December 19, 2007

We're Not Laughing With You.....

Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten some requests to touch on our next topic. As you guys (most of you at least) know, I don’t give a rat's fat ass about recruiting rankings or the geeks who follow that stuff as if it were the stock market the day before they turn 65.

That’s not to say again that I don’t downplay your right to spend time trying to guess the mindset of 17-19 year old dudes...many of whom were born in 1990. (Yes...1990. Think about that for a second.) Yes, I completely understand how the lifeblood of a football program is getting the right coaches and the right players to mesh together. But to CONSTANTLY follow the trials and tribulations of individual kids (and they are kids)..is in my opinion….a complete and total waste of time.

However, like most everything in life there are exceptions to every rule.

I have now found the one time I can honestly say…I truly care about recruiting at it's most basic and granular level. Why? Because Husker fans are absolutely losing their minds. I don’t mean panic attacks or breathing into a paper bag. I’m talking absolute, full-scale, 100% complete and total mental breakdowns.

Apparently the recruiting class sent down from the heavens toward Lincoln this past fall has now shattered into 1000 pieces. I did find it funny that when Callahan left, people weren’t real concerned about their prized class. For some reason, I think many of you were pretty convinced that Bo Pelini’s charm would shine through and make sure Johnny Five-star Football player will be a Husker next fall. I even heard many of you say things like, "I'll never fall for that recruiting bullshit again."

Didn’t quite work out that way did it?

Now I will say again…none of this really matters in the big grand scheme of things. The college football landscape is littered to the skies of highly ranked and coveted prospects who, by some force of nature, just didn’t pan out the way everybody thought. So after we all have a collective chuckle at Husker fans and their cold shower of reality, we should remember just how trivial it is to fill your time with semi-meaningless research, while some guy on the other end of the internet pockets another $30 of your hard earned money each month.

The Husker football program of the late 2000’s will fail with or without Will Compton. No matter what Blaine Gabbert has to say about it...Nebraska and their fans will still be contemplating just how the hell they became Vanderbilt by ignoring actual coaching candidates, and going for an unproven coordinator who you remember simply for wearing a red polo as he slunk off the field as Brad Smith ran for another 60 yard reverse.

Just remember, it’s only as funny as we make it for us...and right now it’s highly amusing.

* Nice to see Tom Osborne will be employed for the next three years as supreme emperor of Husker nation. Not that anybody (me included) expected anything else…but why even give him the “interim” label?

Now, I will admit…I’m not exactly close friends with Tom Osborne. I’ve never personally met him, nor have I heard him speak at my church or bail me out of jail for punching a coed in the face. However, I do have one question regarding Dr. Tom Chavez and his self-imposed 3 year electionless reign. What the hell is he going to do now? I mean..wasn’t he hired to hire a football coach? Wasn’t he hired to find a “permanent” AD? Is it REALLY going to take THREE years to find a new AD?

I realize I don’t have tangible evidence regarding this...but doesn’t this just fit into my profile of Doc Osborne specializing in personal grandstanding and micromanagement? Does he have that little faith in Pelini and his judgment? Is it going to take him 3 years to re-hang all those All-American pictures on the complex walls that you people were so up in arms about in August? Seriously, why is he still there? And if he is still there because you all need him..why not just state the obvious, and tell the rest of the world just how desperate you are to cling to 1997?

I often live my life with one simple rule when it comes to figuring out reasons why people do things or how things are done. (If you are familiar with the movie 'Contact', you know what I’m talking about.) “If you don’t know the solution or reason, it is most likey the most simplistic of the choices”. (Achems razor, for those of you who didn’t see the movie....and yes, this will be my last science fiction movie reference for quite some time).

Anyhow, the most simple explanation that floats in my head as to why Tom Osborne needs 3 extra years to find a new Athletic Director is based upon three choices:

a) Tom cares about Nebraska and is willing to put aside all the personal time and people in his life to make the University a better place.

b) Tom has a master plan in place, to reverse the damage of the previous administration who did their best to ruin Nebraska’s prized football program and reverse the goodwill built up over the previous 40 years.

c) Tom loves the spotlight more than breathing.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm…… I’m not sure which one it could be.

* Finally, as many of you have realized, I’m a big time channel surfer. I feel there is absolutely NOTHING on TV since the mid-80’s, but yet I’m completely mortified by some of the things my remote lands on while flipping through channels, hoping that a football game will somehow appear out of nowhere.

For some reason, people felt that tabloid TV wasn’t annoying enough. Somehow, Entertainment tonight..even back in the day...wasn’t quite extensive enough with coverage of Brittany’s ability to show up in court on time…but yet somehow that wasn’t good enough.

Enter the douchebags who came up with TMZ on TV.

I’m not sure where this came from. I’m not sure who watches it. But if you haven’t seen it…let me give you an example of what happens for 30 solid minutes. A bunch of slimy UCLA dropouts who most likely were eliminated for reality shows before the TV cameras are turned on, are sitting in a fake newsroom…huddled around like they’re sitting in the command center of NORAD, and there is one central slimeball guy…who is apparently head slimeball. Then, they go around the room, and all the UCLA dropouts snicker and talk for minutes on end about some celebrity they saw eating outside of Baja Fresh on Sepulveda Ave blah blah blah.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: If you actually watch this shit for more than 30 seconds, mesmerized about what mystery beau Julia Roberts was hanging out with behind a swank Hollywood eatery…you need serious seriously therapy.

They’re celebrities. Who cares. It’s make believe. Not only does it blow my mind that people actually watch this crap...but apparently it's expanding quickly.

We’re all going to be speaking Chinese someday because of shows like this. God help us.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of these days u will look back on your life and realize you were always a waste of space. You should devote your time to something you don't totally suck at.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

I thought you might at least have "a bit" of class until after Christmas.

I should have known.

Frank

6:45 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Whew.

Do you guys realize it's been like 3 whole weeks since I've said something that pissed you off?

Thank God we're back to normal.

Order restored.

AJ

PS - Happy Holidays

8:01 AM  
Blogger midzman said...

The Kevin Bacon picture SO captures the essence of the sKerge fan right now. BRAV - mother fucking - O!!! There is a Chip Diller trying to assuage posters on every Nebraska recruiting thread right now to please not go total China Syndrome. It is beyond hysterical to see them cannibalize each other. Merry Christmas Red, plan on having another 60+ laid on you the day after Thanksgiving!

8:26 AM  
Anonymous AJ Fan said...

Dear Anonymou #1: Salt + Wound. Bye Bye Highly Ranked 2008 Recruits. Hello irrelevancy. If AJ's blog is a 'waste of space' and something he 'totally suck(s) at" why are you reading it and more importantly, why did you take time to post?

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Brushpile Bill said...

Does anyone else think a picture of TO as God with Pelini as Christ and all the little angels fluttering around is more than a little spooky? There are some sick folks out there.

9:13 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Let the record show that I DID NOT make that.

I'm not that creative.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous corn holed said...

I'm an NU fan that has a sense of humor. (that's right you heard me). I read this site everyday for a good laugh. I love it. Keep up the good work.

Nu fans need to lighten up. I blogged about R Brown on one of the "fan" blobs and just about got banned from their site.

An excerpt of what I think about 1 of Pelini's lamest assistants:

Ron Brown? Give me a break! This guy has a few million screws loose. I don't think God needs to be thanked every minute of the day.

"Thank you Jesus for allowing me to have a bowl movement this glorious morning." RB


Now back to you, this site brings a smile to my stupid face, hell sometimes it even makes me laugh out loud. Well done!

10:10 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thanks for the comments. the name cracked me up as well. :)

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Nebraska fan and a Kansas Fan jump out of a plane with out a parachute. Who dies first?

Who gives a shit!

11:09 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Brett,

The Quin Pelini is in reference to a comparison I did earlier between the credentials of both Quin Snyder adn Bo Pelini. One destroyed a program..the other is about to destroy a program.

I have suspended the use of it until I find a better nickname.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Huskers4Yankees said...

AJ:

Thank God someone said something about TMZ. I will unreluctantly admit that I am a Simpson's fan, and have been since the Tracey Uhlman show days. So, one night I am enjoying a good ole Simpson's rerun and not paying attention and the next thing I know there is some Douche Bag on my screen acting ultra serious about seeing Jessica Farking Simpson doing something I could not possibly care any less about. I thought maybe it was one of those fake newshows like Hollywood Insider/Extra/whatever, but no.....its so much more craptacular.

If this is not one of the signs of the apocalypse, then I need to re-read the bible. Seriously, what the hell has happened to this country? And its everywhere on TV.

If we aren't speaking Chinese, we might be speaking Hindi...

I am not sure if it was in this post--and I am too lazy to go back and look, but thanks for mentioning how douchetastic Bluejay fan is becoming. I live in West Omaha and have lived out this way since long before Linden Estates and friends were there. Based on the number of graduates that Creighton puts out, I am amazed at the amount of Bluejay gear I now see sported. Wow, Creighton's enrollment numbers must be huge these days.

**Note to those who are so fucking ignorant that they don't understand the subtle art of sarcasm, I know most of these soccer moms went directly from Burke and Millard North to UNL (Maybe) and then to the birthing rooms at Bergan Mercy and have never set foot one on the Creighton campus....that is my point.

I used to enjoy seeing Creighton do well and get some national pub and get into the tourney. Not anymore. I look forward to seeing them flame out this year, which I think is a distinct possibility.

Hey Creighton fan, I know you think basketball in Nebraska began with the birth of Dana, but you are wrong. I remember a time not long ago when Benson BBall outdrew your sorry asses. Furthermore, the Qwest is not 'your house'! You are tenants. And if Ralph Furley decides that he wants to rent that floor to someone else from time to time, ain't a damn thing you can do about it. It looks better with our floor anyway.

Alright AJ, peace love and turkey grease this holiday season. Be safe and enjoy the bowl season (Are you going to the Misery Bowl game?) I think I am gonna fire up my XBox over the bowl season and make sure the Huskers are in a bowl....sad, but c'est la vie.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoy the blog, but want to point out that it is "Occam's Razor"

:)

3:17 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Actually...I'm pretty sure my spelling was correct. (I looked it up, because I knew somebody would throw that back at me.)

But the internet isn't 100% correct all the time now is it?

Can I get a ruling please.

PS - Yes...TMZ sucks gigantic donkey balls. I can't believe people watch that shit..and apparently a lot of people do, or there wouldn't be 5000 other shows like it new every month.

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Husker4Yankees said...

AJ:

I have never seen Occam's Razor spelled as you do it, although I have seen it as Ockham's Razor......

4:28 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Oh well...590,000 words a month and if that's the only one I get wrong..I'm doing good.

Heh

7:24 PM  
Blogger Big Head said...

How ironic will it be when Pelini is out at the same time as Osborne. I guess Dave Rimington or which ever other jackass Harvey gathers will get to handpick another coach from "the family". Scott Frost and Zac Taylor may have the "grad assistant" tag finally removed by then, which makes them qualified.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Occam's Razor... and it's not the only one you got wrong, although that matters little.

I never even knew this blog existed until today, but I sure am enjoying it. I'm a Husker fan, perhaps one of the biggest, but the rest of them really drive me freakin' crazy. [I think because I lived out of state from 82-97]

Like the other guy commented about Ron Brown, who in their right mind would hire that guy for anything other than hanging drywall? If he hadn't coached under Tom Osborne, people would be hiding their small children when he came to the door. But if you even whisper something negative about him, watch out. And Barney Cotton??? What's that guy ever done that made Bo want to rush out and hire him? At least he's not the OC, but if Watson leaves, watch out.

There's been a parade of goofballs returning to feed at the Husker trough since Osborne was brought back, and each one seems to make the average Husker fan more delirious with joy than the last.

I don't get it.

1:23 PM  

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