Restore the Order - A lesson in acting like you've been there before.

For the past few days, I've gotten COUNTLESS e-mails from "fans", friends and internet junkies asking me to comment on Nebraska's 30-3 win over Colorado last Friday. Some examples:

"Where's your big mouth now? You've got nothing to say."

"Callahan showed you and the other haters that we are back in a big way"

"The Missouri and Kansas games were a complete fluke. Even your shitty team couldn't beat CU"

"I'll bet you don't post another story about Husker football for at least 4 years."

As heartwarming of a story as this is...let me remind you people a few things, as you chug down bottles of Champaign, and punch your tickets to San Diego, San Antonio or whatever bowl is stupid enough to host you so that your team can get smoked by 40. FOR YEARS, I have put up with arrogant Husker fans and the bullshit that spews from their mouths. From 1993 to 1996, NU lost a grand total of 1 game prior to Arizona State doing a dance on Herbie Husker's face in a 19-0 ass kicking in Tempe. During that time, I learned a very important lesson: As much as you hate a team or a group of fans (and let it be known...I hate Nebraska fans 100 times more than I could ever hate an individual college kid), you can always find their faults and exploit them...even when they're 48-2. Whether it's a pussy schedule, a giant list of felons on their roster, or just the fact that Penn State would have beaten them by 3 TD's...there is ALWAYS room to bash even the most successful of teams.

That's why I find this year's edition of Husker fan so amusing. Did you HONESTLY think that a win over an unprepared Colorado team would make me suddenly go, "Damn..ya'all got me. Props to you". Did you think that because the game was on TV that it somehow makes it more of a victory than the Kansas game was a loss? Do you HONESTLY think that over the 10 days between the CU and KSU games, that the Husker coaches have suddenly "gotten through" to the players? Did you really think I was going to praise you? Did you think because you made T-SHIRTS that read "restore the order" that somehow you are "back?".

Making t-shirts and passing them out in a game that doesn't involve a championship of some sort, when you are no better than 7th in your conference isn't exactly a smart thing to do. What the fuck is this? 8th grade JV ball? Was there signs all over the cafateria that read, "We got spirit yes we do"? RESTORE THE ORDER? A week and a half after you lost to Kansas by 25? Are you fucking kidding me? Can the Nebraska coaching staff be this stupid? YOU PLAYED IN THE FUCKING NATIONAL TITLE GAME 4 years ago...don't you think you might want to act like you've been there before, instead of jumping around like you just beat the Colts?

Oh you pathetic soybean insecticide buying hicks...you have so much to learn about me.

Let me give you a little hint as to why Colorado laid down and played Paris Hilton in Boulder on Friday:

1) They aren't that good. Didn't they just get smoked by ISU the same week before?
2) They were preparing for Texas. You don't think that CU coaches didn't chalk up NU as an automatic win after watching mighty Kansas dissect and destroy the Hicksters just a few days before did you? Nah, that would make too much sense.
3) Flukes happen. Was the 1998 Texas A&M team better than KSU? Was Boston College better than Miami in 1984? Was Texas better than the Mighty Huskers in the Big 12 title game in 1996? (Ouch..that's gotta make you think)
4) Do you really think CU was giving maximum effort when the players are standing around on Field goal attempts with their arms crossed?

Excuses be damned...props to the Huskers for not pissing down their leg and getting rolled by a team with more talent. And yes you fucking freaks..I said MORE TALENT because unlike you...CU didn't get ass-blasted by Mizzou and Kansas.

The next order of business is to wait out a bowl game..where Husker fans once again will shove their hands under their belts, and talk about how great their fan support is....Trust be told..I'm rooting for the Huskers to get into the best bowl game possible. WHO CARES if they finished third in the conference. WHO CARES if they barely beat Maine. WHO CARES if they needed a missed FG to beat both powerhouses Kansas State and Pitt (at home). WHO CARES if they gave up 40 points to a kansas team that was averaging less than 18. WHO CARES if they gave up 480 yards to one player in Mizzou..a team that has been so inconsistent, Omaha Bryan could give them a game on a good day. I want the Huskers to line up against the best competition possible, so that it will be proven to the world that not only are the Huskers a fraud and a product of one fluke 60 minute stretch..but also that I was right.

Enjoy your moment back in the spotlight Husker fan. 7-4 with this coaching staff is a fucking miracle, and you indeed pulled it off. Who cares if you finished 7th or 8th in the big 12 by way of standings...YOU ARE NEBRASKA. You don't need an invite from anyone, because any bowl is lucky to have you.

T-minus 3 weeks and counting til reality hits.

Enjoy the ball Cinderella.