May 6, 2008

5 Questions and a Cloud of Missed Tackles

Quit it.

During this, a time of great turmoil for you and your team, we are all forced to excel in roles that we are not used to. Just as I don’t really like stomping on your rotting scarlett carcass day in and day out….we can just as easily look at this from another direction.

Over the past few weeks, I've stated that the disease infested larvae oozing cockroach, also known as Husker fan, has begun to organize once again…just as I predicted. Maybe you have noticed a bit of a shift, as some Husker fans remain introverted and calm as they reflect just how in the holy hell they’re going to EVER get back to the outrageous expectations? Then there are others, who have completely thrown reason out the window and immediately chugged the nearest gallon jug of Kool Aid and have engaged in an insurgent attack of stupidity and ridiculousness.

I’m not going to lie to you, I’m not completely comfortable with this situation either. It’s not that easy to root for a team that has sucked your whole life, and suddenly find yourself rooting for a top 5 program. And no, as fulfilling and satisfying as it is to watch you sit in smoldering ruins….it actually takes a bit more energy to find new and exciting ways to mock and taunt you from high atop my perch on the top of the mountain.

But on the other hand, in the role of a defeated and aged former heavyweight champ, you have collectively and absolutely no flippin clue how to act. In an argument where you used to spit out facts and numbers like they were crumbs of Stove Top Stuffing tumbling out of Mark Mangino’s chins…you now rely on your team’s performance from over a decade ago, schedule bashing and reference to a mythical (yet blatantly ripped off) facsimile of “scoreboards” that track MIP’s and disturbing the peace tickets of your most talented opponents.

Seriously, who in the hell do you think you are? What in the name of holy hell gives you the actual NERVE to pop off about ANYTHING at this point? Have you even SEEN yourselves lately? Holy shit, if you’re this ridiculously under prepared and out gunned now for football discussions now, what the hell are you going to be like when you’re 3-5 in late October? If you’re making ridiculous claims about other North teams, how completely and totally delusional are you going to be when a low-level south team is up 38-0 on you at halftime? (Whoops, that actually happened.)

The fact of the matter is, some of you simply do not have the smarts to hold your fire to those (like me) who have certainly earned the right to verbally pummel you into submission on a daily basis. I mean, what on earth could you POSSIBLY have to bring to an argument? You’ve won the Big 12 ONCE since 1999. The closest you got to a BCS game was the Cotton Bowl…which if I remember correctly late last year, was according to you: the bowl equivalent of staying at an Econo Lodge in Boise.

Maybe I’m asking too much of you people? Maybe me spending 20 years defending a team that trotted out Kent Skornia, Jimmy Daugherty and Kirk Farmer year after year made me that much better than you at defending myself? Maybe it’s lame to me because I saw what a complete and total train wreck you were going to be before all of you did?

Regardless of all that, we have indeed switch roles. And with that, we have questions. Oh don’t get me wrong…I have no questions about my own team…and I really don’t have many questions about other teams either. Colorado is rapidly improving. K-State is trying to plug holes quickly, Iowa State is young and lost their two best players. Kansas is a fraud and will feel the sting of playing actual D1 teams this season. But lost in all this are the key questions I have about you going into the meat of the off season. Let’s examine shall we?

5) Who is next to get arrested?
With Mo Purify out and while the Christensen kid has made some nice strides stepping into Mark Vedral’s shoes…the jury is still out on just who will become the next great Husker thug. I remember the glory days of backup quarterbacks banging your star player’s woman. I recall like it was yesterday when a backup receiver was caught “partying” with a 14 year old girl and his cousin at a trailer court. Hell, I remember when your starting wide receiver was such a thug that he had a godamn bullet in his ass. Who will carry on the tradition? Who will step up and sucker punch a defenseless fan and claim self defense?

4) Can you handle the truth?
As I stated in the paragraphs above, some of you simply cannot handle the fact that you’re suddenly San Jose State with brighter uniforms and a fancier scoreboard. Some of you were hurt, while the others cheered your own defeat...just so the keys to Memorial Stadium can be handed back to a member of the “family” (Even though a “family member” was just fired and replaced by a 900 year old ego-driven hypocrite and his 1-game wonder coach who’s defense gave up 24 points or more in 8 games last season.) My guess is…no. Those of you who are promising to approve progress, will be right back here in a year..wondering who to fire next as you swing into the air like a drunken prize fighter.

3) Can Joe Ganz handle the pressure?
No. He can’t. His numbers were a complete sham last season due to the fact that his defense was on the field less than many of your fans were. Can he POSSIBLY handle the pressure of dealing with all 1.8 million of you crazy bastards? No...flippin...way.

2) WWTD?
Yes..what would Tom do? After you realize that dusty trophies and 30 year old pictures hanging on a wall don’t’ win games, what will be the next excuse? What will be next to be "brought back" in order to resurrect the ghosts of the past? The return of Diet Rite to the concession stands? Digging up the dead bones of Bob Devaney and propping him up on the sidelines Weekend and Bernie’s style? Single face masks and helmets with a plain single letter on them? Can't wait to find out.

And the number one question to be answered prior to the season opener:

1) How fast will you turn on Bo Pelini?
Not to say we haven’t heard this song sung before, but you people gave Bill Callahan a five year extension just EIGHT WEEKS before you wanted to run him out of town on a rail. Bo Pelini satisfies the twisted desires of both sides of the Husker Civil war: He’s “old school” enough for the “Frankophiles” and he’s a product of newly generated hype as seen by some of you actually CLAIM he was the reason LSU won the National Title last year. (Ummm, if that crazy bastard Les Miles doesn’t hit the lotto on some of those late game calls last year, Pelini would simply have been known as “Bo that former defensive coordinator that all the LSU fans wanted kicked to the curb.” ) I have my money on week 9, but we shall see.
The season is coming and time to answer these and other questions is running out.

* Still working on the website changes and the upcoming greatest Huskers segment. Stay with me.

35 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Weekend and Bernies style?"
What the hell is that? Some stupid Missouri hick saying? Sad thing is you were probably top of your class at Columbia.

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm thinking Bo gets a free pass this year since he's a first year (for the full year mind you) head coach. Yes, I understand there are those fans that will spout on about dominence from the get go but honestly he does have his work cut out for him next year in multiple areas across the board. For him to be 9-3 or even 8-4 next year would be ridiculously awesome, but a little far fetched. I'm hoping for at least 7-5 and seeing where we go from there.

10:15 PM  
Blogger jazz1258 said...

F-ing spectacular. I kept visualizing the crypt keeper with your "digging up Bob Devaney's bones" segment... cracking me up. Keep up the good work.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Weekend at Bernies is a classic. Is it to much to ask for a Spaceballs refernce. I'm sure you can work "my schwarz is tangled with your schwarz" reference to Bo and Tom.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Weekend and Bernies style?"
What the hell is that? Some stupid Missouri hick saying? Sad thing is you were probably top of your class at Columbia.

HA!! A crack on U of M. I hope to God you are not comparing that crap hole of a school in Lincoln to on of this countries top public univeristies. Seriously, just look at the requirements to get into U of N. You have to be in the top 50% of your highschool class or have a 20 or higher on your ACT. WOW!!!. Just to compare to get into Mizzou you need a 24.
To make this a simple as possible for you corn possioned brain. A composite score of 20 is only better than 45% of US students. Compared to a score of 24 which is better than 75% of US students. Mizzou might let you in with a "nebraska validictorian" score of 20, but you would also have to be in the top 30% of your class and would have to start in remedial course to bring you "up to speed".
Seriously anonymous 9:46 p.m., this is why other people hate NU fans. You have your heads so far up your ass that you think everything corncobbed is the greatest in the world. Get out, meet people, travel and be sure to wipe your ass with that toliet paper degree that you got from Nebraska. That is assuming you; 1. even got into college, &
2. that you acctually graduated.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ is mildly amusing and sometimes pretty funny. But the real entertainment on this blog is the Husker fans.

Thank you all for hours of laughs

4:05 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Keep pointing out KU as a fraud, slaver. Sooner or later you're bound to be right.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Greg Morrow said...

I mean, really. Only a hairless, denuded "twitch" can imagine vermin covered "stool" like this.
DON'T CHANGE A THING!

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon @2:45pm,

Too bad MU and NU are ranked about the same in terms of 'acctually' getting a good education. By the way, where did you 'acctually' graduate? Some CC in the area?

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

""Anonymous said...
Anon @2:45pm,

Too bad MU and NU are ranked about the same in terms of 'acctually' getting a good education. By the way, where did you 'acctually' graduate? Some CC in the area?

7:56 PM""


on what ranking are you talking about. Comparing graduation rates, or APR rankings says nothing about how easy or difficult a school may be. Also, as if it truly matters, I did graduate from a wonderful 4 year UNIVERSITY in the state of Missouri. I didn't need a CC. I didn't get my GED through a television course, as I am sure you did. For all you know, I am your boss, or your boss's boss. Because we know that "edumacation" that you got at Metro CC in Omaha was sure top notch. You know only 20% of Americans have their BS. So its okay that you pick up my trash and deliver my pizza. The world needs scrubs like you to make it go around.

By the way, why is it that every crack head in the state of Nebraska claims that school as if they actually attended? You know most of you could not spell UNIVERSITY, other wise attend one.

9:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MU Grad/tard (anon 2:45): Here's a little help so your posts read a little more intelligently:

"on" is actually spelled "one"
"countries" should be "country's"
"univeristies" should be "University's"
"highschool" is two words
"possioned" is actually spelled "poisoned"
"validictorian" is spelled "valedictorian" (obviously, you were not one)
"heads" should be "heads'"
"toliet," which you may or may not use if you live in Missouri is spelled "toilet"
"acctually" should be "actually"

"Get out, meet people, travel and be sure to wipe your ass with that toliet paper degree that you got from Nebraska. That is assuming you; 1. even got into college, &
2. that you acctually graduated."

I graduated from a private college on the West coast. I'm not a Nebraska fan. I'm just amused at you Midwest retards. Missouri seems to take the cake as far graduating toothless M-Fers with a fake degree that can't read or write.

10:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, AJ, you mumble-mouthed, Midwestern-born dumbass, it's "Weekend AT Bernies'." Not "Weekend AND Bernies." I'd love to hear your hick Missouri accent. I'll bet it's right out of the movie "Deliverance."

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tiger Gary writes.....

What is this I read? UNL fans working strictly on the grammar angle and not attacking content?

That's ALL you got?

No posts starting with recitals of the the 5 NC seasons, the All Americans, the Heisman winners such as last year's Sam Keller (OK, scratch that one)?.....

No bombastic claims of on field Husker success this year - and "restoring" and ending in GBR?

You disapoint me.....how about putting on those red and white coveralls, gettting out the red foam cowboy hat (or cornhead...your choice)...and start sputtering the kind of ridiculous claims we all love to read to ridicule.......

(oh and beakPhan....perhaps the 6-6, 7-5, 4-7, 2-9 lead up to last season makes one a little skeptical.....but you keep on with your arrogance....it defines you and yours ....)

6:30 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

OK, the comments section is getting way to interlectual for me. But no matter...I went to a small private school for Kings and Royalty in the South of France. And by the way...that's south OF France...not South AND France.

It's was a typo douche. You can call me a lot of things, but the day you start bashing me on my useless 80's movie trivia...we're gonna have problems.

Oh, and Greg...you've posted 3 times now, and I'm still not sure who you're talking to or what you're talking about. Perhaps you'll have to dumb it down for people like me?

8:03 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

And one other thing:

Do not go to the "I'm not a Husker fan, but I mock you for ______ " either.

If you're going to post anonymously, you're either a Husker fan or you're not. If you're going to start throwing out caveats, then you deserve more ridicule than Joe Husker fan who is ranting and raving with Kool Aid dripping out of his goatee.

Weak.

8:07 AM  
Blogger David said...

Ignorance is bliss Sometimes I guess. I'm not going to sit here and bash on anything you wrote. Perhaps because I would rather not snoop to your level. Either way, I think you were at one point and time wronged by some Nebraskan sometime in your life and now just want to take out your frustration on Husker fans. Your views seem really one sided and downright, well retarded. I'll keep reading and I'll give you a hand once I find a valid point in any of your useless babble.

10:11 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

How very politicaly correct and Nebraskan of you.

I'll see if I can go on, now that I've failed to meet your approval.

11:50 AM  
Anonymous Missouri Husker Fan said...

* Still working on the website changes and the upcoming greatest Huskers segment. Stay with me.

Go ahead. Make me proud!

David...it's the Huskers that robbed him of any sense of sanity. Over 30 years of ass-beatings will do that to you.

2:39 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

So if I in passing say that some of their stuff is dumb, I'm ripping on them? Even if at one time I had them linked? (Which as I said before...I only did because they linked me at one time)

But alas, who cares. I've got all sorts of stuff that I'm saving for closer to the season. It's just a matter of breaking it out now, or waiting.

And you're wrong about the thugs.

4:18 PM  
Blogger TheGrove68 said...

Bringing up grammatical misques is weak at best. Being able to spell and punctuate is not a true sign of a persons overall intellectual ability. The Big Albert E. was a poor speller and couldn't remember his own phone number. Of course he did pretty well in the brains department if I recall.

Please join the debates but leave the 2nd grade I can spell better than you stuff in well grade school. It just proves you have no salt in your opinions.It is alwasy the last bastion of those who can't bring any weight to their lackluster point of view.

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon @ 9:39, Tiger Gary, thegrove68 -
I find it hi-freaking-larious that the three of you missed the point completely and keep posting about either your higher IQ (Anon), Husker fans not being predictable (TG), or saying 'grammar' smack is weak (which it is normally grove68, but in this case there is a point to be made)

The fact that Anon asshat here even brought up 'edumacation' smack (with stats, hooray!) and then failed to even put together a sentence that didn't have a problem with the English language shows the complete and utter contradiction of the situation (oh, sorry Anon - con·tra·dic·tion; noun, a statement or proposition that contradicts or denies another or itself and is logically incongruous).

Also Anon, I highly doubt you're my boss or anyone's boss for that matter (my God have mercy on them if you actually are) since you obviously are a walking contradiction. You claim that you hate it when Nebraska fans talk about the university as if they went (which in this case I did and 'acctually' graduated btw) yet you spout off the 'facts' on admissions of MU and NU yet you didn't even go there but to some, "wonderful 4 year UNIVERSITY in the state of Missouri." Where? UMKC? Rolla? One of the trillion directional schools out there?

Unless your Texas, Baylor, and maaaaaybe Colorado, every other Big 12 school participant shouldn't pull the 'my school's better at edumacation then yours' card since their all pretty much the same (give/take on the little niche they have).

10:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there a football conversation in here somewhere? You all sound like a bunch of morons trying to trump each other's education, as if that has any fucking thing to do with how successful you are or are not. The rest of the country thinks you are both backwards, toothless, banjo strumming, bed wetting, inbred hicks. Way to prove them wrong.

PS. To the douchebag that thinks his great Mizzou education probably makes him upper management with respect to any Nebraskan, bring it on. I'll throw my success dick up on the table with you any day of the week and I'll even spot you that I didn't attend any University. Education is great and it's exactly where I'm guiding my kids, but I love when I run across one of you pompous asses that look down your nose at anyone who didn't take that route.

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the grove: You've played the ultimate "I'm a poor speller and don't pick on me" card. What are you good at? English? No. Football knowledge? No. Typical Missouri grad. If you can't figure out English, why are you here spewing your comments in a fashion that most of us can easily communicate? A seventh grader would have failed you for your English. By the way, misspelling "alwasy" is not a sign that you're a genius like Einstein was. What a tard.

11:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, the comments section is getting way to interlectual

interlectual. Nuff said.

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It's was a typo douche."

More of a brain fart. Who typos "and" and "at?"

A bad writer and a douchebag. Do you know the difference between a typo and an intelligence/education gap? Didn't think so.

12:05 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

anonymous posts really don't mean a whole lot to me. That tells me that if you want to argue, you don't want to call you out for saying something stupid previously.

And "I'll put my success dick up on the table anyday"

Holy hell..that's funny.

8:23 AM  
Blogger doombob said...

Although I am a huge Husker fan, I consider myself somewhat reasonable. I'm going to answer your questions. Jared Crick of Cozad, NE will be the next to be arrested as the big city life of painkillers and hard drugs catches up with him. He'll actually be found in a dumpster and brought in under charges of loitering and panhandling until he becomes coherent enough to say "Husker football player" to the police and Bo and Tom come to bail him out. As for the truth? It will need to be handled soon. Steve Pedersen said "we will not blah blah blah mediocrity." That's like telling your child not to do something instead of telling them what to do. Ever coach high school or younger teams? "Don't make a play on the ball!" and that's immediately what they do. Stevie P. doomed the Huskers to be 6-6 and eighth in the Big XII for eternity. Joe Ganz will not have to worry about handling the pressure. His main duties as "ball-hander-offer" shouldn't be too stressful. He'll become known as Nebraska's best running back placeholder in school history. Fans will turn on Pelini Sunday October 5, 2008 when they wake up from drinking away the memory of the two previous games.

8:35 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

doombob, that was awesome.

Well done.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous TigerinNC said...

Doombob has single handedly pulled this comments section from being the end of this blog.

PeeEss Dis bee wear eye gev da gramer polease sumpthin ta due

10:35 AM  
Blogger jeffro144 said...

damn AJ,
I thought I was in the wrong place with all this english and "Hooked on Phonics" talk. When can it get back to "my team is better than yours"?

"I'll throw my success dick up on the table with you any day"
Holy crap that is awesome. ANON 11:21, I am stealing that one.

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I concur with AJ regarding anonymous posts, but it's not because I'm afraid of being called out. I used to post here with a Google ID of bornred or by signing them as Randy and will go back to doing that, although I don't think it makes me any more or less anonymous..

In the interest of full disclosure, I sparred a few rounds with Dr. Buffenstien and some other anonymous CU fan in the Happy Dig-us Day 2008!! (damn, that was some long winded shit flowing from my keyboard that day). I'm the 2nd and 6th posts in Dawn of the Red (AJ stomped on my dick in that one and I had no leg to stand on in response, so I just shut the fuck up and took that one in the pants). In Death by Data, I'm the 14th and 18th posts in a love spat with that moron nebforcu, who, by the way, used to post here as nebforosu and even though he admits his first true love is The Ohio State, for some reason has started a blog that is as much anti-Husker (but for some reason, can only refer to us as nubbies or 'skers... fuck dude, I'll lend you the money to pay for the two other consenants) as it is pro-Colorado. I didn't post at all in Right on Cue, as it was a little busy at work then... or something like that...
and, finally, I'm the owner of the success dick post in this comment section.

Okay, so now you know who I am, rail away, blitches...

Randy

PS. I'll try to dig up my Google id so I can post as bornred

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ, now I know why you prefer to live in Omaha. I found this on a web site and about fell off my chair while reading this:

"I had the pleasure of driving from St. Louis to Kansas City today via lovely Interstate 70 in the fine state of Missouri. As I was driving, I thought of all of the posts from the Missouri football faithful that make fun of state of Nebraska and the people that live in it. I don't think any of these posters have actually traveled on Interstate 70 in Missouri. I spent most of my day laughing and staring at the locals. Here is a brief summary of the sights I experienced:

9 out of every 10 drivers on I-70 smoke cigarettes.

There is an Adult Store every 4th exit along I-70.

I saw a pickup with Missouri plates that had an artificial scrotum hanging on back of truck.

I actually watched a horse drawn buggy crossing on an overpass.
Manufactured homes sell very well in Missouri.

Cigarettes were advertised everywhere.

Gas station clerks and customers seemed mentally slow. (Difficulty counting change)

The smoking section is 3 times larger than the no smoking section in restaurants.

The highlight of Columbia is a rundown hospital that has some affiliation with the University.
If you own property near I-70 it is acceptable to construct a billboard and spray paint your phone number to attract advertisers.

There were several homes along I-70that have every vehicle the owner has inherited or purchased for the last 30 years displayed in the front yard.

Above ground pools are popular with the locals.

Apparently you can purchase fireworks year round in Missouri.
When mobile homes are moved in Missouri, the owners leave behind a large dead patch of grass, several vehicles and a bunch of trash and debris.

The store, “Stuckey’s Pecan Shoppe” is very popular in Missouri.

I know there are many things I left out. I only wish I had brought my camera so that I could have snapped some photos to document my journey. Let me be the first to tell you that the first person to create a one stop shop where the Missourian can buy cigarettes, porn, fireworks and Stuckey’s pecans is going to be a millionaire."

All you AJ lovers need to take the trip down I-70 between Kansas City and St Louis and see for your self where he is coming from.

AJ, Do you still keep your old cars, washing machines and refrigerators in your yard in case you need them someday for parts?

Have a nice summer mowing your weeds with your home made "Red Green" style lawn mower.

Sincerely,

A Nebraska Gomer

9:50 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Randy, fair enough. You do see my point though right?

As for driving across I-70...I've bashed my home state more than once. Go to the August 2006 archives and check out my trip to Branson.

I expect a parallel report on the I-80 section between Lexington and North Platte though.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Nebraska Gomer, just in case you are unaware, I-70 is primarily a trucking route.

5:08 PM  
Blogger TheGrove68 said...

I didn't play the poor speller card, in a reach for Charity!!! And I do know a little something about football and put that knowledge into practice.

The misspelling of always was tongue in cheek and wasn't eluding to myself or anyone else being in the League with Albert or Tesla.

I was just making a point that being a grammar Nazi is easy and doesn't add weight to a persons point of view. It is often just a pure bait and switch when a person has lost the debate.

Also name calling(tard) is so like a women that it makes be sick. Of course it is a window to a persons true weakness and nature.

6:43 PM  

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