March 12, 2007

Rolling Downhill Without any Brakes

There are a lot of great things about sports, any idiot can sit here and tell you that. Sports teach life lessons, teach us about hard-work, teamwork, winning, losing and everything in between. I can honestly say that every single thing I’ve done in my professional life, I can trace it back to a lesson I learned playing baseball. I’m sure you’re like me, and you can’t imagine a world without sports. Despite the absence of John Madden (which would be wonderful, don’t get me wrong), a world without sports would throw us back into the dark ages, where men got their kicks by hunting down a rival faction and either impaling them with a sword, or burning their village down.

Luckily, we have better ways to spend our free time (unless you live in Detroit), and I’m sure you’ll all agree, it almost all revolves around one sport on another. Without sport we wouldn’t have the US Olympic hockey team victory in Lake Placid. We wouldn’t have Jimmy Valvano running around the court, looking for somebody to hug. We wouldn’t have Bernie Kosar rolling out right on a 2 point conversion in 1983. However, despite all of this, there are a select few pieces of sport that I simply cannot comprehend.

Sure, I can point out Husker fan…but at least I can EXPLAIN you people. (Nothing to do, no geographical rival, myopic local media base with only me to keep your massive ego in check.) But there are a few things that simply make my skin crawl just looking at them.

“Hail to the Victors”, Mark Martin’s hick accent, Dick Vitale’s hyper over-done rants, that Fucking Matt Davison…..all pale in comparison to one person I simply cannot tolerate, cannot explain or cannot even look at without the bile from my stomach heading north, stopping just short of my tonsils. Yes, I’m talking about March’s worst enemy….

Bandwagon Creighton fan.

Now you may be asking yourself, “What the hell is your problem? I thought you hated the Huskers? Creighton fans hate the Huskers.”

Oh you simplistic, sociological deficient fools. Don’t you understand why I’ve been railing on the overwhelming, out-of-control bandwagon of idiocy spinning out of control over the past few years? Haven’t you figured out that Creighton basketball is every single thing wrong with the beautiful spectacle that is March Madness?

My favorite book in the world is “True Believers” by Joe Queenan. In his diatribe about bandwagon fans, Queenan rants on a nephew of his who latched onto the 1985 Villanova Wildcats, considered by many on the east coast to be the gold standard of bandwagon programs in the mid 80’s. Anyhow, he goes on to rampage about certain criteria that gave you the right to root for certain teams: 1) Where you grew up. Or 2) Where your old man grew up, and you just inherited his teams. Under NO other circumstances were you allowed to be a “die hard” fan..of any team..anywhere. Sure, you could root for them…pull for them or celebrate with them…but to call yourself “die hard” was strictly a crime against humanity.
That goes for entire cities as well.

Don’t get me wrong, Dana Altman has built a fine basketball program. Just 8 years ago, that program was a notch above NAIA basketball, and that was only because the building they played in sold beer. (Granted it was warm and orange, but beer nonetheless.) However, some of the things that have hit the airwaves over the past 24 hours or so make you wonder to yourself: Is Creighton really THAT good? Or is Husker fan (posing as Creighton fan) just THAT desperate to root for something great that they’ll even sell out their own school, just to root for a winner? (Even more ironic is that the Huskers beat the piss out of CU earlier this year.)

Still don’t get what I’m talking about? Channel three broke into coverage like the missiles had been launched from the Ukraine to tell me that the Jays won the Valley tournament. (Something they’ve done many times before.) Today, the Omaha World Herald decided to ask the question that of course I’m sure has kept you up late at night….”Why haven’t the national media given Creighton more respect?”

SOME PEOPLE ARE PICKING THEM TO GO TO THE FINAL FOUR. THEY’RE CREIGHTON. Is it that slow of a news month? Of course leave it to the Omaha media to turn a nice little story into the most overdone, overrated and over-saturated story since Chuck Hagel led us all on a two week news chase so he could tell us he wasn’t doing anything.

Yes, bandwagon fever has griped the Big O in a flurry of obsession, drunkenness and outright stupidity. Your biggest win is Missouri State? Aren’t they in the NIT? What’s that? You beat SIU to win a “title”? Uhhh..didn’t they beat you 2 of three? Ask Drexel (loss), Hawaii (loss), Dayton (loss) and Fresno (loss), Illinois State (loss), Indiana State (loss) and Wichita State (loss). And who did they beat? SIU..(one of three), Xavier (who is being ridiculed for being in the big dance) and …..and….ummmmmmm….

I have never before in my life seen a bandwagon more out of control, more beyond reason and more desperately craving attention than I have this Creighton team. I may hate the Huskers and their fans more than anything in the world, but if you could find me a more blatant reason to call bullshit on a single item in sports…I’d like to see you try.

The Final Four? Unless Missouri State standing in their way, I hardly think so.


Blogger Husker Mike said...

To be fair, there are a number of Jays fans who have stuck through this team through the good and bad times...even the Rick Johnson era. Hope they get a chance to head to the Big Easy and have a great time.

But then there are the bandwagon BrieJay fans... it's going to be fun watching them crash and burn like the Hindenburgh.

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Anytime you sound like Billy Packer, you know your rant sucks.

1:52 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

They have four even REMOTELY quality wins. SIU (who they lost to twice..including once at home), Xavier (who sucks) and Missouri State.

Big fucking deal. I'm not saying they shouldn't be in..and obviously the committee agrees with me on their suckiness. (10 seed)

It's the constant jamming down my throat of a fucking team that is suddenly the toast of the town (for absolutely no reason) that drives me batshit crazy.

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a solution to your problem: if the sports section has a gigantic blue bird on it...put it down. Reading whatever is there will only make you angry. Note: this tip also works for whenever Travis Justice opens his mouth.

5:22 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Well there goes January through April.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous tb said...

i'm a Jays fan, but to say they're going to the final four is insane. i'll be thrilled if they just beat Nevada, who's pretty damn good. if they manage that, they'll get Memphis in the second round, and they don't have a prayer of beating them.

and you miscounted the quality wins. they have five (SIU, Xavier, and MSU three times).

7:08 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thanks TB. You are correct. I forgot they beat them 3 times.

9:25 AM  

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