When "Classy" Meets Clueless

OK, I did a lot of stupid shit in my day.

One time when I was 9, I hopped on my grandfather’s ATV with my little brother and headed down the street. I hit a curb so fast that the front tire stuck in the ground, sending my 6 year old brother flying over my head…only for me to run over him with it. For good measure after I drove over his thigh, I stayed on the bike another 20 feet...all the way until it went up a tree…tipping over and trapping my leg under the hot exhaust pipe.

One good 1st degree burn and several layers of charred flesh later…I realized that was pretty stupid.

Right before I graduated high school, I was accepted into the best journalism school in the country. I was even working on a partial baseball scholarship with the possibility of a full ride if things worked out. My room and board would be covered by some family members and the whole thing would hardly cost my family a dime. Instead, I choose to stay home for a girl, who ended up serving more cock than Chik-Fil-A.

Several bitter years and some therapy later…I realized that was pretty stupid.

Or take a few years ago. I was playing in our local baseball league when I got smacked in the wrist with a high and tight fastball. It hurt like hell, but I didn’t think it was too bad, since there was no swelling and I could move my fingers. I ended up playing 5 games more over the next 2 weeks, until I finally realized that it simply wasn’t getting better. By the time I went into the doctor to have them check it out, the movement had more than doubled the size of the 2-bone fracture in my wrist.

Surgery and 14 weeks in a cast later…I realized that was pretty stupid.

Yes, I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff in my day, and I’m sure most of you have stories such as these as well. Stories in your past where you just simply didn’t think. Perhaps you look back on your own life fondly, and remember times and images where you didn’t exactly make the best choice in judgment? Perhaps you realize you screwed up the second you did it? Perhaps you were even proud of your incredibly bad judgement? Perhaps it cost you your marriage...your girl or even your freedom.

But on your worst day, I’ll bet you weren’t as absolutely butt-ass idiotic as Austin Texas based Husker fan Jim Conradt...Aka “Darth Husker” on Wednesday.

Now I know what you’re saying…pretty silly on my part right? Pretty foolish for me to go ahead and hold an entire fan base accountable for the mindless actions of one drunken Hick fan? I hear what you’re saying. But here’s the deal: I bash on your program because they suck and most of all..they deserve it. I bash on your coaches and fans as a whole because they’re mypoic and delusional. But even on my best days....it’s not very often that a single ONE of you does something so outlandishly stupid…it simply defies logic.

Let me set the scene for some of you who are behind.

On Wednesday, Ol’ Darth Husker was getting into it hot and heavy with some Oklahoma fans on HornyHuskerFan.net or RedRoids.com or whatever outlandishly sophomoric island of thought you people tend to drift off to during the late off-season. Anyway, apparently while Ol’ Darth was getting into it with said Oklahoma fans online..he started to slowly forget something very important. Somewhere during the exchange…an exchange many (if not all) of you have probably had online…Ol’Darth simply flat out forgot one of the most basic facts on the planet in 2008; something so drastically true, even if God himself handed you a stone tablet while you were sitting at your PC right now..you still wouldn’t believe him....

Darth forgot that Oklahoma fans root for a very good team, while he rooted for a very bad team.

Somewhere lost around that time also was a fact that seems to slip by a lot of you, and that is: The internet is a playground of ideas and passion..especially around a popular sport like college football. But in the end, the rules of law still apply there, just as they would if you were standing next to somebody in a bar.

Look, I may bash on Mo Purify for being a lazy and a drunken hothead during bar fights… and I may accuse Tom Osborne of secretly lusting after bestiality porn in his spare time. However, when all of that is said and done, EVEN I…the Minister of all things hateful and bitter...would not be so devoid of common sense that I would actually report that some rival players were not busted by an RA during a panty raid…not given a ticket for parking in a handicap spot…but distributing cocaine.

Ummm…anybody see a problem here?

Apparently Ol Darth was so pissed off in his drunken/idiotic state that he thought he would cause panic in Soonerland, and report not on a message board..but on the DAILY OKLAHOMAN COMMENT BOARD that OU stars Sam Bradford and Landry Jones were apparently apprehended as coke dealers. I mean…I could see getting pissed off on the Rivals National board…or I could see losing your cool at BigHuskerDork.com or whatever….but the freaking message board for the LARGEST NEWSPAPER IN THE STATE!?!?!

How does ANYBODY this stupid even live? How is this guy able to pay his taxes, feed is family or Jesus Christ…tie his own fuckin shoes? The Daily Oklahoman!?!?! What, was the FBI cybercrime website message board down? Did he not think that MAYBE the arrest of two of the state’s biggest celebrities would MAYBE cause a reporter or two or fifty to think something was amiss? I mean, do you people want to be good again SOOOOO BAD that you would actually stoop to something that even I thought was below you?

Now again, this is EXACTLY why I don’t bash the personal lives of players unless called upon. This is exactly why I don’t try and “spice up” my blog with links to Marlon Lucky’s doctor records or Todd Pederson’s girlfriend’s myspace page. I don’t accuse guys of going to gay bars or having homo-erotic affairs with each other…even though you have to admit…when you people send me pictures of your entire receiving corps with their shirts off or dressed in volleyball drag…it’s kinda tough to hold back.

Anyway, let this be a lesson to all of you that the stupidity of one person can indeed ruin it for everybody else.

But hell, that’s not all!!!

Apparently Boba Fett Husker has been a Husker message board staple for years, and is quite well known by at least three friends of mine. In other words…the guy wasn’t some newbie off the street who was high on pot and 5 straight viewings of the 96 Fiesta Bowl. This was a guy who actually IS one of you. This is not some random douche…this is an experienced douche who absolutely positively…should have known better.

Nothing your players do ever shock me. Nothing your administration does ever shocks me. Hell, nothing you people do as a group shock me..and that includes that fucking psycho dude who walks around with a stuffed rat and has all the Husker players sign it.

But just when I think I’ve seen it all, along comes a fan who simply can’t handle the fact that your team and your fanbase as a whole are completely, totally, 100% at the absolute bottom of the college football food chain. Like it or not, this dude represents all of you, and is now a poster child for a fan base who is very simply a millimeter away from plummeting off the cliff.

And good God, it’s only mid-July. What type of psychotic tales will we be reliving when you are sitting at 3-5 in October?

God bless football and the mighty scholastic wonders who passionately follow it.



**LATE EDIT**

Come to find out dude didn't post this on a message board..he actually mocked up the Oklahoman website to make it look like they were arrested. Whether it looked real or not...it adds an extra layer of stupidity on the pile due to the line of copyright law being crossed. This just gets better)