July 2, 2007

Why You Can't Quit Me?

The days get hotter, as the explosions around my house get louder and stronger. Case in point, the idiot kids who live behind me decided to relive one of my favorite memories from youth (and the dumbest): The Bottle Rocket fight. I'm sure somewhere there is a group of youth who are dumber than those of us who launched flaming (and exploding) projectiles at each other from close range to the delight of our buddies. Maybe in the Middle East they do the same thing with rocket propelled grenades? Who knows? The point is, I never realized how absolutely stupid the whole fireworks thing has become.

Back to things that really matter though. I'm still holding out for August before we really get into the bulk of looking forward to the season and all. Yes, I realize Husker fan across cyberspace and within reality are on a breakneck course with unprecedented myopia and arrogance. Yes, I believe this will be the greatest year ever to watch a sad and pathetic fan base fall flat on their collective face. And yes, I also realize that hating all things Husker is a full time job. However, I still think it's a bit early to get REALLY worked up. (And no, that top 50 list wasn't "really worked up". That was just a little something off the top of my head.)

Anyway, let's use this time to answer some of the various questions I get outside this blog, that I'm sure you were dying to know. Now is as good as time as any to touch on a couple of them:

Q - "It must be killing you that Nebraska is getting all this pre-season publicity isn't it?"
A - Ummmm, no. Why you ask? Because as a Missouri fan, I'm smart enough to know my team does not handle expectations very well. Whether it was Larry Smith's final year, Quin Snyder's 2002 team or the 2005 Mizzou football program...any Missouri fan can tell you that expectations are deadly. However, the reason most of you idiots bask in the glowing previews of Tom Lemming and others is the fact that you DEMAND the world take notice of how great you are. Never before in the history of sport have so many people asked for so many to look at so little. You live in the middle of fucking nowhere. You haven't won shit in forever. (Does your little homemade North "trophy" count?) You're Penn State with less attractive uniforms. You're a couple of faded t-shirts away from being North Dakota...and no, you'll never understand why.

Q - "When Mo comes back, you're going to look like an idiot"
A - First of all, stop calling him by his first name. Second of all, I'm not the one who is going to spend 24/7 defending your renegade program when everybody attacks you for letting a thug loose to play on your football team.

Q - "I only come to this blog to make fun of you"
A - No you don't. It's the same reason people watch Lil Bush on comedy central. You can't help yourself, no matter what you think of the content. You know Husker fans are beyond arrogant, probably because you've been a complete jackass to somebody on a random message board in the past 20 minutes. Admit it....you crave the attention. Even if it's somebody who hates your guts, you have it embedded in your soul to somehow get me to like your team. It's chemical and there's nothing you can do about it. Why can't you quit me? Even if there is no hope, your own soul will not permit you to just let it go.

Q - "I can't wait for the Huskers to kick Missouri's ass so you'll go away"
A - Again, if you think this is about one game...think again. The entire Husker hating movement revolves around the culture of hokiness and arrogance that has engulfed the state of Nebraska and associated fans like a black plague that has been passed from rat to rat in the 1300's. Besides, even if Nebraska DID win this October (they won't), do you REALLY think I'd just drop all of this? The more successful Nebraska gets, the easier it is for me to show the world what complete pricks you really are. I'm not sure why this is so difficult to understand.

Q - (this is my favorite that I always get) "Why do you waste so much time writing about how much you hate the Huskers? Why do you even care?
A - Blogger and a lifelong love of writing makes it easier than ever to explain to you how much you suck in as short of a time frame as possible. You think I sit here all damn day and try and come up with this shit? I could write a novel on you people over a weekend. This stuff comes off the top of my head. God forbid I ever have time to actually work on this blog, or you'd see a War and Peace sized document of which hate and rage literally oozed off the page. This does not come tough for me. It's like breathing. It's what I do. The funny thing is..if you were me and had to put up with the complete IDIOTS that fill this town, you might suddenly find yourself writing about how much you hate them too.

I'd write more..but it took me 3 days to write all that, and I'm just too tired.

12 Comments:

Anonymous bigredfred said...

Hi AJ,

Is this the only public writing or commentary that you do? Do you write for any other sites?

Also , you mention you are a Missouri tiger fan. Do you have a Supporting site for the Missouri Tigers?

Just curious..

2:30 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thanks Fred.

Actually, no. This whole thing came about as a rebuttal to some friends of mine who kept e-mailing me back and fourth about Missouri vs. Nebraska in the late 90's. They got to e-mailing me so much, that I decided enough was enough.

I was messing around on blogger one day, and this idea came to me. The web design was donated from a buddy of mine, and the URL was donated by a fellow Missouri fan as well.

When I was in college, I dreamed of being a sportswriter, but it didn't work out that way. (See 2/14/07 post in the archives). WHat you get is what you see here.

It's fun and kinda serious..but kinda not.

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THANK YOU!!! Somebody else in Omaha who shares my hatred for Nebraska. Fortunately now I get to spend 9-10 months/year in Columbia, but growing up here was really painful. It's gonna be great in October when my parents can raise the Mizzou flag in front of their house after we kick the huskers' ass.

6:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey BigRedFred - You don't get out much, do ya?
JP

AJ - I'm at LAX getting ready to board a plane for Bugaha. No Husker bashing over the holiday. It'd be unpatriotic.
Go Big Red..

p.s. BigRedFred and HuskerMike need to get together and go bowling..

6:52 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I nearly spit diet coke all over my monitor when reading JP's last line.

You're a crazy SOB most of the time, but damnit you're consistant. Props to you and safe travels.

11:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ, You always reference this fake and made up north trophy...well your full of it. Provide us a link you liar and prove it!

GBR!!!!!

12:21 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

"reference?"

Ummm...you presented yourself a trophy after the CU game that said, "Big 12 North Champions".

No such trophy exists. (Ask any athletic department official from any other school. Better yet, call the Big 12) You made it yourself. You gave it to yourself. Nothing more lame has ever been attempted in the history of sport.

It's sad. It's pathetic. And it pretty much sums up everything about you.

(For a picture..go to the archives during last year. If you look closely, you can still see the glue drying)

9:10 AM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

You think we'd catch on to Steve and Bill eventually. Does anyone ever remember Dr. Tom or Frank collecting the fictitious NORTH trophy the way Bill and Steve orchestrated???? As fans , just how mindless are we? Time to wake up to reality for some fans around here, or are they just to brainwashed and beyond hope? Can't you just feel the venom when they have to face reality? That's when the tone turns sour and we are called 'liars' and worse for not following lock step with Steve Pederson's fantasy!!

11:36 AM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

anonymous jp, nice touch , attempt to insult when others don't agree. That is something new! Don't really follow Husker Mike so I don't get a feel for how you intended your insult. You are a class act man!

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

like I thought AJ, your full of it about the made up trophy. PROVE IT, wait you can't. Oh but you did say to ask a big 12 official, yeah I'll just call one up here...

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT THE MADE UP TROPHY!!!

Premature trophy inspires Buffaloes
Gazette, The (Colorado Springs), Nov 27, 1999 by Tim Mimick
BOULDER - Colorado coach Gary Barnett found a motivational tool delivered by mail this week: The Big 12's North Division championship trophy - with Nebraska's name already inscribed on it - was sent to the Dal Ward Center, where the Colorado football team has its offices, locker rooms and meeting rooms.

Nebraska was to get the trophy if it beat Colorado. If the Buffs won, Kansas State would win the North Division.

During a team meeting Thursday night, Barnett asked the seniors to come to the front of the room and open this box. Inside was the trophy.

"Coach (Barnett) told us that's what they thought of us," said CU offensive lineman Brad Bedell. "I thought that was pretty tasteless. Why couldn't they send it to their school? We used it for motivation."

1:28 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

It doesn't exist. Even if it did, it's about as lame as winning the "hottest girl at lumberjack" award.

Seriously...look at yourself. You're blowing a gasket over THAT?

That's funny

2:05 PM  

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