September 28, 2007

The Bundy-fication of Husker Fan

Good lord, is the season 1/3 over already? Yeesh. With hate week just 48 hours away, leave it to Husker fan to show me the way during an already semi-uneventful non-conference season.

As we saw earlier this week, Husker fans are going through a wide variety of emotions, as they quickly come to the realization that crazy blog guy has been right all this time. If you’ve been lucky enough to live here and pick up a paper, listen to a sports talk show, or visit a Husker blog (I’d recommend it..some are really funny)…you’ve seen a quickly developing common trend.

This week’s trend du jour?

Getting upset at current members of the Nebraska defense because they just don’t understand the blackshirt “ tradition.”

I understand that I may be a tad bit biased here, but let me give you all a few things to think about here.

1) Why do you people think ANYBODY outside of the 402 area code knows what the hell a blackshirt means? It’s a flippin PRACTICE JERSEY. Just because it’s a different color than the rest of the jerseys, does not make it some sort of college football institution. I actually heard people compare it to the dotting of the I in Ohio the other day. WHAT? Since when was wearing black in practices and crossing your arms a “tradition” to be envied? If people outside the Platte River Valley think of ANYTHING related to Nebraska football, they think of two things: Power running and domestic abuse. You want to “get back to tradition”, start slapping some coeds around, or at the very least be like LP and chase some kids down with your car.

2) With all due respect to my good friend Husker Mike (Who wrote a very heart-heavy open letter to Corey McKeon the other day), I just can’t help but roll my eyes in the back of my head at some of you people. Whether it’s Broderick Thomas ranting on the radio, Tom Shatel blathering in the paper, or panic-stricken bloggers….why do you people continue to believe that your defense is struggling because of some sort of lack of effort or understanding of the world around them?

Don’t get me wrong, I see obvious flaws in the GRF™’s gameplan and motivational skills. And yes, I wouldn’t exactly run through a wall for Kevin Cosgrove either. However, the thought that you think somehow that you can get into these kids’ heads and make them play better is laughable. How insulted would you be if you were one of those players, and some former player was ranting and raving at you? How would you feel if some beat-writer called you a wuss?

I’m not an expert on the youth of today, but things have definitely changed over time. Kids today don’t really give a crap about Broderick Thomas, Christian Peter, Mike Minter, DeMario Williams, Mario Brothers, Donkey Kong, or anything else that isn’t here and now. To them, Broderick Thomas is some crazy bastard with nothing better to do than talk about how great his teams were compared to theirs. Kids today know they are bigger, faster and stronger than any generation before them. (Rivals told them so) To insinuate that they don’t understand the “tradition” or whatever tells me two things. Either they aren’t buying your Al Bundy-esque trip down yearbook lane, or you have even worse coaches than even I thought. Which brings me to a final point.

3) Has it dawned on ANY of you that these kids might just suck? With all due respect to those of you into this stuff, but recruiting websites and a flood of media hype has brainwashed you into believing that your team is some sort of college version of the 85 Bears. If you would have listened to me LONG ago, you would have already known that you simply can’t lose 4 NFL caliber d-linemen and get “better” just because Jeremy Crabtree said so. If your DB’s sucked in 2006, what POSSIBLY makes you think they’ll be that much better in 2007?

Although I admit to taking mild pleasure in being so incredibly right, in no way do I feel sorry for your predicament. All the love letters in the world aren't going to help you when you have mediocre talent being lead by pathetic and inexperienced coaches.

Which brings me back to this newfound practice of bringing past thugs and criminals back into the forefront and calling out current players for being not as good. Do you think one of these kids is going to just wake up one day and go, “You know what..Jason Peter was right in between fits of rage, I’m not trying hard enough. Damnit, I'm going to tackle better on Saturday. I don’t want to let Jason down.”


Don’t get me wrong…it’s funny as hell to watch you all psycho-analyze the situation. (While the solution to your issue is simple…better players and a better coach). Please be sure to continue this trend as your spend countless hours trying to breakdown just how in the hell you’re going to get this rickety old mule to win the Kentucky Derby.

Just remember, the rest of us aren’t laughing with you…we’re laughing AT you.

* Just a quick reminder. Don’t forget that hate week starts Saturday night. What’s hate week you ask? Just sit back and you’ll figure it out. Also, don’t forget that we’ll be podcasting live from the Missouri vs. Nebraska game next weekend. I also promise to add some video interviews with bewildered Husker fans and drunken Mizzou fans when I return. If that’s not a recipe for good reading, I don’t know what is.

I’d write more, but my old high-school journalism teacher is on the phone, and he’s been screaming at me about how I’ve let him down. Sure makes me want to hit my next entry out of the park.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's funny when you call Husker fans immature, and then brag about getting drunk at a game.

Mizzou D is way worse than NU. Huskers by 14 next week. Book it.


1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

drunk=immature? Since when?

Oh, it keeps slipping my mind. YOU are the fanbase that not only exudes, but defines class. I'll remember how much better than me you are on the 6th as I crack my first Budweiser at 9am.

Let me repeat this so AJ doesn't have to. Missouri fans have NEVER claimed to be the best/classiest fans in the world. That is you guys!

Book it?....... You're not fooling anyone. I can smell the fear coming from Lincoln.


2:22 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Let the record show that I will be both drunk AND immature next Saturday. Nothing about pride involves getting out of the house..having fun and screaming down Husker fans as they pass by.

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is easy to understand why MU fans get drunk before, during and after games; years of needing to drink to dull the pain of yet another huge, embarassing failure might cause one to develop a bit of an addiction.

I am not sure that drunk=immature (although I don't drink), but it does at least dull ones decision making and logic - which could explain the general lack of anything resembling a coherent argument from most MU fans on this board.

Drink up MU fans...more pain/suffering to come. Of course I mean from OU, as at least I am realistic enough to admit that a win at Mizzou will be tough for the Huskers.

I am as optimistic as the next guy, but I seriuosly question anyone suggesting a 2 touchdown victory - I will settle for a win by any margin.

That being said, Mizzou and its fans still suck puss-oozing donkey dick.



3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"If people outside the Platte River Valley think of ANYTHING related to Nebraska football, they think of two things: Power running and domestic abuse. You want to “get back to tradition”, start slapping some coeds around, or at the very least be like LP and chase some kids down with your car."


3:09 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

Man, I loved Book It. I screwed Pizza Hut out of so many personal pan pizzas in my day

I was looking on urban and did you know that "Mizzou" actually means "A whales vaina"?

3:10 PM  
Blogger Husker4Yankees said...


Saw your interview on Midwest Coast Bias. Pretty nice. Helped me understand you a bit better.

Can you believe Broderick Thomas? Even Lawrence Taylor thinks Broderick is a little crazy. I do not blame Pedersen for not giving this guy the time of day. Remember, Broderick is the same guy who got popped for trying to take a loaded freaking gun onto a plane.

Look, I love the Huskers. I have great memories of some of the guys you mentioned. And, sure, I would love to see some of the fire that guys like Christian, Jason, and Mike Minter have transferred to the kids on the team now. But I am not wringing my hands over it.

Tomorrow afternoon, I will be in my seats along the 40 yard line in the Cathedral of College Football...yes...even AJ knows it...Memorial Stadium, Lincoln, NE. Regardless of what happens on that field on Saturday, I still have a great job, a lovely wife, and a nice home (i.e. Life goes on).

Having said that, I expect the Blackshirts to finally start showing up and hitting someone in the mouth. Additionally, Sam Keller is quietly shaking off the rust. One more tune up and then off to misery to crush the Tigers.

I won't be at that game because, unfortunately, misery fans have become as bad, if not worse, than CU fans. I would rather enjoy the game in HD comfortably from home. I find no pleasure in sitting next to some hillbilly who has been drinking Milwaukee's Best and eating BBQ'd pork rinds since 10am. Said hillbilly then spends the entire game telling me, through his three, poorly maintained teeth, that my team sucks, that misery is gonna beat our asses, etc. I am betting, if quizzed, Cletus could not even tell me 3 members of the offensive line. Games in Columbia are now simply an excuse for the drunken hill folk in misery to congregate and see how the other half lives.

Big Question #1: If misery shows up and actually wins the game, will the hillbillies tear down their goal posts.....again?

Big Question #2: What do misery fans do on the other 364 days when they are not playing the Huskers?

My guess on #1: Yes

My guess on #2: Go to their kids pee wee games, tell the parents of the 5 yr olds from the other team that their kids suck, and go to jail after fighting with the referees.

Just my 2 cents Tigerland....thanks and GFY

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greatness once again.

I know this is long, but good god!

"Susie Huber, 53, lives in Seward, Nebraska and eats and breathes Husker football. Her family loves Husker football so much her daughter was married on the anniversary of Brook Berringer’s accident.

We lived along Hwy 75 which was about eight miles inside the Kansas Nebraska border. We lived in Sabetha, Kansas, and at the time, Kansas State was up and coming. We never let the people down there not know we were from Nebraska. We had a huge six foot “Number One” on our antenna tower for the house. We had a huge Herbie Husker on our red barn above the barn doors. We had three flag poles, one at each end of the house and one out on our front yard. It was so tall it could be seen from the city of Sabetha which was a mile and a half into town. We flew the Nebraska flag on all those poles. Some times it was a Blackshirts, some times it was white flags with red “Ns”, and some times it was red flags with white “Ns”. When the Huskers lost, we lowered all of our flags to half-mast because we were in mourning. I worked for the school district in Sabetha, Kansas as the accounting supervisor. My office was completely done in red and white. The first game of the season every employee got a Nebraska football schedule in with their pay slip. Regardless of whether they were a Colorado Buffalo fan, a Missouri fan, an Oklahoma fan, or any Big 12 any team what so ever, they still got a Nebraska Cornhusker football schedule. Therefore, none of them would ever not know when the Nebraska Cornhuskers were playing or who they were playing. When I answer e-mails, I always answer my e-mails with GBR which is “Go Big Red”.

My husband has always been an avid football fan, and this went back clear to the fall of 1963 at the age of 13. He had an uncle, Kenneth Wilson that lived in Seward, Nebraska at that time. He would bring his wife down to visit my husband’s grandmother, and then he would take my husband back up to Lincoln for the football games. They would stand out side gate number 13, and a person would come around and collect one dollar from each kid that was there. They would fling open the gates, and all of the kids would run in and take a seat in the north end zone bleachers. That was a great thrill because they could catch the football when it was kicked during the warm-ups up into the north stands.

When my husband was 17, a bunch of the boys and girls would get together at the high school football field and play touch football while listening to Lyell Bremser on a transistor radio that was turned up loud enough for all of them to hear. My husband graduated from Pawnee City High School in 1968, and at that time, it was hard getting tickets because every game was sold out. Some of us would get together, and we’d either drive to KU or K-State because we could get tickets down there. The reason a lot of the Pawnee City kids went is because John Riggins played in the Kansas game against the Huskers. John Riggins is from around Summerfield, Kansas which was just across the border from Pawnee City, Nebraska.

My husband Jim and I got married December 30, 1972. We decided our colors would be red and white because my husband was a huge Nebraska Cornhusker fan, and we could also commemorate the holiday season. We had the brides maids all in red with red roses and white carnations.

In 1995, the Nebraska Public Television Station was having a Husker Hot Shot contest. They’re the ones who air the Big Red Wrap-Up Show. I decided secretly that I would write a letter and nominate my husband because we had three flag poles in our yard. We had the Big “Ns”, the Herbie Husker, and my husband built a metal goal post in our yard. He punched out the holes and inserted red Christmas lights so that it would say Huskers in the cross bar. We painted the goal posts white, and this was a regulation size goal post in our front yard. We ran extension cords from our house down into our front yard and put a timer on it with a spot light on the goal post. We would have the lights lit up all night long, so that the word Huskers reflected in red. We had a spot light on it so anyone who drove along Hwy 75 between Omaha and Topeka would see the word Huskers. It was a continuous flow of people when ever Nebraska played KU down in Lawrence. Our neighbors in Kansas jokingly complained that they could n’t get any sleep at night because we had such high wattage on the florescent light shining on the goal post that it was shining in their bed room. Come the end of August clear through the middle of January or after the Bowl games, those lights were on all night long.

Martha Sporence, from the Big Red Wrap-Up Show, called me at work at Sabetha Public Schools. She said they’d like to come down and film our house. We had a red jeep; actually, all of our vehicles have always been red or black. We have Husker floor mats and Husker coolers. My check book is Huskers with an “N” on it. Living in Kansas, they didn’t particularly like me writing Nebraska checks from a Kansas bank. The house was always done completely with red as far as furniture. We have red throw pillows, red blankets, and Husker quilts and bed spreads. They filmed the interior and the exterior of the house. My husband was put on the Big Red Wrap-Up Show. When we came up, it was a live show for a full hour with host Bill Doleman, Ken Hambleton, Lee Barfknecht, and my husband Jim. He said he was nervous at the start of the show, but he got more relaxed as the show went on. He really has some great memories of doing that. He could have killed me for putting him on the spot, but he really enjoyed it.

We’ve always had to scrounge around for tickets. We could n’t afford the donation fee and the price of the season tickets. Living in Kansas, we would trek up to Lincoln. We would get up early in the morning and make an all day ordeal of it. We’d come up and go to P. O. Pears for a Jiffy Burger. Sounds crazy, but it’s a hamburger with peanut butter and bacon on it, and, oh, are they delicious. I don’t know how many Kansas people we brought with us who could not believe the Sea of Red on the streets or in the stadium. We would make a full day of it. We’d visit with people around the stadium. We’d go to the local bars and have a few red beers.

We also have the national championship rings. My husband has the 1994, and I have the 1995. They were put out by the alumni association, and Jostens made the rings. We got them for each other for Christmas presents. We wear them all the time. They’re the first thing people notice because they are so large. They are engraved with our names on them. I’ve literally taken mine off and let people hold it, and they can’t get over how heavy they are. They’re surprised that a woman would wear that heavy of a ring. They’re quite the conversation piece.

Our daughter decided to get married on April 18th, 1998, the anniversary of Brook Berringer’s air plane accident. She elected to go with red and white wedding colors. Her brides maids were in red, and her father wore a Herbie Husker vest with a Herbie Husker bowtie. He has always told both daughters, the one that got married and the one that is not married yet, that they could not get married during football season. They had to choose a time other than anywhere from the middle of August to the first of January. He even stated that if they did not obey his wishes, he would have to have a big screen TV at the reception so that every one could watch the football game."

On one hand this scares the crap out of me, while on the other it just doesn't surprise me.

NOTE* Nowhere in that piece does it say that they actually attended the university, and this again, does not surprise me.

I repeat my mantra that I am so glad I moved away almost daily, I'm glad to see you keep the dream alive and well back there.


Dr. Buffenstien.

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're such a prick. I hate it when you make me laugh.

7:24 PM  

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