Happy Thoughts on a Cloudy Monday

Hopefully your weekend was as good as mine. I haven't had that good of a weekend, since Bill Callahan was calling fake punts at the Cotton Bowl last January 1st. Friday night at Kauffman Stadium was great, even though Tony Pena Jr. lays down bunts about as well as I do speaking Portuguese. It was still awesome to visit the park I loved as a kid, still looking great even after 35 years. Despite coming back to work on a cloudy Monday...a couple of thoughts.

* There are some things on this blog that I cover more than others. Obviously JC Keller, Bill Callahan, Herbie Husker, Steve Pederson and the myriad of idiotic ramblings from 2.1 million Husker fans usually keep me busy for quite a while, even during the off-season. However, one gigantic softball I tend to stay away from is ESPN. Every blogger and critic from here to Bristol has some sort of scathing rant against ESPN and the generation of crap that has oozed from your cable box in between games. Obviously me and a lot of other people could go off for days and days on such brilliant (yet predictable) topics such as Hot Dog eating contests, dog shows, spelling bees, "Playmakers", Madden Nation and of course the mother of all idiotic events that drips pretentious waste-of-time like no other....the ESPYS.

Now, instead of swinging at a giant softball with any of these lame topics, there are some pitches so fat, I simply can not stay away.

Enter tonight's destruction of one of the last great events of my childhood, the MLB All-Star game. Now obviously, a LOT of things have ruined the all-star game over the years. Interleague play, Bud Selig and Fox have nearly destroyed one of the great summer sporting events on their own, but tonight's Home Run Derby with Chris Berman simply blows the others away.

The premise of home-run derby is fine. I have no problem with people watching steroid-fueled freaks try and jack the ball out of the park. Even as a former pitcher, I can see the allure of alll that. But Chris Berman and ESPN's CONSTANT over-analyzing of a petty batting practice exhibition makes it beyond watchable. And that's not even TOUCHING that annoying "Back back back" ear-poison that makes me and others want to jam a highlighter in our ears.

Obviously times have changed, and the glory days of all-star games have long gone. No longer is it unique and cool to see players from every team dot the field with all the different uniforms for one night a year. (Especially before this bullshit interleague crap and 300 Braves game a year being broadcast that dilute the appeal). But it's still a nice event that I've enjoyed.

Oh, and one last thing..if I have to see one more baseball analyst explain how stupid it is for each team to have a representative on the team...I'm going to lose it. HEY BOSTON/NEW YORK homer commentator/writer guy: I don't care if Gil Meche or Carl Crawford are worth your precious A-Rod or "Big Poppy" drooling time. If not for a local connection, I really wouldn't care NEARLY as much to watch 15 Yankees and Red Sox gallivant around the field. If I wanted to see that, I'd watch any of the 450 episodes of Baseball Tonight that are broadcast during the year. Before you bitch about the "have nots" having a chance to send a guy to the game...why don't you get your head out of your crab-cake eating ass and realize some of us out here actually LIKE watching different teams being represented. The question could JUST as easily be, "Do I really need to see the 6th best hitter on the Tigers hit against the #4 starter for the Phillies?"

God that pisses me off. Screw them.

* Although a lot of things piss me off, some things actually do make me smile. Yes, you may think I'm some sort of evil troll that rants and raves over every little thing on his little blog. You may think hate and rage fill my veins 24/7, but again...I invite you to take a look at a perfect example of something that makes me happy.

Enter my old friends, the Pittsburgh Penguins. When last we left the Pens and their asshole fans, many of them took the time out between one of their 3 minimum-wage jobs to be sure and taunt Kansas City and their fans for unsuccessfully "trying to steal their hockey team". As Kansas City fans go, this was met with a slight indifference and a shrug. "Oh well, enjoy your new arena".

But my does karma have a way of biting the ass of those who truly deserve it.

Apparently Penguin fan,who is happy as a clam with their new arena that exists only on paper, will have to daydream about opening day while wading through a giant pile of trash, thanks to a city who is so bankrupt that they can't even afford to operate. CONGRATULATIONS Pens fans. Congratulations on bankrupting your city, just so you have a reason to watch Versus on a Wednesday night after a hard afternoon of slamming OC Lights outside the unemployment office.

I'm so happy that a snotty, arrogant group of folks got what they deserved. Not just their hockey team that they made such resolute claim to, but now the bankrupt city that I'm sure will help support that 10% of their population who were already running for the exits already. What's that? No post office? No social services? Nobody to scrape the rust off of the light posts? Nobody to clear the raw sewage out of the potholes along Liberty Ave? Who cares!!?! You have your hard-fought mythical arena to put your 2-year wonder hockey team.

Go to hell jackasses. Perhaps next time you'll think twice before you sell out the 95% of the city that doesn't give a damn about some team who's biggest claim to fame in the last 15 years was getting their asses handed to them by Ottawa. If I lived there, I'd make sure that each and every jackass that petitioned for the team to stay in Pittsburgh, go down to city hall and grab a broom. Couldn't' happen to a nicer bunch of jackoffs.

* Finally, props to UNO Hockey for scheduling the Guam National team for the 2007 Stampede. Gone are the days where Maine and Minnesota came to Omaha for an outstanding weekend of college hockey. Instead, we are treated to a group of truck drivers, mascerading as college students from Manitoba, getting scored on faster than Lindsay Lohan at the Whiskey. Is it that hard to actually get somebody to come out here to play? So we can get the Rollings Stones, U2 and a giant swimming pool to come to the Qwest Center, but the best we can do for the season-opening series is Manitoba, Grace Bible College and DeVry? Well done UNO.