December 9, 2006

Saturday Morning Pepto

So what's the best thing that could make the holiday season even better? What's the one thing that could boost the zippidy-doo-dah-out-your-assholes fun to an even higher level around the house during this, the most festive time of year?

Why a raging stomach flu of course!

It started with one kid, then moved to another, and now it's got my toilet looking like the inside of Kevin Cosgrove's alignment charts. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is better than the smell of a fresh pine tree in the living room...decorated with lights and family ornaments handed down from generation to generation...than the smell of sickly vomit and diarrhea. It certainly is..the most wonderful time of the year. (In the time I wrote this, 1 kid already threw up again and I've had to run upstairs twice)

Needless to say, the party is never ending at my house, so I'll make this a bit shorter and a bit more bitter than usual.

* I mentioned last year about this time, that I really have no problem with the Nebraska volleyball team. If you're that good at a college matter what it is...then you deserve respect. (Unless you're a bunch of steroidal freaks, run by a raging hypocrite and only "won" national titles because you won some mythical beauty contest...but I digress.) However, the pre-Cotton Bowl jiz-fest that is about to hit the Qwest Cener in a few weeks for the NCAA Volleyball Championships is about to boil over in the coming days.

Again, I have no problems with 6'4" chicks who can spike a ball at 900mph. That's not the problem. The problem is the 19,000 douchbags who are going to show up in Husker red, acting like complete idiots, cheering for a sport that nobody cares about. Ya think the NCAA wants the Husker women to win their match tonight to advance to Omaha? Think they care about 19,000 people in the seats compared to only 1,500 if the Huskers don't make it? Yeah, don't get me started on the NCAA or their ability to "ensure the highest standards of competition", when the teams with the most money and the dumbest fans win. You want a true champion? Play the thing in Boise. You want a true neutral court in the NCAA basketball tourney? Play the games in Serbia.

Anyway, I would go into more detail, but the fact that Iowa fan does the same thing with wrestling somewhat proves my theory.
* Speaking of the Qwest Center and myopia, nice to see the Creighton bandwagon about to lose all four wheels. Xavier (Who CU plays tonight), has a pretty salty team. Couple that with the pathetic Creighton wine and cheese "home court advantage", and you have the makings of a complete Dana Altman sponsored disaster. Ever wondered why Creighton averages 13,000 a game or so now, when only 7 years ago, you could count the fans during timeouts?

It's simple really. The UNO fans call it brie. Others call them other variation of snobs. What they are are a bunch of doctors and lawyers, who get together at the Qwest center to politely applaud their (formerly) winning basketball team beat Arkansas Pine-Bluff, while they sip on Chardonnay and eat baked Salmon. It's the cost of sports these days...and it does to atmosphere what Chilliwack did for music in the 80's. Either way, just another annoyance in the overall landscape of Nebraska sports.

* Has the Husker baseball team started yet? Last I saw them, they were getting their ass kicked by San Francisco. (I assume it was the Giants). That was some of the most entertaining college baseball I've seen in a long time. Can't wait for them to start up again.

* The Royals paid 55 million bucks....for Gil fucking Meche? (Read that again). 55 Million dollars? For Gil fucking Meche? 55 million bucks? What? This is a joke right? Seriously...

* I'd keep going, but my bucket's full. More tomorrow.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You really are the "douchbag", hammering the Nebraska volleyball program and it's fans. I have some knowledge of volleyball and can tell you that Nebraska volleyball fans know the sport as well as any in the nation. The NU volleyball program is a 1st class program. You can not possibly see this, even if it spanked you in the back side. Go back to picking on the NU football program or the Missouri programs (that is what you are really good at anyway).

May you have a long weekend with your family barf bucket, and may your house smell like the sweet smell of lemon scented cleaner for the rest of the year.

GO NU VOLLEYBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:06 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

YOU DID NOT just run volleyball smack at me. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for making every point I was trying to make. And feel free to read the whole thing next time asshole. I have no problem with athletes. Not their fault, the rest of you are a bunch of fucking yokels who have absolutely NOTHING better to do than turn a non-event into something.

"Knowing the sport"? WHAT?!? Are you fucking kidding me? Who fucking cares if you "know the sport." NOBODY else "knows the sport." People in Canada "know the sport" of curling, doesn't make it any less of a waste of time.

Go fuck yourself, chicken shit.

PS - I feel much better today, thanks.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes you are a proven "douchbag". You rally around and enjoy throwing around smack at anything related to Nebraska.

This is what Nebraska is all about:

"What makes Nebraska special is that if you give someone an opportunity to dream of achieving great things and you support their goals with your head and your heart, great things will surely happen. We want a coach who will come to Nebraska with the dreams and aspirations that previous coaches have had for their sports. What they need from all of us who love Nebraska is passionate support for their high goals. They will have that support."

This is taken from a Blog supporting North Carolina State athletics. It is nice to see them want to be like Nebraska in many ways.

For such an educated person, you are full of "nowledge" about anything relating to Nebraska athletics. If I were you I would purchase season tickets to the football games, basketball games, and volleyball games. The Nebraska fans could sure use your wisdom. You would sure enhance their "nowledge" base, that's for sure.


Chicken Shit

PS - Someday you "if" get your life straight and take a job in Missouri or some other back woods state, I will respect you for what you have to say.

2:32 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

That's the funniest fuckin thing I've ever read. Seriously...


Let's exchange e-mail addresses. We'll take in a Husker women's soccer game, and bask in the glow that is the joy and thrill we get of watching educated Husker fans show their spirit.'re too good to be true. Please keep replying.

PS - I'll bet you're sporting a replica letter sweater right now aren't you?


6:40 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I'll bet you need to read this from last year. Keep up.

7:14 PM  
Anonymous tb said...

hey husker fans, not a soul outside of nebraska knows jack about your volleyball team. i even live in a big 12 state (texas) and i don't know a single person here who could tell me who's rated #1 in the country.

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why would you consider a volleyball championship a non-event? Just because you don't want to go? People would show up to the games even if Nebraska wasn't there. True, there wouldn't be as many, but people would still attend. Look at the College World Series as a reference. When Nebraska or Creighton don't make it do only 10,000 show up for a game? No. An average of 25,000+ will be there no matter what. And what is this BS about being bored to attend a game? You know as well as any other Omahan that there is plenty to do in this town. You want bored? Try Ames, IA, Manhattan, KS, Stillwater, OK Waco, TX or Columbia, MO on for size. I'm sure bustling metropolises like those have oodles of things to do besides Lincoln or Omaha.

12:02 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...

The Misery volleyball program has come along way in a matter of a few seasons. Basically since they hired the co-coaches, also known as husband & wife.

Missouri likes to recruit Nebraska for talent. Their program is just a step behind Nebraska, so they get a kid every now and then they get a kid. (My sister is a booster of the Missouri volleyball team.)

If the NU program wasn't first class, we never would have gotten John Cook to coach the program. He was the head at Wisconsin, a team that is a powerhouse in the Big 10. John Cook came to Nebraska to be an assistant for a year just to get this program, must mean something in the realm of volleyball.

Nebraska had a pretty good program that wasn't well supported until Devaney decided to help the program along. Used to be if you went to the football game on Saturday afternoon, you could take your ticket stub to go to get into the volleyball game on the same day. And now the place has been sold out for how long? (Without the aid of ConAgra, First National Bank, etc.)

If you want to make fun of a sport, turn to basektball. The game is so easy to play a high school kid can go directly to the pro's and make an impact. Old guys meet at gyms and play until they are 60. You can't be a starter unless you have at minimum six tattoos and the majority of your friends are malcontents in society. Seriously, how hard is it to get a basketball team together, heck even Nebraska has a team!!!

8:20 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

I must be the only one looking forward to my parking and media pass for this weekend's festivities.

I got chills just twice at two sporting events in my entire life, and one of them was at an NU volleyball game, 4,200 fans all cheering and clapping in was during the regional finals my senior year, and we ended up losing to Hawaii in five games.

9:48 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Waco is close to Dallas. Columbia is right inbetween two cities of over a million people.

I in Columbia for example, they have plenty of things "to do"'s called rooting for the Cardinals. You may have heard of them. Or perhaps the Chiefs or Rams?

This is an argument that the more you fight...the more you're going to look like an idiot to everybody else. Unless you're battling with somebody from South Dakota or Wyoming, Nebraska is never going to win a cosmopolitan contest. Get over it. This is why you are who you are.

I can't explain it any more clearly than that.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course Nebraska isn't going to win any cosmopolitan contest (although I do think we can beat every state bordering us besides MO and CO in that category), however, the "they're so bored that's why they go to all those events" argument is moronic. We can keep ourselves entertained without worrying about sports 24/7/365. There is plenty to do in this town to keep people busy.

Also, since when did Average Joe Huskerfan not be able to root for the Cardinals, Rams, or Chiefs. Since you have mentioned it before (and as we Husker fans already know) Nebraska doesn't have any Pro teams to call its own. There are several fans here of the Vikings, Broncos, Twins, Cubs, and many poor misguided souls that care about the Royals (my dad included). Since we don't have a Pro team we can't root for others from other states? Should we give all these Pro teams up and focus 100% of our energy on Husker sports? Would that make your points more relevant?

1:05 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Even JP agrees on me on this one...why did the people of Nebraska turn down that giant lake they wanted to build over Ashland? That's the kidna shit I'm talking about.

Look, I like living here. it's cheap. It's safe. people are relatively nice. But in terms of being an exciting place to's way way way behind other cities.

The Qwest is helping a lot with concerts...but there is more to life than the Dixie Chicks.

PS - I'm pretty sure Missouri with the Landing in St. Louis, the Plaza in KC, all their sports well as Denver and the mountains in colorado trump pretty much anything you can come up with.

If you are going up against South Dakota or Kansas or Wyoming...knock yourself out.

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You honestly thought that Ashland lake proposal was going to go through? The concept is alright, but seriously they were going to flood a town just so west Omahans could have a lake in their backyard. Granted, I wouldn't want to live in the desolate wasteland that is the area between Lincoln and Omaha but,...come on...that was flooding and entire town just to create a lake.

Omaha does have a lot of ground to cover before its even in the same realm as Denver, KC, and STL. But some of its charm is that it is still small time with some big-city amenities. The Qwest was a great leap forward in bringing things to us and maybe by 2056 we will be able to compete with KC for attraction purposes. Also, what about the Who Thurs. night? Screw the Dixie Chicks.

PS- My rant on this was mainly for the state of IA and KS since fans from there seem to think they have a leg up on culture and class compared to Nebraska. Yeah frickin' right you guys aren't bored in your dump of a town.

2:09 PM  
Anonymous bhg said...

The giant lake a good idea??!?!? You've got to be kidding me!!! Might as well be in communist China. The proposal outside being borderline insane, was a huge land grab. The number of producers and landowners that would have lost their property was ridiculous, and all to have a big lake.

Why not plug up the Papio and have the lake right in the middle of Omaha, that way people wouldn't have to leave the city limits to get to the lake. (Would make more sense, in that the property taken would merely be replacement value, not have to reimburse for lost revenue stream.) People would have to build new houses, and the construction companies would have a boom. Land values in and around the Omaha lake would skyrocket and the OPS could have all the money they want to waste on not teaching kids. Cripes that idea is golden, how I didn't get elected class president is beyond me.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey AJ, South Dakota says FU!! Western Nebraska is desert. The military should use it to train for Iraq, with live Daisy Cutters.

11:55 PM  

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