Reporting Live From the Burning Lake of Fire

For the past 24 hours or so, I've been bombarded with questions. "Are you going to blast Husker fans on Monday?" "Did you laugh your ass off when you saw the statistics from the Ball State game?" "Are you just tickled pink about the state of NU football?"

You know what is funny though? Like I've said after big Husker wins (can one of you let me know what game that was? I can't seem to remember back that far), it's actually easier doing this job after a Husker win than it is when the team is struggling. "How is that?" you may ask? Simple, this blog is not about one game, one player or coach. It's about the overall environment that surrounds this state and this team. Contrary to what you might think, it's actually tougher writing hateful things about the Huskers on days like today, when they are worked over by a low-level MAC team to the tune of 600+ yards at home.
Why?

Because I already knew all of this.

You may be shocked that the Nebraska front four is on the same level of a CYA team in Tulsa...but I've been telling you this for months. You may be shocked that Corey McKeon is having trouble running down a 300lb offensive lineman, but I informed you long ago. You may be stunned by the ineptness of Husker defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove, but a guy who looks like me gave you a warning months ago.

I liken this to reading a report that eating raw chicken just might give you a touch of the runs. Jeez, ya think? The Husker defense is awful? Really? I had no idea.

I'm sorry this is a let down for many of you, but I actually thought they would be worse. Just sit back and imagine what life would be like had Wake actually started a college a real QB against the Huskers, or God forbid...what if that Ball State kid actually caught the ball that hit him in the FACE with 17 seconds left? You think it's bad now? Hell, I actually figured the Huskers would at LEAST be sitting with 2 losses by now, possibly 3. If anything, I'm actually disappointed they're even playing this well.

But do not fret my friends. If the mass panic online and over the airwaves haven't told you enough, this train is just now rolling out of the station. In case you haven't been paying attention, the Big 12 is full of high-powered offenses..many of them going so far as to have finished above .500 since 1996. (Unlike Ball State)

Speaking of impending storms on the horizon, the Big 12 has announced that the Nebraska - Missouri game on October 6th will be at 8:15pm at the black cauldron of death known as Faurot Field. Ever seen Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome? Ever see 66,000 drunken and hate-filled Missouri fans...not a one of them feeling sorry for you because of your recent troubles?

In the meantime, the Huskers and their fans have plenty to worry about before Bo Ruud and Gimpy Octavian start chasing Martin Rucker around the field in two weeks. It seems some of the classiest fans in the nation have resorted in the age-old communication medium known as booing the home town college-kids that play for their team. Once again, you may be shocked by the developments, but I'm about as surprised as I was this morning when I stuck my head under the shower nozzle and got wet. (You would have thought that "classy fans" myth would have died with the wave being started while a KU player was injured last year..but apparently some still believed it)

I'm sure in message board land, it's a different story. BLACKSHIRTS4LIFE is telling people to wake up and be happy with 3-1. PETERBROTHERS853 is encouraging people now to get behind the team more than ever. HuskerFrankinTulsa is slobbering all over the fact that JC Keller is still putting up NFL caliber numbers, and everybody else in the Big 12 North flat-out sucks. But just as putting your arms over your head during a nuclear blast while hiding under a desk, this entire charade is meaningless. Do you honestly think you can teach those guys how to tackle? Do you think changing defensive coordinators in mid-season will help against Okie State, Texas or Kansas down the road?

You are everything I already knew you were.

The worst part is, I'm not even happy about it. You have not suffered enough yet for my tastes, nor have you felt the national humiliation that you inflicted on so many others for so long. Perhaps if you're down by 14 to ISU at home, or you're standing in line in late November for those Husker Hounds Poinsettia Bowl t-shirts, I'll feel vindicated.

In the meantime, the state continues to burn around me and I really can't muster up more than rolling eyes. Perhaps some scrap of dignity will rise from the ashes of this train wreck...perhaps you'll pull out a miracle 21 point win over a horrible ISU team at home, and things will be back to normal. But you are exactly who I thought you were. Your coach ruined a Super Bowl team in less than two years. Your 5th choice (4 slots behind Houston Nutt I might add) had ZERO college head coaching experience. Wisconsin's defense was HORRIBLE with Kevin Cosgrove at the helm. Why some of you are so shocked, is beyond me. You wanna get mad at somebody? Get mad at Jeremy Crabtree and Tom Lemming for selling you a bunch of hype over the past few years, telling you how great you were to the tune of $20 a month.

Actually, I take it back. There is some hope...at least nobody got arrested for DUI or domestic assault last week.

Props to you.

PS - Hate week starts in 5 days. Are you ready?

(Suicide Herbie is a registered trademark of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln)