September 24, 2007

Reporting Live From the Burning Lake of Fire

For the past 24 hours or so, I've been bombarded with questions. "Are you going to blast Husker fans on Monday?" "Did you laugh your ass off when you saw the statistics from the Ball State game?" "Are you just tickled pink about the state of NU football?"

You know what is funny though? Like I've said after big Husker wins (can one of you let me know what game that was? I can't seem to remember back that far), it's actually easier doing this job after a Husker win than it is when the team is struggling. "How is that?" you may ask? Simple, this blog is not about one game, one player or coach. It's about the overall environment that surrounds this state and this team. Contrary to what you might think, it's actually tougher writing hateful things about the Huskers on days like today, when they are worked over by a low-level MAC team to the tune of 600+ yards at home.

Because I already knew all of this.

You may be shocked that the Nebraska front four is on the same level of a CYA team in Tulsa...but I've been telling you this for months. You may be shocked that Corey McKeon is having trouble running down a 300lb offensive lineman, but I informed you long ago. You may be stunned by the ineptness of Husker defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove, but a guy who looks like me gave you a warning months ago.

I liken this to reading a report that eating raw chicken just might give you a touch of the runs. Jeez, ya think? The Husker defense is awful? Really? I had no idea.

I'm sorry this is a let down for many of you, but I actually thought they would be worse. Just sit back and imagine what life would be like had Wake actually started a college a real QB against the Huskers, or God forbid...what if that Ball State kid actually caught the ball that hit him in the FACE with 17 seconds left? You think it's bad now? Hell, I actually figured the Huskers would at LEAST be sitting with 2 losses by now, possibly 3. If anything, I'm actually disappointed they're even playing this well.

But do not fret my friends. If the mass panic online and over the airwaves haven't told you enough, this train is just now rolling out of the station. In case you haven't been paying attention, the Big 12 is full of high-powered offenses..many of them going so far as to have finished above .500 since 1996. (Unlike Ball State)

Speaking of impending storms on the horizon, the Big 12 has announced that the Nebraska - Missouri game on October 6th will be at 8:15pm at the black cauldron of death known as Faurot Field. Ever seen Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome? Ever see 66,000 drunken and hate-filled Missouri fans...not a one of them feeling sorry for you because of your recent troubles?

In the meantime, the Huskers and their fans have plenty to worry about before Bo Ruud and Gimpy Octavian start chasing Martin Rucker around the field in two weeks. It seems some of the classiest fans in the nation have resorted in the age-old communication medium known as booing the home town college-kids that play for their team. Once again, you may be shocked by the developments, but I'm about as surprised as I was this morning when I stuck my head under the shower nozzle and got wet. (You would have thought that "classy fans" myth would have died with the wave being started while a KU player was injured last year..but apparently some still believed it)

I'm sure in message board land, it's a different story. BLACKSHIRTS4LIFE is telling people to wake up and be happy with 3-1. PETERBROTHERS853 is encouraging people now to get behind the team more than ever. HuskerFrankinTulsa is slobbering all over the fact that JC Keller is still putting up NFL caliber numbers, and everybody else in the Big 12 North flat-out sucks. But just as putting your arms over your head during a nuclear blast while hiding under a desk, this entire charade is meaningless. Do you honestly think you can teach those guys how to tackle? Do you think changing defensive coordinators in mid-season will help against Okie State, Texas or Kansas down the road?

You are everything I already knew you were.

The worst part is, I'm not even happy about it. You have not suffered enough yet for my tastes, nor have you felt the national humiliation that you inflicted on so many others for so long. Perhaps if you're down by 14 to ISU at home, or you're standing in line in late November for those Husker Hounds Poinsettia Bowl t-shirts, I'll feel vindicated.

In the meantime, the state continues to burn around me and I really can't muster up more than rolling eyes. Perhaps some scrap of dignity will rise from the ashes of this train wreck...perhaps you'll pull out a miracle 21 point win over a horrible ISU team at home, and things will be back to normal. But you are exactly who I thought you were. Your coach ruined a Super Bowl team in less than two years. Your 5th choice (4 slots behind Houston Nutt I might add) had ZERO college head coaching experience. Wisconsin's defense was HORRIBLE with Kevin Cosgrove at the helm. Why some of you are so shocked, is beyond me. You wanna get mad at somebody? Get mad at Jeremy Crabtree and Tom Lemming for selling you a bunch of hype over the past few years, telling you how great you were to the tune of $20 a month.

Actually, I take it back. There is some least nobody got arrested for DUI or domestic assault last week.

Props to you.

PS - Hate week starts in 5 days. Are you ready?

(Suicide Herbie is a registered trademark of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln)


Blogger JGerardi said...

I've said it before and I will say it again, after this weeks hard fought win against a scrappy Iowa State Squad, NU doesn't win again until November 3 at Kansas (maybe).

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ... give me some love please... 72,000 at Faurot on 10/6/07, not 66K. There are only 700 tickets left (being held for Mizzou fans only), and that includes all the temp bleachers as well. I can't wait for hate week and 10/6! - VP

2:16 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Hate week is going to rock this year.

2:58 PM  
Blogger HucktheFuskers said...

"The black cauldron of death known as Faurot Field", well, that's a bit much. Funny though. With that line you are coming dangerously close to the point of arrogance reserved only for the Cornholer faithful.

Keep up the good work.

3:42 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Well better duck. Next week might be a bit much for you.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Now that NU's worthlessness has been confirmed, are you going to alter your pre-season prediction for the October 6th beatdown (41-24) you prophesied?

I would think now that it is obvious that MU will pit its deity-filled offense against NU's plebian defense, you should have some balls and predict a score commensurate with the huge talent disparity that is abundantly evident after 4 games this season.

Personally, I think MU will score at least 100 points on the 'skers and that is only because MU players will be so tired by the 3rd quarter (from running up and down the field...and over and through the husker defense) that they will be unable to continue their relentless assault on the helpless NU blackshirts and Pinkel will be forced to pull drunk fans out of the stands to put an additional 3 touchdowns on the board during the 4th qtr.

Okay, now that all of you MU fans have just creamed in your overly tight 501s from the mere thought that the above could can all lick my hairy bean bags and go back to dry humping the stuffed tiger you keep on your bed at your mom's house.

I guess I couldn't wait for hate week either.



4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Hate week is going to rock! Think about it 8:15PM start time. That's 12 hours from noon (for all you cornholer fans that can't read a clock)to get so fucking drunk and loud and party til ARMAGEDDON. Then let all hell break loose at 8:15, it's time to put those cornhole, ass clowns from Nebraska in their place amoung college football's has been catagory. NU fans you can thank Pederson for the ass kicking you so deserve. All MU fans should get on their knees and pray to god that Callahan and Pederson fufull their contracts. The next few years are going to be sweet to watch. The mighty Husker Nation imploding.

Kenny Tarmak

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey JH, they may be 501's, but you can bet your corn lovin' ass they aren't white 501's...and thank god for that.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Joshua said...

501's from a husker fan. Wow, I need some white painter pants.

6:28 PM  
Blogger TB said...

Kenny, 8:15 is actually only 8.25 hours from noon, not 12.

8:40 PM  
Blogger Husker4Yankees said...

Leave it to a fucking hillbilly Tiger fan to screw up a lecture Husker fans on reading a clock. I shouldn't be so hard. After all, he is probably:

a) Already drunk on the moonshine
b) Tired from banjo practice
c) Both

Hey Kenny, game time is when Mickey's little hand is on 8 and Mickey's big hand is on 3. Got that? Good. Now GFY

8:30 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...

I'm laughing at the Mizzou "fans" and their hate week. Stop and think about that? What are you coming up with? Do you need someone to point it out because it's as clear as a bell to many of us.

You HATE Nebraska footbal more than you LIKE Mizzou football. So basically you're not Mizzou fans, just anti-Husker fans.

Husker fans should be priveledged to be the focus of such venom, we should carry the badge of honor to know that we are hated with more passion than the dedciation to their own team. That is the power of RED, that is Husker Nation, of all the teams to pick to hate, (ND/Michigan/USC/Florida/etc.), you have chosen Nebraska, and that should mean something to every Nebraska fan out there.

So really, these people are Husker fans but in a different way.

Notice the only time Ferret Field gets 70,000 is when the Huskers come to town. It appears that we can put ourselves in the same company as the Yankees of MLB.

(Remember, THUGS=HAPPY FANS, is a universal rule, not a generaly, universal.)

9:40 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I find it funny that the Husker venom has now shrunk to consist of time smack.

Yes, Nebraska was picked out of a hat by Missouri fans to hate. I'm sure it has nothing to do with those 40 years or so of your good fortune, nor the fact that Mizzou has sucked for decades.

I'm sure it's just coincidence. If only giving yourself credit was an Olympic sport.

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BHG, let me speek for all Missouri fans (if I may)... We are Missouri fans first and always our "hate" of Nebraska will never out weigh our love for Missouri. But if you want to flatter yourself to think this then go ahead. That arrogance is the exact reason you are hated by many around the league and nation.

We hate you because your fans come to our stadium and taunt fans (including elderly fans). We hate you because you are rude to everyone when you visit and act as if we should bow before you. We hate you because you key cars and puncture tires after you loose a game. We hate you because your players take cheep shots at fans. You and your school have earned the hate so enjoy it. We don't want to be like you, we are just enjoying the hell out of the fall.

PS. If you want to talk year round hatred, then we hate KU, we hate them in football, basketball and baseball. Doesn't work with you, does it???????

12:31 PM  
Blogger Husker4Yankees said...


We did not start the time smack...Tiger Fan Kenny did. Sorry he could not run it well. His time smack was simply bush league.

We know why Misery fan hates us so much. The haves versus the have nots. The times when the Tigers snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The 'flea kicker'. The "Thanks for helping Eric Crouch win the Heisman by letting him blow up your team and break ankles in a 95 yard run" highlight. I get it. Glad we could provide with with the angst needed to fuel this site.

Looking forward to providing even more of the same in about 11 days when we roll your ass in Columbia. We will leave you, Jason Whitlock, FSN Midwest, etc with a big hangover trying to determine how to spin the fact that we beat Ball State at home by 1, yet rolled Mizzou in Columbia. Can't wait.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous davepowers said...

If only giving yourself credit was an Olympic sport.


2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People are right AJ. You're far too easy on these ignorant hicks.

4:32 PM  
Anonymous bhg said...


I'm just reading what YOU have written, not some "friend" that has made comments. It's not particulary hard to read the underlying statement which is what? anyone, anyone.

Apparently your own words betray you, but what you have stated is, "We wish we were Huskers".

So far an the Olympic sport talk, that falls right in line with a THUGS=HAPPY FANS universal truth line of thinking.

8:19 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...

Dear Anonymous Speaking for ALL Missouri Fans,

Apparently education is not your strong suit. You are taking SPECIFIC instances involving Husker fans and making GENERAL statements. What your statement shows people is that either you're not smart enough to know the difference, or you're lying. (I have been to Faurot field different times and sat with my wife and sister with our red on in the midst of Missouri fans and have been ridiculed as well, so using your line of reasoning ALL Missouri fans are degenerates. See how easy that was.)

However, being educated, I know for a fact that this is not the case, because I know Missouri fans that I can enjoy the game of football with.

Here is statement that proves the ignorance of your arguement and absence of logic. Missouri is bringing in multiple stands for the game with Nebraska. I would assume that this would be done for a rival, a game that many people would want to attend. How many times has this been done for a Kansas/Missouri game? (So apparently your hatred for Kansas pales in comparison to that of your hatred for Nebraska football, otherwise, you'd be brining in stands for the past 80 years for the Mizzou/Kansas game, but that has not been the case has it?)

A guy who believes THUGS=HAPPY FANS is a UNIVERSAL truth is talking a giving ones self credit, now that is laughable.

Another point to share with you, take a look at the website that you are entertaining, the purpose of the site is what? Apparently many of you have missed that (which explains the logic in the arguements). For those that need an explanation, you're on a site that is anti-Husker, not pro Mizzou, not anti-Kansas, not anti-Oklahoma, are you getting the point? Chances are you're not if you believe THUGS=HAPPY FANS makes sense.

I hope these aren't your best arguements, because your arguements aren't holding up very well, and as you say, I am a hick. The question is, if a hick from Nebraska can pick apart your arguement, what does that make you?

10:53 AM  
Blogger bornred said...

For the love of all that is sacred, let the Missouri game get here already so I don't have to see the blue text against the Cyclone red background (not a good week for those afflicted with epilepsy to visit your blog)

You guys are pissing all over yourselves about 10/6. Our D sucks, but so does yours (yes, AJ, I know.. 70,000 screaming at Faurot and you think that suddenly your D will rival LSU's, but they still gave up ~400 yards at home to an FCS team that squandered 2 opportunities inside the 15). It's probably better for our D that we are playing in CoMo 'cuz your fans booing isn't going to bother them.

Mizzou should win this game, but it's not going to be the blowout you guys are "Maclin off" to every night while spooning Truman. God help you if you don't, there will be a meltdown of Biblical proportions on TigerBoard after all the 4-0 buildup. And please, let Pig keep spouting off, the one thing our D definitely needs is some fire and if it has to come from yours, then so be it.

Bring on hate week....

PS. Watching Mizzou fans call Husker fans "ignorant hicks" is priceless... Now that's some funny shit right there and I bet you don't see the irony of that (umm... check out a US map someday) when you type it, which makes it all the hell funnier

11:00 AM  

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