August 11, 2007

Joey Ganz, Shirtless Dudes and a Pair of White Levis

It’s too damn hot to write anything for today’s entry. Then again, you either read about all the idiotic things Husker fans do…or one of about 300 American Idol blogs being written by college-age geeks down at the Qwest Center this week. Either way, sucks for you. (And for me actually). Anyhow, thoughts for the weekend.

Don’t answer this (because I know the answer), but are you people THAT stupid? At what point do some of you take time out of your day studying gamefilm of 7th graders to realize that your coach thinks you’re a bunch of dumbasses?

Enter the “official” stance that JC Keller is not…at this moment…Nebraska’s starting QB. Now, I’m not about to go around telling you how great JC is, because he’s not. He’s never made it through 65% of a whole season, and his numbers were as unimpressive as they come. He hands out interceptions like Shevin Wiggins hands out motel keys at a Hannah Montana concert.

But besides all that, he’s STILL got to be better than Joey freaking Ganz. The fact that YOUR COACH, the very same man who destroyed a Super Bowl runner up in the span of 12 months, is PUBLICLY treating you all like the inbred, combine driving, Larry the Cable guy worshiping hicks you are has me scratching my head. Wouldn’t you think that ONE Of you would stand up and go, “Uhhh…coach….what the fuck are you talking about? He’s Joey Ganz?”.

I’m not saying career backups don’t deserve respect…at this level they certainly do. But for the Great Raider Flunky © to actually CONTINUE to discuss the “quarterback controversy” that is Keller vs. Ganz, is way more offensive (to me at least) than anything I could ever say to you. (And remember, I’m the one who accuses you all of pleasuring yourself to while watching videos.) Don’t you people have any shame? Are you that similar to sheep, that you’ll just go along with anything this guy says? You would have thought you would have began to doubt this idiot at about fake punt number 37 last season…or perhaps the 13th time he threw a pass on 4th and goal at the one….but now it’s just getting ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong…I realize how idiotic it makes you all look. (Claiming how great JC is, while having your coach proclaim that he’s obviously not that much better as Joey Ganz at this point). But still…at some point, I start to feel bad for you people. I also realize there’s this whole civil war and Frank vs. Callahan thing that goes on between you freaks….but you would think that idiocy would unite you all.

Apparently not.

Jeez, and they call my coach stupid.

* Let’s go back to this whole phenomenon that is sweeping Husker cyberspace. I’ve tried to ignore it a bit, because quite frankly, I don’t have the time, the space or the ability to write for 300 straight years on all the idiotic and dumbass things many of you do. That’s part of the reason I don’t personally attack players. (There’s no need to when an entire fan-base and athletic department is so butt-ass crazy, they provide years upon years of material.) But alas, a disturbing trend has developed nonetheless that I need to tread lightly around, as not to disturb the delicate PC balance of today’s hyper-sensitive society. With that, I will try to be nice about this.

Why is your favorite off-season pastime posting pictures of recruits either shirtless, flexing of both? Not that I care what you do in your free time….by all means, it’s a free and open society. But don’t you find it a bit odd that 30,000-40,000 NU posters a day attack opposing message boards with things like this: “Beware of these guns” and “Check out the abs on the guy who’s going to kick your ass this season”.

Am I the only one that feels uncomfortable about the blatant homoeroticism in play here? Again, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to me….some people like feet…some people like to be tickled…some people like 18 year old dudes in underarmor. Either way, I’m sure I speak for pretty much every single person who has ever logged onto a non-Husker message board when I say….PLEASE find a better way to wow us with your recruiting skills. Perhaps some stats? Perhaps actual game photos? Lose the Matthew McConaughey type obsession and try to act less and less like one of Richard Simmons’ backup dancers in the sweatin to the Oldies videos. (Unless of course that’s your which case have at it.)

Then could have been worse. At least there wasn’t the internet around when you were recruiting big farm boys like Dean Steinkuehler and Zach Weigert. I really don’t need to see that either. Now now…not then.

* Finally, this came up while discussing some upcoming games with some fellow Mizzou fans. At what point are Husker fans going to publicly acknowledge that they’re not walking into wine tasting event when they go on the road this season? Of course, this stems back to the old Husker fan adage that EVERY single fan of every Big 12 team, (That beats NU) is “classless” “rude” and something that may remind one of the battle scenes in Mad Max?

I’ve never understood this whole “classy” thing….as if we’re all supposed to roll out some giant red carpet to welcome the fact that 20-30,000 of you hicks have nothing better to do than go on the road with your red sweaters and your foam yellow corncob hats, and describe to the locals what a great fan you are? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating anything hostile or illegal in any way shape or form. But at what point during your drive to a visiting stadium do you realize that nobody likes you?

This may come as a shock to you..but none of us do. Oh sure, you used to be able to march into Ames or Columbia or wherever and have a “nice conversation” with the local fans there, as you clapped politely and stated, ‘You guys sure have some young talent…I’m sure you’ll get better.”. But all of that has changed now.

With every loss to every Big 12 team, you sink further and further away from the self proclaimed “class” that you all thrive on so much. Little do you realize that for the previous 30 or so years, you were doing nothing more but acting like a pack of arrogant jackasses, and were just asking for payback when some unsuccessful Raider coach takes over sometime down the line. Let it be known that I’m not the only one who despises you…not by a long shot. You arrogant pricks have been marching through college towns for ages, proclaiming your greatness and taunting your opponents.

Before the season even begins, let me be the first to warn you that when you decide to take your inexperience and overrated band of talentless Rivals stars on the road…your trip probably won’t be as pleasant as they have been in the past. This way…when you do lose and you’re crying and whining about what savages the opposing team is…you’ll know the reason why, and you’ll be prepared.

Once again, I’m not condoning anything unethical or illegal by any way shape or form. But let the record show that I will do every single thing I can under the letter of the law within the far outer edges of sportsmanship to see to it that you and the 12,000 or so other hicks that fill the highways along the Midwest have an absolutely miserable time. Once again..I know I’m not alone.

Consider that a friendly warning before the season begins.

I’d wish you good luck…but I wouldn’t even come close to meaning it anyway, so go to hell.

PS - Anybody have the over/under on when the Cubs will piss away their "run" toward the division lead? As much as I hate NU fans, at least they have more to show for their lives than 108 years worth of losses, and some 1988 commerative cups with Harry Carry's likeness.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought Joey Ganz might actually be pretty good? Of course you havent.

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn AJ turn on your AC so you can give a better line of bullshit than this. I hate to see what you come up with in the next few days when it gets really hot out.

As always,

You can eat a mile of my corn ridden shit and kiss my Husker Ass

2:21 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I'm saving up for week 1.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, you probably need to rest up those brain cells so you can actually have a point in your next little lecture.

9:08 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Yeah, like dealing with you dumbasses is such a treat.

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ, Count this Colorado alum right there with you! In the early 70's, a group of us went to a popular Boulder eatery right after losing to the "Corn." Right after we put our names on the waiting list which was 30 minutes, six or seven "children of the corn" dressed from head to toe in red barged in and declared "We Huskers and we want to fed and fed now!" Imagine how disappionted they were when the "classless" owner of the establishment told them that they could go pound sand. This is just the first of dozens of examples of how the "classiest" fans have conducted themselves on the road over the years and this was when they were winning! I with you all the way!

9:42 AM  
Anonymous BHG said...

From a man who coined "THUGS=HAPPY FANS", and you're calling someone else unintelligent. If that's not the pot calling the kettle "black".

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah yes, the polyster clad Big Red Gypsies . . . they'd head into town, take over all the bars, act like a bunch of Class A pricks, looking down their noses at everybody just because their football team was filled with the best steriod laced thugs they could find. In their NU baseball jackets they'd stand out in the middle of the bars with their shit kickers on not letting people by and drinking all the Natty light in the place.

You were spot on with your comments on how many fans of schools in the Big 12 North remember what a bunch of pricks the majority of the NU horde were, and now love to listen to them whine about how "mean" the fans of the other team are whenever the corn get beat.

2:25 PM  
Blogger Tom said...

.AJ cant agree more with your writing I live in this hell hole some call Nebraska and am a Sooner fan. I get allot of shit about this and am tired of hearing about how the cornholers are "back". These shit talking dumbasses look at each others blogs and take them as if it where truth on how the cornholers are going to win the big 12 and make a shot at the national title. But really its not their fault when all they have to do is jack off to their cousin’s senior pitcher and watch the corm grow. "fuckin hillbillys"

4:17 PM  
Anonymous BHG said...

Let's see Tom is making fun of Nebraskans and generalizing them as "hillbillies".

How much credibility does someone have from a state that had the mental fortitude to name a town TEXAHOMA, a state that still thinks trailer houses can withstand tornadoes, a state that boasts the Cowboy Hall of Fame, and I'll bet we can find a hillbilly or two down in the Ouachita Forest.

Yep, Tom, you have just proven that Nebraska doesn't have the market cornered on ignorant fans. You have now entered that segment of fans where THUGS=HAPPY FANS, and points need not be made with a valid fact.

12:43 PM  

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