We're Not Laughing With You.....

Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten some requests to touch on our next topic. As you guys (most of you at least) know, I don’t give a rat's fat ass about recruiting rankings or the geeks who follow that stuff as if it were the stock market the day before they turn 65.

That’s not to say again that I don’t downplay your right to spend time trying to guess the mindset of 17-19 year old dudes...many of whom were born in 1990. (Yes...1990. Think about that for a second.) Yes, I completely understand how the lifeblood of a football program is getting the right coaches and the right players to mesh together. But to CONSTANTLY follow the trials and tribulations of individual kids (and they are kids)..is in my opinion….a complete and total waste of time.

However, like most everything in life there are exceptions to every rule.

I have now found the one time I can honestly say…I truly care about recruiting at it's most basic and granular level. Why? Because Husker fans are absolutely losing their minds. I don’t mean panic attacks or breathing into a paper bag. I’m talking absolute, full-scale, 100% complete and total mental breakdowns.

Apparently the recruiting class sent down from the heavens toward Lincoln this past fall has now shattered into 1000 pieces. I did find it funny that when Callahan left, people weren’t real concerned about their prized class. For some reason, I think many of you were pretty convinced that Bo Pelini’s charm would shine through and make sure Johnny Five-star Football player will be a Husker next fall. I even heard many of you say things like, "I'll never fall for that recruiting bullshit again."

Didn’t quite work out that way did it?

Now I will say again…none of this really matters in the big grand scheme of things. The college football landscape is littered to the skies of highly ranked and coveted prospects who, by some force of nature, just didn’t pan out the way everybody thought. So after we all have a collective chuckle at Husker fans and their cold shower of reality, we should remember just how trivial it is to fill your time with semi-meaningless research, while some guy on the other end of the internet pockets another $30 of your hard earned money each month.

The Husker football program of the late 2000’s will fail with or without Will Compton. No matter what Blaine Gabbert has to say about it...Nebraska and their fans will still be contemplating just how the hell they became Vanderbilt by ignoring actual coaching candidates, and going for an unproven coordinator who you remember simply for wearing a red polo as he slunk off the field as Brad Smith ran for another 60 yard reverse.

Just remember, it’s only as funny as we make it for us...and right now it’s highly amusing.

* Nice to see Tom Osborne will be employed for the next three years as supreme emperor of Husker nation. Not that anybody (me included) expected anything else…but why even give him the “interim” label?

Now, I will admit…I’m not exactly close friends with Tom Osborne. I’ve never personally met him, nor have I heard him speak at my church or bail me out of jail for punching a coed in the face. However, I do have one question regarding Dr. Tom Chavez and his self-imposed 3 year electionless reign. What the hell is he going to do now? I mean..wasn’t he hired to hire a football coach? Wasn’t he hired to find a “permanent” AD? Is it REALLY going to take THREE years to find a new AD?

I realize I don’t have tangible evidence regarding this...but doesn’t this just fit into my profile of Doc Osborne specializing in personal grandstanding and micromanagement? Does he have that little faith in Pelini and his judgment? Is it going to take him 3 years to re-hang all those All-American pictures on the complex walls that you people were so up in arms about in August? Seriously, why is he still there? And if he is still there because you all need him..why not just state the obvious, and tell the rest of the world just how desperate you are to cling to 1997?

I often live my life with one simple rule when it comes to figuring out reasons why people do things or how things are done. (If you are familiar with the movie 'Contact', you know what I’m talking about.) “If you don’t know the solution or reason, it is most likey the most simplistic of the choices”. (Achems razor, for those of you who didn’t see the movie....and yes, this will be my last science fiction movie reference for quite some time).

Anyhow, the most simple explanation that floats in my head as to why Tom Osborne needs 3 extra years to find a new Athletic Director is based upon three choices:

a) Tom cares about Nebraska and is willing to put aside all the personal time and people in his life to make the University a better place.

b) Tom has a master plan in place, to reverse the damage of the previous administration who did their best to ruin Nebraska’s prized football program and reverse the goodwill built up over the previous 40 years.

c) Tom loves the spotlight more than breathing.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm…… I’m not sure which one it could be.

* Finally, as many of you have realized, I’m a big time channel surfer. I feel there is absolutely NOTHING on TV since the mid-80’s, but yet I’m completely mortified by some of the things my remote lands on while flipping through channels, hoping that a football game will somehow appear out of nowhere.

For some reason, people felt that tabloid TV wasn’t annoying enough. Somehow, Entertainment tonight..even back in the day...wasn’t quite extensive enough with coverage of Brittany’s ability to show up in court on time…but yet somehow that wasn’t good enough.

Enter the douchebags who came up with TMZ on TV.

I’m not sure where this came from. I’m not sure who watches it. But if you haven’t seen it…let me give you an example of what happens for 30 solid minutes. A bunch of slimy UCLA dropouts who most likely were eliminated for reality shows before the TV cameras are turned on, are sitting in a fake newsroom…huddled around like they’re sitting in the command center of NORAD, and there is one central slimeball guy…who is apparently head slimeball. Then, they go around the room, and all the UCLA dropouts snicker and talk for minutes on end about some celebrity they saw eating outside of Baja Fresh on Sepulveda Ave blah blah blah.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: If you actually watch this shit for more than 30 seconds, mesmerized about what mystery beau Julia Roberts was hanging out with behind a swank Hollywood eatery…you need serious seriously therapy.

They’re celebrities. Who cares. It’s make believe. Not only does it blow my mind that people actually watch this crap...but apparently it's expanding quickly.

We’re all going to be speaking Chinese someday because of shows like this. God help us.