August 3, 2007

You Were Right, I Was Wrong

You know what? I give up.

You guys win. I finally see what you guys have been saying all along. All it took was the signing of another prized recruit today to convince me what you guys have been trying so hard for years to instill in my brain. I have been trying to convince myself in a tidal wave of prose and hatred that you guys weren't back, and you most certainly are. I was an idiot. I was looking at the world through myopic Missouri glasses. My failure to keep up with the latest Rival ratings has blinded me from the fact that Bill Callahan has built a powerhouse in 4 short years, and nothing I can type can stop that.

The Huskers are National Title contenders right now.

I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm sorry if I upset you. I was simply in denial for all these years because I didn't want to acknowledge what a class program you are.

Forget all that stuff I said about JC Keller being a shoddy figment of your imagination. I now realize that he's the real deal. Forget all that stuff I said about Marlon Lucky being untested. After listening to many of you bitch and complain, I finally say that you were right. I was completely wrong when I said that Mo Purify was thug who only tried when he wanted to. After doing some research, I realize that it's that NFL attitude that carries teams with zero passing history into contention. It takes a true leader like Purify to show young studs how to make plays. And yes, I completely apologize for doubting your young players, who are obviously going to make a huge splash on the national scene.

But how do you apologize to those whom you have been so surly to over the years? How do you tell an entire fan base that you were wrong and they were right?

Sure, I realize the season hasn't even started yet, but look how the deck is stacked against me? Sam Keller, who I'm snidely referred to as the second coming of the savior is a future first round draft pick and proven leader. Marlon Lucky, the five star running back out of LA (and yes, stars certainly do matter) has put up sophomore numbers unseen in the long and historic history of Husker football. The Nebraska defensive line, whom I've compared to Swiss cheese and the porous defensive positions of the French Army in World War 2 is poised to be one of the greatest in the nation.

Worst of all, I've completely underestimated the great fan base of the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Sold out since the Beatles were big, Memorial Stadium houses the most knowledgeable, the most courteous and most significant fan base in team sports. To put them down and call them everything from pedophiles to fans of donkey bestiality was wrong of me, and I feel shame. I mistook their passion and their loyalty for myopia and arrogance. Little did I know, that it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to be a fan of such a successful program, and not come off to fans of pathetic teams as pompous.

When I accused Tom Osborne and Charlie McBride of having a white-hot homosexual affair from 1982 through 1995, I was wrong. It was immature and petty of me to funnel my jealously in such a public and graphic manner. When I said that Jim Rose was rambling on about Josh Freeman (who is indeed a traitor and a turncoat) because he was actually suffering the aftereffects of an unknown STD he picked up while on safari in Zambia.......I was out of line.

The worst part of all however, is how I doubted you all. I thought by channeling my hatred through a website, I would show others just what complete douchebags you guys are. But unfortunately, I showed my own ignorance, and ended up making you guys look even better. It was a bad idea that completely backfired, and I'm embarrassed by it. My inability to communicate my thoughts and ideas in a placid and intellectual nature was undermined by my jealousy of your sports knowledge, your passion for the game and the bond you all for each other as fans. (And yes, I'm sorry I called that bond blatant homo-eroticism).

With the addition of yet another prized recruit, it has become quickly obvious, that this team and this program has no choice but to succeed. Although I have questioned at times his ability to coach, Bill Callahan is obviously a football genius that has a way with young men that I simply can not possibly understand as a fan of a rival team. (And yes, I'm sorry I compared that "way" with blatant homo-eroticism). With Nebraska's easy schedule and coaching upgrades, I can certainly see how a great sleeping giant has awakened once again, and that order truly is restored.

With that being said, I should thank you for freeing up my schedule from hours of watching college football, when in fact the ultimate outcome has already been decided. Oh sure, games that do not involve Nebraska will have a single declared winner, but you and I both know who will be crowed the champions when the dust settles in New Orleans this coming January. I also thank you for showing me the error of my ways so that I can spend much more time with my family. This blog has been a complete waste of my time, and an unconstructive outlet for my obviously chemically-imbalanced instability. Unfortunately, you were on the receiving end of most of that, and for that I am truly sorry.

My only saving grace is that I realized this before any more damage was done. I'm excited I will no longer have to spend money or effort following a football team from my home state that will most likely not win a game all season. Instead of going to the match up on October 6th in Columbia, I will probably head down to the local homeless shelter, or possibly go across the street to the retirement home, where I will continue my pre-Nebraska tradition of reading to the elderly. Once again, I have YOU, the fine fans of Nebraska and the fine readers of this blog to thank. There are simply not enough words in the English language to express my gratitude. (Sorry it took so long! lol)

Since I will no longer be spending time on this blog or watching college football, I can say with a clear conscious that I wish you good luck in the upcoming season. (As if you need it!!) I hope you find a way to stay safe during your victory celebrations, and you continue to bring quality young men of character, morals and spirit into this...OUR university. (I finally get to say that since I pay taxes here!!!!!!!)

Thank you all once again, and please accept my deepest apologies for any misunderstandings or uncomfortable feelings you may have felt while reading my blog.

Your pal,

PS - There was something else I was going to say.....what was it? Oh yeah.

I had my fingers crossed. Go fuck yourself hicks.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I win


3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Grimey ol pal,

That was classic. Your maniacal rantings remind me of that scene where Frank Grimes was waving his arms wildly and nobody was listening. Your anguish soothes me.


3:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


4:21 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I'm confused by the whole simpsons thing. Is it supposed to be witty and funny? Or sarcastic and insulting?

I'm really struggling here, somebody help me out.


PS - Seriously..that's the most creative you can do? Simpson's references? Thugs=Happy Fans was more impressive.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


If you watched the episode and didn't feel that the character
Frank Grimes could be your twin, then you're right, you are confused. I'm not trying to be creative or witty, just stating the obvious. I will always picture Frank Grimes ranting and waving his arms when I read your blog. It makes me laugh.

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here it is again for anyone that missed it.

4:44 PM  
Anonymous black n gold said...

HH--I love your wit but I'm concerned that enemy patrols may track you down. Use the laser signal at 0200 hours nightly so we can night-drop supplies to you until the rescue chooper can pick you up.

4:50 PM  
Anonymous merlin said...

classic. but wasted on these hicks. I'm sure they were high fiving each other at the Burger King while listening to their Larry the Cable Guy CD's after taking this seriously.

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where is that douchebag BHG anyways? I sorta miss his room temperature IQ.

AJ, you're more like Cletus Del Roy Spuckler (Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel) than you are Grimey. He's from down Missouri way.

You and Booger Daniels.

Some folk'll never root for Mizzou
And then again some folk'll,
Like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel!


5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YES! Another 4-Star recruit for the Huskers.

It really must suck to be you!


7:09 PM  
Anonymous ohf said...


glad youve finally caved and seen the light...


8:38 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

The Frank Grimes thing has gone on now all day, and it still hasn't started making sense. But if it makes you happy....have at it.

Also nice to see OHF crawl out from under his rock.

And just to prove I'm completely fair when dealing with you people...I give JP massive props for at least MAKING SENSE of his Simpson's reference. At least I get that one. I understand it. It's mildly I go with it.

I saw the Frank Grimes episode. It was pretty dumb.

Who the hell has watched the Simpson's in the past 8 years anyway?

OH..and as for the 4 star recruit reference: How many stars was Courtney Grixby? How many stars did Brad Smith get?

my defense rests. (Kinda like yours against Kansas last year)

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn AJ you have seen the light or should I say seen THE BIG RED, I still need your picks for all college games untill Oct. 13 so I can bet against them to pay for my hunting trip.

As always,
You can eat a mile of my corn ridden shit and kiss my Husker ass

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a lifelong Husker fan, and I think AJ is as full of shit as any of you, especially in this case.

But some of you guys have the worst attempted smack I've ever seen. Stop making comments here. You're making the rest of us look like idiots.



1:54 PM  
Anonymous Coach Bughead said...

A little thought on the 4 star hype. I don't give a damn if you have every 4 star player invented by Rivals on your team. If you can't coach them or keep them out of jail, it's really doesn't matter how many frig'n stars a guy has while he's standing in a line-up. Who knows if these 4 star players are even coachable. You can get by in high school on sheer talent, but when it come to going to the next level there are other factors involved. I would really like to know how many 4 star players Boise State had on their team last year. I'll bet it wasn't a hellu'va lot. The reason that team did so well was because they were well coached and disciplined. For all those that think AJ's Colorado prediction is way off track, just look what Hawkins did at Boise State in a short time. It's not as crazy as some of you think. I live a few miles outside of Boulder and there is definately a buzz in there air around here from the Buff fans. Plus there hasn't been a player arrested since Hawkins arrived in Boulder. That alone in a big step forward. Crazier things have happened.

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fantastic post. I just discovered this blog and I couldn't be happier with it's content. It's funny, but mean spirited. The fact that it bothers Husker fans so much makes me smile. I love it. See you in Boulder.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Jared said...

hey AJ--

Long time listener, first time caller.

Just wanted to ask your opinion on Sam Keller. I hate the 'skers as much as you do. I have 'sker homers saying Mr. Keller will put up better numbers than John David Booty. Can you please evaluate this situation?

2:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although I hate Missouri and their asshole fans, you have absolutely nailed everything I always thought about Nebraska and their overrated program.

If you weren't such a dick, I'd say great job.

Rock Chalk

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice to see the KU and CU fans chiming in. Remind me, boys? How many national championships do you have in a major college sport?

Overrated as a description usually comes from someone who's team has actually won something. Like Oklahoma or Notre Dame or USC or Duke or Kentucky or Oregon State.

Feck off poseurs.


1:48 PM  

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