My Holiday Wish List
I could give you breakdowns on stats and such, but that would be a bit boring, and I don't really care that much. I could write about Creighton basketball and the like, but there is really only so many times you can call a team overrated. I could talk about music, but most people have a pretty wide variety of things they listen to, so you can't really get a good discussion going without proving facts. I could talk about UNO hockey, but some of you really really hate that.
So what to do?
I know, how about a sappy, "Christmas list for area sports figures", just like the one Tom Shatel gives out every year. You know the list that says, "For the Omaha Royals, I'd like to give them 3 dozen new fans so they can double their fan base" or something like that. Screw that though. Why on earth would I wish anything but pain and misery on Husker fan? That's just silly.
With that,in the spirit of negativity that is my blog, I would like to give you my list of things that I don't want for Christmas:
I don't want....to hear about how great Sam Keller is before he's ever played a game in front of more than 2 dozen fellow players. He very well may be the real deal, but you can only anoint somebody the second coming a few times before they actually have to produce. Forgive me if I've heard all this before.
I don't want....to CONSTANTLY hear about how the 1995 Huskers were the greatest team of all time. I understand they were very good...obviously. But the knee-jerk answer Husker fans have to that question (of who is "best ever") is just another reason to doubt them. Would the "greatest team of all time" allow 21 points, 6 times that season? (When they were holding the ball for 45 minutes a game as well.) Would the greatest team of all time need to beat more than 4 ranked teams in a season to say how great they were? (Should Kansas even count that year?) the 83 Huskers were statistically better, but had the task of playing Miami in Miami. Where did the 95 team play Florida?
I don't want....to have to deal with the HORRIBLE Big 12 TV contract anymore. Is there ANYTHING worse than having to pay 30 bucks or scan the internet to hear your favorite team? Meanwhile, Northwestern is playing Purdue on 4 different channels. I don't get it. It sucks. Fix it now.
I don't want....Missouri fans to bitch about where they get selected in the bowl process. Recently a the university started giving students free tickets just to get them to show up. Uhhhh, you're 8-4 people. You're not USC. It's not going to get much better than this anytime soon. Live it up. Besides, I hear the donkey shows in Juarez are spectacular.
I don't want...to see another one of those stupid Apple Mac commercials.
I don't want...to read another Bill Simmons story on the G*d damn Red Sox. Wasn't it not that long ago where the Red Sox and their fans bitched about the Yankees buying up players, while they suffered with their Super Bowl Trophies and 400 NBA titles. Me personally, the Red Sox are everything that is wrong with pro sports in general. Just another big market franchise, bitching about the very system that makes them contenders every year. Didn't they just pay the equivalent of the GDP of Brazil for a Japanese pitcher yesterday? Shut the hell up.
I don't want...to have UNO hockey fans settle for mediocrity anymore. It's an absolute shame that the potential giant that is hockey at UNO has been completely and totally wasted by the school administration, athletic department and fans. There's absolutely no reason this team shouldn't be averaging 8-9,000 per game, and be on-par with Creighton on the "place to be seen" scale. The fact that nobody is bitching about the mediocrity on the ice is the most troubling. It's been 10 years. The team has minimal accomplishments, yet most hard-core fans gasp if you question Head Coach Mike Kemp's abilities. Very sad indeed.
I don't want...to hear Kansas basketball fans talk about how great they are until they win more than one title in the past 60 years that wasn't won at home. Not that I don't enjoy watching high hopes come crashing to earth every spring....it's quite enjoyable. But just like the inevitable "Keller sucked anyway" lines coming from Husker fan next season...it doesn't have to be that way. Sick of hearing about it year after year.
I don't want...to have to sit through another SECOND of 'Mind of Mencia" while I'm waiting for South Park to come on. Is there anybody (other than Larry the Cable Guy) who is more unfunny than Carlos Mencia?
I don't want...to hear about how the bird flu is going to come kill us all. Is it always necessary to have the media report on the next black death, just to keep people on their toes and pay attention to the news? This happens every single time. SARS, Bird Flu, hell...even the flu is suddenly a huge threat. If you tell somebody you didn't get a flu shot, they look at you as though you piss in the street and take up 3 parking spaces at Wal-Mart. It's always something.
I don't want...to read another story this spring about how America is in love with the College World Series. or college baseball in general Just like the volleyball-inspired slobber-fest going on at the Qwest Center this week, the CWS is the most over-hyped, over-saturated, ruining of a good time that has ever been set in front of mankind. I can go into this more...but either you've already heard it, or you will in this space in about 5 months.
I don't want...to see another Peyton Manning commercial. ENOUGH already. He's a nice guy. He's a good player. WE GET IT.
I don't want...to think about how scary it is to realize that 9 out of 10 Americans can name the last American Idol winner, yet 1 in 20 can spot Wyoming on a map. Seriously. We're all screwed.
I don't want....you to forget how unbelievably arrogant Husker fan is. :)
Happy Holidays to you and yours.