Nuclear Winter

As I pull up to my keyboard, the fluffy-white flakes of radiation continue to drift down as if torn out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Trees lie splintered about, as if they were kicked over by Goliath himself. Gone are the snappy comebacks, the false statistics, the rival stars, the comparisons, the history lessons, the tradition explanation, the arrogance, the ignorance and all the false self entitlement that went along with it.

The dazzling shade of red that once covered an entire state, now lies buried under a mountain of endothermic ash and debris.

Nuclear winter sets in.

Before we get to what you all came here to read, let me first make a statement. As you know, I am very persistent of the fact that I do not want to turn this blog into something that it’s not..which is a cheerleading podium for my own favorite team. There are dozens of outstanding Mizzou blogs, and if you want to read that angle, I invite you to visit them. They are located on the right-edge of this blog, and they are outstanding.

With that being said, in light of recent events, I would like to say how happy and proud I am for Missouri, their coaches and most of all us fans. The atmosphere in that stadium was unlike any I’ve ever witnessed in Columbia. The raging party before the game topped anything I’ve witnessed in my 30+ years, including Padre, Daytona, New Orleans and the French Riviera. What you saw last night was a fan base celebrating nearly 40 years of ineptness being broken. A big game. A swift ass kicking..excuse and spin free. I was thrilled to be a part of that..something I won’t soon forget.

With that being said, let’s turn our attention to you….

My number one question for you today, is not whether or not you think Callahan can survive at NU. I don’t want to ask you if you think you can pull it together to still make a decent bowl or even to possibly win the crazy north. I don’t care about your schemes, I don’t care about coaches “not getting the talent” out of your players. No, the question I want to ask you is this:

At what point last night did you think of me?

Don’t fool yourself, even if the Huskers had come within a couple of scores last night, you hayseeds would be flooding my comments section with wave after wave of blubbering propaganda. I wouldn’t be able to go 3 feet out of my driveway, without running into one of you yayhoos lecturing me on how recruiting and tradition trump “gadget offenses”, “flash in the pan” quarterbacks and sub par coaches who always seem to fall over themselves in a tight spot.

Had the tables been turned, your reckless self-promotion would be regaling me with tails of 12-star quarterbacks signing letters of intent on the spot. I’d hear countless blathering history lessons, abut how “Nebraska is still Nebraska” and “Missouri will always be Missouri.”

The problem with a nuclear blast is that once it’s dropped, there is nobody left standing.

As you probably can figure out, I could sit here for 5 hours and comment on the things that are wrong with your program. Perhaps I could spend another 5 hours discussing each and every point I’ve made since last January and pinpoint exactly how my predictions have come to fruition? Perhaps I could take some of my favorite comments from the summer, and point out the complete and total ridiculousness of talking trash without having any sort of clue what sort of hand you’ve been dealt?

If any of you are left (perhaps some of you were getting a jar of peaches out of your basement at the time and avoided the direct blast ), I’m sure your anger is no longer directed at me..but at those who have tricked you. I’m guessing you no longer seethe at my words, as I spoon-feed you yet another dose of truth and reality. I suppose crazy blog guy isn’t considered quite so crazy today.

Great Raider Flunky ™
JC Keller
Marlon Lucky
Rebuilt offensive Line
Defensive Line
Cosgrove
Linebackers
Corners
West Coast Offense
Unstoppable Tradition
Rival Stars
Top 5 recruiting classes
Top-notch receivers

Flash. Poof. Gone

All of these fraudulent myths destroyed in the flash of an eye as a thermal blast wave radiated outward at supersonic speeds.

So how do you pile on a program that has been completely wiped off the map? I’m actually half-tempted to shut down this blog for good, now that my point has been made. Why should I go on preaching to the masses when I have already been proven right? Should I even take the time type out derogatory words regarding a team that is so completely meaningless and insignificant?

“Bill Callahan is a fraud!!!”

“Yeah, we know”

What fun is that?

As I made the satisfying trip home today, I pondered the future of the Husker hating movement. If your enemy has been wiped off the face of the sporting earth, do you continue to attack it if there’s nothing left to shoot at? Is it possible to make points and expose flaws that have long been discovered?

Regardless of where the future takes us, I would like for you all to realize a few things:

First, I was right. Not about some things, but about just about everything. Go ahead. Scroll through the archives, and find me one single scrap of information that was not slathered in facts. I dare you to ponder back to our exchanges over the summer, and find one single miniscule detail that I failed to describe to a T.

Secondly, never ever forget that you did this to yourself. Simple physics state that what goes up, must come down. But more importantly, don’t piss off everybody else on earth, because you’ll eventually have hell to pay on the way back down. That is what you saw last night, as Missouri fans spent 45 minutes (yes, 45 full minutes) doing the wave in a 4th quarter blood-letting that hasn’t been seen since Louis XIV cut off thousands of peasant heads in the 1600’s.

And finally and most importantly, never ever ever think of yourself as better than the game. The world is reveling in your destruction today, not because you have been wiped off the map, but because of the defiance in which you lived your life. You are no bigger fraud than you were yesterday, but it’s far far worse when you realize that you’ve been complete douchebags about it for so long. Acting like arrogant jackasses for 40 years may have felt galvanizing and was literally the social fabric that holds a state together…but it really really pisses other people off. For that, you have absolutely nobody but yourselves to blame and nobody on earth feels sorry for you about it. Not one.

Hell, even this morning…after getting rammed like the star of Anal Girls 27, your contempt and self-pity still shines bright. It's evident even the day after...“Nebraska couldn’t get anything going against the #97 ranked defense”. Despite all that, the Nebraska media STILL figures there is something fixable…something worthy of repair, instead of admitting a solid, colon-thundering ass pounding. Avoid giving credit and find fault from within.

So what happens next, now that the earth is sizzling like the greasy morning griddle at Dennys?

Who the hell knows.

I will more than likely continue to be right. You will more than likely scower the plains for some shred of self-respect, as you blame others for your own faults. Games will continue to be played, hell…the Huskers may even win a game or two by the time the bus pulls into the Shreveport Econo Lodge. But despite what the future holds, let the record show once and for all that karma and fate are inescapable. As coaches are being fired, and the next generation of over hyped and overanalyzed flunkies take their spot, rest assured that the world will never be the same for you. Eventually, the first cockroach will appear from his hiding spot and the process will begin again. It’s your nature. You can’t help it.

I hope you enjoy the world in which you created. Don’t mind that soft orange glow…I’m sure it will wash off eventually.

Order

Fucking

Restored