After the Fallout...Here Come the Cockroaches
I mean, after this season, what the hell did you have to live for? All your idiotic prognostications, all your false scenarios and your pseudo-over analysis that would have been more accurate if it were authored by a pack of rabid squirrels…. All of it thrown back in your face, as I simply shook my head and muttered those three simple words….”Told ya so”.
So as you lay on the ground this season, tread marks up and down your back, as high powered offenses like Texas A&M and Ball State plow through your pathetic defense…was there any reason for me to continue?
You claimed superior recruiting is the backbone of success. You claimed that a known cancer with 8 whole games of D1 experience would waltz into the Big 12 and win the Heisman. You claimed a “natural progression” of the universe was inevitable, despite the fact that you lost ½ your defensive line, starting running back and starting QB. You bragged of “All-American caliber” linebackers and d-backs. You preached to me up and down that you were not only a member of the college football’s elite…but that your phoenix-esque rise to the top was simply a matter of time. You told me time and time again that Bill Callahan was a genius, and idiots like me and others were just too stupid to understand the methods to his ways.
Lies….speculation…false bravado. It was all nothing but wild over-analysis by a group of people so in love with themselves, you’d make Skip Bayless look humble.
So why should I have even gone on?
I won. You lost. Your complete and total lack of insight; your 180 degree diversion from all things tangible has resulted in not only me mocking you, but the entire college football universe mocking you. 600 yards to Ball State? Losing to Oklahoma State by 31? At home? 114th in the nation in defense? 117th in turnover margin?
Who could possibly recover from that? I mean, I run into Notre Dame fans all the time, and they’re pretty out of touch with reality. But when they start talking about their team, and you start to just kind of chuckle at them….they always to a man lower their head and go, “I know..we suck”.
Every fiber of my mind said to just declare victory and shut this blog down forever. I mean, does anybody write about how much they can’t stand San Jose State fans? Does Louisiana-Monroe have a blog devoted to how idiotic their fans are? I went back and forth….I contemplated how I was going to spend that extra 20 minutes every other day…and how I could just go on with my life knowing that that the most delusional and pathetically self-centered fans in all of sports got what they deserved.
Game. Set. Match.
But somewhere…in a red-hued alternate universe…I had the same continuous vision. A premonition of sorts, in which Glass Joe crawls back up off the mat, picks up his severed jaw, ignores his shattered eye socket, pops his nose back into place, and attempts to stand upright, despite his trainers sitting ringside throwing in towels, hankies, napkins and anything else white they can find.
I knew you’d be back.
If ANYBODY could casually brush off the events of the past year…if ANYBODY would have the stones to stare the rest of the world in the eyes and pretend the previous season never happened…it would be you. Spin cycle set to high, it seems that many..if not all of you..have decided that you were simply a victim of an evil dictator, that had it out for you the whole time. The past four years are simply a 'do over'…because that’s not the real you. A dream. A non-event. Bobby Ewing in the shower.
“What are you gonna do? Bleed all over me?”
Right on cue…exactly as I suspected…your ego has instructed you to step back into the fight. Although I admire your resiliency, who the hell would be dense enough to go through all this again? Who the hell would be butt-ass stupid enough to blindly follow one regime off the cliff…only to scramble back to the top and do it all over again? Why are you doing this to yourselves? Did you expect the rest of us just to ignore the fact that you bombarded the rest of us with typical Husker bullshit for the past four years?
Spare me…I already know the answer.
But it gets better: As soon as I saw Quin Pelini dip back into the stagnant pool of decrepit former Husker assistants, I knew I was on the correct path yet again. Didn’t you people already fire half these guys? Weren’t 75% of you bitching in late 2003 because of losses to Missouri, Texas and K-State? Does it strike you odd that hardly any of these guys were WORKING when QP hired them? Or did QP hire them at all?
“You’re just scared blog guy. You just know that Bo is going to restore this program to what it once was”.
Right…I’m really worried about a power hungry former coach, who made two disastrous hires before...walzting back in on a white horse….bringing in a guy that nobody else wanted, with a staff of pathetic has-beens who weren’t even that successful when they were here the first time. (Barney Cotton? Are you flippin serious?)
You can’t go home again people. We'd all like to...but we can't. This Christmas, I’d love to go back to my grandparents house, sleep in late and open tons of presents, finishing the day by playing football outside with my cousins for hours on end. But time and the fact that I’m an adult now dictates to me that I can’t. Whether for better or worse, time marches on and VERY few things are as you remembered.
I can’t keep teaching these lessons to you people. I can’t keep pointing out that hiring a guy because he once wore a red shirt for 11 games isn’t as smart as hiring a guy with a proven track record and years of experience. I can’t grab the keys out of your hand after you’ve slammed 37 shots of red dyed whiskey. All I can do is warn you, and remind you of your track record of ignorance, arrogance and blind faith.
So here you come, crawling out from under rocks and between cracks in the pavement…just as I predicted. I’m glad I didn’t shut this blog down, because I knew you’d be back. I knew you wouldn’t accept your fate. I knew you were too stupid to realize just where you stand.
Don’t’ worry though…I’ve got plenty of time…plenty of examples of wild predictions that never came true, and let’s face it…..it’s not like I haven’t been 100% right on everything else.
Enjoy your holiday at empty lot once known as Grandma's house.