December 14, 2006

My Holiday Wish List

With the stresses and strains of the holiday season, I thought I would do something nice for you, the readers of my cozy little corner of cyberspace. But what do you give people who think you suck and disagree with everything you say? Hmmmm....that's a tough one.

I could give you breakdowns on stats and such, but that would be a bit boring, and I don't really care that much. I could write about Creighton basketball and the like, but there is really only so many times you can call a team overrated. I could talk about music, but most people have a pretty wide variety of things they listen to, so you can't really get a good discussion going without proving facts. I could talk about UNO hockey, but some of you really really hate that.

So what to do?

I know, how about a sappy, "Christmas list for area sports figures", just like the one Tom Shatel gives out every year. You know the list that says, "For the Omaha Royals, I'd like to give them 3 dozen new fans so they can double their fan base" or something like that. Screw that though. Why on earth would I wish anything but pain and misery on Husker fan? That's just silly.

With that,in the spirit of negativity that is my blog, I would like to give you my list of things that I don't want for Christmas:

I don't hear about how great Sam Keller is before he's ever played a game in front of more than 2 dozen fellow players. He very well may be the real deal, but you can only anoint somebody the second coming a few times before they actually have to produce. Forgive me if I've heard all this before.

I don't CONSTANTLY hear about how the 1995 Huskers were the greatest team of all time. I understand they were very good...obviously. But the knee-jerk answer Husker fans have to that question (of who is "best ever") is just another reason to doubt them. Would the "greatest team of all time" allow 21 points, 6 times that season? (When they were holding the ball for 45 minutes a game as well.) Would the greatest team of all time need to beat more than 4 ranked teams in a season to say how great they were? (Should Kansas even count that year?) the 83 Huskers were statistically better, but had the task of playing Miami in Miami. Where did the 95 team play Florida?

I don't have to deal with the HORRIBLE Big 12 TV contract anymore. Is there ANYTHING worse than having to pay 30 bucks or scan the internet to hear your favorite team? Meanwhile, Northwestern is playing Purdue on 4 different channels. I don't get it. It sucks. Fix it now.

I don't want....Missouri fans to bitch about where they get selected in the bowl process. Recently a the university started giving students free tickets just to get them to show up. Uhhhh, you're 8-4 people. You're not USC. It's not going to get much better than this anytime soon. Live it up. Besides, I hear the donkey shows in Juarez are spectacular.

I don't see another one of those stupid Apple Mac commercials.

I don't read another Bill Simmons story on the G*d damn Red Sox. Wasn't it not that long ago where the Red Sox and their fans bitched about the Yankees buying up players, while they suffered with their Super Bowl Trophies and 400 NBA titles. Me personally, the Red Sox are everything that is wrong with pro sports in general. Just another big market franchise, bitching about the very system that makes them contenders every year. Didn't they just pay the equivalent of the GDP of Brazil for a Japanese pitcher yesterday? Shut the hell up.

I don't have UNO hockey fans settle for mediocrity anymore. It's an absolute shame that the potential giant that is hockey at UNO has been completely and totally wasted by the school administration, athletic department and fans. There's absolutely no reason this team shouldn't be averaging 8-9,000 per game, and be on-par with Creighton on the "place to be seen" scale. The fact that nobody is bitching about the mediocrity on the ice is the most troubling. It's been 10 years. The team has minimal accomplishments, yet most hard-core fans gasp if you question Head Coach Mike Kemp's abilities. Very sad indeed.

I don't hear Kansas basketball fans talk about how great they are until they win more than one title in the past 60 years that wasn't won at home. Not that I don't enjoy watching high hopes come crashing to earth every's quite enjoyable. But just like the inevitable "Keller sucked anyway" lines coming from Husker fan next doesn't have to be that way. Sick of hearing about it year after year.

I don't have to sit through another SECOND of 'Mind of Mencia" while I'm waiting for South Park to come on. Is there anybody (other than Larry the Cable Guy) who is more unfunny than Carlos Mencia?

I don't hear about how the bird flu is going to come kill us all. Is it always necessary to have the media report on the next black death, just to keep people on their toes and pay attention to the news? This happens every single time. SARS, Bird Flu, hell...even the flu is suddenly a huge threat. If you tell somebody you didn't get a flu shot, they look at you as though you piss in the street and take up 3 parking spaces at Wal-Mart. It's always something.

I don't read another story this spring about how America is in love with the College World Series. or college baseball in general Just like the volleyball-inspired slobber-fest going on at the Qwest Center this week, the CWS is the most over-hyped, over-saturated, ruining of a good time that has ever been set in front of mankind. I can go into this more...but either you've already heard it, or you will in this space in about 5 months.

I don't see another Peyton Manning commercial. ENOUGH already. He's a nice guy. He's a good player. WE GET IT.

I don't think about how scary it is to realize that 9 out of 10 Americans can name the last American Idol winner, yet 1 in 20 can spot Wyoming on a map. Seriously. We're all screwed.

I don't to forget how unbelievably arrogant Husker fan is. :)

Happy Holidays to you and yours.



Anonymous Obsessed Husker Fan said...


happy holidays to you too aj.

4:25 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

You as well my friend. AJ

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Bart said...

You guys need to get a room!!!! Enough with the reach arounds already.

The facts:
Nebraska was better this year than they were in Frank's last year. You've got to give Can't-a-han credit for that.
Can't-a-han is getting better players than Frank but it hasn't converted into great play on the field (good but not great). You have to ask is it the coaching??
And why can't he get a blue chip QB??
Yeah that's right, it's another juco recruit, Zach Lee. Whooooah!! People are just dying to play in that NFL style West coast offense for those coaches. I'm betting on a National title next year. Are you kidding me, Nubbie will be lucky, yes LUCKY, to win the North.

For some perspective, let's talk about the GREAT football programs....
Ohio State - no juco QB's EVER
Michigan - no juco QB's EVER
USC - no juco QB's EVER
Texas - no juco QB's EVER

Give me a break. It's not Can't-a-han's first year...

And what about the next tier:
Notre Dame - no juco QB's
Florida - no juco QB's
OU - might need one this year, but got a 4-star blue chipper instead (Keith Nichol) that is graduating in December so he can attend Spring ball.... sound familiar, oh wait, Josh went to K-State
Tennessee - no juco QB's

AJ, all I want for Christmas is a Can't-a-han contract extension. Give him 5 more years just like Mangina. And Pederson should get a lifetime appointment, like in the Supreme Court.

And for all of you Can't-a-han slob-nockers please stop by the kool-aid stand and sign up:

9:22 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Good rant.

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Obsessed Husker Fan said...

"cant-a-han" CAN. Have fun in Manhattucky and with the Purple Princess coaching your team. Weak effort at smack I know, I just feel bad for kitty fans, so I dont use grade "A" material. Happy holidays bart.

3:49 PM  
Anonymous deron said...

Definitely go to Juarez for the Donkey show. The Donkeys in Tiajuana are a bunch af skanks.

However the corrupt cops are a bit nicer is Ascension.

7:18 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

The Donkey show in Ensenada wanted a FIVE dollar cover charge!?!? Can you believe that?

Definately looking that up in Juarez, along with the finest border hookers 10 pesos can buy.

7:57 PM  
Anonymous bart said...

You might be right about Can'ty but I just haven't seen it on the field. And this is year 3...
The Big XII North crown doesn't mean a whole lot. Just ask CU and Coach Barnett, 2-straight North titles (plus 3 out of 4) and that gets your coach fired.... Well, that and the strippers probably didn't help. Oh, and the female kicker that kept getting fragged with errant passes left a mark too.
The North has been as weak as it ever has been the last 3-years. Average South teams have been laying waste to the North (Baylor went 3-0 for crying out loud).
Put this year's Nubbie team back in 1996 thru 2003 and they'd be lucky to finish 3rd in the North.
The 2006 Can'ty's couldn't touch any of Tom's teams in the 1980's or 90's. And that is my point.
If your goal is to win the North, you shold be favored to win it along with Misery in 2007 (and probably 50% of the time after that). But the Alamo or Holiday is all you can hope for....
Trust me, I cried when Solich left, K-State was going to own that series as long as he stayed. And yes, I already admitted that Can-ty is better than Solich but won't ever be a perennial power consistantly competing for the NC. Every 5 years or so they'll be in the hunt once but will always fall out before years end. The other four years they'll be a top 30 team. They'll always be good but not good enough.
Nubbie is the new Alabama. Except for Alabama is in a talent-rich state and can turn it around with the right coach...
I was a huge Tom Osborne fan and I hope you can turn it around. I just don't think that Can'ty is the little engine that could.
As for Prince, he is a 7-5 coach with a few 8-4 and 6-6's sprinkled in. His goal should be to win the North once every 4-years.

Right back at you on the Happy Holidays.
Big 8 rules!!!!

p.s. AJ, can we please get an aneurism or two on the Big 8 vs. the Big XII. The b-ball tourney is ruined, NU/OU isn't on at Thanksgiving, Baylor - enough said (thank you Governer Anne Richards for that pile of crap), and God bless all that is Texas.
Well you can kiss my fat glow in the dark Western Kansas ass. Not on ze right, not on ze left, but right in ze middle....

10:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say instead of Baylor we annex Iowa out from the Big 10 and make that conference not sound retarded anymore. Also, with Iowa in the Big 12 we can bitchslap both of the Hawkeye state's programs around and make everyone there miserable rather than just half.

2:36 AM  

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