What Our Little World Has Become

Have you ever stopped in mid-thought and made one of those random realizations? Have you ever stopped pitchin hay or slopping hogs and really taken a moment to let all the little facets of the universe soak through your white mesh Moor-Mans hat as you stand next to your Waterloo Boy Model ‘N’ manure loader? (the first one of you freaks who gets the urge to write me and call me an idiot because the model ‘N’ was discontinued years ago gets my wrath)

Ten years ago, the Huskers were rolling to yet another 12-1 season. Led by a future Heisman trophy running back…only a Tom Brady-esque performance by Major Applewhite kept the Hick nation from kicking back and throwing a 6th trophy on the side of that stupid ass truck that follows your team everywhere. When that is you happen to HAVE to play a road game per Big 12 rules. )

At that time, Frank Solich (Boooo! ) led his team to huge wins over Texas A&M, 6th ranked Tennessee and 5th ranked Kansas State. (They did squeak by Colorado and KU...and had to rally to beat a bad Southern Miss team at home…but who cares about details?). Names like Buckhalter, Alexander and Davison and Craver destroyed a young lad with a decent future named Peyton Manning. All was right in your world and the future truly was so bright you had to wear shades.

Anyhow, if you happened to be crushed by farm equipment that year and somehow found yourself waking up from a 10 season coma this week….here is what you would find:

- The Huskers are coming of a 4 of 5 year stretch that would rank those seasons as some of the worst in school history.
- The Huskers are coming off of a season where they were one of 12 teams in 1A that didn't go to a bowl.
- The vaunted option power game was scrapped…reviled and then longed for yet again.
- Inconsistencies are abound with a string of stunningly easy drives of pure poetry, followed by a game where you needed late-game heroics to beat San Jose State…at home.
- A young hothead defensive coordinator with zero personality is set to take the Big Red once again into the unknown.

We need not again go through all that is wrong with your team right now. Needless to say, we could fill volumes talking about your lack of playmakers, your undersized defensive players or your lack of any sort of pass rush. But what has changed the most during those 10 years is OUTSIDE your own walls. What has changed you ask? Don’t know what I'm talking about?

* After three weeks, the nation’s leading candidate for the Heisman trophy plays for Missouri. (think about that for a moment.) At the same time, the Tigers are commonly referred to as one of THE teams to beat early in this season...along with Oklahoma and USC this season. (read that again and think about it real good)
* Kansas won 12 games last season (somehow) and won a BCS game (So they say)
* 3 of the top 5 offenses in the country reside in the Big 12. One of which is Oklahoma who throws the ball around the field with a guy who almost never throws an incompletion.
* Another consensus Heisman trophy candidate also plays for Missouri.
* East Carolina is in the AP top 15
* The University of South Florida is one of the favorites in a BCS conference that was barely even a conference in 1999.
* Big bad Michigan is 1-2 and may be on their way to one of the worst seasons a “traditional” power has had since…well…you.

But why bring up the past you ask? Why compare and contrast a season from a decade ago?

Fast forward to yesterday as I was driving home. As you know, I’m a HUGE fan of the afternoon call-in shows here in Omaha, because they reveal the true soul of the “greatest fans in college football”®. Whether you’re presenting a giant paper to the American Psychiatric Association or writing a blog regarding the ridiculousness of the messengers…these shows are always good for a laugh; if anything for the pure hypocrisy of it all.

To make a long story short, here is a sample of some of the calls:

“I can’t believe Gary Pinkel is such a jerk that he had to run up a score on helpless Nevada.” (Ironic also, because the same guy was probably calling prior to Nebraska's game with the Wolfpack last year telling the hosts what a great challenge they present)

“Typical Missouri…running a fake field goal to boost their poll ratings.”

“Boy, you can sure tell Missouri has never been good, since they don’t know how to win with class”.

On and on and on and on and on and on and on it went for the better part of an hour. Now, I’m not going to completely focus on this aspect of running up the score, nor am I going to pound my chest how cool I am rooting for a team that has sucked for so long, that is suddenly really really good. So with that being said, I will speak for myself and probably many other Missouri fans who feel the say way. I’ve expressed this opinion before, but apparently some people didn’t get the message:

Blow me.

I don’t care about winning with “class” or winning “the right way” or giving the opposing team some transparent and lame pity clap as they slug off the field. “Good game #23!” “You guys are gonna be all right #81”

You guys sucked #23. You run routes for shit #81. Unlike many of you reading this fine internet publication, I am not drawn to sports to make friends. I’m not sitting in the stands, enjoying the pure entertainment value of competition…wearing the uniform of the school that I actually like. I’ve chosen my side..through choice or by birth..and for better or worse…if you are playing against my team…I’m not going to be nice to you. No, I’m not going to throw batteries or trip some cheerleader as she skips by prior to the game. But I’m sure not going to make your stay extra pleasant to sooth my self-bloated super-ego of fandom.

The fact that on this day…a mere 10 years after another Husker team was rolling to yet another trophy…that we are listening to Husker radio listeners complain that the University of Missouri is running up the score on people is mind-boggling. How soon you forget the 63-6 days where your smug arrogance gave me the uninvited comfort that “you’re Tiger team will get better…hang in there.”

Go to hell.

This jihad of payback and redemption will not stop until the ghosts of pity claps past are long forgotten…no matter how much you want to deny they ever existed. Hate week is coming…and if you’re really good we can have a really swell picnic prior to the game and swap stories about our favorite moments involving our favorite teams. Wouldn’t that be swell?

Whiney crybaby hypocrite bitches.



Power Poll #4

NORTH:
1) Missouri (3-0) vs. Buffalo – Chase Daniel has more TD’s in 2 games than incompletions. That is completely ridiculous, even if you’re running 11 on zero drills in practice. The Tigers always played Turner Gill tough in his days as a Hick in the mid 80’s. I’m guessing his confidence level is a bit different this weekend then back in the old days. A week off precedes Hate Week.

2) Kansas State (2-0) at Louisville – OK, I jumped the gun and forgot KSU was idle last week. Same situation remains though. Huge game for the Cats who can become an instant player in the Big 12 with a win on the road on National TV. Time for Josh Freeman to take the next step.

3) Colorado (2-0) vs. West Virginia – OK, I jumped the gun on the Colorado game too. Still going to be a great test for the Buffs who always play superior teams tough at home in the non-conference. (Well, for the most part.) Should be interesting to see how WVU handles a completely unfamiliar environment.

4) Kansas (2-1) vs. Sam Houston State – The Munchkin General and the 10 dwarfs head back into Southland conference play with a huge matchup with the 32nd best team in the state of Texas.

5) Nebraska (3-0) vs. IDLE – Hooray! You’re out of the basement. Ok, ISU slipped back into the basement by scoring a whopping 5 whole points against a crappy Iowa team they should have beaten (at least I think so). But regardless, the Red Nation gets an off week to rest up…pat themselves on the back and smack women in the face in bars. I feel an incident coming….don’t you?

6) Iowa State (2-1) at UNLV – Damnit Clones, I was really counting on you guys to pick up the slack and kick Herbie Husker back into the sewer where he belongs. UNLV had a gigantic win on the road last week and should be prime for a letdown. I wouldn’t be shocked if ISU could make a statement and pull one out here. Either way…a decent season can be saved, or a long long season can start sliding right here.



SOUTH:
1) Oklahoma (3-0) vs. IDLE – Missouri scores 57 points a game, has scored 13 straight possessions…destroys everything in their path and they’re STILL not the best team in their own conference. Until Oklahoma shows that patented 1-game-per-year performance down the crapper…they are by far the team to beat.

2) Texas (2-0) vs. Rice – Should be interesting to see how UT handles the postponement of their game last week. Rice sucks and Colt McCoy should have a field day. Not sure why, but I still have a really strange feeling that this team is way better than people think.

3) Oklahoma State (3-0) vs. Troy – Remember when Troy embarrassed the Pokes on national TV last year; humiliating them in front of millions of fans and poll voters? I’m guessing OSU hasn’t either. Troy is remarkably pathetic on the road, and the Cowboys are really hitting their stride. An October 11th date with Missouri suddenly is looking very interesting. (And long too)

4) Texas Tech (3-0) vs. UMass – UMass? UMass? Mike Leach’s team would have trouble gaining respect if they were crushing these cupcakes…let alone struggle to put them away as they are now. The south is way way too tough to be thinking you’re that much better than they really are. Gotta question their mentality at this point.

5) Baylor (2-1) at. UConn - My stone cold upset lock of the weekend. Baylor has scored 96 points in the past two weeks. UConn struggled to beat mighty temple..but did look good clobbering a pathetic Virginia team. Should be a great game.

6) Texas A&M vs. Miami Fl – Ok, I missed the date on this game as well. Regardless, a huge chance for Mike Sherman’s team to make a statement on ABC regional TV this weekend. Or they could completely embarrass themselves by losing to a mediocre and young Miami team on their home turf.