You Were Right, I Was Wrong
You guys win. I finally see what you guys have been saying all along. All it took was the signing of another prized recruit today to convince me what you guys have been trying so hard for years to instill in my brain. I have been trying to convince myself in a tidal wave of prose and hatred that you guys weren't back, and you most certainly are. I was an idiot. I was looking at the world through myopic Missouri glasses. My failure to keep up with the latest Rival ratings has blinded me from the fact that Bill Callahan has built a powerhouse in 4 short years, and nothing I can type can stop that.
The Huskers are National Title contenders right now.
I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm sorry if I upset you. I was simply in denial for all these years because I didn't want to acknowledge what a class program you are.
Forget all that stuff I said about JC Keller being a shoddy figment of your imagination. I now realize that he's the real deal. Forget all that stuff I said about Marlon Lucky being untested. After listening to many of you bitch and complain, I finally say that you were right. I was completely wrong when I said that Mo Purify was thug who only tried when he wanted to. After doing some research, I realize that it's that NFL attitude that carries teams with zero passing history into contention. It takes a true leader like Purify to show young studs how to make plays. And yes, I completely apologize for doubting your young players, who are obviously going to make a huge splash on the national scene.
But how do you apologize to those whom you have been so surly to over the years? How do you tell an entire fan base that you were wrong and they were right?
Sure, I realize the season hasn't even started yet, but look how the deck is stacked against me? Sam Keller, who I'm snidely referred to as the second coming of the savior is a future first round draft pick and proven leader. Marlon Lucky, the five star running back out of LA (and yes, stars certainly do matter) has put up sophomore numbers unseen in the long and historic history of Husker football. The Nebraska defensive line, whom I've compared to Swiss cheese and the porous defensive positions of the French Army in World War 2 is poised to be one of the greatest in the nation.
Worst of all, I've completely underestimated the great fan base of the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Sold out since the Beatles were big, Memorial Stadium houses the most knowledgeable, the most courteous and most significant fan base in team sports. To put them down and call them everything from pedophiles to fans of donkey bestiality was wrong of me, and I feel shame. I mistook their passion and their loyalty for myopia and arrogance. Little did I know, that it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to be a fan of such a successful program, and not come off to fans of pathetic teams as pompous.
When I accused Tom Osborne and Charlie McBride of having a white-hot homosexual affair from 1982 through 1995, I was wrong. It was immature and petty of me to funnel my jealously in such a public and graphic manner. When I said that Jim Rose was rambling on about Josh Freeman (who is indeed a traitor and a turncoat) because he was actually suffering the aftereffects of an unknown STD he picked up while on safari in Zambia.......I was out of line.
The worst part of all however, is how I doubted you all. I thought by channeling my hatred through a website, I would show others just what complete douchebags you guys are. But unfortunately, I showed my own ignorance, and ended up making you guys look even better. It was a bad idea that completely backfired, and I'm embarrassed by it. My inability to communicate my thoughts and ideas in a placid and intellectual nature was undermined by my jealousy of your sports knowledge, your passion for the game and the bond you all for each other as fans. (And yes, I'm sorry I called that bond blatant homo-eroticism).
With the addition of yet another prized recruit, it has become quickly obvious, that this team and this program has no choice but to succeed. Although I have questioned at times his ability to coach, Bill Callahan is obviously a football genius that has a way with young men that I simply can not possibly understand as a fan of a rival team. (And yes, I'm sorry I compared that "way" with blatant homo-eroticism). With Nebraska's easy schedule and coaching upgrades, I can certainly see how a great sleeping giant has awakened once again, and that order truly is restored.
With that being said, I should thank you for freeing up my schedule from hours of watching college football, when in fact the ultimate outcome has already been decided. Oh sure, games that do not involve Nebraska will have a single declared winner, but you and I both know who will be crowed the champions when the dust settles in New Orleans this coming January. I also thank you for showing me the error of my ways so that I can spend much more time with my family. This blog has been a complete waste of my time, and an unconstructive outlet for my obviously chemically-imbalanced instability. Unfortunately, you were on the receiving end of most of that, and for that I am truly sorry.
My only saving grace is that I realized this before any more damage was done. I'm excited I will no longer have to spend money or effort following a football team from my home state that will most likely not win a game all season. Instead of going to the match up on October 6th in Columbia, I will probably head down to the local homeless shelter, or possibly go across the street to the retirement home, where I will continue my pre-Nebraska tradition of reading to the elderly. Once again, I have YOU, the fine fans of Nebraska and the fine readers of this blog to thank. There are simply not enough words in the English language to express my gratitude. (Sorry it took so long! lol)
Since I will no longer be spending time on this blog or watching college football, I can say with a clear conscious that I wish you good luck in the upcoming season. (As if you need it!!) I hope you find a way to stay safe during your victory celebrations, and you continue to bring quality young men of character, morals and spirit into this...OUR university. (I finally get to say that since I pay taxes here!!!!!!!)
Thank you all once again, and please accept my deepest apologies for any misunderstandings or uncomfortable feelings you may have felt while reading my blog.
PS - There was something else I was going to say.....what was it? Oh yeah.
I had my fingers crossed. Go fuck yourself hicks.