Sunday Morning Hangover - The Day After

Hi.

How’s it goin? Good weekend so far? Family is doing OK? Sure having beautiful weather this week.

Let’s chat a bit shall we?

Let’s go back in time if we may. Remember that time back in college when you went bar-hopping with your buddy you haven’t hung out with in a long long time? You guys used to tear it up back in the day, get into trouble, trick chicks into thinking you worked for the FBI. Remember how much fun you had going back to your old stomping grounds, checking out the local female population, and seeing what kind of fresh scenery there is to partake in? Remember how much fun that was?

And then your buddy spots a knockout blonde on the other side of the room. Just like old times, he gives you that wingman nod, as he picks his drink up and slyly walks over to her table. He’s smooth. He’s got her convinced he was part of the CIA group that captured Saddam. Come to find out, she’s a former Victoria Secret model, who is in town for one day for a sex addict seminar. Before too long, you watch in awe as your good friend is grinding with her on the dance floor. DJ Rob Base is booming through the club. Holy shit, did she just pretend to drop to her knees?

Last call, and you boy walks over to ya…”Dude, I’m not gonna need a ride. I’ll give ya a call tomorrow”. You high five and walk back to your car, still in awe of his ability to score. He’s still got it…just like old times.

The next morning, the hangover has kicked in. At noon, you franticly call your buddy to see what happened. Come to find out, she wasn’t really a former Victoria Secret model, and she was actually in town to have a giant wart removed from her back, the two of them stayed up all night watching DVR reruns of The View and when it finally did come down to business, she had a crank bigger than John Holmes.

You are that buddy.

For one magical 20 minute stretch, it was 1995 all over again. Memorial Stadium was rocking. Jim Rose was slobbering all over himself to find adjectives to describe the fluidity and beauty of the Husker offense. College Gameday was in awe of your dedication. (And NOTHING gets you off like ESPN bragging about your dedication.) Your big-time senior QB was slinging the ball around like it was nothing.

Everything was in place.

And then that cold splash of water hit you, and it was all over.

As I stated all week…that game yesterday was not a must win. Yes, just about any team that lines up against USC is gonna have a hell of a time stopping at team with that much talent. And no, I don’t think most of you thought you were going to win..but I think just about all of you thought the possibility was at least there to show the nation just how far you have come. In that respects..just as I said this week..this WAS a case where it was imperative that you not get blown out.

Whoops.

USC exposed just about every single shortcoming I’ve been preaching about here for nearly a year. I said your D-line was absolutely putrid…I was right. I said your week-1 rushing performance was an anomaly against an 8th grade WAC team? I was right. I said Sam Keller wouldn’t be able to make big plays under pressure, I was right. I said your offensive line was improved, but still light years removed from the days where you actually pushed people around…I was right.

Is it bad that Todd Pederson was your MVP last night?

I’m not really gonna pile on here right now, because a) I knew this would happen and b) I think the civil war between Frank apologists and Callahan Kool-Aid drinkers is going to flare up to never-before-seen levels. The fact isn’t that you don’t have a decent team…you do; but the fact remains that you are actually WAY worse than you were 4 years ago. Do you people realize what you’ve done? Do you realize how much that option attack and power game intimidated people?

Once again, I tried to warn you, but you didn’t listen. Now you’re going to have to face the reality that you’ll forever be known as the team who destroyed the only real thing you had going…your identity. You’re Purdue now, and I hope that sinks in long and good.

You’ll probably win a few games still this year. Iowa State still isn’t that good, K-State is coming to Lincoln and Colorado is still a few years away. But if last night showed us anything, it’s that you are exactly what I told you were: A product of your own hype and delusions. The next time you want to brag to the rest of the conference about how many 4-star players you have, you might want to pause for a moment and realize who the hell has to coach those young men. I mean..do you even think about this stuff?

I can’t wait to see what spin comes out of this, because even after the worst Husker losses in history, there’s always a spin. You’ll beat Ball State and knock out ISU at home…just in time for the biggest game you’ve faced since the 2001 Rose Bowl. For you see, this was merely a light slap on the face, compared to the pummeling of reality you’ll get if you lose to Missouri.

This is gonna be a fun 20 days.

PS – And by the way….who is the GENIUS who decided that Larry the Cable Guy should introduce your starters on National TV? I know this is kind of a running joke of mine…but seriously…what the hell are you thinking? Who is the idiot in your athletic department who goes…”You know what would be cool? Let’s have Larry the flippin Cable Guy become the face of our team”

There are so many jokes and insults here, I can’t even type.

Seriously…why do you think that’s funny?