Why You Can't Quit Me?

The days get hotter, as the explosions around my house get louder and stronger. Case in point, the idiot kids who live behind me decided to relive one of my favorite memories from youth (and the dumbest): The Bottle Rocket fight. I'm sure somewhere there is a group of youth who are dumber than those of us who launched flaming (and exploding) projectiles at each other from close range to the delight of our buddies. Maybe in the Middle East they do the same thing with rocket propelled grenades? Who knows? The point is, I never realized how absolutely stupid the whole fireworks thing has become.

Back to things that really matter though. I'm still holding out for August before we really get into the bulk of looking forward to the season and all. Yes, I realize Husker fan across cyberspace and within reality are on a breakneck course with unprecedented myopia and arrogance. Yes, I believe this will be the greatest year ever to watch a sad and pathetic fan base fall flat on their collective face. And yes, I also realize that hating all things Husker is a full time job. However, I still think it's a bit early to get REALLY worked up. (And no, that top 50 list wasn't "really worked up". That was just a little something off the top of my head.)

Anyway, let's use this time to answer some of the various questions I get outside this blog, that I'm sure you were dying to know. Now is as good as time as any to touch on a couple of them:

Q - "It must be killing you that Nebraska is getting all this pre-season publicity isn't it?"
A - Ummmm, no. Why you ask? Because as a Missouri fan, I'm smart enough to know my team does not handle expectations very well. Whether it was Larry Smith's final year, Quin Snyder's 2002 team or the 2005 Mizzou football program...any Missouri fan can tell you that expectations are deadly. However, the reason most of you idiots bask in the glowing previews of Tom Lemming and others is the fact that you DEMAND the world take notice of how great you are. Never before in the history of sport have so many people asked for so many to look at so little. You live in the middle of fucking nowhere. You haven't won shit in forever. (Does your little homemade North "trophy" count?) You're Penn State with less attractive uniforms. You're a couple of faded t-shirts away from being North Dakota...and no, you'll never understand why.

Q - "When Mo comes back, you're going to look like an idiot"
A - First of all, stop calling him by his first name. Second of all, I'm not the one who is going to spend 24/7 defending your renegade program when everybody attacks you for letting a thug loose to play on your football team.

Q - "I only come to this blog to make fun of you"
A - No you don't. It's the same reason people watch Lil Bush on comedy central. You can't help yourself, no matter what you think of the content. You know Husker fans are beyond arrogant, probably because you've been a complete jackass to somebody on a random message board in the past 20 minutes. Admit it....you crave the attention. Even if it's somebody who hates your guts, you have it embedded in your soul to somehow get me to like your team. It's chemical and there's nothing you can do about it. Why can't you quit me? Even if there is no hope, your own soul will not permit you to just let it go.

Q - "I can't wait for the Huskers to kick Missouri's ass so you'll go away"
A - Again, if you think this is about one game...think again. The entire Husker hating movement revolves around the culture of hokiness and arrogance that has engulfed the state of Nebraska and associated fans like a black plague that has been passed from rat to rat in the 1300's. Besides, even if Nebraska DID win this October (they won't), do you REALLY think I'd just drop all of this? The more successful Nebraska gets, the easier it is for me to show the world what complete pricks you really are. I'm not sure why this is so difficult to understand.

Q - (this is my favorite that I always get) "Why do you waste so much time writing about how much you hate the Huskers? Why do you even care?
A - Blogger and a lifelong love of writing makes it easier than ever to explain to you how much you suck in as short of a time frame as possible. You think I sit here all damn day and try and come up with this shit? I could write a novel on you people over a weekend. This stuff comes off the top of my head. God forbid I ever have time to actually work on this blog, or you'd see a War and Peace sized document of which hate and rage literally oozed off the page. This does not come tough for me. It's like breathing. It's what I do. The funny thing is..if you were me and had to put up with the complete IDIOTS that fill this town, you might suddenly find yourself writing about how much you hate them too.

I'd write more..but it took me 3 days to write all that, and I'm just too tired.