Don't Call It a Comeback

Ahhhh…time away. Good Lord did I need that.

Time to recharge the batteries. Time to get some rest. Time to re-focus the energy on the tasks at hand. I'm not gonna lie to you, I’ve had some pretty good ideas over the years, but getting the hell away from you hayseeds before you put me into a corn-laced coma was about the best thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t need it because you were uninteresting and uninspiring. (Even though you were). It wasn’t because you flat-out bored me with your shitty returning players, your unproven idiot of a coach or your so-far-in-the-rear view-mirror-you-need-binoculars-to-see it legacy .

No, I needed it because lets face it….even the most hard core ignorant Husker yokel knows you’re going to suck next year. That's right, let's cut through the B.S. right here and now. Oh sure, you can say to yourself, “you know…..if we improve our tackling, we’re really going to be improved.” Or, “You know…if Shawn Watson tailors his offense to Joe Ganz’s skills, we could sneak by some people”.

No.

That is completely asinine and you and I both know it. (Then again, it was you brilliant masters of all things College Football who said you would beat USC with a 2nd string QB with 4 career wins and a group of 9th grade girls on defense...but I digress.) Look, I know you’re going to suck this year. YOU know you’re’ going to suck this year, so stop acting like this is the beginning of some sort of great odyssey. I mean seriously, it's BO PELINI. This is not Vince Lombardi, Chuck Knoll or Bob Stoops (Despite the fact that 95% of you compare the two).

Do you know how I know you're going to suck ass in 2008? Because if ANY SINGLE ONE of you had one OUNCE of optimism, you’d be blasting your way onto my comments page at the rate of a billion an hour. If You thought you were going to be worth a damn this year, you’d be talking up your team on the call-in shows, burning up the lines with schedule breakdowns, roster updates and the latest in recruiting news. Not ONE Husker fan has given me ONE good reason why I should expect anything more than a trip to Ft. Worth AT BEST. And no, I'm not talking this year..I'm talking 2009 minimum. And no, spare me with your stupid ass, "Our schedule breaks down real nice." Uhhh..no. If you're playing against D1 (or even FCS teams for that matter), you're in deep shit.

Here's another way I know we're thinking the same thing: It’s 58 days left til the season starts; football starts NEXT MONTH (that is not a typo) and swimming…yes….AMATEUR SWIMMING has taken over the airwaves, and pushed the Husker football juggernaut off the front pages like a 3 day Britney bender.

So if we both agree you’re going to suck balls next season…why am I still here? Why are you still here? Why is anybody even making the attempt to talk about you?

Because you still haven’t paid the price, that’s why. One full off-season of verbal abuse and national humiliation doesn’t begin to pay back your debt to college football society that you owe. The pain you have suffered over the past 300 days or so doesn’t even BEGIN to settle the score with those of us who put up with years..no DECADES of you douchebags acting like world class asshats. EVEN with a “fresh start” and “new hope”, your fans are still the same collection of inbred hillbillies who annoyed me to the point of madness for nearly 25 years.

So with that….you may stop caring…the world may stop caring..but I shall carry on. I carry on, because God himself could not set a limit high enough to endure your suffering. Watching your team go 5-7 will never get old. Not this year…not next year. Not ever. Even if you entered a world of football purgatory rivaling Temple University…I will would still argue that you would not have paid a high enough price.

So with the hiatus over and Summer hits it's midway point…with the realization that you’re only 8 short weeks from re-living your own personal nightmare once again…we continue as we always have.

Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you caring. Thank you for turning the crash and burn of a powerhouse into a giggle-inducing entertainment juggernaut that is this blog.

I am back.

I am full of hate.

I am ready to continue my wrath of hatred.

**
Speaking of funny, did you catch Tom Shatel’s heartwarming Hallmark-AfterSchool Special-esque story on Jason Peter over the weekend? Now, I give Traitor Tom crap year after year, but to actually listen to him act SHOCKED at Jason Peter being a drugged out thug back in his prime…is about the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.

Look, I’m not about to bash somebody for fighting their own personal daemons. God knows when football is over, and you’re doing blow off of a hookers bare ass or whatever the hell he did…you’ve got more issues than I can comment on. But Tom’s genuine surprise at just what a complete and total degenerate Jason Peter was, simply magnifies one of my biggest beefs with you people…and that is: your player warship is blind, and your inability to see the forest for the trees knows no bounds.

I mean, wasn’t the mid 1990’s…the quintessential Golden Era of Husker football…a collection of Norman Rockwell-esque paintings, with sons and fathers filling Memorial Stadiums, watching hard-nosed student athletes battle their guts out for the pride of their state and the glory of their youth? Wasn’t it idiots like you who told me just what a great family man Tom Osborne was? Wasn’t it people like you who told me how the national media blew that whole, “Thug” thing out of proportion?

And Jesus Tap-dancing Christ, Jason Peter wasn’t even the biggest thug in his own FAMILY, let alone his own team.

I’m sure you won’t learn a lesson by it, and you probably thought to yourself, “What a strong and outstanding young man” when you read that story. But make no mistake about it….Tom’s mancrush induced love-letter to Jason Peter simply reinstates what I’ve told you for years….and that is that you weren’t jack shit until you started recruiting guys like Jason Peter. And yes…there is a direct correlation between bad guys and winning…just ask the hypocritical bastard that coached him.

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Speaking of things I told you would happen…did I not just spend the better part of a decade telling you that the College World Series sucked? Now I don’t mean the tourney itself, or the fact that Omaha is on the national stage. It’s a great event for the city, and the tourist flood town by the thousands, only to rave about what a great town this is.

But JUST as I told you..the NCAA, Dennis Pope, Jack Deising and the rest of the greedy a-holes who run that thing have simply ruined that thing in the name of money and the lust of power. 16 days of PING! PING! PING! PING! PING!

16 days!?!? Are you kidding me? Why not just ask fans from out of town to drop the registration to their car the deed to their house in a big fishbowl on the way into the stadium? How much does it cost to stay at the Hampton Inn for 2 and a ½ weeks? And the worst part? They don’t give a rats ass. (Just as I told you.) They don’t care about the tradition. They don’t care about the event. They don’t care about Omaha and they SURE as hell don’t care about you.

They care about themselves and their money. Perhaps maybe now you’re starting to understand just what the hell I’m talking about.

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All aboard the Hate Express…it’s almost Season Preview time.

God it's good to be back.