July 5, 2007

Just One Reason

(Warning - If you have noticed, I've tried to cut down on the language of this blog at the request of some. For the most part, I have certainly cleaned things up a little. This is not one of those times. Proceed with caution)

Just one reason. This is all I ask.

I realize you idiots are big on history. I realize every Freshman you have coming in is an All-American. I realize you tell everyone else how great JC Keller is, without actually stopping to think how it might be a tad bit odd that his own team asked him to step down. (Not nearly as fun I guess.) I realize better than any of you, that you probably don't even really care about the actual scores of games...rather you're much more concerned about whether or not everybody else in the country understands how great you are.

You thrive on self-gratification. You chug adulation like it was water. You're fixated on positive national press like it was a Jeff Foxworthy special. You feed on the ability to tell someone else how much better you are then they...all the while grinning like some dumbass who doesn't know any better. Your every question mark going into the season is pushed under the rug behind some 4th string redshirt freshman offensive lineman, who is for sure going to be a future All-Pro.

The reality is, you never ever straight-up answer a question. Not here. Not online. Not once. Not ever.

I could sit here and ask 500,000 questions about your team this year, and every single one of you....from any corner of the globe, would reply with either a) another question to me about Missouri. Or b) a brash generalization about what you feel is SHOULD happen. What's that? you don't understand? Your brain is clogged with mental images of Husker wide receivers with their shirts off? Let's do a little exercise. I'll ask you a question about your team, and then I will simulate what a majority of you clowns would say. Ready?

(This is me talking) "Hey Husker fans, how are you going to stop anybody with that shitty defensive backfield and four new guys up front?"

Your answer? "Missouri has never won anything"

Do you see what I mean? Let's try this again, only this time at a different angle.

(Me talking) "Hey Husker fans, you lost your Big 12 player of the year (sorry...lost my train of thought laughing at the ridiculousness of that title) and your #1 running back. You also may have lost your top wide receiver for a game or two. (yeah right). How are you going to win the North with that?"

Your answer? "Marlon Lucky will step in by having a huge year and rush for 1600 yards at least. Terrance Nunn is a great wide-receiver and is due for a breakout year...I see 80 catches at least. JC Keller is a Heisman caliber Wide Receiver who will most likely break several records this season."

Do you see what I mean?

"Will step in"
"I see"
"Most likely"

You fucking idiots. You depraved, self-centered, myopic, pot-smoking, reality challenged, hypocritical, judgment impaired, Hannity worshiping, combine driving, soybean insecticide inhaling bumpkins.

The next good argument ANY Husker fan gives me about next season will be the first. And it's not just this year..it's ANY year. Nevermind the fact that it's not 1995 anymore. Nevermind the fact that the only reason anybody gives you any credit at all is because sportswriters across the country think Joel Mackavicka still plays for you. Nevermind the fact that each and every time you say somebody is going to be great...they just end up quitting..or sucking..or both..only to be followed by the extremely predictable, "They sucked anyway" comment.

I don't understand why this is so difficult. I challenge ANY of you. Not all of you. Not most of you. ANY OF YOU....to give me a good REASON the Huskers are as good as advertised next season, and I'll drop it.

But in the meantime, ask ANY fan of ANY other team who comes in contact with you assholes, and you'll get the exact same thing. Not ONE of you has EVER acknowledged a single negative aspect of the 2007 Huskers. This goes for ALL of you...from Tom Shatel down to that dumbass idiot who thinks I'm talking about ONLY him when I rip on idiots watching film all year long and breaking it down. (Yeah, because you're the only FUCKING guy who does that around here. You're the ONLY Husker fan who goes overboard on your shitty team. You're the CRÈME D LA CRÈME of Husker fans. NOBODY acts as "hard core" about their team as YOU do. Wake up ya douchebag)

So Cortney Grixby and Andre Jones are going to somehow miraculously be LESS shitty than 2006? So Marlon Lucky is just supposed to go from 3.7 yards per rush his last several games..and suddenly win a Heisman? So the same guy who gets hurt just by looking at him is supposed to now carry the ball 25-30 times a game? Or is one of those superstar freshman who have never stepped on a college field going to be "a great backup?".

And tell me oh wise scholars of future telling...how does Missouri fit into this? I'm curious, because I know before you can even finish reading this rant, you've already gone to Rivals and are adding up the star points, so you can "show me" how shitty my team is by using Jeremy Crabtree as an end-all, be all resource? Are you going from year to year, adding on your fingers and about to dazzle me by comparing game-by-game comparisons between the same two teams in 1988? Don't even bother, because I know each and every one of you, and your lame, pathetic Husker ways. I know your replies and strategies before you even think of them. I know you're looking up stats from the 2006 Mizzou-NU game right now. I know you're looking up Ricky Clemmons on Wikipedia. I know you're cutting and pasting some article from the Boston Globe or some other great source of Big 12 information, and are about to let me know from one of their experts how the season is going to go.

But wait...I almost forgot.

The rest of you are about to type in the same old boring, "Boy, it must suck being you" comment that I get 853,000 times a day. You know what? It doesn't suck being me, because if anything, I've done one of two things. Either I've made fans of other Big 12 teams realize what a complete bunch of fucking jackoffs you people are. Or I've made you so pissed off, that you've already typed up 15 replies to me and can't hit send fast enough.

The glory days are gone my friend. Tommy Frazier weighs 500lbs. Mike Rozier is sitting on a street corner in Jersey, and Tom Osborne is watching a copy of Anal Girls 8 in his office right now. The world isn't going back to that sunshine and lollipop nirvana all 2.1 million of you live in known as the mid-90's. So wish as you must...so throw out witty comments such as "Missery hasn't won anything" at near light speed as you finish this post....

People like me exist because not only does the world need to know about you...but because you created this. Fake applause to visiting teams created this. Foam yellow corn hats created this. 63-6 blowouts for 30 years created this. Jim Rose, Husker Hounds, Tom Shatel, Steve Pederson, Guatemalans for Nebraska and every other douchebag that ever dressed himself in red overalls has created this.

You are the very worst that college football has to offer....and you STILL can't tell me why you aren't going to suck next year.

58 days and counting, and it's only going to get better.


Blogger NEBforOSU said...

read this post, I couldn't stop laughing.

Odd that response is to an Oklahoma player. Now if that poster responded with that same response to an UNL player, that person would be called every name under the sun, then banned from HI.


2:32 PM  
Blogger PlusDrew said...


I can't say I agree with everything you write, but I agree what what you're saying is true for 95% of Nebraska fans - I've been a Nebraska fan for maybe 10 years now, and going on forums infuriates me.

As far as a legitimate prediction for next year, I expect a fairly similar result from this year - 4-5 losses including Missouri, USC, potentially Wake Forest, and Texas. Nebraska is slowly upgrading talent at each position, but obviously it's hard to really know what that talent can do until they prove something by beating teams more impressive than pitiful Big 12 North teams.

Anyways, enjoy the blog as always.

2:33 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Drew, thanks.

I think you'll find a direct link here between the more my buddies give me shit about NU...the more vulgar my rants.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous BHG said...

This guy is complaining about people not answering questions when he dances around the ones posed to him, that is hilarious!!! (Wouldn't that be like a poking fun at a fat guy when you yourself are pushing 420 pounds.)

This is the guy who was brilliant enough to come up with the THUGS=HAPPY FANS theory, but not smart enough to come up with any statistical evidence to back it up, rather he asks you to prove a negative.

This is the guy who believes that lower division schools can "stick it" to division one schools on a regular basis, but yet still complains about Nebraskas pre-season schedule.

This is also the guy that is a self-proclaimed college athlete, and anyone that "knows him" would consider him great. (Which if you believe his first statement, would mean that the author of this article would be checking in with local law enforcement to comply with Megan's law.)

(We're hoping you give us the "Well, why do you come here all the time then", because when we get that one, we know there are tears a rolling, and Momma is on the phone giving her son the "everybody loves you honey" speech.)

3:08 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

BHG has had some rambling comments before...but none had made less sense than that one.



What the fuck are you talking about? Deep breath. Take your time. Mix in a point now and then. It's much easier to respond to you when you make at least an ounce of sense.

Either that or lay off the meth.

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really do not know what to focus on more. The generalization that you give to 2.1+ million people based on the peception given off by only a fraction. The fact that people actually tend to believe that literally EVERY single one of Husker fans is the way they are described on this blog. Or, the fact that the small portion of Husker fans actually are both ignorant and outspoken enough to make EVRYONE look like red jean overall wearing freaks.
In my opinion, the most vocal/ignorant sob's that make the rest of us look bad are the people that were, for the most part, grown during the "glory days." For some reason, they just can't get over the fact that things fucking change. Hell I was barely a teenager in the mid nineties, where I was the most impressionable, and yet for some reason, myself and almost all of my friends actually regularly get in to some sort of a altercation with other husker fans (especially baseball "fans") for stating the obvious: The days of beating everyone 55-7 are over. Not just here but everywhere. NU will not win the National Championship, not this year, not next year. Why? Lack of depth/talent at 11 positions/consistent coaching. We often get called anti-huskers becuase of that.
AJ, in no way am I defending you or the way your argument is presented. I do agree with the fact that if I had to deal with the small percentage of people who never shut their ignorant mouths and constantly lust over 17 yr. olds... I would probably want to do more than create a vulgar blog. Sorry for the rant on your space.. but some husker fans can have a different opinion than that of typical "husker message board guy."


3:32 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Let the record show, I thought Pete's commenets were excellent. I don't agree with them at all...but this is a case where even if he doesn't agree with me..he gets it.

Oh..I will say this though: If you had to deal with the assholes I deal with every day...you'd be like this too. I can't stress that enough and no..I'm not exagerating.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm bored so I guess I'll give you a couple answers as I see them.

#1. Backfield...you constantly attack them but they didn't lose ANYONE of significance...and now Bowman is projected to be back for the opener. How on earth do you expect this "horrible" backfield (that coincidently was part of the best scoring defense in the Big 12) to be worse than last year? Even if Bowman isn't 100% back he will be a step up from Grixby.

#2 D-line. Yep. You've got a good point there. The d-line is suspect. There might be potential there in Suh and Turner...but there a lot of question marks. Hopefully an improved secondary and the veteran linebackers take up some of the slack.

#3..."how are you going to win the North with that?" The same way Nebraska used to...with a GOOD offensive line. Marlon Lucky/Cody Glenn might not be the end all be all of running backs...but there should be PLENTY of holes for them to run through. Keller should have plenty of time to work through his progressions with this group of blockers as well. Control the clock with a physical running game/short passing game and our defensive shortcomings will be lessened considerably.

#4. Receivers. Purify was a legitimate big play threat...but he was far from the only contributing receiver. NU has LOT of depth here...something like 6-7 players had SIGNIFICANT numbers of receptions. I for one, am not worried about this area at all. If we had to lose a starter from anywhere on the team, it'd be a receiver. More than enough talent and depth to make up for it.

(For the random Marlon Lucky slamming...call me crazy but for some reason I'm not really worried about the ability of a sophmore who had 1100 all purpose yards last year while playing behind an NFL caliber back.)

#5. Keller being asked to step down by his teammates? Meh. Think what you will. He'll do just fine. The players I know like him, and from what I've seen from him in and out of class he is a pretty decent guy. A little on the cocky side but you can say that about 85% of Nebraska's football team.

Anyways. Hope this was entertaining. Thanks for keeping me amused for a few minutes.


12:39 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Mike, you realize you're throwing me off by actually trying to break this down. (heh)

The Bowman story is a non-issue. Remember when you guys kept talking about Herrian(sp) coming back after a couple of years rehabing? He was never the same. You can't just bounce back from stuff like that. If he's at 1/2 speed, you'll be doing good.

As for "they didn't lose anybody". They were 78th against the pass last year. 78th. And it's not like they played a lot of high-powered passing offenses either. USC and Missouri are about the only two...and Mizzou didn't even complete more than a couple passes til the second half. Texas, Auburn, OU, the entire North...all running teams.

Also, Nate Swift and Franz Hardy is NOT depth. They're sub-par Wide-Receivers, being judged by a group of people who just discovered the forward pass about 3 years ago. Trust me on this.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The 78th in the nation in pass defense stat really doesn't worry me to much. Scoring defense is a far more valuable stat as far as I'm concerned. Who really cares if a team puts up 400 yards through the air if they can't put the points on the board? (I hate the bend but don't break defense as much as anyone...but if I had to choose between giving up points or yards I choose yards.)

I think I've probably watched a LOT more Husker film from last year than you have...and Nate Swift is NOT sub-par. He might not be all-big 12 caliber but he had many catches last year that were every bit as acrobatic as anything Purify did. (I think there were even one against Missouri...going up over a corner back and reaching back to make a spectacular grab.) All I'm trying to say is that Purify had a relatively small percentage of the receptions. Maybe like 20%? I really should take the time to get the exact stat but I'm feeling lazy.

You're probably right about Bowman. That sort of injury is extremely difficult to recover from. Either way our scoring defense was solid, and I expect it to be the same this year. (I guess I should insert some random comment here about Nebraska's scoring defense was ranked 17 while Missouri's was 33...if you can bring up random stats so can I!)


11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS. Athlon has the Huskers receiving corps as 6th best in the country...but I suppose you know something they don't. (And something I don't as well apparently...even though I attended 9 of the Huskers games last year...and watched all the rest...)


11:42 AM  
Anonymous BHG said...


I must be at the wrong Hukser Hater web site. Because the guy that ran a site, stated boldly that lower division teams can "beat the piss out of" division one schools regulary. (I know, it's one of the most retarded things ever said, I thought I remember you writing that.)

About the same time, this guy, who we'll call "Moron", stated that his athletic career in college made him qualified to state fact without supporting evidence.

C'mon where's the passion of the THUGS=HAPPY FANS!!!

The defense of that theory was one of the most entertaining things I've ever read. It's the reason we took a coffee break and read your responses out loud.

(We're having a hard time trying to figure out if you're too ashamed to own your own comments, or not smart enough to remember what you've written. That begs to question, if a guy isn't smart enough to remember what he himself has written, is really smart enough to comment on any other subject?)

11:50 AM  
Anonymous tim said...

Hey man, love the rants, they crack me up. With the exception of the BigXII game last year OU is a running team. NEb did not stop anyone who passed on them last season, now they expect to stop everyone with the same set of backs...wtf!? anyways have a good one and keep them coming.


1:19 PM  
Anonymous bhg said...

March 25th and March 30th, comments were made by AJ that outlined how THUGS=HAPPY FANS and how simple of a concept it was, and that it was UNIVERSAL. Also at that time made the comments that divisions were meaningless, and that he was a great college athlete. (Apparently none of it was true because he couldn't remember it, or maybe it was the meth.)

(You'd think with all the great insight and knowledge that people would be paying him for this.)

1:56 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Mike, fair enough...but be careful on the "I've watched more about hte Huskers than you have" stuff.

I couldn't run this site and deal with people like BHG if I didn't load up on things to blast him about.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fair enough.
I'm with you on the Purify thing though. He should be off the team.

Also Frantz Hardy is HORRIBLE. I cringe everytime they throw the ball to him. What a shame that such speed is wasted on someone with hands like his.


9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

New name for your blog --

Ted Kaczynski: Early Writings.

2:43 PM  
Blogger JGerardi said...

The one thing I will say about the 78 ranked pass defense and how some Huskers don't care how many passing yards they give up as long as they keep them out of the end zone:
Keep in mind that pass D was an inch away from costing them two games. While you can argue the cup half full, they should have beaten Texas line, you can easily argue that passing defense could have/almost lost them the Kansas (27-54 405 yards) and A&M games(19-32, 288 yards)and if they had lost those two games, how different would things have been in Lincoln this offseason?

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm not saying it's not a concern...I'm just saying that a single stat like "78th ranked pass defense" isn't a harbinger of doom. I do think our secondary is suspect, particularly Grixby, but it was good enough to win 9 games last year. If our offense is better this year (I think it will be slightly improved...but who knows until it's on the field!), if the linebackers shine, and the d-line surprises people our secondary will be much less of a concern. I guess we'll just have to wait 53 more days to find out.


3:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you scoring defense might suffer this year without the rediculous duo of Carriker (sp?) and Moore. QB's this year are gonna have a LOT more time to pick apart the secondary, meaning that scoring D will probably suffer quite a bit.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Coach said...

Honestly, AJ, you shouldn't have to kneel before your corporate schill masters and curb your language. I love the fact that it spills from the center of your oft distraught mind directly onto the keyboard; raw and uncut. That's when I know that you are truly seriously pissed off about said topic. You shouldn't have to PG up your thoughts just so Husker Jr. and read about what a shithead Husker Sr. is...

Its your show, I'm just a pawn...do as you must.

9:07 AM  

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