This Looks Familiar

Ya know, sometimes I hate you people so much, I forget about all the reasons. There are plenty of reasons of course that are well documented. You break down film together. (With coaches) You travel like locusts to destinations that Haitian refugees wouldn't want to travel to. You make up names for positions that don't exist. But you probably the #1 thing I hate the most about you people, is your CONSTANT ability to spin.

You know what I'm talking about. NOBODY on earth is as good as you guys are at pumping somebody up...convincing the world they are God..only to claim they suck ass when they leave abruptly. Not sure what I'm talking about? Do the names, Curt Dukes, David Horne, Thunder Collins, DeAngelo Evans, Curt Dukes, Harrison Beck etc etc mean anything to you? (Hell, wasn't that Hillenbrandt kid supposed to be Joe Montana...and he just left too?)

Enter exhibit #153,053 in former Husker Assistant Coach John Blake. For nearly 3 years, all people have heard from the Big Red Nation is how great Dudley is at pulling in big recruits. For nearly 36 months, I've heard on at least 900 occasions, how some recruit was going to some sunny SEC team, yet John Blake ate Apple Pie with his momma, and now he's gonna be a Husker. Or my personal favorite...."He sends hand-written notes. That's why he's so good." This has gone on for months and months and months and months.

"Bob Stoops won with his players," you cried. "He's the greatest recruiter in college football, he just wasn't organized" some of you stated. And now that he ditched you for a team that finished 3-9 and is probably the #4 most popular sport on campus...what do you say? "Ahhhh he wasn't that good anyway." Huh?

This happens so many times, I can't even count. I'm not even saying it doesn't happen other places, because it does. You can't name a college team in the country who has high hopes on a kid or coach...talks him up..and then badmouths him out the door. Happens all the time. But NOWHERE has it become an art form that it is in Lincoln. You see, this is why nobody ever buys the hype anymore. This is why, when Sam Keller signs with you, nobody but you gets all giddy, because we know that odds are in 9 months, something will happen, and you'll just tell us how much he sucked anyway. Happens every....damn.....time.

Little hint for next time...whether it's Sam Keller, a new hot-shot recruiter or whomever....keep your tempered expectations a bit toned down. That way, you won't look like complete idiots when things don't pan out and they bolt for somewhere else.

(And no, save your "I know the real story, and it was _______ that caused him to leave" reply. I don't care. That's not my point. You're an idiot for even trying to explain it. Kiss him goodbye and move on.)

* Volleyball fever, have you caught it yet? I've done some thinking, and I really think you people are missing the point on this. I think it's nice the city is landing "big events". Seriously. I just don't think this "event" would be "big" if the Huskers weren't playing in it. Can you imagine how nervous those NCAA jagoffs were when those girls were down 2-0 last weekend? Somehow I can picture something out of Rocky 3, where the Russian Polit Bureau guy, runs down and smacks Drago upside the head. Some of those girls are built like Drago too...which is somewhat ironic when you think about it. Anyway, wake me when it's over, and please be sure to tip your wait staff on your way out of town back to Cozad.

* My Super Duper Year End Spectacular is coming up either later this week or early next week. (whenever I can get to it). I'm not sure if you know this, but I don't normally put a whole lot of thought into these posts. However, when I actually advertise something, I have to be a bit more careful on my delivery. "Husker loss of the year", "Husker Quote of the Year" and various other crap I can think of will all be thrown out for you to rehash and bitch about. Apparently some of you are getting bored with non-football takes already, even though (SHOCKING) Football season is almost over. Good Grief.

* Other than Husker Holiday lights, is there anything more fucking stupid than these G*d damn "simulated" National Title tournaments that ESPN, CNNSI and just about every other bored sports writer on earth is doing? What the hell is the point? Are we THAT thirsty for football that we need to IMAGINE how games would go? (don't answer that).

Perhaps that's what you guys want when you piss and moan to me about not talking about anything interesting. Perhaps you want me to do in-depth stories on various recruits? Perhaps you want me to break down my fantasy football team too. This is the kind of shit I'm talking about. You can't go full bore for an entire season, and continue it when things wind down. Oh don't get me wrong, I have plenty of thoughts on Doc Sadler's shitty basketball team, the god-awful College World Series and other items...but if you want fluffy shit that doesn't really matter...go read Page 2 on ESPN, listen to Jeremy Crabtree talk about some junior in high school in Montana who he's "really high on", who will probably be working at Target in 15 months. Blah blah fucking blah.

* Speaking of shitty ESPN crap on TV...I see it's almost time for another exciting season of "Madden Challenge." Ummm.....yeah. I realize that some of these dorks pull in $10,000 bucks a week doing nothing more than fuse their ass to a couch...but do you have to mix it with reality TV? Does anybody even watch this? If I loved playing Madden that much...wouldn't I be...oh I dunno...PLAYING madden, instead of watching a bunch of zit-faced, 24 year old virgins battle it out and "talking trash"? Again, I'm not going to lie...I've played some games in my day, and I still sneak in a game now and then....but I never thought about someday going Pro.

Professional gamers....this is why we're all going to be speaking Chinese someday.