December 5, 2007

After the Fallout...Here Come the Cockroaches

And here they come.....

I mean, after this season, what the hell did you have to live for? All your idiotic prognostications, all your false scenarios and your pseudo-over analysis that would have been more accurate if it were authored by a pack of rabid squirrels…. All of it thrown back in your face, as I simply shook my head and muttered those three simple words….”Told ya so”.

So as you lay on the ground this season, tread marks up and down your back, as high powered offenses like Texas A&M and Ball State plow through your pathetic defense…was there any reason for me to continue?

You claimed superior recruiting is the backbone of success. You claimed that a known cancer with 8 whole games of D1 experience would waltz into the Big 12 and win the Heisman. You claimed a “natural progression” of the universe was inevitable, despite the fact that you lost ½ your defensive line, starting running back and starting QB. You bragged of “All-American caliber” linebackers and d-backs. You preached to me up and down that you were not only a member of the college football’s elite…but that your phoenix-esque rise to the top was simply a matter of time. You told me time and time again that Bill Callahan was a genius, and idiots like me and others were just too stupid to understand the methods to his ways.

Lies….speculation…false bravado. It was all nothing but wild over-analysis by a group of people so in love with themselves, you’d make Skip Bayless look humble.

So why should I have even gone on?

I won. You lost. Your complete and total lack of insight; your 180 degree diversion from all things tangible has resulted in not only me mocking you, but the entire college football universe mocking you. 600 yards to Ball State? Losing to Oklahoma State by 31? At home? 114th in the nation in defense? 117th in turnover margin?


Who could possibly recover from that? I mean, I run into Notre Dame fans all the time, and they’re pretty out of touch with reality. But when they start talking about their team, and you start to just kind of chuckle at them….they always to a man lower their head and go, “I know..we suck”.

Every fiber of my mind said to just declare victory and shut this blog down forever. I mean, does anybody write about how much they can’t stand San Jose State fans? Does Louisiana-Monroe have a blog devoted to how idiotic their fans are? I went back and forth….I contemplated how I was going to spend that extra 20 minutes every other day…and how I could just go on with my life knowing that that the most delusional and pathetically self-centered fans in all of sports got what they deserved.

Game. Set. Match.

But somewhere…in a red-hued alternate universe…I had the same continuous vision. A premonition of sorts, in which Glass Joe crawls back up off the mat, picks up his severed jaw, ignores his shattered eye socket, pops his nose back into place, and attempts to stand upright, despite his trainers sitting ringside throwing in towels, hankies, napkins and anything else white they can find.

I knew you’d be back.

If ANYBODY could casually brush off the events of the past year…if ANYBODY would have the stones to stare the rest of the world in the eyes and pretend the previous season never happened…it would be you. Spin cycle set to high, it seems that many..if not all of you..have decided that you were simply a victim of an evil dictator, that had it out for you the whole time. The past four years are simply a 'do over'…because that’s not the real you. A dream. A non-event. Bobby Ewing in the shower.

“What are you gonna do? Bleed all over me?”

Right on cue…exactly as I suspected…your ego has instructed you to step back into the fight. Although I admire your resiliency, who the hell would be dense enough to go through all this again? Who the hell would be butt-ass stupid enough to blindly follow one regime off the cliff…only to scramble back to the top and do it all over again? Why are you doing this to yourselves? Did you expect the rest of us just to ignore the fact that you bombarded the rest of us with typical Husker bullshit for the past four years?

Spare me…I already know the answer.

But it gets better: As soon as I saw Quin Pelini dip back into the stagnant pool of decrepit former Husker assistants, I knew I was on the correct path yet again. Didn’t you people already fire half these guys? Weren’t 75% of you bitching in late 2003 because of losses to Missouri, Texas and K-State? Does it strike you odd that hardly any of these guys were WORKING when QP hired them? Or did QP hire them at all?

“You’re just scared blog guy. You just know that Bo is going to restore this program to what it once was”.

Right…I’m really worried about a power hungry former coach, who made two disastrous hires before...walzting back in on a white horse….bringing in a guy that nobody else wanted, with a staff of pathetic has-beens who weren’t even that successful when they were here the first time. (Barney Cotton? Are you flippin serious?)

You can’t go home again people. We'd all like to...but we can't. This Christmas, I’d love to go back to my grandparents house, sleep in late and open tons of presents, finishing the day by playing football outside with my cousins for hours on end. But time and the fact that I’m an adult now dictates to me that I can’t. Whether for better or worse, time marches on and VERY few things are as you remembered.

I can’t keep teaching these lessons to you people. I can’t keep pointing out that hiring a guy because he once wore a red shirt for 11 games isn’t as smart as hiring a guy with a proven track record and years of experience. I can’t grab the keys out of your hand after you’ve slammed 37 shots of red dyed whiskey. All I can do is warn you, and remind you of your track record of ignorance, arrogance and blind faith.

So here you come, crawling out from under rocks and between cracks in the pavement…just as I predicted. I’m glad I didn’t shut this blog down, because I knew you’d be back. I knew you wouldn’t accept your fate. I knew you were too stupid to realize just where you stand.

Don’t’ worry though…I’ve got plenty of time…plenty of examples of wild predictions that never came true, and let’s face it…’s not like I haven’t been 100% right on everything else.

Enjoy your holiday at empty lot once known as Grandma's house.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are right AJ, Nebraska fans should just find a new team to cheer for because we had such a shitty season this year. Good thinking, it appears that you should have jumped off the Mizzou bandwagon last year when you Pinkeled your way to Iowa State's lone Big 12 victory last year.

And keep pulling the 20 minutes every other day line! I laugh everytime I see that. We all know you live in your grandma's basement and your life is so pathetic that you must dedicate it to hating a college football team.

3:04 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

In light of the events at Westroads today, I will not be approving or leaving comments for the rest of the evening. This is not the time or place.

Keep the victims in your thoughts.


3:54 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

This is from the blog Everyday Should Be Saturday. They do excellent work, and as they are working over the Missery Tigers, I felt the need to share it with AJ.


The Missouri Tigers went from the proverbial driver’s seat to riding in the bed of the pickup truck in three horrific hours on Saturday night. It’s tough medicine, to be sure, but it’s also no time for crying. No one wants to hear you whine about being left out of the BCS, Missouri. Your football program has been a joke for as long as we can remember and one good season does not afford you the respect you think you’re entitled to. This was a good season for you, so let’s not leave on bad terms. You were the #1 team in the country and had a chance to avenge your only loss of the season. You got an opportunity to show the nation that you were for real — and you blew it in spectacular fashion. Oklahoma pistol-whipped you, as evidenced by this animated drive chart . The Sooners used your carcass to convince me that they may actually be the best team in the country right now, so let this be a learning experience for your entire beleaguered state. If you want to be known for more than meth production and excessive Christianity, then I suggest you take a few plays off, look at what you’ve accomplished, and focus on beating a Nuttless Arkansas in the Cotton Bowl. Godspeed!

6:15 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I've had work published there before, so I am very aware of them.

I really don't care right now either.


7:57 AM  
Blogger Andrew said...


Never doubted you as a writer; I just did not want to take credit for somebody else’s work. It's more for people who never have visited the site which in my opinion is the best blog in college football.

9:32 AM  

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