The Blame Game
Oh I realize that college football returns in a week, and the constant over-abundance of crappy summer reality TV and constant baseball talk will eventually come an end with the sweet sounds of Mike Patrick, John Saunders, Lee Corso and the bunch. I get all of that, and I love college football season as much as the rest of you.
But what sucks about this time of year is…well…. you.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always been pathetic and annoying. You’ve always been egocentric and arrogant. And for the 23+ years that I’ve lived here, whether realistic or not...you’ve bent over backwards to convince me that THIS SEASON will be the one where you take your rightful spot on the throne the following January. It’s like clockwork, the sunrise and a 6 game Royals losing streak all in one; Completely, and totally predictable in every way shape or form.
But this year..unlike other years, you’re now swinging at me with swords made of aluminum foil. Instead of coming at me with stories about how strong your defense is…how tough your o-line is and how improved your coaching is ….you now come at me with….well, all of that. However, unlike years past, the rest of us have long since figured out what you all are still light years from realizing: You’ll convince yourselves of absolutely anything if you try hard enough.
Don't get me wrong...I expect nothing less. But what makes this even more ultra-annoying than usual is not just the fact that you’re belligerent and delusional, but you’re doing so in a way that insults the intelligence of the rest of us who have been an ounce of attention.
Case in point. A buddy of mine is a Husker blogger. I won’t mention his name, but it rhymes with “Husker Ike”. Anyhow, Husker Ike has always been somewhat of a pillar of common sense to me through the whole Great Raider Flunky Expierencment ® (see that?) But alas, I always looked to Ike to at least look at his team through somewhat realistic eyes. Ike knows his team is followed by bombastic idiots who will stop at nothing to get you to recognize their greatness. However, Ike was always one to roll his eyes and tell me like it is. I respected that, and I always have.
However, over the past month or so…for some strange reason, Ike is right back strolling with the rest of the cockroach colony, preaching to me how Husker players have dropped “10% body fat” (thank god he didn’t send me pictures like some of you did), and how "Bo’s new practice methods" are far and away superior to those of any other coach ever to hold a whistle. (Why does this sound so familiar?)
Now I kid Ike, but the message remains the same: You people have lost your goddamn minds and you'll pin the blame on anything or anyone you can find to convince yourself otherwise.
To be fair, this is different from last season’s delusions on parade, because unbeknown to you, there is absolutely positively no reason on earth for your blind optimism. Oh sure, last year you had the Big 12 North title to fall back on, and you had the unknown factor of JC Keller (which of course is different form this year, since you all know exactly how Joe Ganz and Bo Peilni are going to do), and yet you still were too dumb/blind/proud to see it.
But this year, EVERYBODY else sees it. (Ok, one AP voter from Utah or wherever might not…but still). Powerhouse programs like Ball State, Pitt, Florida Atlantic and Wake Forest are all saddled with more national expectations than you are. Teams like Missouri and Kansas are landing half a dozen players each on pre-season all conference teams, while Nebraska basically looks to be a one man show in terms of ANYBODY who can move the ball on offense.
“But hey idiot blog guy, in case you haven’t heard, the Huskers have all sorts of great talent who are going to thrive because they don’t have Billy C’s playbook to memorize this year.”
You think so? Really?
What in the name of God makes you think you’re soooooo right this year where you were so wrong last year? As we covered many many times over the past year, Bill Callahan won you as many games by playing not to lose as he did flat out cost you in defeat. If you recall also, we also saw…by a barrage of evidence…that YOU as fans caused your team to fall from the sky last season way more than he did. Your ridiculous, moonshine-induced daydreams soaked into the head of anybody and everybody who came in contact with your program. And then…right after they started playing games...you all started to realize that maybe JC Keller wasn’t going to win the Heisman. Right after they started playing games, you realized, ‘Oh shit…maybe Mo Purify DOESN’T really try on every play?” And so on and so on. The entire thing a well-organized scapegoat sacrifice that would have made King Louis the XVI proud. "Now that Callahan is gone, we can get back to using all this talent right"
But it doesn't stop there this off-season. Even when you’re done making stuff up about your own team, you somehow feel the need to attack mine for your shotcomings. Fire away, as it doesn’t bother me any. Why should it? You don’t’ think I know how rotten they’ve been in my lifetime? I think you fail to realize that not every fan grows up with delusions of grandeur that would make Donald Trump roll his eyes. Fact of the matter is, after looking at all the factors, I am not the only person who feels Missouri will win the North. (Christ even Lee Barfeneckt picks them to win the National Title this year) In fact, I’m pretty sure EVERY single logical human on earth picks them to win the north outside of this fair metropolis. But why is this so difficult for you to comprehend? I realize it’s extremely painful for you, (especially for those of you idiotic enough to torture yourselves by reading this blog…only then to blast me for writing it. That amuses me) but come on. Sometimes the good guys don’t win. Sometimes the guys in the white hats don’t save the day. Sometimes the bad guys break into your house, drop the hammer on your sister, steal the Old Style out of your fridge and leave the door open on the way out. That’s just how life is. I'm sorry you haven’t figured out all of these life lessons by now. But again, not my problem.
Ahh well, I digress…
No, this is by FAR the worst time of the year, because I can only give you the evidence so many times. I can only show you what you can’t see SO many times before I simply throw up my hands (yet again) and say, “Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”
Well I’m sick and tired of warning you. I’m sick of tired of stating the obvious. I’m sick of tired of defending every single thing I've said which oh by the way…pretty much came true. (Cue some idiot comment about some single game prediction in October that I missed by 14 points). Point is, nobody predicted the Husker collapse in fiery and spectacular fashion as well as I did. Nobody else saw you for the complete fraud you were…especially not the talking heads in the media, who saw the ugly white helmets, remembered the glory days right along with you.
Take no credit you say? Just a series of lucky shots in the dark you say? A typical rant from a maniacal deviant who is just jealous of your success. (Somebody actually told me that the other day. I nearly wet myself laughing.) Well possibly, except for the fact that I give you actual REASONS why you’re going to suck. I don’t rattle off stats from games that were played when today’s players were floating around in a testicular sack. I don’t give you credit for your coach being a part of the National Title last year…because let’s face it: Over the 2nd half of the season, LSU was extremely average on defense.
You want reasons? You want me to go through ALL of this again ONE LAST TIME? Ok fine. Here's a couple:
1) Joe Ganz is 1-2 lifetime as a starter. There is no possible way on earth you can predict how he will react, let alone keep up a 50 pass per game pace that he had to end last year, which oh yeah…he faced two of the worst three passing d’s in the conference.
2) Marlon Lucky averaged less than 4 yards per carry against the Big 12 last year. Think it will be easier or tougher for him to gain yards when he is FAR AND AWAY the only playmaker on the field?
3) Your two best wide receivers wouldn’t crack the top 5 on the depth chart for Mizzou, Kansas, Tech, Oklahoma or Texas. Don’t believe me? That’s your problem. OH, and they also combined for 800 yards receiving last year as a team. That’s not bad for one guy, but not real good for 5.
4) Let me get this straight, ‘Billy C’s offense was great, but Shawn Watson is going to make it better? Huh? You all claim how great your offense was, but by your own admission, the guy who called EVERY play is gone. You are essentially starting over with a new OC, whether you can admit it or not.
5) Even if …as Ike says..all these great young players are going to step up this year…aren’t they still going to be young and untested? Same goes on defense. OK, you lost 7 guys from the worst defense of all time. But aren’t those new guys still new? Has anybody else thought of this? Will you finish 114th in the nation this season? Maybe, maybe not. Don’t be too quick to judge.
6) Bo Pelini’s press release started with “Tradition, passion and discipline.” Those are fine and great, but are not match for “athleticism, strength and speed.” Don’t believe me? Ask Bo’s boss, who couldn’t do squat with walk on’s from McCook until he sold his soul to Satan and recruited all of those three components. (Along with the three that sometimes go with it: thuggery, brutality and domestic abuse).
7) Your defensive coordinator has one whopping year experience at that position…from where youy ask? Try powerhouse University of Minnesota (Not the U...but Mankato).
8) Your head coach has one more game of head coaching experience than you or I do. Kinda early to predict all that greatness don't you think?
9) Your strength coordinator runs one of the most radical conservative groups in the country. His views are not only fundamental and borderline Neanderthal in nature, but….huh? Oh wait. Wrong James Dobson.
10) “Larry Asante, Major Culbert, Anthony West etc have all lost 500lbs between them and shaved 3 seconds off of their 40 time this fall alone.” Blah blah blah. I say this one more time…why in the HELL should we believe you even once this year? You have zero proof. None. And who said so? Some former player without a real job who saw them during a random Tuesday practice? And does lighter automatically mean stronger or better anyway? Sometimes I don’t think you guys even realize you say this shit, before it oozes out of your fingertips and into your keyboard.
Anyway, I could go on..but you get my point. College football has passed you by and you're to butt-ass dumb to realize it. And yes, for people like “Husker Ike” apparently sanity has passed you by right along with it. But you see as I stated earlier, there are no more people to fire. There is absolutely nobody else to pin your blame on. (Although I guarantee the next excuse we hear is how ‘Billy C’ left the cupboard way more bare than what great coaches like Bo could handle”. I can see it coming from here.) It's too bad the tire tread marks from last year haven’t healed completely. If they had, you’d at least have an excuse for your school of thought.
Same hot air.
Same time of year.