Nothing Left But The Tears

I told you that was always my favorite column of the year.

But this time, unlike other times…I think I enjoyed it even more than I usually do. And no, this is not because I picked Missouri to win the North. As I’ve stated a million times, I don’t like picking Missouri to win things because they often don’t. (I love it when people blast Missouri's "history". Like I'm under delusion they've been a power for years. Seriously..you idiots...) Last year was a perfect example. Hell, I even tried to tell you people up front that my opinion wasn’t worth getting fired up about anyway right at the beginning, because it is only one guy’s opinion.

I picked your team last because the evidence is blatantly clear. I picked your team last because 1st year coaches don't take 114th ranked defenses and make them great by getting them to "try harder". I picked you last because you are worse than last year on paper and quite frankly...you sucked donkey balls even then. I realize this is very difficult for you to digest, but this is not new information. But alas…in the end, you didn't listen and the tantrums have begun.

Make no mistake though...I didn't just start this Husker Jihad. I’ve defended my team my whole life...and believe me, that’s tough to do when you’re watching your team get beat 77-0 to Texas A&M or 66-0 to Kansas State or losing to Bowling Green not just once but TWICE in your lifetime. And yes through it all, I found ways to fight back against the arrogant and the ignorant red-clad fools who surround me. Whether it was memorizing Kirk Farmer’s completion percentage on 3rd downs in the 4th quarter of games played at night or the fact that the 95 Huskers gave up 20 points or more a whopping 6 times in 13 games (doesn't sound like the greatest team of all time to me).... I found a way to argue and statisticly back my team. Yet back in those days, Husker fans around me simply looked down their nose...giggled at my “little program” and went on to even lend their support in some cases. (I think you guys have some good young talent blah blah blah.)

During the Osborne-Solich transition and the early days of Gary Pinkel, the rhetoric between the two fanbases was turned up a notch…and although Nebraska was no longer the dominant superpower they once were, I still tried to find a crevice….some sort of crack in their armor whenever I could. At that time, even an argument about how well Justin Gage was doing immediately was shot back with, “Oh yeah, well we’re just transitioning, we’ll be back before you know it. You’re still just Missouri.”

This blog was born out the arguments of way back then. Back then, I learned to look at your program from different angles, and use your over-abundance of delusional hysteria against you. Thanks to the internet, I’m able to share your ridiculous behavior to the rest of the world…all while watching the show from the middle of the stage.

Last season, as the two programs passed each other at hyper-light speed in opposite directions (guess which direction you’re going?)…you STILL could not handle the fact that your dynastyhas long since been over, and nobody feared one ounce the very team you clutch so close to your soul. I fought back with facts and figures that made my point...time and time again. You on the other hand jumped back into the time machine and completely left common sense behind.


Sam Keller for Heisman?
The WCO will revolutionize college football?
Best receivers in the Big 12?
Bill Callahan is a genius and everybody in the NFL thinks so?

Do ANY of you remember this? Is this sounding even vaguely familiar to you? This wasn’t 10 years ago…this wasn’t 5 years ago. Jesus H Christ, this was LESS THAN ONE year ago.

You clowns aren’t even smart enough to change your line of crap from year to year to try and fool the rest of us. It’s almost as if you broke out the a script, and instead of “Mo and Sam” scratched them off with a #2 pencil and scribbled “Joey and Marlon”. Hell, even the National Championship smack doesn’t do much anymore for anybody anymore, because the average college freshman was a whopping SEVEN years old the last time you were worth a shit. The average college freshman was just eleven when Miami handed you your undeserving ass on National television, inevitably flushing the once might Red into a liquidly swirl they have yet to climb out of.

Today's college football player couldn't tell you the difference between Reggie Baul and Reggie Jackson. Your same old " ____ will win the Heisman" talk is stale and boring. (which is ironic when you consider all the, "your blog used to be interesting, but now it sucks" smack you run.) Your “we just need to restore Husker pride” is so butt ass stupid it’s not even worth arguing about with you anymore. And no...it's not just me; ask pretty much anyone.

Nope, instead of actual facts…or instead of actual REASONS why people think Nebraska will be even remotely good…I get whimsical comments like this:

“You're hatred is so severe it distorts all of your predictions.”

“Tell me at ANY time has MU football been so significant in the History of the conference that would warrant anything from you but relentless hope that ‘This is the year, I feel it’.”

“AJ, the next time I need my table bussed, I'll leave you a big tip.”

“You've been sipping on too much of grandpa's medicine bottle”

“Losing the starting quarterback (another dude you consistently ripped on) ain't that big of a deal especially with the potential Ganz brings to the table.”

“AJ hasn't said anything worthly of remarking about, so why waste my time".


Pure….comic…genius.

For those of you that don’t dress up as Tom Osborne for Halloween each year, let me point out something to you: These are the ramblings of a broken people. Unimaginative, unoriginal and hell let's face it…in many cases simple blatant COPIES of the same blathering propaganda from recent years past …replies like these are pretty much all that is left. No more talk of yesteryear regarding your National Championships. No more talk about 8 decades worth of 9-win seasons. Nobody even remembers that anymore. Now, the best you can do is, “Your QB eats boogers and you have no history.”

That’s pretty much all I get these days.

When you think about it though, what is happening is the stark realization of a prophecy I made just this past fall. (And yet some people still won't admit it) For you see, your program has been destroyed. There is nothing left. It is completely and totally in shambles. This is exactly why I used the nuclear bomb reference throughout this past fall. And yes…even though some of the cockroaches are scurrying about before the 2008 season…it’s still all ado about absolutely nothing.

My how college football’s greatest fans have fallen.

So as the season draws closer, and our red-clad friends continue to tell me how little of this blog they read (despite hits from Nebraska IP's being up 3x from last year)….please take note and feel free to thoroughly enjoy the fine intellectual nuggets you will find in the comments section. Nowhere else on earth is a sports fan’s soul more eloquently placed upon the alter of reality than on an anonymous comment section of a random blog.

No, for you as a Husker fan...the world isn’t going to turn lush and green again anytime soon. The rivers have dried and the sky is still a blazing shade of orange. Let you never forget that I told you this would happen…and you have to this day failed to listen to me. This is not my fault...this is yours.

But then again, thank God you haven't listened to me.... because without your now daily tantrums, hissy fits and EXTREMELY pathetic auditions for the Jim Rome show…., the rest of us would have nothing but the season to look forward to. You are beaten. You are broken, and you’ve got nothing left but some teams and some flakes of endothermic ash on your shoulders.

There’s no way out. There’s no way to turn back time.

All you can do…is cry and flail away at the nothingness that surrounds you.

Boo hoo

AJ