions have made their way to Lincoln for no apparent reason late in April. For generations, fathers have used this occasion as an excuse to drag their sons along and act like giddy schoolgirls as they fawn after 18-22 year old men. Smiles are everywhere. Hope abounds. Children laugh. Old friends shake hands. The pads popping and the whistles whaling can only mean one thing: Husker football is back, if only for one day.

Friends, I realize that I’m pretty much 100% dead spot-on when it comes to Husker football. I also realize that I know many of you better than you know your selves. It's sad, but that's how it is. So when people ask me, “Hey blog guy, the Huskers SOLD OUT their spring game. How do you like them apples?”, I’m once again compelled to sigh, roll my eyes until they hurt and give you the simple honest truth:

If you’re paying $95 bucks to watch a 5-7 team who lost their QB, their best WR and had one of the worst defenses in Big 12 history…then you’re not very smart. Regardless, if you want to waste your time and effort, trudging your fat ass down to a controlled practice (let alone pay to get in) just so you can stand in line for 3 hours just to get Andy Sand’s autograph…then you’ve got some serious issues.

“But crazy blog guy, you don’t understand the Husker family and tradition. It’s events like that that galvanize the Husker spirit and will get us back on track.”

Ok, the annual Spring “Dig-us” festival not withstanding, here’s where I start to have a big problem with you people. Now, we’ve talked about this a lot at the end of last year, and I kind of figured it would raise it’s ugly head again. And…just as I always predict correctly…it has. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Grab your insulin syringes and get ready for the syrupy goodness of this dozy.) Yes, this isn’t just about football anymore, it’s about reconciliation…about hope…and now (gag) family.

Now that the great Husker Civil War of 2003 is finally over, it’s time for you all to unite in myopia and delusional judgment, and make yourself the goofy-ass annoying galvanized fan base that sparked this website in the first place. Now, I understand now that the GRF™ is gone, you all want to let bygones be bygones. You want to exchange tongues while going out of your way to get a glimpse of the guy who helped Tom Osborne park his car at the 1993 Orange Bowl. I get all of that. But what I don’t get is….did you hire Turner Gill and I didn’t realize it?

For you see, this great celebration of Husker “family” is riding on the shoulders of a guy from Ohio, with a grand total of 1 season of Husker experience in his closet. Funny enough, this was just one year after firing an Athletic Director who actually was FROM Nebraska, who bled red and helped you get through your glory years. Yet now, you now have turned your attentions the other way, and have devel0ped a blazing mancush on an outsider. A rookie. A farce.

Am I the only one who sees the irony here?

You have fired not one but TWO former Huskers over the past 5 years. You choose an unproven hothead who has already proven the tantrum abilities of a five year old over a lifelong Husker former quarterback, who not only played in Lincoln, but coached in Lincoln. (And yes, for more than one season.) Is anybody else confused by all this? Does anybody else see the irony at play here?

But make no mistake, Terry Bowden, Jerry Glanville or George O’Leary could have been hired last season, and this little event would still be described as some celebration of the Husker spirit. With Dr. Tom and his self-indulgent aura surrounding the program once again, the entire Husker empire has been taken to new and pathetic highs. Gone are the splinter groups of Pro-Solich vs. Pro-Callahan. Gone are the squabbles and the bickering of the past. The olive branches have been extended, and the Husker “family” has begun to heal.

And what the hell does this whole “family" thing mean anyway? We talked about this a bit last year as well, but apparently some of you haven’t listened. I’m still waiting for somebody to explain to me how some pictures on the wall of your office can make you tackle better. I’m still waiting for somebody to explain to me how Tommie Frazier and his giant boiler gut standing on the sidelines is supposed to help Joe Ganz figure out how to get a first down against Oklahoma. I’m still trying to figure out how the hell wearing a red golf shirt on the sidelines for one whopping game 5 years ago makes you some sort of prodigal son?

None of this is surprising and none of this is unexpected. I told you this the second Dr. Tom was “hired” that this would come to pass. I told you that you would get stuck in some time warp, desperately trying to find your moxy that has been shriveled up for so long that it looks like Joan Rivers’ uterus. I told you that your distorted self-portrait would result in a complete and total loss of common sense…just as I predicted last year. Just as I will predict this year.

And one other thing...Tom Shatel in this morning’s paper talked about how the “Nebraska way” was giving all out effort. The Nebraska way was giving your all and using good old fashioned hard work to get to the top. (Funny, I thought it was a shady strength program and thugs from the coast, but that’s neither here nor there.) Deep down in your soul, (if you push aside all the childhood feelings and glaring mancrush toward Ricky Thenarse first), do you HONESTLY think that in this day and age you can get back to the top simply by trotting out some walk-on from Fremont and having him “try his best”? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you truly believe that effort alone can propel you to victory?

Have you all forgotten that you tried that once? It was called the Mickey Joseph and Jerry Gdowski years, and it pissed a good many of you off. For hard work and all that crap was fine and dandy when it was Nebraska, OU and the rest of the crappy Big 8. But without athletes, skilled players and speed you were nothing but one big bowl disappointment after another. It wasn’t until Dr. Tom sold his soul to the devil, bringing in questionable characters and citizens, did you “get to the top.” Hell, even in the 70’s you wouldn’t have won those titles if Johnny Rogers wasn’t the athlete that he was. Funny how many of you forget things like that.

So in conclusion, I hope you enjoy your family reunion. I hope you can bury the hatchet, and share one big red-clad hug at midfield, as the Callahan years and the anger it sparked is swept under the rug. But while you’re throwing up more banners, nailing more old pictures to the wall and singing songs of reconciliation around the campfire…teams like Missouri, West Virginia, Boston College, Cincinnati and Oregon are recruiting speed, evolving their schemes and moving forward.

And besides, think of how many faded “Unfinished Business” t-shirts that could have bought on EBay?

AJ

PS - Look for some big changes coming to the blog in the near future.