My Fan is Better than your Fan

I have a couple of things that are really pissing me off today.

First off...listening to the news last night, I quickly realized that Husker fan could possibly be the biggest hypocrite ever to walk the earth. Take the Josh Freeman situation that is coming to a head this week. Thanks to Corey McKeon's little act at the Husker press conference yesterday, we get a real glimpse into what fuels the Hick nation and their lifelong quest to let YOU know how great they are. (* Note - A self-imposed ban on bashing individual players causes me to have no further comment on loudmouth, overrated Husker linebackers)

So why is Corn fan so pissed off this week? Ahhhh yes, an 18 year old kid who wasn't even out on his own yet, decided that he wasn't going to let 2.1 million dorks on Huskerpedia tell him where to go. First of all, he's a fucking kid. He's 18 years old. How slick were you at age 18? (Granted, most of my Husker readers were probably working the combines by themselves at that point, or helping Ma make vittles. But I digress.) Anyhow, how far are you people going to let this hypocritical bullshit continue? I have two words for you....Chris Brooks. Or how about Grant Wistrom?

You see, when Husker fan "takes what they want" from other teams, they have absolutely no problem proclaiming that the young man..who was obviously wise beyond his years...simply saw the light and wanted to go somewhere where he would be worshiped. (no real argument there.) They have done it for years. They've done it recently. They do it all the fucking time. But good fucking gravy if you steal a recruit from them...or even if the kid talks to a new coach and decides he likes him better...there is going to be hell to pay.

So who is responsible for this? Personally, I blame the Huskers Propaganda machine and the explosion of lame-ass, waste-of-time recruiting sites that tell a legion of fans what a High School junior had for breakfast...even though it's a complete crapshoot if he'll ever be good. Husker fan is so outraged that somebody would shun them, that they have even stooped so low as to blame recruits PARENTS. (Omaha World Herald Columnist even questioned whether or not Harrison Beck's mom was fit to be a competent parent when he left) When you steal from others, it's a right. When others steal from you, they're Satan.

Did I miss anything?

Speaking of idiots who piss me off, I was driving home yesterday listening to the Hickster fans call in their disdain for Josh Freeman and his family, when an interesting argument came up. The uber-fucking stupid argument of "who's fans do you hate the most" came up. Naturally, because Hick fans are the greatest in college football (the sign on the door tells you so in case you forgot), there were a bevy of opinions as to why KSU fans are, in their words..."the worst".

First of all, there are no good or bad fans. There are just FANS. The only difference between fans of differing locations is the background they come from. So Nebraska has been good for 35 years or so...what the hell does that have to do with being a "great fan"? Because when you go to games the team wins? Because you all wear the same sweatshirt? Seriously, just because Johnny Rogers ran back a punt in 1971, you are somehow magically better than some poor Kent State bastard who has been following his favorite team for just as long? Is it because you have a big scoreboard? Is it because your mascot wears overalls? Seriously..somebody let me know.

Most disturbing of all, was the word that kept coming out..caller after caller: Tradition. Somehow, if you are OU fan, you have "tradition", and Husker fan will respect you. Meanwhile, if you are Mizzou, KSU or Iowa State fan, you have no tradition, and you are not worthy to share the same stadium when they come to town. First of all dipshits, OU is not your rival. Texas is their rival. OSU is second. Secondly, when K-State and Nebraska hit the field on Saturday, will it really matter what you did on some cold afternoon in November 1974? Should I somehow respect Miami fan for some strange reason because they've been good for quite some time as well? How in the hell can you "measure" fans? Because some people threw snowballs at you in the parking lot? Well guess what Elmer, don't show up in your fucking RV, take 15 fucking spaces, and play that horrible fucking fight song at full blast, and people won't hate you so much.

And while you're at it, stop pretending to "salute" visiting teams when they leave your field; stop bitching about the media hating you. (they don't even remember you for what it's worth), stop running up 500 yards rushing in the mid 90's and then tell us how great of an effort the other team gave.

People hate you for all the bullshit that you've pulled over the past 3 or 4 decades. That doesn't make them bad fans...that makes you too bored or dumb (maybe both) to know any better. Football isn't about making friends and "showing your pride". Football is about territory, bragging rights and respect....and until you people stop acting like you invented the game...you will get none from the teams you piled on for all those years.

With all that...I just lied to you. There is ONE form of fan who is below all others. A form of fan so vile and disgusting, I can hardly keep from gagging as I write this. And that person is:

Out of town bandwagon fan.

Case in point. In 2001 my buddy and I went to the Missouri vs. Nebraska game in Columbia. It was tough to get tickets, so we ended up sitting on the hill in the north end zone. Sitting next to us were six idiots in red corduroy pants, giant red cowboy hats and...I'm not lying...red suspenders. Now, going to a Nebraska game of any sort, I'm resigned to the fact that I'll probably run into one of these jackoffs at one point or another. Me being nice (and drunk) at the time, I decide to make friendly small talk. Since I have lived in Nebraska for 20 years, I asked him where he was from.

"Oh I'm not from Nebraska. I'm originally from New Jersey, and moved to St. Louis. I've always loved the Huskers and this is as close as they get."

I'm surrounded on an island in an ocean of red diarrhea, and this fucking clown has never been within 300 miles of Lincoln? Are you fucking serious? Not to tell you who to cheer for, but who the fuck do you think you are? What the hell gives you the right to just pick and choose who you want to root for? (He explained he loved "rushing teams" as a kid and stuck with them "through thick and thin") Needless to say, red corduroy guy was not my friend during the game, even after Eric Crouch twinkletoed his way 90+ yards for a TD. As he stuck both fingers in my face, declaring what a "great fan" of a "great team" he was...I reminded him once again, that it is scum like this who deserve everything they get. This assclown didn't do anything to sacrifice himself and put his heart on his sleeve other than picking up a red sweatshirt at the Hoboken J.C. Penny store. People like this should be buried to their necks and pelted with rocks for sport.
I hope when this year's version of the Huskers crash and burn, corduroy guy is getting everything he deserves. That is if he doesn't have on a Rutgers sweatshirt by now.


PS - For those of you new visitors, please take note that this week is pretty tame compared to what lies ahead of us the first week of November. Just warning you now.


(Thanks to the Daily Oklahoman for the picture of Josh Freeman)