January 30, 2006

WELCOME TO DETROIT - Super Bowl XL Edition of Morning Coffee

It's Super Bowl week, so let me get the nacho tray out, the Johnny Rogers Brand Lil' Smokies (c) fired up and get ready for....what's that? Who's playing? Oh...nevermind. Actually, that's not true.

The best part of the game will be the host city itself. Yes, the city of Detroit, the dingy, dark, mold-infested, pubic-hair laced toilet of America is hosting their first Super Bowl. (Pontiac doesn't count) It'll be great to see the ABC cameras take pictures of the Renaissance Center and the skyline, looking picturesque in the late winter night...all the while, 15 crack deals, 10 car-jackings, 4 murders and an abortion are going on in the parking lot of the arena. I'm not going to lie to you...I've been to almost every major city in the United States, and Detroit Michigan, is the second worst city on the planet. Oh sure, Haiti may have some crappy places, and I hear Johannesburg isn't a tourist paradise...but Detroit has what most of them don't....poverty and legal guns.

As much as Detroit sucking will be a focal point, I think the best story of this game is not Pittsburgh and their legions of loser fans...or Jerome Bettis going home to play a single game..like that has NEVER happened before. No, the biggest story is the Seattle Seahawks playing in the big one for the first time, after being the red-headed stepbitch of the NFL for so many years. HOW many times does a team come in with all the hype..all the love...even the home field advantage and choke? Pretty much always. This one is going to be all Seattle, all day long...I don't care who Pittsburgh has beaten.

Seattle 41
Pittsburgh 14

Take it to the bank.

You can tell hockey season is coming down to the wire with the amount of crap slung between rival teams. You can talk trash all you want about pro and college football. College basketball fans can get nasty...but NOBODY can zing it like college hockey fans. Where else do you get people bringing up Don Quixote smack? You won't see that on the Oakland Raider Message board, I tell you that.

ZERO props to my boy Adam, who failed in his duty as a y-chromosome carrying male American, and provided absolutely NOTHING but a visual sausage party on his blog. Let me get this straight...The Girls Gone Wild Bus (yes that one,) pulls up....You watched nubile young girls strip naked in public (and private), watched them do things to each other that would make Jenna Jamison blush, all for a free t-shirt and the stigma of having that on DVD for all eternity...and ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS A PICTURE OF YOURSELF and a bunch of dudes?!?!!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??!?! You may as well post which grocery chain has the lowest price on Stay Free Ultra-Thins, because YOU SIR, for all of the crazy shit that you do and write about...have failed your older and wiser online readers. I hope Blogger.com revokes your ability to post, and your computer dies a quick and painful virus-induced death. TRUST ME, when you are 33 and married...have two kids with colds, as you clean up the snot out of their suction bulb...YOU'LL WISH YOU SHARED THESE MEMORIES WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Just for that...I am going to take down the link to your blog from mine if you don't come up with better coverage in the next 24 hours.

If not..you're dead to me.

European vacation in only 17 days. Viva la Olympics


Blogger Adam said...

oh shit...
time to start digging and pulling out favors...

4:41 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Oh yes....now you've done it. You've made..."the list".


8:09 PM  
Blogger JP Anderson said...

ever been to detroit, loser?

makes omaha look like the little cow town it is

i've been to detroit many times and the neighborhoods such as royal oak are outstanding for shopping and fine dining

you are an idiot!

3:27 PM  
Blogger AJ said...


That was extremely weak. Even from you. Please try again.

"shopping and fine dining?" What kind of pansy-assed, Good Housekeeping wannabe magazine did you pull that out of?

Check your vagina before you comment next time...Sheesh. Next time you'll probably comment on my wardrobe and my choise of candles.

7:53 PM  
Blogger The King of Fremont said...

I am not sure as to which "Detroit" JP is refering to. Being from Michigian, I know that Detroit is a shitty city. If fact, everyone in Michigan hates to go to Detroit. Michiganders only venture to the God-forsaken city if they have to. I mean, come on, outstanding shopping and fine dining? I am sure the few times you have "visited" Detroit you had a wonderful time. But, to be realistic, Detroit is a hole.

5:55 PM  

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