August 4, 2005

The Duke Boys....I've got some questions



OK.

I'll admit it. When I was a kid, I MAY have watched an episode or two of the Dukes of Hazzard. You got me. But like anybody else who got busted watching this piece of shit, I ONLY did it for Daisy Duke.

Yeah right. The fact is, I have no reasonable explanation as to why I watched this show when I was a kid. Maybe it was the really cool car? or maybe it was in fact the Daisy Dukes. Or maybe I really liked shows about two unemployed rednecks who liked to shoot flaming arrows tipped with dynomite, and jump over small-town Georgia Creeks? Whatever the reason was...I thought with the hype of the movie...and the rebirth of all things Duke....I would watch an episode on SpikeTV or some other channel that shows it in reruns 500 times a night.

WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!?!

First of all, who has a friend named "Cooter"? Shouldn't that tell you something about your current social structure? Maybe you should get out of town, join the circus or the military or something. But alas...there are necks out there who do have friends named Cooter. Fine.

Secondly, can somebody Explain Boss Hogg to me? Was he a pimp? Was he a bootlegger? Was he the chief of police? It's been nearly 25 years since I saw my first episode of the show, and I STILL to this day can't figure out just what in the hell he does, and why he's so mean to the Duke boys. Which leads me to Roscoe. This is in fact the only correct stereotype I could find in the show. A little too serious...a not quite hick enough..but just dumb enough to pass for a normal southerner. But don't get me started on Enos.

And does ANY of these people have jobs? I realize that southern life in teh 80's meant wild unemployment, but aside from Daisy busing tables at the Boar's nest...NONE of these dumbasses, (except for the aformentioned Cooter) had a job to make any money. Unless of course you call wearing tight jeans, having fluffy hair, and screaming at the top of your lungs while driving your Dodge Charger with a racist symbol on the top was paying well those days.

Bottom line...what a butt-ass horrible show. I'm ashamed and embarassed that I even wasted part of my life watching that...and will not be seeing the movie in the theater or in video. Ok...once I see another commercial of Jessica shaking her ass in those boots, I just might...but for right now...I will not see it.

Sheeeeeeeeeeee-oot.

AJ

2 Comments:

Blogger Rick said...

OK, but a couple of things.

Every time I see Jessica's "Boots" video, I think the tint setting on my TV is off, because her skin tone looks honest-to-God green, but like a dead green like old canned spinach. She's got a decent body...for an amphibian. Plus the song is utterly unlistenable. So you go ahead and mute the thing, and there's the hot reptile shaking it, but this gives me the same queasy feeling that I got when I started thinking that Walt Disney's "Lady" from "Lady and the Tramp" and Maid Marian from "Robin Hood" were kind of hot. I just felt creepy.

As for the show itself, the coolest part was Tom Wopat sliding across the hood of the Racismmobile in the opening credits. And Catherine Bach, who, despite having a less-toned, more 70sesque body than JS, was in fact a member of our species, so that gives her the win right there.

6:37 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

Movie blows ass. Don't waste your time. Wait for the DVD and watch Jessica in Spank-tra-vision.

7:33 AM  

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