Just One Reason
Just one reason. This is all I ask.
I realize you idiots are big on history. I realize every Freshman you have coming in is an All-American. I realize you tell everyone else how great JC Keller is, without actually stopping to think how it might be a tad bit odd that his own team asked him to step down. (Not nearly as fun I guess.) I realize better than any of you, that you probably don't even really care about the actual scores of games...rather you're much more concerned about whether or not everybody else in the country understands how great you are.
You thrive on self-gratification. You chug adulation like it was water. You're fixated on positive national press like it was a Jeff Foxworthy special. You feed on the ability to tell someone else how much better you are then they...all the while grinning like some dumbass who doesn't know any better. Your every question mark going into the season is pushed under the rug behind some 4th string redshirt freshman offensive lineman, who is for sure going to be a future All-Pro.
The reality is, you never ever straight-up answer a question. Not here. Not online. Not once. Not ever.
I could sit here and ask 500,000 questions about your team this year, and every single one of you....from any corner of the globe, would reply with either a) another question to me about Missouri. Or b) a brash generalization about what you feel is SHOULD happen. What's that? you don't understand? Your brain is clogged with mental images of Husker wide receivers with their shirts off? Let's do a little exercise. I'll ask you a question about your team, and then I will simulate what a majority of you clowns would say. Ready?
(This is me talking) "Hey Husker fans, how are you going to stop anybody with that shitty defensive backfield and four new guys up front?"
Your answer? "Missouri has never won anything"
Do you see what I mean? Let's try this again, only this time at a different angle.
(Me talking) "Hey Husker fans, you lost your Big 12 player of the year (sorry...lost my train of thought laughing at the ridiculousness of that title) and your #1 running back. You also may have lost your top wide receiver for a game or two. (yeah right). How are you going to win the North with that?"
Your answer? "Marlon Lucky will step in by having a huge year and rush for 1600 yards at least. Terrance Nunn is a great wide-receiver and is due for a breakout year...I see 80 catches at least. JC Keller is a Heisman caliber Wide Receiver who will most likely break several records this season."
Do you see what I mean?
"Will step in"
You fucking idiots. You depraved, self-centered, myopic, pot-smoking, reality challenged, hypocritical, judgment impaired, Hannity worshiping, combine driving, soybean insecticide inhaling bumpkins.
The next good argument ANY Husker fan gives me about next season will be the first. And it's not just this year..it's ANY year. Nevermind the fact that it's not 1995 anymore. Nevermind the fact that the only reason anybody gives you any credit at all is because sportswriters across the country think Joel Mackavicka still plays for you. Nevermind the fact that each and every time you say somebody is going to be great...they just end up quitting..or sucking..or both..only to be followed by the extremely predictable, "They sucked anyway" comment.
I don't understand why this is so difficult. I challenge ANY of you. Not all of you. Not most of you. ANY OF YOU....to give me a good REASON the Huskers are as good as advertised next season, and I'll drop it.
But in the meantime, ask ANY fan of ANY other team who comes in contact with you assholes, and you'll get the exact same thing. Not ONE of you has EVER acknowledged a single negative aspect of the 2007 Huskers. This goes for ALL of you...from Tom Shatel down to that dumbass idiot who thinks I'm talking about ONLY him when I rip on idiots watching film all year long and breaking it down. (Yeah, because you're the only FUCKING guy who does that around here. You're the ONLY Husker fan who goes overboard on your shitty team. You're the CRÈME D LA CRÈME of Husker fans. NOBODY acts as "hard core" about their team as YOU do. Wake up ya douchebag)
So Cortney Grixby and Andre Jones are going to somehow miraculously be LESS shitty than 2006? So Marlon Lucky is just supposed to go from 3.7 yards per rush his last several games..and suddenly win a Heisman? So the same guy who gets hurt just by looking at him is supposed to now carry the ball 25-30 times a game? Or is one of those superstar freshman who have never stepped on a college field going to be "a great backup?".
And tell me oh wise scholars of future telling...how does Missouri fit into this? I'm curious, because I know before you can even finish reading this rant, you've already gone to Rivals and are adding up the star points, so you can "show me" how shitty my team is by using Jeremy Crabtree as an end-all, be all resource? Are you going from year to year, adding on your fingers and about to dazzle me by comparing game-by-game comparisons between the same two teams in 1988? Don't even bother, because I know each and every one of you, and your lame, pathetic Husker ways. I know your replies and strategies before you even think of them. I know you're looking up stats from the 2006 Mizzou-NU game right now. I know you're looking up Ricky Clemmons on Wikipedia. I know you're cutting and pasting some article from the Boston Globe or some other great source of Big 12 information, and are about to let me know from one of their experts how the season is going to go.
But wait...I almost forgot.
The rest of you are about to type in the same old boring, "Boy, it must suck being you" comment that I get 853,000 times a day. You know what? It doesn't suck being me, because if anything, I've done one of two things. Either I've made fans of other Big 12 teams realize what a complete bunch of fucking jackoffs you people are. Or I've made you so pissed off, that you've already typed up 15 replies to me and can't hit send fast enough.
The glory days are gone my friend. Tommy Frazier weighs 500lbs. Mike Rozier is sitting on a street corner in Jersey, and Tom Osborne is watching a copy of Anal Girls 8 in his office right now. The world isn't going back to that sunshine and lollipop nirvana all 2.1 million of you live in known as the mid-90's. So wish as you must...so throw out witty comments such as "Missery hasn't won anything" at near light speed as you finish this post....
People like me exist because not only does the world need to know about you...but because you created this. Fake applause to visiting teams created this. Foam yellow corn hats created this. 63-6 blowouts for 30 years created this. Jim Rose, Husker Hounds, Tom Shatel, Steve Pederson, Guatemalans for Nebraska and every other douchebag that ever dressed himself in red overalls has created this.
You are the very worst that college football has to offer....and you STILL can't tell me why you aren't going to suck next year.
58 days and counting, and it's only going to get better.