September 28, 2008

Feel the Hate

Hate week:

A pillar of disdain and rage set upon a backdrop of hype, history and arrogance. As we stated in this very blog nearly one year ago, the college football landscape has changed significantly since the grainy, black-and-white newsreel footage days of Scott Frost, Kirk Farmer, Tommie Frazier, Kent Skornia and Eric Crouch. Gone are the triple digit point spreads, the pathetically supercilious pity claps and blind idiotic faith that leads a couple million fans through the darkness of the typical Nebraska Autumn.

Yes, hate week is many things to many people. To you, perhaps it’s just another first-weekend-of-October filled with big games, big upsets (pffffft) and SEC hype. To others it may be yet another attempt for me and others to create drama around a game played by two programs; a has been and a never-was.

Yet to me, hate week is so much more. It’s more than looking ahead, and it’s more than just two rival teams facing off on a 120 yard patch of carpet in the middle of a shithole state that has so little going for it…it’s entire identity is based upon a college football program that hasn’t done squat in 6 years. To me, it is extremely personal and every bit as real as that "Crouch for Heisman" your Stetson-wearing, Dove hunting wife has tattooed on her lower back.

You see...Hate Week brings about the feelings of yesterday and smashes them against the cold hard reality of today. In this particular case…as it did last season…hate week brings me to you…not just in commentary and sarcasm, but in full and living color. Just as last season…your long and painful drop to rock bottom is fully underway, and I intend to remind you of every pity clap you ever gave me….every snide-ass comment you ever made…and every ridiculous arrogant prediction that has come out of your mouth.

But if last year wiped your program off the map…what does this year bring? What is even the point of getting all excited for a game where…if you saw Va Tech last night…is going to carry all the drama and excitement of a trip to Harold Warp's Pioneer Village? What is there POSSIBLY left to prove before I simply shut this whole movement down and declare sweet sweet victory?

Because there is one more door to smash down, that's why. Despite the glowing aftermath, one last hurdle remains before the entire balance of power transformation is 100% complete. Winning in Lincoln…something that hasn’t been done in 30 years…would represent the end of the journey; the final nail in a coffin that has been slammed shut for quite some time. Total victory will be Missouri fans like me, standing over your program’s nearly dead body…desperately wheezing for every last ounce of breath, moments before the first sub 2:00 scoring drive early in the 1st quarter. Sporting a giant spike and cross, my boyhood team is about to make one last thrust into your heart…once and for all murdering the ghosts of the past.

What ghosts? What's the big deal you ask? Need to be reminded of your past greatness? Ok, I'll play that game. Here are some of my Lincoln favorites:

1982 – A thinned out, yet 5th ranked Husker team squeaks by the Tigers in Lincoln. Turner Gill gets knocked on his ass mid-way through the game, but then some 5th string assclown named Bruce Mathison (Who?) took the Hicks 70 yards in 11 plays with 4:45 left to play and seal the victory.

1984 – 6th ranked Nebraska, fresh off their choke job to Miami the previous year, Down 16-10 at the half, Mizzou was threatening when some Marc Munford person picked off a pass and went 57 yards for the TD. Mizzou couldn’t overcome the 23-10 deficit late, and fell again. The mighty Husker offense was held to less than 200 yards…bad news for Mizzou? They had 111. (Yes, one hundred and eleven…yards. Yes, total. )

1988 – 5th ranked and 7-1 Nebraska is down 18-17 mid way through the 4th in Lincoln when Steve F’ing Taylor of all people throws an 82 yard PASS on 3rd and 22 to some copier salesman named Todd Millikan. A field goal with 8:24 left took the lead, and another late TD sealed the victory. Mizzou would go on to a thrilling 3-8 season.

1990 – Coming 7 days after the infamous “5th down game” against Colorado in Columbia, Mickey Joseph, one of the worst Husker QB’s in modern history ran for 9000 yards as the 7th ranked hicks ran up 622 yards of offense…500 of them on the ground. The Huskers would win 69-21 as Mizzou would eventually fall to 4-7 on the season.

1991 – My first game ever at Memorial Stadium saw the Tigers take a 3-0 lead early. 63 points later, the 9th ranked Hicks would steamroll the Tigers on their way to 681 yards of total offense….most of which was gained by the 3rd quarter.

1993 – 5th ranked Nebraska stomps on Mizzou in Lincoln 49-7, out gaining the Tigers 539 to 172. Jeff Handy had an outstanding day throwing the ball for Missouri, going a Joe Montana-like 15 of 23 for 104 yards. The Tigers would lose 3 of their last 4 that season, finishing a stellar 3-7-1.

1995 – Nebraska 57 – Missouri 0

1996 – Nebraska 51 – Missouri 7

1998 – A Cinderella Mizzou’s best shot in recent memory to upend the Monte Christo-led Huskers falls in a giant pile of shit in the south end zone, as MU wide-out John Dausman drops a pass in the chest that would have set up the game tying extra point with no time remaining. Monte…fucking…Christo? Seriously? Huskers 20- Mizzou 13.

2000 – Top ranked Nebraska fights off a spunky Kirk Farmer behind the clipping-fueled returns of Bobby Newcombe. Mizzou actually out gains the Huskers 491 to 484, but to no avail. Huskers 42 – Tigers 24.

2002, 2004 and 2006 – Neither team is ranked in all 3 games, with the Huskers winning each. 2006 is punctuated with Chase Daniel firing the ball all over the place to the delight and pig squeals of 78,000 overall wearing fans. Despite racking up 220 yards in the second half, NU rides 4 Mizzou turnovers to a 34-20 lead..providing Bill Callahan with his biggest win of his short career.

And there you have it. Of all the jinxes, kicked balls, 5th downs and more…winning in Lincoln remains the last major hurdle facing the average Missouri fan. With history so near, and the point spread so wide, thousands of angry gold-clad fans will invade the cement toilet on 10th street this Saturday…hoping to witness the end game. It will be merciless. It will be glorious. It will be a lifetime in the making.

And before you hit me with USC/Florida/Georgia predictions...the odds are that there will be no overlooking. There will be no peeking past Saturday to a showdown with suddenly good Oklahoma State at home the following week. No, the average Missouri fan,…pain still lingering in his heart and sweet sweet revenge rattling around his brain…will be prepared to take full advantage of the situation.

There is no turning back the hands of time. There is no pulling the covers over your head after each Chase Daniel completion. You will be forced to sit…and watch…and soak in the payback of 30 years...all from the comfort of your favorite wooden slab you've called home 8 times a year. Yes, you and your fellow fans will have no choice but to let us enjoy our moment…our one final death-blow into the staggering former champion that tormented us for so long.
For those of you with some vacation left at work..now would be a pretty good time to head to the lake…or fix up the combine..or whatever it is you people do during bye weeks. The sight of me and my brethren taking out 3 decades of frustration in your own living room will be difficult to watch...but oh oh so satisfying. I plan to make the most of it as my greatest day crosses over with one of your worst.

You have been warned.

5 days to go.

AJ

Oh and PS – Could your coach be any bigger of a crybaby wanker? Dude, you’re the head coach of a traditional Division 1 football program. Every time you sprout that little vein in your neck to show your constituents your “passion”, it makes you look like a complete newbie idiot. (As does the chomping gum and $4 grey sweatshirt you sport on the sideline.)

Although I will give old Bo credit..it's not nearly as ridiculous as 5 to 8 Husker scrubs dancing and jiving behind the bench for the ABC cameras (while losing) as if they were on the set of America’s Best Dance Crew. There are times you need to be loose..and there are times you look like a class C1 high school team from Bennington. You love to preach how you've been there before..how bout you act like it for 30% of the world to see? You can have all the former Huskers you want on the sideline…when you act like douchebags for all the world to see…it kinda defeats the purpose.

36 Comments:

Anonymous ohf said...

hate week. lmao. this shit is too funny. see ya in lincoln saturday aj. ya you guys will probably kick our asses, but whatever, i still laugh at the tiggers and know every team has their day, even if it is every 30 or so years. even the greats need to share. seriously id love to kick it with you before the game, and see what makes you tick, you are one funny dude thats for sure.

ohf

10:06 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hasn't been the same without ya, you douchebag.

;)

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Mizzou Fan in KS said...

Reading this makes me wish I was going to be at the game. I was at the '91, '98, '04 and '06 games. Things have certainly changed since that '91 game when I had to buy dinner for losing our bet after I was spotted 50 points on the drive up.

Great post. Enjoy the game Sat. You certainly deserve this great experience.

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's the over/under on the amount of games played before pelini assaults a ref?

1:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck the Huskers. Classless farmers, all of them.

I love the fact that you hicks think you "should" be good. Why? Is Montana any good? Wyoming? South Dakota?

Face it, you white-Levis-wearing backwoods cousin fuckers, you cheated to win for years. Steroids. Absolutely no admissions standards. "Scholarships" from shitass, hole-in-the-ground towns across the fruity plain that should have gone to academically-deserving students but instead went to "walk-ons" who proceeded to juice up in ways that would mortify Hulk Hogan.

You'll never, ever be good again. Ever. Not in a decade, not in a century.

P.S. I gave a golf clap to your no-talent players when we waxed your ass 41-6 last year. I predict a worse beating this year.

I love Hate Week!

2:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is really amusing as a KU fan. I am hoping for a 70-70 tie after 8 overtimes, and then the earth just opens up and swallows the field.

9:32 AM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Oklahoma State is good now that you play them?

Nobody. That's all they are dude. One of those nobody's we beat away last year. Don't go talking them up now...it makes you look like a total douche.

Wait a minute. What am I saying.


And NU fan???? Don't go tempering this weekend with a "We'll probably loose" mentality. You guys spent the whole off season chalking up every home game as a win because MU and KU never beat you at home.

No changing your tune now. Stick to your fucking stories guys. One would start to think you just make this shit up as you go along.

10:18 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

What are you talking about? They were your best win.

And that entire group is back this year and oh yeah..ranked.

I didn't say I thought they'd win..they just scare me and it's a big fat trap in my mind between teh NU and UT games.

You worry about your little team, and we'll chat more about it prior to Arrowhead.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ne-jhawk:

OK-State is good because they are ranked (21...5 sports behind Kansas)

11:27 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

i fucking love this site

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Some advice from Omaha said...

Someone forwarded this link to me, and I am still trying to get past the genius who continues to live in a place that he describes as a "shithole". Continue to polish those creative writing skills, and maybe it can lead to a job somewhere else that makes you happy. We're really rooting for you little buddy! (Hateful Missouri fans are so entertaining.)

11:59 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I'm just suprised you were smart enough to open the link.

Douchebag. Do some readin and you'll figure out the answer to your question.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nebraska and K-State fans should form an alliance....

Or at least head to a bar and reminisce about the good ole days.

12:27 PM  
Anonymous ohf said...

ku fan... i hate the tiggers more than shitty ku, but yes, we will kick your squak ass this year in lincoln, and the tiggers will kick your ass too in arrowhead. i have said this since last year, i havent changed my story. aj, what are you doing letting squak fans on your site when this is supposed to be the hate week between the tiggers and nebraska? i have to get back to oiling the combine for harvest...

just to be clear arguing mizzou-ku greatness is like arguing... well, shit, i cant come up with anything, because no one gives a shit, like i said we all get ours every 30 or so years... enjoy it. and yes the tiggers are FAR superior to ku this year.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That shucking and jiving behind the bench reminded me of the University of Miami and all of their ghetto thugs.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Nowledge said...

Are you still stopping by the ambulance when you get here, AJ?

I'll be at the game, but I'm kinda scared as to what the fans will do here when Mizzou does win in Lincoln. It IS Homecoming, btw (all the more reason for you and your fans to relish a W, IF it happens).

I know I have a 1/1000000000000th chance that the Huskers will will on Saturday, but it is any given Saturday.....

5:28 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I'm well aware of the 'Any Given Saturday' phenomenon. If you would have read back about 1 column, you would have seen me mention it a time or two or 50.

Nebraska certainly can win the game...nowhere did I say they absolutely wouldn't. What they don't have is a very good chance to win the game...and that is not an opinion shared by only me.

You people act like I make all this stuff up...like this whole thing is a dream world I created.

I'm just here to party man..you guyd did this to yourself. I was merely right about it.

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, Jesus, the Devil. You guys are going to beat are asses red. I hope Gary Pinkel remembers all those times we took it easy on you. I mean really can we just forfit this game? I don't want to play; the Tigers are probably the best team in the nation. I mean geez, they will probably put up 600 yards, and 69 points on us!

Andrew

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ,
I would love to meet up with you before or after the game!

I know I give you shit and you give it back, but hell that is the fun of this site.

Let's look at some things:
1)You have not had a VICTORY in 30 years in Lincoln.
2)UMMMMMMM
3)You are rated very high
4)The Cornhuskers have a better track record through history than the Tigers. The Huskers have had their ups and downs over time but all in all it as mostly been on the upside.

I hope and pray that the Huskers win Saturday, long shot I know, but that is yet to be seen,they play the games for a reason.

5)Missouri will find a way to fuck up this season, I hope and pray it will be this week.

As always,

You Can Eat A Mile Of My Corn Ridden Shit And Kiss My Husker Ass

P.S.
Sorry I am not as vulgar as normal, that might come later this week!!!!!

8:55 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Did I say that KU was better than MU??? I don't believe I did. In fact, after last year I didn't know what to think so I didn't make any predictions this year. That's what you do when you find yourself in a place you've never been before, you temper your fucking expectations.

But what does NU fan do when they find themselves in a place they have never been before? They make claims like 'we're going 8 wins because KU and MU never beat us at home' and then back off them as soon as the season starts.

And AJ- I hear what you are saying. But we beat KSU last year when they were ranked. How? It was the first week of Big 12 play.

I realize I'm only giving you shit here...but last year, after KU would beat a team, they would magically become 'No one'.

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Tiger in Chicago said...

Since I happen to live in the middle of big 10 country, ABC decided that I should watch the Illini lose to a team they thought they could beat instead watching the Reds lose to clowns from the ACC.

Long story short, does anyone have a youtube/dailymotion/etc video of the Husker's dance job?

Many thanks in advance

go tigers

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Missouri junior guard Kurtis Gregory said that playing at Memorial Stadium in Lincoln is different from any other facility in the Big 12.

"It's loud and it's crazy and they are real nice fans," Gregory said. "They kind of clap for you when you come out on the field for practice or when you leave. It's not what you always would expect."

Gregory said the fans' reaction is especially different when compared to other Big 12 North venues that might be a tad more hostile.

"Let me put it this way, we'd never expect to hear something like that at Kansas," he said, chuckling.

Well Siad, who is this guy?
- Andrew

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting state.

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/big12/0-2-222/Sooners-add-to-their-history-as-most-frequent-No--1-team.html?post=true


Andrew

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Brad Burgess said...

Nice to hear from the dirtbag KU fan. Guess what, loser...your ass beating is coming soon enough. Stand in line and keep your mouth shut, punk.

As for Nebraska, nice c#$*-sucker blast caught on regional TV by Bo Peep. When you combine the Neanderthal coach's antics and excuses with that RIDICULOUS dance of the losers behind the Nebraska bench, you can really see how far this program has slipped.

Nebraska used to be known for it's steely precision, and the unflappable Dr. Tom on the sidelines coming up with his next trick play. Now...? The Nebraska sideline has become a motley collection of sideshow freaks, and this, of course, bodes well for how the on-field performance will go in Big 12 play. Who will you beat in the conference this year, Nebraska? Maybe Iowa State? Maybe?

When you lose by 30 points to Missouri this Saturday, look carefully in the mirror. You were the ass clowns who didn't think 9-2 or 8-3 was "good enough" for Nebraska, and your tradition.

What would you give for 8-3 now?

10:59 AM  
Blogger NEBforCU said...

OK, my question to the NUBBIES out there, how can you have homecoming, when you never left the state to begin with?

12:23 PM  
Anonymous ohf said...

ku fans.. misery fans.. i forgot why i didnt stop by here very often. so damn whiney and annoying. shit people.

2:27 PM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

I find it funny when a fan from Mizzou calls a fan from KU a 'dirtbag'.

This from the state that is made up of equal parts Cracker Barrels and Porn Shacks.

Go twist one off into your Biscuts and Gravy for me.

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seeing the Border War spill over into hate week, this Buff alum has a question about it. Do KSU fans get into this? Or is it a strictly KU-MU thing?

Anyway, I hope everyone in the North kicks Nub nad this season.

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should win. You're number 4 in the nation and have, what, the second best offense in the USA??? You should win.

I hate Misery, but didn't until I went to Columbia for the last two Nebraska games. The Misery fans were pigs. Your fans set up the "hate week."

Ok . . . we'll play. We'll probably lose. You ARE the better team this year. We haven't shown that we can beat you. I still hope we do, though.

The cool thing this year is that the TIGGERS are under the pressure cooker this time around. If you lose, your national championship hopes are OVER. Misery won't get a second chance cuz they'll be in line behind USC, Florida, and Georgia.

I would LOVE to be the team to ruin your season. It would be even better since you are a better team and we aren't even ranked. I'm expecting a Misery win, but I guarantee that I will not laugh any harder than if we spoil your season.

Bring it on TIGGERS. You now have the bulls eye on your back. Everybody is gunning for you. Don't mess up . . . or . . . it's . . . OVERRRRRRRRR!

12:17 PM  
Blogger daddyact said...

Sweet!

12:13 AM  
Anonymous STLMizzouMike said...

Wow. First off, I would just like to say that you are one hell of a writer, AJ. Your range and ability to entertain are incredibly impressive. As a life time Tiger fan and recent Missouri alum fresh through the Columns, it is incredibly embarrassing to even have to associate with these trashy schools of the Big 12 - primarily Kansas and Nebraska. Their inability to use grammar correctly to the slightest extent and failure to put together even something close to a coherent thought exemplifies the standard trash of both states. I suppose it's fun to hate... It is so ridiculous though when people from either state make their pathetic attempts to trash talk the state of Missouri. Granted, we have our lesser, unimpressive, embarrassing areas, but so does every state. But unlike your shit holes, Missouri is not overwhelming populated by classless, cultureless, inbred, uneducated lifeforms that bring shame to the human race. It doesn't make any sense. Your states are the armpit of America. There is nothing. Somebody earlier mentioned Idaho or Montana or what not; the locals there might not have much going for them, but at least the scenery is easy on the eye. You drive through the barren Gehenna of Kansas for over 40 miles before seeing any life form, if even a highway exit. The experience is painful. You are the haven for biggot fundamentalists and Scientology. What have you ever contributed to society?

11:51 AM  
Blogger daddyact said...

aj, you dipshit!

Maybe you don't know history or you're just to fucking callow and shallow to regard anything which happened before you first discovered cfb back in 1980.

It's not like the Tigers have never beaten the Huskers in Lincoln before, it's just that it hasn't happened in your lifetime.

Once again, I have to chuckle at all you Mizzou and Puffie fans that seem to think a loss on Saturday will mean decades of, not only mediocrity, but damnation as another Vanderbilt or Minnesota, teams which were great at one time, but never since.

Wishful, wishful thinking on the part of ya'll.

We'll be back and you damn well know it.

4:47 PM  
Blogger daddyact said...

Oh, yeah mizzoumike, the state of Missouri is just full of classy,educated fans.

This is the same state which used to send Quantrill and his cutthroats over to rape, kill and pillage in Kansas, just so ya'll could own slaves and feel superior to something or someone else.

Yeah, we're all cultureless, inbred and uneducated.

4:51 PM  
Blogger daddyact said...

nebforcu,

Do you even know what homecoming means?

It ain't about leaving the state moron, it's about coming back to your school from which you graduated.

Oh, I get it now. I'm sorry, you can't do that since you never actually graduated from Colorado University.

6:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a cunty move. Get your big win and quit, so you don't have to face what's coming to you when NU gets back to a respectable level. What a twat you are.

5:02 PM  
Blogger A J said...

This is the weakest attempt to spin a 5 TD loss as there ever has been.

You fucking tool.

11:49 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Listed on BlogShares