Hate on Parade - A Quick Thought on a Slow Monday
Duke vs. North Carolina is a nice rivalry. Michigan vs. Ohio State is OK. The Red Sox and Yankees are a nice baseball rivalry. (If you're within 100 miles of the east coast and watch ESPN for more than 5 seconds during the spring and summer) However, if you truly want to get a taste of what it's like to hate....and I mean truly from the depths of your soul...HATE another fan base to the point where you hope their children are cursed with hooves...watch ESPN around 8pm Central tonight.
At that time, Missouri and Kansas will take part in the nearly 160 year old tradition of hating each other on the basketball court. Now, I know what you're thinking,
"How can we get Marlon Lucky more involved with the offense next year?"
So since you're not thinking about anything I just said...let me enlighten you a bit. Rivalry is not about bad blood. Rivalry is not about who wins or loses. Rivalry is about hate. Now I don't even pretend to think that Husker fan knows the first thing about rivalry (no...Oklahoma is not your rival, nor is Colorado or Kansas State)...but I think you need to see it so that you may put some pieces together and see just where I'm coming from.
Hating the Huskers is personal to me. I hate all the little ways you people get on my nerves. From Jim Rose to Dave Webber, to calling your defensive coordinator "Coz" (like you've known him for years), to telling me how great a player is before he's even played a down. I hate you for so many reasons...it's impossible to list them all here. However, I don't expect others in my shoes to feel the same hate as I do. It's personal. It's me against all of you. It's my feelings vs. your everyday lives.
Hating Kansas is a whole different ball game, on a whole different level. Since birth, I have been taught by my fellow brethren that Kansas and their fans are nothing but the proverbial genital wart on the penis of society. A group of self-absorbed snobs, who's favorite pastimes include drinking Zima, listening to Dave Mathews CD's, and obsessing about being a national power, despite losing in the first round of the NCAA tournament every year since Jesus was a child.
From their fat, cheating coach to their arrogant, self-righteous never-done-anything-but-one-fluke-title-in-50-years fans....my hate for all things KU is matched only by the Husker nation. If Hating Nebraska is personal...hating KU is bound by blood and history.
Only Kansas would paint the world's ugliest and unimaginative mascot 500 times it's normal size on their vastly overrated gym floor. Only Kansas would break nearly every rule in the book in recent years, only to have the university reply, "compliance doesn't sell tickets." Only Kansas would resort to wearing red socks to a football game against Missouri....which doesn't sound like a whole hell of a lot, but trust me...is the non-verbal equivalent of calling every woman in the state a two-bit whore.
Yes the hate is strong and it is pure. Tonight, as Missouri gets destroyed by 40 or so points, you will see KU fan taking every advantage of the situation, and showing the world just how classy he is. (Wanna play a drinking game? Tonight, do a shot every time a camera shows a "Muck Fizzou" shirt in the crowd, and let me know if the ambulance gets there before halftime.) You see, KU fan...much like Husker fan...loves to tell you just how classy he is. And is the case with Husker fan...if you have to go out of your way to say this...then it probably isn't true.
In closing: Fuck you KU fan. Fuck you sideways with a 5-iron that has been sitting in a fireplace for 4 hours. I hope the brie cheese at your frat party is tainted with e-coli. I hope that sweater around your neck gets wrapped around your wind-pipe. I hope your roommate "Chaz" gets a spastic twitch tonight and stabs you through the back of the throat with his crank.
Rot in hell you arrogant fucks.
Hate will keep is bound...til we meet again.
PS - You still suck too Husker fan.