August 19, 2007

No Turning Back Now

We’ve now reached the portion of our off-season where I start to get a little exasperated. I’m sure 99% of you guys are in the same boat as we enter these last two extremely long and pre-season NFL filled weeks before the season. I think you all know my opinion on Callahan, JC, Fumble boy Nunn, Granny Lucky and the rest. Oh sure it’s cute back in March when you guys are verbally stroking each other about how this is “Cally’s” best team, how JC is a Heisman candidate (despite the fact he’s 4-4 lifetime and has never finished 60% of one season), but what new angle is either one of us going to throw out there?

I know your gaps. I know your struggles. I know your coach couldn’t coach his way out of a wet paper bag. I know your QB is unproven. I know your running back gets injured more than your average 93 year old resident of the Rose Blumpkin home out on in Millard. I know Mo Purify is a great talent but has a serious issue handling the bright lights and paparazzi of Lincoln, NE. I know Kevin Cosgrove is still running your defense. I know your freshman kicker apparently can’t hit the side of the stadium if he was standing 10 feet away in the parking lot. I know you’re a national joke for handing down a one game press pass for a guy who attacked a bouncer, punched a girl and got a DUI…all in 3 weeks. I know 6 of the teams on your schedule have more talent, more skill, better coaching and are not fueled by 2.1 million delusional hayseeds who have future rival stars printed on the photos of their grandkids.

The problem is…you don’t.

If you’ve been around this blog for a couple of years, you know that every year before the season there is a short lull…a ceremonial calm before the storm. The hits go down, I change the subject quickly to things like a trip to Branson or how the Cubs will piss down their leg yet again this season. But this year…despite the tap of new material running dry…despite the fact that no Husker has been arrested in several weeks, I think this year will be different.

Under the surface of this off-season is a sense of desperation and blind faith that I’ve never before seen living here. Oh sure, hick fans are always confident, but they’ve never been so defensive, so assertive and so hell bent on telling the rest of you how great they are. I know this seems like further vile text spewing from the keyboard of a bitter troll with semi-respectable creative writing skills…but trust me when I say, it’s there. Anybody who has spent more than 3 days in this state can tell you that arguments that used to end in statistics and scores…now end in rival stars and returning starters from two years ago who somehow are magically going to be just as fast as they were before their knee was nearly destroyed. This is the world we’re living in today. No more 550 yards of offense. No more fierce defenses causing turnovers. No more slow and steady progress down the field, as thousands of elderly polygrip users quietly golf-clapped from the North Stadium.

Today, fake punts, “fluke” losses, key fumbles, “amazing rehabs”, inflated stats, recruiting visits, striped turf, moral victories and Rival star generated hype is your world. (Along with shirtless pictures of incoming recruits with the caption of “Martin Rucker better fear THIS”. Seriously, somebody sent that to me once.)

You may not like the next two weeks. You may get bored quickly. You may bitch and moan, as you often do that I’ve run out of material. You may be right, but let the fact show I hate you unlike any moment in our 20 year relationship. I wish you a slow and painful demise more than ever. I’m looking forward to your identity, your entire lives (for some of you) completely destroyed in front of overall wearing fans and the glare of the ABC regional cameras. I can’t wait for Callahan’s first failed fake punt, Keller’s first costly interception, Purify’s first drop, McKeon’s first stupid sack dance after a shoestring tackle at the line of scrimmage, the first time Larry Asante gets burned like Crème brûlée . I’m waiting breathlessly for Callahan’s stupid nod after every question, when reporters grill him after losing to perennial “loser” Wake Forest. I’m going out of my mind waiting for the USC game, where I can laugh hysterically as you try and chase down one of the Trojan’s 50 offensive weapons like a greased pig at the Shelby County fair.

Do not lose faith these last two weeks, for there is very little left to say. There are new and exciting changes for this blog that are coming that I think you’ll enjoy. We’ll breakdown each Husker loss and undeserved victory. We’ll call out the ignorant for being so. We’ll roll our eyes as Corey McKeon tries to say something funny, and reporters laugh way to hard at a guy who wouldn’t have hung out with them in high school in 10 million years. But most of all…we’ll point out each and every time I say I told you so..if we can keep track of them.

13 days to go until the most anticipated Husker implosion of all time.

Enjoy the ride with me.

27 Comments:

Anonymous ohf said...

....yawn...zzz....

you write the same boring crap every year filling in with new player names... i used to laugh at your attempt at smack, but now its just retread material. stick to bashing the state of iowa, its something i think all readers, mizzou, nebraska, and even iowa residents can agree on and enjoy...

thanks,
ohf

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ,
If you want a pair of overalls let me know I have a few pairs that have very little wear on them and I them in both SCARLETT and CREAME.
I just know that you are dieing to put them on and show that you are a true Husker fan, complete with the foam corn hat.

I also will give you my best Kool Aid mix to get you ready for your coming out party.

As always,
You can eat a mile of my corn ridden shit and kiss my HUSKER Ass.

2:07 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

You know why the corn ridden shit guy is so damn funny?

He spelled it "Creame"

That's so awesome.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

I guess you were not one of the thousands at Memorial stadium on Fan Day?? hehe

I realize we must keep in mind your 'view' of the world from where you sit, as we read your blog, however, even you must admit that even Nebraska has faithful fans who don't fit your stereotype of a typical 'husker fan'?? Shouldn't you not lump us all together, or is that just for convenience??

Now, some of us are simply 'just' fans. We see the same weaknesses in the program as you do. (We would be the last to try to talk you into wearing a husker red teashirt.) IN a normal conversation, I would encourage you to discuss the merits of the MU Tigers AS WELL AS the Huskers. Some of us just love college football, period! I out grew long ago this 'My dad can beat up your dad' crap !!

I would say to you, AJ, be a fan of your team. I reallly don't need to bash your team to make my own seem better. I guess I would also say, you would be surprised to find a lot of true fans spot the same BS you speak of, AND, don't agree with it just as you. What is a Nebraskan to do? Move?

FYI, I didn't pick Callahan and I won't be the one to fire him in the next year or two. -- Steve Pederson is no AD, and most of Nebraska knows it.

A wise fan would see a year like this one coming on, and, would just know it is time to step back and be tactful about what he says and the real chances of success for the season. This would be appropriate under specific circumstance whether you are a Husker fan OR a MU Tigers fan. No matter what team you root for, there healthy ways to support the program. It's called being a good sport and respecting each other.

I'll be the first to admit, there are many people, even on this sight (and every other site for that matter) who have such a narrow mind and view of the world they have no capacity to put up with anyone whose opinion is different than their own. In fact, if you don't lock step in their thinking you are the stupidest thing to come along since Baby Huey.

To be honest, I think every college in the big 12 has fans that would fit your description of 'husker fan'.. and , yes I know, Nebraska seems to have more in overwhelming numbers these last few years. One only needs to look at how we got here these last few years to understand the source of their desperation.

My guess for the upcoming season is just what we were promised NOT to have, a "mediocre" one. I would say we will end up about 8-4 again. You just wait, there will be plenty of material for EVERYONE to support their view of the Husker program and it's direction , whether you are for it , or against it.

Thanks for the entertaining website, I appreciate your writing and views, and I am looking forward to a new year of college football!

8:58 PM  
Anonymous ohf said...

way to ignore my post aj... i can see you agree, when will we get another post about iowa? i enjoyed that.

thanks,
ohf

10:53 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

The Shelby County Fair...now that is funny.

Did anyone else see the OWH today with the high schoolers in the corn field? What did the Columbia paper have their kids standing in..corn ridden shit?

12:02 AM  
Blogger Hugh Akston said...

AJ

Check this link from what appear to be strange Texas Football geeks (notice all the jargon in some spots). However the writeups on Neb and MU (the only ones I read) are spot on.

http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/barking-carnivals-nebraska-state-of-the-union

http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/barking-carnivals-missouri-football-state-of-the-union

(not sure how to link in a comment section).

7:16 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

1) OHF, I didn't "ignore" your post..I blew it off. Big difference. Usually you barely write in complete sentences...so it threw me off. I'll go back and re-read it. Oh, and ONE post about Adventureland and you bitch? Lame.

2) Fred, I'm sorry..I missed fan day. Perhaps I'll go hang out at the Lancaster Co. Courthouse this fall and catch some autographs?

3) They're my picks...do with them what you want. As soon as I get paid by ESPN or some other real news agency..I'll put more thought into them.

4) I did read that Texas guys' thing..and he had some good lines. I especially liked the Mizzou ones about Kirk Farmer and Quin Snyder. But as you can tell..he tries WAY too hard to be funny and runs out of steam about 1/2 way through. If you're going to be a prick about things...you have to PACE YOURSELF. That's why you get posts about Adventureland from time to time.

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

You might enjoy this place:

A Mizzou take:

http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/barking-carnivals-missouri-football-state-of-the-union#comment-202

A NU take:

http://www.barkingcarnival.com/scipio-tex/barking-carnivals-nebraska-state-of-the-union

Enjoyed your site.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Geez.. Yawn is right.

Why is it every one of your posts is the same old song and dance run through a thesaurus machine?

Why is it BigRedFraud can't grow a brain overnight?

Because a leopard can't change his spots. You're not a very good writer and Fred's just a moron.

JP getting bored with this

3:50 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Jesus man...it's the 2nd week of August...EVERYBODY is bored with this. In fact..I try to explain the damn thing in the first G*d damn paragraph.

Take 2 weeks off.

Come back 8/31

Go surfing or something. Go to Claimjumper or Del Taco. Go to the Pier...soemthing..anything.

4:58 PM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

Hey JP thought we had a truce?? :) BTW, your still dumber than a bag of hammers. With the 2 weeks left till opening day, try a creative writing class, try to find a hobby, if you feel lucky try to find a friend....

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fraud,

How's that English as a Second Language class coming?
Dude, here's a little shit talking tip... don't try to call someone stupid and in the process of doing it, fuck up the grammar (see the irony here?) . You may as well have written 'Yer dummer than a bag ov hamers'

I know, I know.. Frank is God...

Randy

BTW, I tried reading that book you posted on this thread, but fell asleep halfway through... Was there a point in there somewhere?

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Fred,

Next time you suggest a writing class for someone try to avoid the grammatical errors you fucking Dilbert.

The truce was with your wife. She was gonna stop farting in bed. Remember?

JP

1:30 PM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

Wow I've been called out on my grammer on the internet!! Life will never be the same. I am soooo ashamed!

Best ya got??? ya idiot! Yer still dumber than a bag of hammers. You should be proud,that has special meaning here in Nebraska!!

Keep postin JP aka Randy... we got a week and a half till you run and hide for the season!! hehe.....

8:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BigRedFraud,
Why would I run and hide for the season? I'll be here defending Callahan's rebuilding process all the way, win or lose.
Why would AJ post something from "Randy" if it came from the same IP address that I'm posting from. He's not dumb, ya big dummy.
Now run along you bumbling hick. Go buy some new Wranglers and an Ohio Bobcats shirt and plan your one road trip for the year. You can afford it, I'm sure of it.
JP

11:20 AM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

JP yer dumber than a bag of hammers!! It is fun to say that to someone so stupid as you. :) People all over Nebraska keep telling you losers there are only so many ways you can defend the LOSINGEST coach for the Huskers in the last 40 plus years.

Oh, and Randy, er, JP how hard can it be to walk to your laptop from your desktop and use a second IP??? OR, even if you use the same one , stupid, you think AJ cares?? He lets you get on here and say all the other stupid stuff you say that could ONLY come out of the mouth of a juvenile!!

Thanks for the posts, only proves how stupid you really are. Yer dumber than a bag of hammers!!

Here's a stat for you... it only took Loserhan 2 years to destroy the Raiders. It only took him 3 years to destroy the Huskers as the losingest coach since forever. YOU call that rebuilding??? Are you CRAZY or just plain stupid??

JP you're just too dumb to be debating football with anyone.

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You say Callahan destroyed the Raiders. Now who doesn't have a real solid grasp on reality or football?

Try again Dilbert.

Oy vey!

JP

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fraud,

JP and I are not one in the same, but I can see there's no convincing someone of your supreme intellect. If you want to talk about football, find something other than "Callahan is the losingest coach in NU history". All I've seen from you is complaints about the current HC and AD and how they don't compare to their predecessors (do I need to even go into how the previous HC went 16-10 in his last 2 seasons?) Sorry for breaking the news, but Frank wasn't leading the Huskers back to championship caliber, there is no Santa Clause, and brilliance and you are highly unlikely to collide in the same sentence, whereas, man-love and you are highly likely to.
Now, go back to rubbing your little dinky while watching video of Frank marching up and down the sidelines confused, as the Buffs run through our defense like a hot knife through butter...

Randy

PS. Thanks for thinking I'm JP though, cuz that guy is funny as hell...

4:19 PM  
Anonymous bigredfred said...

good post JP, real hard to respond to a juvenile, won't even try. BTW, since YOU brought up Frank, his team had 10 wins his last year, he had 10 wins 4 out of 6 years. He had 7 wins during his one off year and came right back with 10. Now show me where Bill Loserhan comes anywhere close ?? You can't and you are just plain stupid. Good thing you don't live here, they would run you out of here on a rail for being so stupid..

5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So does this response mean that I'm not a juvenile or you are so damn senile that you forgot that you mentioned in the previous sentence that you wouldn't?

Frank had 9 wins his last season... you don't know shit about the guy you spank the monkey to...

Randy

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO

JP

11:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BigRedFraud,

I don't want to bend your mind too much, but since you're stuck on this "JP and I are one in the same" thing, spend a few minutes pondering this..

What if every other post on here except yours is really coming from one person and the whole purpose of this site is to fuck with you?

Take a bong hit and let that swirl around your head a bit.....

Randy

PS. Even better.. what if you're just a crazy old shit and every post on here is coming from you and you just don't remember doing it?

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Epic post, Randy. Funniest fucking thing I've read in days.

JP

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

JP,

There are a couple of reasons I like checking in on this site.

1) I actually do think AJ is pretty funny and even though I love the Huskers, it doesn't really bother me how he rips on them and our fans. I play on a hockey team that's been together for 10 years and I look at it pretty much the same as the constant shit talking back and forth in our locker room

2) I look forward to watching you break people down. You're quick, and your responses crack me up

3) I have to admit that I can't wait until Fraud posts, just to see how many times he can keep saying the same shit. It almost defies logic, but he's putting together a streak that might rival the one for NU's consecutive sell-outs. It's kind of that morbid curiousity thing.. he's a train wreck, but I can't look away.


Keep posting, you're cracking me up..

Go Big Red

Randy

11:48 AM  
Blogger World said...

UNO hockey fan....enough said. have fun at Civic w/ all the other scums.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are tired of living in Nebraska as you are obviously annoyed by the entire state, why don't you move your smart a$$ across the river to Counciltucky....where is obviously where you truely belong. So in time you can stop whining about college football and Callahan and you can gripe about not being able to buy whiskey with your food stamps or the price of Pall Mall smokes going up.

4:48 PM  

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