May 10, 2008

Hate City U.S.A.

Some weekend odds and ends to get you through your mothers day weekend:

* Over the course of my life, I’ve become rather callous and condescending. Ok, I’ll admit that I’ve almost become borderline evil. But even with all that, I like to think I have a fairly good head on my shoulders as to what to expect in life and how to read most every situation. One thing however that always astounds me surrounds my hometown of Kansas City. Although I grew up with the Kansas-Missouri rivalry all around me, I am constantly in awe of just much these groups of people hate each other. Whether it's at a family get-together back home, or browsing the daily diatribes in the comments section of the K.C. Star; I'm always amazed but never shocked. Rivalry the way God intended it.

So, OK fine. Some Yankee fan actually KILLED a Red Sox fan in New Hampshire the other day. But lets be honest…have you ever met a hard-core Red Sox fan? Not to condone 2nd degree murder, but let’s get real here; who HASN'T wanted to run over a group of loudmouthed chowderheads at one time or another? Anyway, despite what ESPN and the national press says….other rivalries may have more fans involved. Other rivalries may play more consistently for higher stakes…but no rivalry pours in more hatred, more rage, more anger, more pure unadulterated disdain and passionate wickedness than Missouri and Kansas.

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Despite Kansas being a territory of thugs and criminals during the mid 1800’s, the two states did actually go through a bloody 4 year war against each other. (Not a pansy-assed, politically correct anaolgy for war, but a real war.) But that's not the whole story.
Kansas City, the epicenter of hate in this country, has been blessed with the Shitty Royals, the shittier chiefs, and enough bad luck and bad decisions to last a lifetime. Is there any wonder things have turned the way they have over the past year or so? Missouri throttles Kansas in football, Kansas wins a meaningless BCS game (yes, I said it) …and then they steal a National Title in a sport that they supposedly have owned for decades. (Even though 2 National titles in 50 years isn’t that impressive to me for a “powerhouse”) But I digress.

So what does all this have to do with the Huskers? Everything. Watching Tom Osborne and the Howdy Doody people run rough shot for all those years over the Big 8 with their bland offense, their ugly helmets and their hokey self-patronizing ways was bad for the league and bad for the sport. The fact that Hick Nation is now sitting face down in the gutter like the a drunken prom date left behind is a Godsend for so many reasons.

Gone are stupid ass options, boring head coaches (oh wait, Tom’s still around) and an overly self-indulgent mass of humanity that follows their team far and away, like a giant red ameba-like blob of Crisco, blatantly unhidden under a series of red t-shirts and white striped overalls. But in it's place stands the resurrection of a dynamic rivalry that epitomizes everything that is good with sports.

Hate, rage, disdain and flat-out rivalry at it’s greatest.

So for those of you who are sitting in your mom’s basement right now, clutching a copy of the 1994 orange bowl program and sporting a faded “Unfinished Business” t-shirt…please note that your downturn in luck has not only kicked you from the mind of the conscious, but it has also breathed life into the greatest rivalry in college sports; One very few know about, except those who spawned from it’s inception nearly 140 years ago.

Oh, and speaking of such hate…nice to see Kansas get scholarships pulled for being a bastion of the athletically illiterate. Not that anybody else expected different. Nice going Beakers.

* So let me get this straight: Offensive Coordinator Shawn Watson was the genius who led the Husker’s to a #12 ranking in total offense last year, but the guy you just ran out…the guy you all hated…had his meddling hands all over the offense in order to keep Watson from succeeding? Huh?

So how can you be so sure that Shawn Watson is such an outstanding offensive mind, when in the same breath, you complain that Bill Callahan held everything down with his meddling? Which is it?

To me, this will be the story of the season for Hick nation. Bomopia will have his defense playing better, because let’s face it…there’s no way in hell you could play worse. Yet at the same time, very few of you will even notice your offensive efficency dropping like a rock; not only because you’re losing your starter from a year ago (as your best wide receiver and only real offensive threat)…but the guy who actually had his “grubby hands” all over the offense last season is now getting paychecks from the NFL again.

Those of you who are banking on “the offense will be fine”, better take another look at just how and why your offense was ½ decent in the first place. (And yes, don’t get me started on the argument from a few months ago that explains just how easy it is to run up offensive numbers when you are down 35 points all the time and airing things out.) I haven't said "I told you so" in at least a few days. May as well print this off as well.

* So a new arena in Lincoln is coming? I think that's outstanding. Not because I think Husker basketball will suddenly become this giant of a program, awakening from a long slumber, but it will give me really two reasons to follow something other than your minor bowl games (if at all) in the coming years.

First, it will give most of you a reason to at least pay attention to the fact that Nebraska does have a basketball team. With that attention comes outlandish claims, ridiculous expectations and even more idiotic ramblings from people who don't know what the hell I'm talking about. And second is the pending slap-fight with Creighton "fans" over just which bandwagon and sparkling new arena to sit in as you're stuffing garlic cheese fries down your throat.
Can't wait. Seriously.

* For some reason, the year is flying by and it’s already mid-May. Hell, the season starts in less than 4 months. For that reason, it might be time to start breaking down the upcoming continued disaster that is the 2008 Nebraska Cornhusker football team. I’m not sure what sort of direction we’re going to go into next on this blog. But let the record show…with all the uncertainty in Lincoln coming up this fall…you need to know the ridiculous claims and the unmitigated disaster from every angle and as soon as possible. That’s why I’m here...for you.

Enjoy your weekend.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It will post as anonymous, but my name is Buffalo Phil.

A.J. your notes about Watson are right on. He was CU's OC under Barnett and he was terrible.

I couldn't believe it when Calahan hired him and was even more amazed the Panini bread kept him. Good news for all of us fusker haters though.

Keep up the good work.

Buffalo Phil -- A huge fan of the Big XI.

7:05 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Amen, slaver. I was having a discussion about when the KU/MU game would go back to their perspective campus. We both agreed that one more game thats even close to the importance of last years game...and it will never go back.

Oh and for the record. I'm a KU grad but since I'm from Nebraska, the rivarly is mostly just good fun for me.

But you are right. It is real.

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After the Huskers finish imploding, have you given any thought to perhaps becoming "Beakerh8er" and just ripping on their program on a regular basis?

Right now "Husker nation" is a burning heap that you are urinating on. Sure, every now and then a Husker fan comes running out of the flames and shouts something obnoxious about how great things are going to be, but your time would be better used elsewhere than picking guys like that off.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ -- Since the site has changed it's difficult to post as other than anonymous for a lot of people who do not have a google account or a blog. I've posted several times and from now on will add my name to the post.

Just saw the Spring Previews on all football schools in the Big 12. I nearly dropped my coffee when Joe Ganz said Nebraska will compete for the Big 12 North this year because the defense is so much better and the 'offense is what it is'. LMAO


11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No one can understand the hatred between ku and Mizzou unless they've lived it. It goes back over 150 years, and involved the deaths of women and children on both sides. It ain't going away.

11:01 PM  
Blogger jeffro144 said...

I think that last years game at Arrowhead helped to shine some light on what a select group of fans already knew was a very heated rivalry.

For those that grew up in MO or KS know that it goes beyond one sport. I doubt anyone cares about Duke/North Carolina Football. MU/KU have a challenge yearly at all sports and crown the winning school. Football,basketball, baseball, track, golf, volleyball, checkers for all I care. Just beat KU.

2:36 PM  
Blogger bornred said...

Okay, the facelift might take some getting used to. Don't get me wrong, it's nice.. it's just that the dark background seemed to set the mood of hatred a bit better and unless I'm mistaken, it created a little tension all on it's own. With this light background, I kinda feel like Sammy Davis Jr could show up at any moment and break out a little Candy Man. As long as your writing creative doesn't change, it doesn't matter to me how it's presented.


3:46 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

We'll stick with this for a while and let's see how it goes. I was getting tired of the black background, and this should take us through to the start of the season.

Your suggestion is noted...more black, death and evilness needs to be applied to the design.

We'll take that into consideration during the next overhaul.

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As long as it makes your opinions less shitty, I'm all for the new backdrop. Nice to see the cryin kid is still there as well. (I would have missed him)


4:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice new look AJ


7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greatest rivalry in what? just because kansas and missouri care doesn't mean most people do. Texas Oklahoma still takes the cake in the big twelve and I don't even have to mention other rivalries(considering Mizzou failed to beat Oklahoma in two matchups you all should have hoped Texas would win...then you may have had a chance at a big 12 title...something even Nebraska holds over you). You are just as pathetic as all the dumbass Nebraska fans that you think are so below you. Actually you are worse when you make idiotic claims about Kansas Missouri being so awesome. Noone gives a shit outside your states about this matchup. Which is funny because you claim noone cares about Nebraska outside the state. Hypocrite, dipshit and myopic are all words that describe you as well as many Husker fans. Heres something to chew on. 4 years ago missouri was 4-8 and lost to a 5-6 nebraska team led by Billy Boy in his first year. Missouri is a good team no doubt so what makes you think in a few years Nebraska can't be good again? Don't say the talent isn't there or the resources are lacking. Nebraska went from the bottom to heights Mizzou has never had before and it can happen again. Not saying it will but you seem way to certain in a very uncertain sport. Lastly you talk so much of KU being a fluke and not really ahving it but you think the rivalry will be important if KU meets your expectations? Give me a break. You contradict yourself way too much to be taken seriously.

Husker fan in NOLA.

11:47 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I may contradict myself, but at least I know the proper use of a new paragraph.

Give me a break. You "may" be good again, I've said that many times. You'll just NEVER be as good as you were, nor will you be as good as you think you are.

That's the point. Thanks for missing it.

As for Missouri vs. Kansas, I don't expect you to get that either. You have no clue what rivalry is about...which is why you not only spend so much time in love with yourself, but you obviously can't handle a critic either.

Please try to hold off on the corn-mash liquor before you comment on my blog again. Or at the very least...make some sort of point before going on some drunken and whiney rant.

8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Husker fan in NOLA -- if, as you say, nobody outside of Missouri or Kanasas gives a shit about their game, why did it have the high ratings that it did? Apparently only the husker faithful weren't watching while the other 49 states were.


2:13 PM  
Blogger jazz1258 said...

AJ - nice work as usual. A little off topic, but why did you delete the zebrahead link? I assume b/c it's not sports related.. but from one mfzb fan to another - rock on. Okay, so that was way OT.


4:19 PM  
Blogger NEBforCU said...

Husker fan in NOLA,

And no one cares about UNL either. Except for the flock of sheep gathered around the stadium, listing to their Alan Parsons Project CD!

Which you stole from da Bulls!

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You have an interesting new page design. When will you come out and show us some passive pink.

Good God Man! Show us more of the dark hatred bleeding out from your soul before the season starts or I just might have to find someone else to hate.



6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


The Minister of Bad Grammar and misspellings calling out a commenter for improper sentence structure.

Good God.

9:55 PM  
Blogger TheGrove68 said...

What alot of people don't get about the KU vs MU feud is that it is real in alot of cases.Like I said this is a blood feud. Some of my relatives where murdered by KU jayhawkers a sin I can never forgive or forget. And some of my relatives took vengeance for those acts. I'm sure the family of these KU scum probably feel the same way about my family.I would expect no less.

I give no quarter to KU fans and I expect none in return. Now I won't bring any violence to them or their kind because it is frowned upon in this day and age. But believe me I wouldn't piss on their children if they were on fire. I'd at least do that for a NU fan!!

Now I will admit that the OU/TX,Mich/Ohio St. rivarly is more well known and talked about but that is about sports. The MU vs KU rivalry is about BLOOD. And the right of Missouri citizens in protecting our women and children from Murdering,raping,and plundering Jayhawks, all under the cloak of the civil war.

10:11 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

OK, I will give you misspelling a lot, because quite frankly...I don't have the time to proofread that much.

But I will not tolerate being accused of bad grammar as well. I have a lot of flaws and such, and I will take a lot of crap. But I will not stand for being accused of something that is not true.

And Jazz, the Zebrahead link went down because yes...not really sports related, and it just didn't fit. However, I'm still a fan...I still go to shows when I can and still have some connections with the band.

Good to see a fellow MFZB'er check in.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

About the rivalry: Well said.

And that's the best compliment I'll ever give to a Missouri fan!

I spent the first half of my life in Omaha, and the last half of my life in Lawrence...I hate Missouri with a passion of course (I'm also opposed to slavery).

I do like the Lake of the Ozarks, though.

Anyway, it is great seeing the rivalry get more national attention. Duke and UNC have nothing on KU-MU.

8:32 PM  

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