Week 1 Champions!!!!!

Wow, and you’re all out in full force now huh?

Needless to say, a lot of you decided to delay going to bed after coming home from 72nd and Dodge last night to drop me a line about how big and tough you are now that you’ve beaten a 5-loss WAC team at home. Oh don’t get me wong, I don’t expect you to act any other way. Perhaps you didn’t listen to me earlier when I said Nevada would melt. Perhaps you skipped over the part where I said their 150lb linebackers probably would get worn down a bit later on in the game. Perhaps you also imagined something I said where I picked Missouri to crush Illinois, which I certainly didn’t. You ran it up on a team that beat Northwestern last year. Wow, am I impressed. You beat a team without it’s best defensive player, and it’s top 3 offensive playmakers from last season. Whoopee flipping doo.

Let’s get a few things straight here, as you light up that cigarette after creaming your overalls off that wonder of moden-day video artistry known as the tunnel walk.

First of all, I didn’t even watch all of your game, just as you most likely didn’t watch most or any of the Missouri game. (I’ll get to them in a minute). What I did see was pretty obvious. Here are some observations.

First and foremost…DO ANY of you know how absolutely white-bred idiotic and hick it appears when each and every overweight 40+ year old in the stands does that “X” thing with their arms? Seriously, do you idiots have ANY idea what you look like? 8 year old girls softball players aren’t that lame. Granted, I never looked to you as the bastion of sophistication…but between the “X” and the raise the roof thing…you couldn’t look more white, fat and redneck. Consider that a word of advice.

Secondly, I don’t recall saying Marlon Lucky sucked. Actually..he MAY suck. Unfortunately, the Nevada linebackers, who many resemble the body structure of Tara Reid without the breasts, were falling backwards pretty much all day. It’s kinda tough to judge just how good a running back is when running through holes that are 20 yards wide. If you are absolutely STUPID enough to think that that guy is going to run like that THIRTY times a game…you’re even a bigger myopic fool than I take you for. THIRTY TIMES!?!?!? Nevada’s big bad #58 in the nation rushing defense was obviously a juggernaut, but let’s see how he does against Wake next weekend…who by the way..looked much better than a 5-loss WAC team in defeat to a good BC team.

Which leads me to WHY he ran so much in the first place. I didn’t see the entire game, but has there EVER been a bigger buzzkill than JC Keller? THAT is the guy who’s supposed to win the Heisman? He looked like Jerry Gdowski. THAT is the guy who the rest of us are all supposed to be in awe of? Did he even READ the playbook? I’ll give him credit..he was MONEY on plays where the Junior-High level defense of Nevada was on the other side of the field, and his running back was all alone. He nailed those passes, and you should be pumped. Unfortunately, JC looked like spastic 14 year old playing streetball in a cul-de-sac, jumping all around…firing the ball on whims…missing guys in traffic…or in one case..he may as well have just handed the ball to the Nevada safety. If THAT guy is going to lead you to 13-0…he’s got a ways to go. But then again..it may have been the scary Nevada D that had him all worked up.

Finally, I bash on Clownahan a lot..for obvious reasons..but I’ll give him this…he’s at least smart enough to stick with what works..IF it’s working. He did the same thing in games against ISU and KSU last year…go vanilla when he needs to, which is fine. The problem is..as soon as you play a team that WASN’T 1-AA 10 years ago, those giant holes may not be there..and thus the fake punts, HB options and every other desperation page out of the playbook will come out. Now, if somebody can just teach JC how to read it, you’ll be set.

You ran it up on a completely undersized WAC team..at HOME, who was replacing nearly every skilled player that have..along with taking the field without their best defensive weapon. Wow, where’s my giant KFC bucket of crow when I need it? (insert rolling eyes here).

The game I DID watch obviously was my own team. I’m not sure where most of you get off that I’m some sort of “Mizzou homer”. That actually made me laugh. The fact of the matter is..whomever typed that is a complete fucking idiot. There IS NO SUCH thing as a Mizzou homer. Mizzou fans everywhere are the FIRST to bash their own team…unlike a certain fanbase I know, who drops to their knees and thanks God every day for having such a perfect program in which to call their own. I’ve stated this for years, and I’ll do it again right now..just because you’re drunk with myopia about the greatness of your team, does not mean that others are. We’re called normal fans, and we don’t spank it to an Alan Parson Projects song. (Despite the fact you stole it)

Let me sum up the Missouri game like this: Aren’t you all more interested in Rival Stars than actual game scores? Ok, if tha’ts the case…then tell me what happens when Ron Zook pulls in 2 5-star and 5 4-star recruits a year ago? Why were they ranked in the top 30 in recruiting the last two years…yet where was Nevada? (Nevada was 87th in the country in 2006 and 84th in 2007)

So if Rivals stars mean so damn much, and they obviously do to 99% of you..how do you explain that?

Illinois has some damn good young players. That McGee kid was extremely Brad Smith like, and I’m not sure I have to remind you or Kevin Cosgrove what a guy like that can do to your defense. This is ESPECIALLY true when there is no film on him, or nothing to even fall back on in terms of stats. With that in mind, Illinois did what most young teams with talent do…they played on emotion, and as soon as Danario Alexander handed them 7 points in the 3rd quarter, they got excited and played out their ass. However, that still didn’t mask the fact that when the chips are down, they make mistakes as they normally do. OK, Nevada played Miami tough (who was 6-6 and playing in BOISE). Why no mention of Illinois losing to Ohio State last year by 7 and Wisconsin by 6?

I’m not sure why everybody is shocked by Pinkel’s playcalling at times. It’s not like it’s anything new…nor is the whole “oh shit, here we go again” thinking when the other team is rallying. However, unlike previous Missouri teams, this one held together and made big plays when they had to. “Booger” still threw for nearly 200 more yards than JC 3x as many touchdowns. The Missouri offense will be fine. Hell, I even thought the defense played fine at times.

But the fact remains, a win is a win, especially when it’s over a talented young team who has a ton of young playmakers. Missouri does not win that game in recent years, which is probably why I’m the only person north of Rockport who is actually pretty happy with the results. (Especially considering the Illinois players actually looked like D1 players, and not something out of High School Musical 2. Seriously, who the hell is in charge of the Nevada strength and conditioning program? Jesus, I could start on the D-line for that team).

Things get more interesting next week. Nebraska plays a team that has been D1 for longer than 10 years, and Missouri goes on the road, which obviously according to Husker fan this year doesn’t mean shit. (Last year, home field meant everything..this year it doesn’t. I know..hard to keep track.) Regardless, special props to my CU friends for a tough victory. Happy for them to see that, as well as my KSU readers who battled their ass off in an extremely hostile environment.

I have a feeling we haven’t heard the end of how great Nevada really was….more to come I’m sure.

PS – For those of you now completely sure of winning the north, I give you two scores: 14-35 and 35-45. Those are the two early season Missouri losses to Kansas and New Mexico in 2003 and 2005, just before spanking the Huskers in Columbia. Perhaps more than 1 game is required before you and Lee Barfknecht start printing up the t-shirts.

Just food for thought, because I’m SUCH a homer.

Idiots

(Photo Credit Ted Kirk - Lincoln Journal Star and Nick King - Columbia Tribune)