July 31, 2006

Good to be back

SO GREAT to be back...away from the easy-bake oven that was my weekend getaway to the Ozarks. So great to get out of the heat and get back home to......uhh....more heat. Oh well, jet-skis, fishing and fun was had by all. (Tell you about it more in a second)

- Just when I thought there wasn't a bigger train wreck than the UNO athletic department scandal, I see what is going on with the second coming of John Wooden...also known as Nebraska basketball coach Barry Collier. I was shocked beyond belief when I got to work today, and didn't hear a word about it. Can you imagine if this was Roy Williams at Carolina? Or Bobby Knight at Tech? Or Tom Izzo? For those who haven't checked out page 8 of the Omaha sports section lately, Nebraska head coach Barry Collier basically told the school to piss off as he is about to take an administrative job at Butler.

Please re-read that last line.

A head coach in the Big 12 has ditched his school to work behind-the-scenes at a HORIZON LEAGUE school. Yes, I know..Barry has some sort of emotional attachment to the place because he coached there and actually won a couple of games. But isn't it a rather bad sign for your program if your head coach (2nd longest tenure in the Big 12 I believe) ditches you for his old school. (And not even his old job?) Where is the outrage in all of this? If Mike Anderson ditched Mizzou in a few years to go back and be the AD at Alabama-Birmingham, you better believe I'm a bit concerned over the direction of the program. Seriously...he didn't ditch Nebraska for Duke. He didn't ditch them for Kansas. He ditched them for the 6th most popular school in the Indianapolis metro area. And the BEST part? NOBODY cares. Hell, it would take me 3 hours to walk the halls at work to even find ONE person who knew Nebraska even had a basketball team. (Although I'm sure at least a dozen would claim to be HUGE Creighton fans from way back)

Bottom line...I'm sure as hell glad Steve-O isn't my Athletic Director. Not that he gives a shit. If it doesn't involve his face on TV cameras during Saturday's in the fall...I highly doubt the memo has even made his desk. Don't get me wrong, as a Mizzou fan, I'm THRILLED that Nebraska basketball will continue the long-standing excellence that has brought them a grand total of ZERO wins in the history of the NCAA tourney. Keep reaching for those stars Steve!!!!!

- Nice to see the Omaha World Herald jump on the myopia bandwagon this morning. In their online poll in the sports section this morning, the paper decided that since Nebraska has already sewn up the North, who would threaten them the most from the rest of the non-Championship winning, non-giant scoreboard having, wanna be contenders. This of course sets up my previous analysis of the Huskers perfectly. NEVER before has a team with so little talent been expected to do so much. ESPECIALLY when they haven't done jack shit in nearly 5 years. This is just setting up the inevitable train wreck that I've been warning you people about for months on end.

But hey...who am I to argue? Who needs a running back? Who needs a talented offensive line? Who needs a defense that can stop people that average over 15 points a game? Who needs a coach who has done.....well...anything? HAVE YOU SEEN HOW BIG THAT SCOREBOARD is!?!?!?!? This couldn't set up more perfectly.

- As I mentioned, I spent the last four days on vacation. One thing I get here at the center of the Husker hating universe is something like, "Hey asshole...you call Husker fans hicks, yet you're from Missouri. How come you don't bash your own fans?" Alright Cletus, I'm all for fair play. With that, let me explain to you my weekend....

When I was a kid, my grandparents used to take us to Branson and Lake Tanycomo every single summer. Therefore, when my wife suggested the lakes this summer for our short getaway, I figured I'd been around that area enough to know how to avoid certain places. Back in the 80's, my cousins and I used to detest my family's constant request to "take in a show" or head out to Sheppard of the Hills to see...whatever it is they trot you out to see. (Part play, part bible story, part history lesson, 100% boring). Anyhow, nice to see how Branson has changed over the years....or not.

Branson is everything that Nashville doesn't want. (Which is one of my favorite cities on earth by the way. Don't ask me why). I figured as we were driving down that most of the geezers who enjoy Baldknobbers or the rest of the 100 rusted out, Hee-haw inspired hootenannies on the strip there would have died off by now. Boy was I wrong. Somehow, in the past 20 years or so, those elderly knee-slappers have multiplied and now incorporated their kids and grandkids into some of the most hideous public spectacles ever to be witnessed by humans. Correct me if I'm wrong...but does ANYBODY under the age of 70 find it mildly entertaining to see a guy with giant glasses and fake buck-teeth to get hit in the face with a pie? Is it just me, or is a 10 year old girl, playing fiddle while dressed as Liberace not entertaining? Is it just me, or did Andy Williams not die in 1981?

And what in the FUCK is Yakov Smirnoff doing there? Didn't he slip into pop-culture oblivion when Perfect Strangers was cancelled in 1993? Seriously, Yakov Smirnoff was mildly amusing in 1985 when he was on HBO with Rodney Dangerfield. DO I REALLY need to pay 54 bucks each to listen to him banter on about Stay-Free maxi pads? God bless him for taking capitalism to the max, and bilking elderly Republicans for every penny they have. God bless all of these freaky ass magician, banjo players, barbershop quartets and cloggers who can attract every single living fan of Lawrence Welk, and take away every single penny Social Security gives them...all the while dressing up a small Missouri town to look like Las Vegas, minus the strippers, booze and gambling.

Don't get me wrong...I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to come down on vacation. And truth be told, we had an excellent time on Table Rock with the family. Fishing was great, boating on the lake was great. Hanging out as a family was great. But I am chilled to the bone to think that 67 billion dollars A YEAR is pumped into a town that boasts shows that make Hee Haw look like CSI. 67 billion dollars? A YEAR?!?! To watch a middle-aged Japanese man play fiddle at 200mph with his Tammy-Fae Baker look-alike wife and his botox-inflated "daughter" who already looks like she's in her mid 60's while wearing clothes that Minnie Pearl would would reject as too hick and hillbilly trash to wear.

Truth be told, God bless the GENIUS who saw a market for all things country and tacky. Even more smart was putting it all together in one complete package, in a small southern Missouri hamlet that is barely accessible by anything less than a kayak.

So here's to you Mr. Branson Entertainment Inventor. I hope you're enjoying your cloud in peace, while you pick a golden banjo and shake your head as another 89 year old woman passes by in a red sequence cowboy hat.

Yee haw.

PS - Would somebody tell Lindsey Lohan just to get it over with and whip those things out in front of the camera? It's not like her life isn't already a train wreck...may as well make some money off of it.

PPS - Zebrahead kicked ass on the 24th..as if there was a doubt.

PPPS - Husker season preview comint up next.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm...staying one more year to coach at Nebraska when you know you NEED to make the tourney to keep your job OR.... become the AD at your alma mater. TOUGH CALL

2:30 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Dude, it's a big 12 coaching job. Knight, Huggins, Self, Penders, Anderson etc.

To be AD in the Horizon league?

That speaks volumes to me.

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He knew he was gonna get fired after this year...its a smart move for an incompetent coach.

10:19 AM  

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