The First Shot Has Been Fired
But alas, something else came up yesterday that I'm sure you're waiting to hear about. It seems that yesterday afternoon, the Big 12 "media" predicted by a 2-1 margin that Nebraska would finish second to Missouri in the Big 12 North. I know for some of you who are loading up ammunition clips and tying a bandana across your forehead a la Rambo right now, this is difficult for you to read...but let me throw out a couple of things about this poll.
The first thing I thought was not the fact that Missouri never ever handles high expectations. (Although if you think about it, 2004 is the only year they were seen as a real threat to do anything, and thanks to Troy...they didn't.) It was not the fact that it was rather surprising to see something like those results when you are surrounded in a massive ocean of myopic idiots for as far as the eye can see.
No, the first thing I thought was that FINALLY somebody else sees you for the frauds that you are. That poll to me was not an indictment of how good Missouri is. We all know they're a decent team with bad coaching and a worse tradition. But what it says to me is, media members think you will fail to achieve what is rightfully yours by a 2-1 margin.
The poll itself is insignificant. ANYTHING in July is insignificant. Remember last year when everybody was picking Iowa State to challenge in the North? (including me). How many "Pre-Season All-Americans" plaques do you have hanging in Memorial Stadium? (Dumb question..because you probably have an entire wall full of them.) Is that poll worth anything more than late July conversation material for inbred Husker radio jackoffs who will spend the next 3 weeks lamenting the fact that somebody (by a 2-1 margin) had the GAUL not to recognize your greatness?
The fact of the matter is, the poll itself is pointless, but the facts are not. You people have built up this team and this program into something it hasn't been in a long long long time. Dreams and expectations that hover in the stratosphere are hinging on a career 4-4 quarterback with leadership problems, and an injury plagued running back who has carried the ball more than 20 times ONCE in his career. And that's the STRENGTH of you team. Let's not even mention the fact that you don't exactly have Vince Lombardi walking the sidelines running your team.
The poll is meaningless, with the exception of the fact that twice as many people in the media think you'll fail rather than succeed at winning the north. (I heard a guy on the radio yesterday who said that all 16 writers who voted for Missouri should loose their credentials.) Perhaps that decision is LESS about Missouri, and more about how the propaganda machine is churning out bullshit at maximum capacity this season.
Who cares. When you're sitting with three losses at the beginning of October, the last thing you're going to care about is what some beat writer from Tulsa thought about your team in the middle of the summer.
- Michael Vick could have sprayed a daycare with napalm and received less flack than he's going to get with this whole dogfighting thing. What in the hell was he thinking? Who does that? I mean, at what point in your mind do you say, "that was fun"? I mean..it's like certain kinds of porn. You and I both know there is a fine line between, "hey..that's kinda naughty" and "Ohhhhh yuck". A VERY fine line.
What isn't a fine line is the fact that if this guy is guilty, there isn't enough time in the world long enough for him to spend in the slammer. This isn't because it's any worse than a murderer (but not by much)...but because it takes a special breed of idiot to do something so vile and so disturbing. He DROWN the dogs? What the hell is wrong with you man?
- Is Barry Bonds about to be traded or something? Why is he on Sportscenter all the time recently?
- Speaking of idiots, I gotta chime in on this All-American Football League gem that has been floating around here the last few weeks. For those of you who aren't aware, the All-American football league is the bong-induced dream of some idiot who thinks that there just isn't enough football in the world. (Which to a point I agree..but if you want to add football...just make ESPN Classic show games instead of episodes of Playmakers) So they decided to make a league up of college flunkies with nothing better to do..to play in the summer at the university that they attended.
So who is stupid enough to embrace this?
Uhhhh, yeah. Husker fan is sweating through his straw hat at the possibility of watching Ben Cornelson fly through the air and recreate that great scout team catch of 2000. And what red-blooded Husker fan wouldn't want the chance to see Jay Runty take time out of his busy landscaping career to fire a long incomplete pass to Mark LeFlore, who is coming off a tough injury he sustained the previous week falling out of his UPS truck.
Don't get me wrong, this is a BRILLIANT idea to bilk you people out of an extra 100 bucks or so a year you would have spent on old DVD's of the 1994 Orange Bowl. The problem is, finding ONE other idiot fan base who thinks this is a great idea...let alone NINE others. At what point do some of you who are so excited about this realize to yourself just how stupid this is. And before you start typing it, yes I know Corby Jones is playing double-A arena football, but I'm still not butt-ass desperate enough to relive 1997 to shell out 15 bucks to sit in 90 degree heat and watch him scramble away from out-of-shape baggage handlers and Kinkos managers.
I'm not even sure why you guys just don't take all of your money, and just wire it all now to Jeremy Crabtree, Tom Lemming, Husker Hounds and this guy. Even though off-seasons suck, it's the buildup and hype that makes football so great. I really don't need some sideshow exhibition to remind me of that.
In the meantime, if you guys want to take time out of your busy detasseling schedule to take in a game...knock yourself out. Make sure you invite these kids. Looks like they could use some time in the big city.
Back to the review of your shitty defense later this week. Try not and burst a blood vessel before the next July poll comes out.