March 22, 2007

Spring Ball and Spring Break

I promise that's the end of the Creighton talk for at least seven months. Sorry to have to subject you guys to all of that. I was under the impression that true Husker fans hated Creighton, and maybe they do. However, most of my comments were met with either indifference or the fact that you're just shocked that you agree with me. Either way, my apologies, except to the douchebag Bluejay fans (and their propaganda machine at 590) who have decided that I'm just jealous.

Anyhow, no time for that now anyway..It's SPRING FOOTBALL time!!!!

I'm sure you all know my views on Husker spring football and the inevitable media circle jerk that follows a collection of 60,000 people or so who have nothing better to do than to sit around and watch a football practice. (All under the guise of being the greatest fans on the planet.)

This year I can at least understand the interest because of the hype. Enter Jesus Christ Quarterback, Sam "JC" Keller. Never before in the 20 years of following this team have I seen more expectations placed on a single player than I have coming into this year. Apparently after healing some leapers and allowing a bus load of blind children to see, JC is going to actually have to go out this spring and "earn" his job. This of course is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. (Next to, "I think we beat USC next season.)

Despite the unrealistic expectations that would make Tom Brady nervous, JC is not only going to have to deal with myopic and idiotic fans grading his every move, but also having to deal with an extremely difficult schedule. I'm not about to go breaking down schedules just yet (plenty of time for that), but I don't see a whole lot of easy W's on it. In fact, just looking at it, I can make a decent argument that NU could actually finish 4-8 next season. Rest assured that if that does happen, I will shut down this blog and change my name to Bob Devaney.

After listening to the new found spike in Husker talk on the radio in recent days, 13-1 or 14-0 are certainly within reach. Wake Forest sucks, USC is completely vulnerable (and it's at home), Missouri, Oklahoma State, A&M, ISU, KSU all suck and Texas is completely overrated. As an opposing fan, I chuckle at this and only wish to say...good luck with that.

So I've noticed something over the past few years or so. Every single time I sit down and turn on my TV, I'm usually either amazed or appalled at something. Whether it's Nancy Grace's horrible face staring at me, or that show on E! where the dumb girls and the gay guys bash on actress's shoes...something always stops me in my tracks. This brings us to last night's TV adventure.

As most of you know, despite your opinion about me or the fact that you think I'm a crazed lunatic, I do have very small children. Despite what I'm sure you think of my parenting skills, I fell I do an excellent job preparing for them in later life. I want to make sure that I give them every opportunity to succeed in life, and I want them to experience every high and low that they possibly can. I know they'll have bumps along the way, but together as a family we can get through them. I have nothing but the utmost hope that my kids will turn out OK.

After watching Spring Break 2007 on MTV last night, I have changed my mind.

Under absolutely no condition is my daughter allowed to go to Spring Break. Not Padre, Not Mexico, Not PCB, not Cancun, not Havasu....nothing. Yes, I'm being a complete and total hypocrite, because I went to South Padre not once, not twice but three times. However, that was during the age of innocence, also known as the early 90's. Today apparently, girls gone wild has made pretty much everything OK and socially acceptable.

I completely and totally understand my hypocritical nature. I completely understand that I cannot stop my kids from partaking in such activities. But last night a girl in a sombrero stripped down to nothing, gave a lap dance to 35 guys and then took a topless beer bong upside down while simulating a blow job to some douchebag frat guy with his hat on backwards.


Not at 16. Not at 17. Not at 18 or 19 all the way until about age 30.

I understand kids are going to drink. I understand kids are going to do crazy things. But that's all fun and games until it's YOUR kid whipping off her bikini top to the delight of 500 sideburn sporting asshats as they gyrate and spill beer all over each other to one of Shaggy's many hits. I accept the fact that I'm old. I accept the fact that I've become one of "those" dads. But I've been at those types of events, and I've seen what goes on. In the 15 years or so since, I'm guessing it hasn't toned down so much.

And you people wonder why I'm so uptight.

Speaking of MTV, didn't spring break used to involve actual dialogue and performances rather than just reality shows in bathing suits? Remember when shows like Remote Control, Just Say Julie or my personal favorite...Singled Out. And what is it now? Reality show after reality show after reality show after reality show. Either way, it's probably good, because having Heavy D and Carrot Top spraying you with whip cream is probably just as bad as what goes on to me.

Forget I even mentioned it. I'm packing up and moving to Saudi Arabia. (At least there I don't have to put up with Jim Rose)


Blogger AJ said...

TB, got your message, and I agree. I have been slacking in my hatred toward KU lately. My apologies and I will address it in the near future.

2:26 PM  
Blogger TB said...

Jesus Christ cited for disturbing the peace. WWJD?

10:15 PM  

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