"Yes Your Majesty, Those Clothes Look Great!"

I've been very proud of myself lately. My schoolwork is nearly complete. The lawn is looking nice, despite 2 months of no rain. Kids are having a great summer, work is going well. Yes, everything has been going just swell. However, the one thing I'm most proud of is the restraint I've shown on this blog toward the one true object of my white-hot hatred.

Over the past few years, Husker fan has been a bit pensive. He's been reluctantly confident. He's been over-zealous and all-knowing. But this year however, he's stepped it up a notch or two or fifty. This year is different, because Husker fan is not only 100% confident, but arrogantly so sure of total victory, that anything short of complete and total agreement by your or me is considered insane jealousy. Don't get me wrong, these jackoffs have been this way for years, but never have so many been so confident about so little. (And this includes the idiots in my office who predicted a 12-1 season in Callahan's first year.)

I was thinking that this was nothing short of short-term amnesia. I was thinking perhaps this was the byproduct of a collection of "moral victories" during the 2006 season. You remember moral victories don't you? Those things Husker fans always laughed at you about, because you lost to them by only 17 in 1995 instead of 60? The same group of people who claimed that it was "all about the W" during a monumental late-game surge against Maine...the same group that claimed "it's all about the W" while the Pitt kicker was blasting not one but TWO field goal attempts into the spine of his offensive line....are now basing their entire lives on "Moral Victories".

However, with 50 days and change remaining until the start of the season, it's becoming blatantly apparent that these idiots aren't going to get it until it's too late. The funny thing is, it isn't even contained to Husker fans. Sportswriters and broadcasters alike are talking about the improvement taking place in Lincoln.

Hmmm, but why? Would that be because of the 1 point last-second win over Texas A&M? Or would it be that win over....Ummmmm. Uhhhhh, you know...that one team? Oh man...which game was that? COLORADO! Oh wait, no...they won like 2 games last year. Ummmmm...hold on, give me a minute...........

Somehow Nebraska is lauded for being the kings of the Big 12 North, yet at the same time mock the teams whom they claim as their biggest wins.

The Nebraska hype machine is flying downhill without brakes because of near-misses and "almost" wins over every 1/2 decent team they played. I kid Bill Callahan for being an idiot for wearing those glasses to make him look smart. I mock him for calling OU fans "Fucking Hillbillies". However, despite the fact he drove a Super Bowl team into the ground in less than 10 months is irrelevant; The guy is brilliant for one reason. His ability to hold on for 8 seconds against good teams have tricked writers and columnists nationwide into thinking some sort of monumental turnaround has taken place. Instead of trying to beat USC last season, Callahan turtled up like a 5'6 defenseman squaring off against Darren Hatcher at center ice. Instead of sacking up and trying to win....dude did what was best for the long term, and that was to hang on for dear life to try not and get crushed.

And ALL of this despite NOT EVEN TOUCHING all of the question marks associated with NU football this season. Is JC Keller a cancer? HELL NO! He's gonna win the Heisman. Can Marlon Lucky hold up to the pounding of being the number one back instead of being 1 of 4? HELL YES, he's going to rush for 2,000 yards. Can NU throw deep without Mo Purify? HELL YES they can, they have the deepest receiving corps in the Big 12!!!

And on and on and on and on.

And so goes the largest single mass astigmatism in the history of mankind. People who could tell you every 40 yard dash time of every 8th grader from here to San Bernadino, suddenly point to such figments of imagination as, "Rickey Thenarse is going to be a great player." HOW IN THE HELL do you know that? Does he have the POTENTIAL to be a great player? Sure. But WILL he? You don't know. Nobody knows. How we got to the point of blind assurance is beyond me.

Look, I understand NU used to be good back in the day. I understand they won tons of games blah blah blah. But for some reason people fail to recognize just how far they've fallen, with their only safety net being a "name" program and some old footage of Johnny Rogers. How soon you forget that teams were happy just to be in the game in the 4th quarter with you. How soon you forget rushing for 450 yards per game. How soon you forget just how intimidating that was.

Now, you're as intimidating as that stupid puffy mascot of yours, as you completely ignore this giant white elephant standing right behind you. If you close your eyes tight enough and pretend it's not there, I'm sure it will simply tiptoe away.

July is preview month and this is where it all begins. Next post, we'll look at each over-rated, over-hyped and completely over-estimated cog that is the 2007 Huskers. Trust me, with this much material, I may have to have that elephant help me type when my fingers go numb.