July 11, 2007

"Yes Your Majesty, Those Clothes Look Great!"

I've been very proud of myself lately. My schoolwork is nearly complete. The lawn is looking nice, despite 2 months of no rain. Kids are having a great summer, work is going well. Yes, everything has been going just swell. However, the one thing I'm most proud of is the restraint I've shown on this blog toward the one true object of my white-hot hatred.

Over the past few years, Husker fan has been a bit pensive. He's been reluctantly confident. He's been over-zealous and all-knowing. But this year however, he's stepped it up a notch or two or fifty. This year is different, because Husker fan is not only 100% confident, but arrogantly so sure of total victory, that anything short of complete and total agreement by your or me is considered insane jealousy. Don't get me wrong, these jackoffs have been this way for years, but never have so many been so confident about so little. (And this includes the idiots in my office who predicted a 12-1 season in Callahan's first year.)

I was thinking that this was nothing short of short-term amnesia. I was thinking perhaps this was the byproduct of a collection of "moral victories" during the 2006 season. You remember moral victories don't you? Those things Husker fans always laughed at you about, because you lost to them by only 17 in 1995 instead of 60? The same group of people who claimed that it was "all about the W" during a monumental late-game surge against Maine...the same group that claimed "it's all about the W" while the Pitt kicker was blasting not one but TWO field goal attempts into the spine of his offensive line....are now basing their entire lives on "Moral Victories".

However, with 50 days and change remaining until the start of the season, it's becoming blatantly apparent that these idiots aren't going to get it until it's too late. The funny thing is, it isn't even contained to Husker fans. Sportswriters and broadcasters alike are talking about the improvement taking place in Lincoln.

Hmmm, but why? Would that be because of the 1 point last-second win over Texas A&M? Or would it be that win over....Ummmmm. Uhhhhh, you know...that one team? Oh man...which game was that? COLORADO! Oh wait, no...they won like 2 games last year. Ummmmm...hold on, give me a minute...........

Somehow Nebraska is lauded for being the kings of the Big 12 North, yet at the same time mock the teams whom they claim as their biggest wins.

The Nebraska hype machine is flying downhill without brakes because of near-misses and "almost" wins over every 1/2 decent team they played. I kid Bill Callahan for being an idiot for wearing those glasses to make him look smart. I mock him for calling OU fans "Fucking Hillbillies". However, despite the fact he drove a Super Bowl team into the ground in less than 10 months is irrelevant; The guy is brilliant for one reason. His ability to hold on for 8 seconds against good teams have tricked writers and columnists nationwide into thinking some sort of monumental turnaround has taken place. Instead of trying to beat USC last season, Callahan turtled up like a 5'6 defenseman squaring off against Darren Hatcher at center ice. Instead of sacking up and trying to win....dude did what was best for the long term, and that was to hang on for dear life to try not and get crushed.

And ALL of this despite NOT EVEN TOUCHING all of the question marks associated with NU football this season. Is JC Keller a cancer? HELL NO! He's gonna win the Heisman. Can Marlon Lucky hold up to the pounding of being the number one back instead of being 1 of 4? HELL YES, he's going to rush for 2,000 yards. Can NU throw deep without Mo Purify? HELL YES they can, they have the deepest receiving corps in the Big 12!!!

And on and on and on and on.

And so goes the largest single mass astigmatism in the history of mankind. People who could tell you every 40 yard dash time of every 8th grader from here to San Bernadino, suddenly point to such figments of imagination as, "Rickey Thenarse is going to be a great player." HOW IN THE HELL do you know that? Does he have the POTENTIAL to be a great player? Sure. But WILL he? You don't know. Nobody knows. How we got to the point of blind assurance is beyond me.

Look, I understand NU used to be good back in the day. I understand they won tons of games blah blah blah. But for some reason people fail to recognize just how far they've fallen, with their only safety net being a "name" program and some old footage of Johnny Rogers. How soon you forget that teams were happy just to be in the game in the 4th quarter with you. How soon you forget rushing for 450 yards per game. How soon you forget just how intimidating that was.

Now, you're as intimidating as that stupid puffy mascot of yours, as you completely ignore this giant white elephant standing right behind you. If you close your eyes tight enough and pretend it's not there, I'm sure it will simply tiptoe away.

July is preview month and this is where it all begins. Next post, we'll look at each over-rated, over-hyped and completely over-estimated cog that is the 2007 Huskers. Trust me, with this much material, I may have to have that elephant help me type when my fingers go numb.

25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dream on.. Nebraska is on it's way back towards the top tier of college football teams on the field and is still (and will always be) a top tier "name" program. Just accept it and you'll sleep better. That's what five natties will get you. A slump ain't gonna ruin all that.

Once again Mr. Mizzou.. It sucks to be you.

JP

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You bring tears to my eyes! You're the best blogger in America. Keep up the good work.

GrayCat

7:54 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Sucks to be me?

Did you SEE the Missouri football program during the 80's and 90's? Apparently, you didn't.

8:15 PM  
Blogger NEBforOSU said...

JP,
Do you live in the logical world? How many year will you keep spilling out "were on our way back." And why you have to "claim" that UNL is a top tier name. Is there someone out there that ranks schools based on their name alone??

And if so, what has UNL done to maintain there "top tier" status?

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

JP

top tier football is 7 "natties" like OU or 8 like Bama, or dare i say my nemisis notre dame and usc is at 6 i think. UNL is on par with Texas (4 "natties") aj is someone i would like to meet because his look on life is good, he gets worked up but it is healthy to get worked up.

aj come to norman for the football game and i will buy you a beer.

UNL may be on the up and up but so is mizzou and the 4 best teams in the South can cream unl any day.

peace man, good healthy fans are hard to come by in neb i guess

tim

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Care to elaborate on how this is different than Purify's altercation (other than that this Mizzou kid administered a beat down with the butt of a shotgun AND had another loaded weapon in his posession). Anderson gave him an indefinite suspension (same thing BC did to Purify), but completely leaves the door open for him to return to the team
In his statement on Monday, Anderson said: I am extremely disappointed in the actions of Kalen Grimes and have suspended him indefinitely from our program. Kalen will not be allowed to work out with our team and must take the necessary steps to not only earn the trust of his coaches and teammates, but the trust of Missouri’s alumni and fan base.

I'm sure the fact that this kid is Mizzou's leading rebounder doesn't factor at all into Anderson's decision...

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's one of the links, although I'm sure you've already read it..

http://www.kansascity.com/167/story/185151.html

11:54 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Sure.

The Grimes situation is COMPLETELY different than Purify for a couple of reasons. #1, Grimes (so far) hasn't gone out a week later and gotten a DUI. (Which is really really stupid even without a prior altercation)

and #2, I don't know of 1 missouri fan who says he should stay on the team. If he's guilty and he did it...cut him. Seriously....boot him off the team. Mizzou is hurting for scholarships anyway, and that opens one up for somebody NOT recruited by Quin Snyder.

HUSKER fans on the other hand make excuses for Purify, and those like Kevin Kuglar actually defend him by suggesting that the entire thing is overblown.

That's the difference.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No nebforosu, I don't live in the "logical world." I live in a land of sugar gum trees and lollipops. WTF are you talking about? The logical world? What is this, 8th grade Algebra?

Follow recruiting much? Nebraska is still and will always be a top tier "name" program according to a helluva lot of kids out there. No fluky 70 point beat down by Texas Tech is gonna destroy that, despite what all the Solich sack lickers might tell you.

Fact: Nebraska, Miami and Ohio State all have 5 natties. All are top tier programs and nothing in our lifetimes will ever change that.

JP

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, alot of the things you write I can at least see as credible, but there isn't ONE Mizzou fan who thinks he should stay? And ALL Husker fans want Purify to stay? It's not different, other than in this case it's happening to Mizzou. I'm fine with booting Purify off the team if he's guilty of the first incident and he should definitely be suspended for multiple games for the DUI. And let me get this straight, the ONLY reason that you bring up Purify is because of the 2nd incident with the DUI, and if it was just the bar altercation, you would have had no comment? It just goes to show, every school and their fans are dealing with these same issues, but for some reason, when it happens to your team, you have a way to explain it away as different.. Hmmm.. sounds a bit hypocritical to me, since that's exactly what you accuse Husker fan of doing...

12:58 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

My ass...because here's what you don't get...something I didn't even touch on:

GRIMES DIDN'T "ACCIDENTALLY" punch a GIRL.

Think that makes much of a difference? I can't name a single Mizzou fan that wants to keep Grimes. I can't name a single NU fan who thinks Purify should go. Maybe there is one or two out there...but the difference is so many-fold, I can't even put it into words.

Next thing you'll tell me that Chrissy Peter shoving his hands down Miss Nebraska's pants is the same as Anthony Peeler using his sister's phone card.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And Purify didn't use the butt end of a shotgun. Think THAT makes much of a difference? I don't think either of these jackasses should be able to play, if guilty, but I like how you change the discussion over the Peter (from 11 years ago, talk about living in the past. It's NOT okay for any Husker fan to talk about even last year, but you can reference any era that fits your argument?) I know you are doing this mostly for fun, but shooting holes in your theories is pretty damn easy.
1) to suggest that you know all of the Mizzou fans and none of them (okay, you did concede that there might be one) would defend Grimes or even suggest that he should be kept around is completely ridiculous, I'm sure you would agree
2) to suggest that you also know all Husker fans and that they all support Purify and want him, coupled with #1 is even more ridiculous.
3) To suggest that so many more Husker fans than Tiger fans would defend a player in trouble goes back to the point from my previous post that you are basically claiming that Mizzou fans are the classiest and would never tolerate a player who got himself into trouble is completely hypocritical

Fans are fans, that's just the nature of people (as if which state they are from or which teams they prefer changes human nature, they're a cross section of society), but I know you won't conceded that, since it would crumble the entire foundation that your rants are built on.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get off your high horses. All major colleges run into the same ethical issues from time to time. None are perfect. Nebraska has failed to be a moral compass a few times, just like everyone else.

Turn the page. Sheesh. You think anyone if perfect?

JP

3:20 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Purify punched a woman.

End of story.

PS - this happened six whole weeks ago. Does that count as "going back to any era".

4:24 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

oh..and one more thing.

Go back in the archives to last year in August or September..and read my "my fan is better than your fan" rant.

I think you'll find your own argument sprinkled with horseshit.

"Mizzou fans classy?" What the fuck are you talking about? We're all like me. If you're going to bitch, at least get the basic facts straight.

I don't want "classy fans". I don't give a shit about "classy fans". Only you idiots care about "classy fans". Who fucking cares about how "classy you are". STOP punching women.

And if you want to rebut that by saying you don't want Purify in Lincoln, then stop putting up a big fucking sign that LITERALLY claims your arrogance on teh side of your own building.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Purify ought to be gone if convicted. At Iowa State, we had a guy named Jason Berryman a couple years ago. He got drunk, got provoked into a fight, beat the guy up, and took his wallet and cell phone. He spent over 200 days in jail. After he got out of jail, he was let back on the team. He violated his probation by being in a club that sold alcohol, and he got booted off the team.

Purify hit a man and woman and resisted arrest and got a pretrial diversion program. So much for the cops being out to get the Huskers. Then he went out and got a DUI. Seems to me that his offenses were just as bad as Berryman's but most Husker fans I've heard say he's only going to miss a couple games. I'm sure the same Husker fans that will welcome Purify back to the team would have condemned ISU for bringing back Berryman.

C&G Cy

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Huh? WTF does a sign on a stadium have to do with what a student athlete does? (laughing my ass off.. we all took a vote and decided to put it up just like you guys did to put that "Gateway to the West" shit up. Why you arrogant bastards, Kansas is not "The West")

Grimes butt ended a dude with a shotgun.

End of story.

All programs deal with this, all fans react in the same number of ways in roughly the same proportions. You don't get it, I've said it many times, and you just don't get it. Ya, all the Mizzou fans are just like you.. talk about arrogant

9:40 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

All these years, and JP has never once thanks me for letting him run roughshot over my blog. You're welcome my friend. :)

Gateway to the west? WTF are you talking about? And the stadium has EVERYTHING to do with it due to the myopic douchebags that attend games there.

I suggest you catch up. I don't have time to explain it to you. Just read the archives and hold tight for the next 7 months.

11:51 PM  
Blogger TB said...

"all fans react in the same number of ways in roughly the same proportions."

wow aj, he made your point for you. husker fans really are no different from any other fans in the country.

6:47 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Sorry..gonna be another day for a new post. I'll get one in for tomorrow.

AJ

3:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhhh..actually, no, TB I didn't make AJ's point, I made my point. AJ is the one arguing that Husker fans, as a collective body, are somehow entirely different than any other fanbase (we are all myopic, soybean growing, overall wearing douchebags, but also, somehow, even though we all come from different backgrounds, grew up in different regions at different times, have different moral, ethical, and political beliefs, have been through different experiences that shape our lives, since we are fans of a specific team, we buck all universal odds and think exactly the same).. His whole blog concept is based on this ridiculous idea and all because there is an inscription on Memorial stadium that says "Through these gates pass the greatest fans in college football". At first I thought this was just an anti-Husker thing, but when he actually said that ALL Mizzou fans are just like him it became clear that there is no limit to the illogical statements he will make in trying to defend it.. classic stuff. Well, gotta go, time to roll out my Big Red rug, face North and chant "I am a member of the greatest fanbase in college football" 50 times (we all do it) 'cuz if I don't, I'll lose my HuskerNation membership and my subscription to Rivals.com

10:59 PM  
Blogger dunhill said...

A part of me doesnt want the husker-gypsies to know if this certain, obvious, inevitable (and mostly hilarious) downfall. Only because it might discourage their natural (or "genetic" for species who accept such witchcraft) propensity to wander the lands in pedal-bused caravans and by corn-fueled boy-sled eventually appearing at our 'new age electrified lighted up football havin places' (or stadiums as we call them at MU)...and if they stop showing up then we'll have to travel to carnivals and pay two-bits a gander to see such freaks. lets let them have their carrot-stick lest we are deprived of our yearly lessons in "classiness". anyway i tried to send you an email cuz im banned from tb again. send yours to yg and ill reply to your last msg. ill be in gitmo till further notice.

go huskers! because ...of the corn...you guys have...and...YAY CORN!

p.s. to be fair...i would totally watch the osbornes...the Tom one.

12:56 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

"At first I thought this was just an anti-Husker thing, but when he actually said that ALL Mizzou fans are just like him it became clear that there is no limit to the illogical statements he will make in trying to defend it"

First rule of this blog. If you take EVERYTHING I say without even an ounce of sarcasm or exageration..you're a) not going to have a good time or b) you're not very bright.

Everything I say here is 100% TRUE. Nothing exagerated. Nothing sarcastic. Just pure news and information...that's all I'm in for it here.

PS - if you haven't figured out by now why I don't turn this into some rah-rah "Go Mizzou" blog, you're even dumber than I though. Go do some searching through the archives and tell me what you find.

I can't keep explaining this shit to you. It hurts my head.

12:16 PM  
Blogger TB said...

yeah, actually you did. nebraska fans claim to be different from fans of other programs. they claim to be "the greatest fans in the nation." so when you say that all fans react in the same ways in the same proportions, well, sounds like maybe they're not so different.

i would never claim a large group of people has homogeneous characteristics. it's just fun to point out to husker fans that they really aren't the "greatest fans in the nation", whatever that means.

12:42 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I like how the "classiest fans in the nation" did the wave while a KU player lay motionless on teh turf for 20 minutes last year.

Even better was the Athletic Department and Old Man Pearlman defending them.

Bravo.

1:23 PM  

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