The Great Bowl Robbery of 2005

Sometime last week, Athletic Director Steve Peterson got a phone call and a fax, inviting the Nebraska Cornhuskers to the Alamo Bowl.

Not since teh 17th century, when Blackbeard the Pirate made off with billions in English bullion has a crime of higher value been placed. Although no one was present, it is reported that Mr. Peterson signed the contract, and sent it back while dancing to Rex-n-effects "Rumpshaker" in a highly suggestive manner.

Blackbeard would have been proud.

The Alamo bowl is not the Rose Bowl. It's not the Orange Bowl, and isn't even in the same ballpark as the Outback bowl. But it's an attractive game in an attractive city. So with that..how did a team that lost to Kansas and Missouri by a combined 47 points get into such a game? By beating Colorado handily? In case Alamo Bowl officials missed it, Colorado was beaten by Texas last weekend 235-3. (Every single TV set in the nation was turned off by halftime, so the final score has yet to be confirmed.) Was it by beating Iowa State in overtime? Was it beating Mighty Baylor on the road? Or was it needing not one but TWO missed field goals to beat mighty Pitt at home? Or how bout that gutsy last-second win that sent Jim Rose into a sexual ecstasy over K-State that saw the Hicksters not only give up one but TWO safeties in their own end zone?

No, none of these things helped the Huskers get into this game. No, the only thing that helped drive the Big 12 North's 4th best team was the very people that drive the bus...the 45,000 hicks who will drive their motor homes south to fill a cavernous stadium against a far superior team. Yes, the "Name" Nebraska is the real perpetrator here. Not Steve Peterson, who no doubt is still shaking his ass on his desk after escaping the jaws of death that were certain to clamp down on him after the Kansas game.

But for those of us who wish to expose the Hick nation for the frauds that they are..hope is not lost. Michigan has lost four games as well this season, but in much different fashion. Let's look at a comparison.

Michigan losses -
10-17 to #5 Notre Dame (9-2 BCS team)
20-23 at #21 Wisconsin (9-3, playing on January 2nd)
20-23 to Minnesota (7-4 bowl bound)
21-25 to Ohio State (9-2 BCS team)

Key wins-
33-17 to Northern Illinois (7-5 MAC division champs..lost title game by 1 point)
23-20 at Iowa (#25 ranked and Outback bowl)
33-17 at Northwestern (7-4 Sun bowl)
27-25 over Penn State (10-1, BCS team)


Now, I'm not a Michigan fan by ANY means...but let's look at the Little Red

Key losses -
31-34 to Texas Tech at home (8-3, Cotton Bowl...also a team that hasn't won more than 2 big 12 road game in aa season)
41-24 to Missouri (6-5, Indy Bowl...played in 4 bowl games in last 30 years)
31-24 to Oklahoma at home (7-4 and Holiday Bowl bound)
40-15 at Kansas (6-5 and one of the worst D1 teams in football in the last 10 years)

Key wins-
25-7 to Maine (A team that scored 2 points against James Madison and 0 to Hofstra)
31-3 to Wake Forest (only 4-7, but play in a great conf. Scored 1 offensive TD)
7-6 to Pitt (5-6 in the mighty Big East in a game that set football back 25 years)
27-20 in OT to Iowa State (7-4, tied for 3rd in big 12 north)
23-14 at Baylor (5-6, powerhouse of the Big 12 south)
27-25 vs KSU (KSU had a FG blocked to choke away a win with a sub 500 team...in Lincoln)
30-3 at CU (The Big 12 north champs just lost to Texas 70-3. Uhhhh...yeah)


So there you have it..the tale of the tape.

By my calculations.....
Michigan 175
Nebraska 3

See you next year in LA when the Hicks take on USC. That should be good.