October 19, 2008

My Belt and Your Delusions

I’m going to give it to you people straight. I’ve VERY rarely shocked. I’ve been doing this “job” for a long time, and I spend a lot of time looking at the overall big picture when you are completely unable to. I try and break down not just stats but the “sight test” on every team/game/situation I can. I know that pundits…for the most part…are complete idiots, and that all you need is a computer and ½ a brain these days to match Todd McShay, Bill King or any of the countless other “experts” on college football that fill the airwaves, cyberspace and cable boxes across America.

This weekend of course is no exception.

I’m not going to lie to you people. I didn’t watch the Nebraska game. I didn’t realyl care. It was a game pitting two horrible programs…one of whom had lost three straight games and the other who was just assrammed by mightily Baylor. Nothing was on the line for either team except pride, a rare conference win…and maybe bragging rights within some married couple who lives in Council Bluffs. (Besides, I thought Versus was a made-up network. You mean your game really WAS on that channel? I thought they only ran Babe Winkelman reruns? Heh, who knew?)

I don’t know if you played well. I don’t know if you flexed your “order” and put down the wrath of God down on the mightily Clones and once and for all showed them who was the 5th place boss of this 6 horse division.

Wasn’t home. Didn’t watch. Didn't break my neck to try.

Oh don’t get em wrong…I’ll go back and look at highlights and some stats and some articles on the game. But let’s face it…all I need to know is the final score to know exactly how you are going to act the following week. (Again, did I mention I’ve done this a while?) All of this was and will be a given…but that’s not the predictable part.

No, the predictable part is the avalanche of chest pounding, name calling, and all-out guffawing that surrounded Missouri’s 56-31 demolition in Austin.

Now, I will say this first and foremost..and for those of you who are new (and apparently there are many)…this is not something that just popped into my head. I've said this many times, and I will say this again: This is not a Mizzou cheerleading blog. I don’t pretend this is a Mizzou cheerleading blog. I mention Mizzou over the past few years more because they happen to be the team I was saddled at birth with and the team that has pretty much moved into the apartment atop the division that you used to live in for quite a few years. But regardless of what I say, I know good and well that you are going to read into this whatever you wish to read into this lame duck corner of cyberspace.

It is not a shock. It is not unexpected. In fact, I would be greatly disappointed if you didn’t wet your overalls in laughter, point, laugh, scream, giggle and high five your mom as you sat around the dinner table this morning. It is what happens to teams when they move into the spotlight and carry the bullseye around for all to see. People celebrate their downfall. Downtrodden fans mock their falls. Disgruntled fans start blogs about them. It’s all been done.

But, since you’ll throw a fit otherwise..I will throw down my 2 cents anyway. 1) Because you have nothing better to do. And 2) Because it’s far more exciting than breaking down a 5th-6th place matchup between two teams that nobody cares about anymore. (Well, one of them at least.)

Anyway, Mizzou was not going to win that game.

Oh, don’t get me wrong..Missouri had a chance to win that game because they do have weapons on offense and have shown the tendency to make opportunistic plays on defense. However, when you’re playing #1 in front of 98,000 of their fans, you better be able to come up with a creative way to hit the other team in the mouth right away. You better be able to get turnovers, run the football and basically out-physical a team that is coming off of an emotional high.

One play into the game, you know that wasn’t going to happen.

Regardless of Texas’s standing as the #1 team in nation, Missouri’s season changed not in downtown Austin…but at home the week before, while letting a talented, but beatable Okie State team finish them off on their home field. Had the Tigers been able to pull that game out last weekend, they could have afforded themselves a blowout loss in Austin, and still not fallen far enough to put them out of contention by the time the Big 12 title game comes around the first week of December. However, since they did lose to the Cowboys, they then put their slim National Title hopes on pulling an upset against a powerful team, a hostile prime-time crowd in a place their school hadn’t won since the mid 90’s….1890’s.

So with that being said, not a whole lot has changed this week. I didn’t expect the Tigers to win the National title. (Go and find where I did if you're bored) And no, I didn’t expect them to go undefeated. Hell, I didn’t even pick them to win the conference at the beginning of the year. But if it makes you feel better to slap your knees, spit through your tooth and drop that bottle of moonshine in a hysterical fit of laughter…have at it. You don’t author a blog like this for years and years and not expect to take crap when your own teams loses. I can handle it. I've been through worse.

However…the funny part is: Is your own team any better today because of it? Are you any closer to restoring your order now that Missouri won't be punching a ticket to Miami? Do you really feel that much better beating a bad bad team like that? Didn’t you beat the hell out of that same team last year when you finished face down in the Big 12 toilet? Did you even watch your own game? (Again...Versus...who knew?)

Regardless of what my team does…or even your team for that matter…the apathy I spoke of on Friday is just as much about me as it is you. Ok, my team got beat by the #1 team in the nation. You may forget this is the same team who lost 77-0, 66-0 and 73-0 within a 5 year span in the late 80’s and early 90’s. This is the same program that AVERAGED 3.7 wins per game from 1984 through 1997. Think I’m really all that upset? (Hell, they weren't even favored) Did you forget that prior to last year, the highest my team had been ranked IN MY LIFETIME was 13th? (in 1998) Do you have any idea how bad that program was?

If you would have told me 5 years ago that my team would get gouged by 25 points on National TV against Texas …I would have quickly shot back…”YOU MEAN WE GET TO BE ON NATIONAL TV!?!?!”.

If you don't get what I'm saying...you may as well quit reading right now. I don’t expect you to get it. I wouldn’t dream in a million years that you would get it. I know the world will not spin backward in order for you to get it.

This fight is long since over, because even if things are like old times for a few hours on a given Saturday, the landscape has still changed. Streaks have been broken. Barriers have been knocked down. Your snotty arrogance simply doesn’t sting as much because despite our one week trip back in time….you are still a shell of your former selves, and my team is …well…very much different as well.

Missouri has beaten Nebraska four of the six years. In the past few years...I have witnessed my own team…the very team I was mocked for DECADES in supporting….absolutely destroy you…both at home and away. Even if we slip back into our roles of old…the points have been made and toil and torment will have changed forever. Even if things WERE changing (which I highly doubt)...You can’t downplay the past few years, just as you can’t change the stained pompous egotism that has soiled your soul for generations.

I’ve made my point.
I’ve won my battle.
Nothing will change the outcome…not even one Saturday in October where time seemingly goes backwards.

So please keep up the hate mail. Please tell me how bad my team is..all the while ignoring the little fact that they are still light years ahead of yours. Tell me how bad I’m supposed to hurt, when I’ve already long since watched you destroyed. Tell me how awful I’m supposed to feel when I’ve already lived through years so lean they would have driven most fans insane.

I’ve already crossed the finish line and no single event..no matter how hard you try..will ever change that. I'll still be me, and you'll still be a fuzzy shadow of the fan you once were.


I've already won your belt. There is no rematch.



49 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

won my belt....? series 63-36...right?

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ: honest question: is Colt McCoy really that good or is your team really that bad??? I think I saw better defense from the French in World Wars I and II.

If I remember correctly you picked I.S. to upset us in Ames. Here's my prediction: your team won't make a run at the NC until 2050. Until then, it'll be back to the yearly cornholing from the only true football program in the north. Enjoy the ride, and welcome to the long, downward spiral.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You've got the belt? Eat shit and die. The only score in this game is 5-0. You know how that score reads.

Do you feel that because Nebraska's team is now average that you somehow feel better as a person, and have really nothing else better to do than blog about how much you hate Nebraska, yet you live here? Are you that fucking shallow? You feel you've won, because you get this is what you solicit from people. Congrats...if you felt you've won, but what have you won? Not a thing. You're still an anonymous asshole on the internet who wishes he didn't live in Nebraska. If that is criteria for victory in your life, good for you. I'm sure your family is proud. I'm sure you're a pillar of society. Get a hobby, step back from the keyboard.

Tread lightly my friend, because living in this world, karma is a bitch and life is too short.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Tigers have left the door wide-open for Kansas to control their own destiny and win the North. Worst-case scenario KU goes 2-2 in the next 4 heading into KC....

Still, the Border War winner will most likely go to the Big 12 Championship game (and how could you not like that?).

MU's schedule is a cakewalk until the KU game.

12:36 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

"You're still an anonymous asshole on the internet who wishes he didn't live in Nebraska."

- Anonymous



Irony?

8:04 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Oh an PS - Long downward spiral? Heh..if you say so.

A "Long downward spiral" is winning 3 National Championships...almost winning a couple more and then 5 years later nearly losing to Ball State at home.

I realize you guys have had me verbally pound you into submission for years and for one weekend you see the chance to let all your frustrations out....but shake yourselves for God's sake.

I'm not sure how I can put this any more clearly...(but then again, judging by the brainpower demonstrated in the first four comments..I'm pretty sure I know what I'm dealing with here."

This isn't Missouri football or Nebraska football or your team sucking or my team blowing a National title. I know how bad they've been...I've lived through many many horrible years where my team wasn't ranked in the top 80..let alone top 20.

It's me vs. you.

It's me not dealing with your bullshit of 3 decades...and when I mean bullshit, I mean my team going 3-8 for 15 straight seasons while yours wins multiple titles.

How does this not make sense? What part are you struggling with here? How many times do I have to explain it?

I'm sure you're feeling REALLY good right about now, but in case you're nowhere near a mirror...let me set the table of where we are right now.

You are 4-3 and beat a HORRIBLE Iowa State team on the road. Meanwhile, Missouri...who was ranked in the top 5 just 9 days ago...got beat by a really really good #1 team on the road.

That same Missouri team led you by 6 touchdowns with 4 seconds left on your home field. How is all this supposed to sting? What is supposed to hurt? What can you really say that is supposed to make me feel bad?

I know you guys aren't smart and I certainly know you guys are fraud and crybaby whiners....but your predictable and blind joy over what you perceive as a "horrible" game by my team simply misses the big picture.

This is more than one weekend. This is more than a couple of games.

If you can't figure that out..then I can't help you.

Please keep it coming..this is great.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Damien said...

Must be nice to predict your team to lose every big game that way if you lose, you can say "See I told you so", and if they win you can be like "I knew we could do it, but I was expecting it".

Quit being a pussy and start being a fan of your team. Expect your team to win. You and your win-win "predictions" are growing old. And quit acting like you are going to take your ball and go home. And like I said earlier, the time for honoring yourself and your Madden offense has come to a close. You have become the Texas Tech Red Raiders of the North, congratulations.

8:24 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Your first paragraph makes zero sense. Try again.

As for the rest: Nobody makes you read it. If I wanted to start a Mizzou blog, I would. The problem is, dickheads such as yourself weren't around here when mizzou was crappy, and I jumped on them just as well on this blog. Now I can't win because I get labled homer blah blah blah.

Doesn't matter. None of your shit matters anymore. I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. The fact that I'm pissing you all off while STILL making you read it (apparently) just cements my point.

That shitty team beat the living holy fuck out of yours this season.

Try not and forget that.

PS - Texas Tech has a pretty good program. I have no problem becoming that. Sure beats being a has-been that is constantly looking for pats on the back while trotting out shitty talent and even shittier coaches.

Chomp chomp chomp goes the gum.

9:45 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

By the way..another question:

Are you guys going to be feeling this tough and badass when you beat mighty Baylor next week?

Just curious in advance.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Husker_Engineer said...

Ugh....had a feeling it would be like this.

Note to other Husker fans: Running smack on a team that beats you as soundly as MU did makes us look like CU/KSU fans.

Speaking of....where did those mildcat fans go? Probably here. Your chances for a bowl game pretty much slipped away in Boulder. Melt down begins in earnest this week. See ya in 4 weeks when KSU is 4 and 6.

Buffy fans should not be pounding their chest over a 14-13 victory over the worst defense in the conference. Pulling a redshirt off of a QB in the 7th game of the season is a desperate move. The CU-aTm game might be the ugliest offense game of the year.

My Power Poll for the North:

1. KU
2. MU
3. NU
4. CU
5. KSU
5. ISU

10:08 AM  
Blogger broker0625 said...

AJ,

You have to give us Husker fans some credit. Hell wasn't that USC we beat out there?.....oh, just a wannabe look alike. Damn it.......

I feel bad for Mizzou. I hate Texas, Nebraska was so close to beating them 2 years in a row. I wish your team would've beat them.
Any decent fan of Nebraska, should root on teams of the Big 12 north.

Trent

10:57 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Heh..trent

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ

Instead of updating your blog, you should start writing for www.chasethehiesman.com. The content is getting pretty stale on that website.

I think it's funny how you and the rest of the Missouri fans are holding on tight to that 52-17 victory over Nebraska.

Flashbacks of 2006 yet? See you next week after Colorado puts the next nail in the coffin. I will be watching so I can count the empty seats in the stadium. (Cue the "This isn't a Mizzou cheerleading blog" response)

11:38 AM  
Anonymous ohf said...

hook em. also what was up with booger and colt, is their something there between them? yikes. not that theres anything wrong with that... hook em

12:03 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I love it when people try and cut off the inevitable answer to a question/snotty comment. (Cue the cheerleading blog etc)

You people are so fucking stupid...I don't know why I"m so suprised by this. Seriously...it's all so small and compact for you idiots...all you see is the small picture.

Don't get hung up on beating Nebraska?

WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE FUCKING BLOG YOU IDIOT!?!?

So I have a favorite team. Big deal. I could go on and on and on about how their Corners aren't tackling and how the running schemes are all screwed up. But Rock M Nation, Power Mizzou etc all do that way better than I do. If you want me to write non-stop about Mizzou 24/7, I certainly can.

However, what I do know more than they do is how idiotic a fanbase would have to be to talk shit about a team that has absolutely destroyed them the last few (now 4 of 6 by an average of 26 points) times.

I'm not the one with all the moldy old "Back to Back" t-shirts. I'm not the one who logs onto Larrythecableguy.com just to hear his take on next weeks game. I'm not the one who named my two dogs "Ozzy" and "Devaney"

You people and your complete and total disconnect from reality is the primary focus why I write.

You think people would have hit this website 1.2 million times in 4 years if they didn't find it at least a BIT interesting that Nebraska fans are paheticly drowning in their own humility?

I'm well familiar with ALL of the diversion tactics. I'm up-to-date with every single way shape and form you can attack the enemy without having a single bullet. (My team used to suck, remember?)

Your lightweight antics change nothing.

Your team sucks.
Your fans are frauds
You are nowhere near what you were.

With that being said, please continue to dazzle me with your Jim Rome impressions and hilarious insight from the same people who told me Sam Keller was going to change the face of the Big 12.

12:06 PM  
Anonymous ohf said...

do you have any insight on booger and colt though? maybe colt's parents opened a new kfc buffet franchise in edmonton and booger is excited to hit it up while he's up north tearing up the practice squad for the eskimos.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like how you cuss when you get angry. Did you see the Chase Daniel has a FUPA sign on Gameday? (I know, I know, 52-17)

12:39 PM  
Blogger Justin Zimmerman said...

Aj,
Sure we suck, but you suck cock! The shirt is back 2 back X 2 by the way & it isn’t moldy. It gets worn often, & it can't be taken away!! Where is yours?? O ya, you bitter F, Ya can't buy one...... EVER!!!

I'm not stuck in Nebraska, I moved... YOU ARE!! So WTF who's the dumb fuck???

You can't even watch good hockey & you like hockey WTF, no wonder your miserable.

Call the bugeaters anything you want, but your miserable & too stupid to make yourself happy. Poor baby. Wake the fuck up dude. Get the sand out of your gina & find some happiness.

But you will just sit back & bitch... it's your life weather you print it or not you’re a miserable fuck.

12:46 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Chuckling at OHF.

I love it when it gets all personal about Chase Daniel..like he's a close personal friend of mine or something.

I don't care what he does after his last game. I'm sure he's a swell guy and all..but I don't get my jollies off of watching him in the NFL/CFL/AFL/Lil Smokey commercials.

That's you guys.

PS - Justin, that was one of the most rambling, scary mantra's I've read in sometime. Not sure if I should be impressed, confused or offended.

Well done though. (I think)

1:16 PM  
Blogger Travis said...

Hey AJ...

Enjoy your blog...I'm a die hard Husker fan but enjoy the alternate view that you offer up. May not agree with a lot of it but I can certainly understand the position you're in.

I live in the St. Louis area and while there's a lot of Illini fans in the area it is primarily a Mizzou area college FB wise..

I don't know maybe it's success that taints our views as fans. I know that Nebraska's success through the years and especially that of the 90's definitely spoiled our fan base and it's taken a long time for some for reality to hit that we can't be 11-1 and 12-0 every season.

I think it's fine to want and expect your team to do well but you have to maintain some perspective on things.

Where I'm headed with this is the fan speak in this area today. I just came back from lunch and listened to some sports talk radio while in the truck and my god you would swear Mizzou just got killed by SMU not TU...These folks were crucifying Pinkel, Daniel, Maclin and whomever else they could think of.

Now granted that wasn't MU's best game but the fact remains that Mizzou is still the odds on favorite for the Big 12 North (which should earn them a repeat shot at TU for the Big 12title) but they'll still likely end the season in the top 10.

Granted that's a bit of a downturn of the National title and Heisman hopes that were there just a few weeks ago but it's still nothing to take for granted...Ask us Nebraska fans...

Keep up the enjoyable reading....again can't agree with a lot of it but it's still a good read none the less...

1:32 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Heh, thanks Travis

1:50 PM  
Blogger rueschmike said...

Big 12 Therapy Session


As a conference, we have a great many teams with varying personalities. Some have their strengths, some have their weaknesses, and all of them have a bit of neurosis.

That's why the Big 12 Conference has asked all of its members to attend a group therapy session.

Okay, they really didn't, but if they did, I think it would have gone something like this...



Counselor: Okay, everyone, sit down. We're going to start our first therapy session. Who would like to share first?

Kansas State: Uh, I guess that I'll go first. Well, our defense...

Counselor: Before you go on, make sure you tell everyone your name and why you're here.

KS: Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Kansas State, and I don't have a defense.

Everyone: (In unison...) Hi, Kansas State.

KS: (Scratches behind head...) Yeah, anyway, I don't know exactly what happened, but my defense just packed up and left over a year ago. I can't figure out what I did wrong; just, one day, without any warning, I showed up to the stadium and there it was, a "Dear John" letter, saying that things weren't working out and it was leaving.

Counselor: Kansas State, how did that make you feel?

KS: Well, it made me feel vulnerable. Timid. Scared, and not smart.

Counselor: Have you tried finding your defense?

KS: Of course. I called. I left messages. I even wrote it a song. I told it that I missed it and wanted it back. It told me, "No."

Counselor: What did you do after your defense said that?

KS: I cried.

Counselor: Okay...OKAY! I think we're making progress here. What have you done since to overcome your loss?

KS: I'm basically letting every offense score on me like I really need the money.

Counselor: Alright...that's not healthy. We'll address that later. Moving on. Let's see here, anyone want to volunteer to go next? Anyone? Do I have to call on someone? Alright, then, Nebraska, what's going on with you? Why are you here?

Nebraska: Nothing's wrong. I'm only here because the conference told me that I had to come today.

Counselor: Are you sure nothing's wrong? Nothing is bothering you right now? Also, tell everyone your name.

Nebraska: Ha! Give me a break. Everyone knows who I am. There isn't a damn thing wrong with me. Sure, I've come on hard times in the last couple of years, but I'll be back. The great ones always come back. I've just got to try harder. That's all.

Counselor: (Turns head and whispers into a recorder) Classic case of denial with a hint of narcissism.

Nebraska: I'm sorry, did you say something?

Counselor: Nope. Who's next?

Colorado: I'll go.

Counselor: Good. Go ahead; tell us who you are.

Colorado: I'm Colorado, and I'm really confused right now.

Counselor: Why are you confused?

Colorado: I was told there would be beer and strippers at this party. But from what I can tell, there's no beer, and this isn't a party.

Counselor: Who told you there would be a party here today?

Colorado: The guy that recruited me to come here. He said there'd be beer, weed, and I'd for sure get laid. But, I gotta tell you, all I'm seeing are a bunch of lame teams, and Kansas State is really creepin' me out. Dude keeps telling me he'll let Cody Hawkins score on him all day, long time.

Counselor: K-State, stop letting everyone score on you! Have you no self-respect?

KS: (Sobbing...) I can't st-st-st-oooooop...

Counselor: Alright, anyone else?

Iowa State: Hi, my name's Iowa State, and I'm invisible.

Counselor: Who are you again?

IS: Iowa State. You know, the Cyclones?

Counselor: Are you on my sheet? When did you join the Big 12?

IS: I've been here since the league was founded.

Counselor: Really?

Texas: I've never heard of you. Hey, Okie, you heard of this guy?

Oklahoma: Nope.

Counselor: You can share if you want, but I'm not sure anyone paid for you to be here.

IS: You're all a bunch of dicks.

Oklahoma State: (Flashing a mouth of gold teefus...) Yo, yo, yo! What up ya'll! Oklahoma State in the hizzy.

Oklahoma: Seriously? What are you up to Vanilla Ice?

OS: Fo' rizzle. I gots mo' money than all ya'llz. I'm 6-0, I've got more coin than Kanye, and my coach gots more oil in his hair than T. Boone's got in his wells boooyyyyeeee!

Counselor: God help me.

OS: Don't be down, yo. I'm just keepin' it realz. Okie State in the hizouse.

Oklahoma: You're an idiot, and I'm going to kick your ***.

OS: Bring it biznatch. I'll bring my crazy option offense, and we'll see if you can do a better job stopping it than Missouri did.

Missouri: (Shrieks in pain...) Oh GOD why? WHYYYYYYY?

Counselor: Missouri, would you like to share?

Missouri: No, I don't want to SHARE. You saw the game on Saturday. I don't want to talk about it!

Counselor: Now, now. It's okay. Teams lose big games all of the time.

Missouri: We don't. When was the last time we were this good? When was the last time we were a legit contender for the national title? Huh? When? If you answered "never" then you'd be right. No one knows how this feels.

Kansas State: If I may interject...

Missouri: Don't give me that sob story about 1998.

Kansas State: I'm just sayin'. At least you lost to a really good team. Look at what's become of the team we lost to.

(Texas A&M sits in the corner eating a bottle of Elmer's glue...)

Kansas State: See?

Missouri: Yeah, we'll you didn't lose to Flava Flav over there. Mine's worse.

(Oklahoma State admires it's diamond encrusted chain...)

Kansas State: Oh, really. Let's see shall we. Hey, A&M, what's the capital of Texas?

Texas A&M: Unicorns.

Kansas State: And what's your school's mascot?

A&M: Burt Reynolds.

Counselor: A&M? Jesus, what happened to you?

A&M: We hired Mr. Fran, and he said that we were gonna be real good, and then he made us not real good, and then he beat our program with a brick until we was retarded. Then we hired Mr. Sherman, and he picked up the brick and started beating us until we gots more retarded.

Counselor: I don't think I can help you.

A&M: That's okay. You gonna eat them sparkles?

(A&M starts eating glitter...)

Counselor: Moving on. Baylor, would you like to share?

Baylor: Is it my turn to pray?

Counselor: Well, you can do what you like, but this isn't a prayer circle. It's our group therapy session.

Baylor: Oh, I know, but I figure you God-forsaken, public university heathens could use it.

Texas Tech: Someone's bitter.

Baylor: I would be too if I lived in Lubbock.

Tech: Hey, wait a damn minute!

Baylor: Oops. Dear Lord, I apologize...

Tech: I'm gonna whoop your *** son!

Counselor: Hey, Tech, back off. He's saying he's sorry.

Tech: Does it look like I care? Out in West Texas, we shoot first and don't even attempt to play defense later.

Counselor: Well, now you've gotten better with your defense in the last few weeks. Let's explore that.

Tech: What is there to explore? Keep it simple stupid. Score more points than the other guy. We win.

Oklahoma: How many South titles have you won there big guy?

Tech: (Grumbles...) Shut up, butthead.

Counselor: Oklahoma, would you like to share?

Oklahoma: I got nothin'. The only thing that I'd change about myself is, well, nothin'.

Texas: Spoken like a true narcissist.

Oklahoma: I can't believe you even know what that word means.

Texas: I know what a lot of words mean. You know, like, SCOREBOARD!

Oklahoma: You son of a...

(Texas drops its pants and moons Oklahoma...)

Counselor: Well, I think we've heard from everyone, but I think I'm missing someone. I only count eleven. Who's missing?

(Kansas pops its head into the room...)

Kansas: Hey, has anyone seen my running game?

Counselor: Kansas! There you are. Why didn't you show up for the session? The Big 12 said everyone needed to be here today.

Kansas: Yeah, I'm not big on 'rules'. Rules are for people that are too stupid to find their way around them.

Baylor: You should be ashamed of yourself!

Kansas: Hey, you do things the right way, and you're in the basement of the conference. I go on probation in multiple sports, commit academic fraud, and get the dreaded "Lack of Institutional Control" tag, and I get an Orange Bowl win and a national title.

Oklahoma: See, he gets it!

Counselor: I don't think we need to be promoting that kind of behavior Oklahoma...

Nebraska: Hey, can you tell me how to cheat and get away with it? I'm getting kind of desperate over here.

Missouri: Me too. Dude, you know that I, like, hate you, but could you tell me how to cheat too?

Oklahoma State: Yo, homes, me too. I'll pay cash money.

Kansas: Anyway, I just stopped by to see if anyone saw my running game. If it's not here, I gotta run. I've got tests to take for incoming recruits. If you guys want the scoop, ring me on my cell.

Oklahoma State: I'll hit you back dog.

Counselor: Okay, I think this is a good place to end this week. I don't want this going off on a bad tangent. Everyone, please don't cheat, like Kansas. Please don't let everyone score on you like Kansas State, and for God's sake, don't hire Mike Sherman. That's borderline criminal over there.

(Texas A&M urinates in its pants...)

1:51 PM  
Anonymous SDHusker said...

AJ you sure you want to shut this shit hole down? It seems to be good therapy for both sides.

We suck but appear to be getting better, how much better time will tell. We only played ISU last week. Your boys sucked the last 2 games but they played good teams, they should be able to run the table on the remaining games and make the B12 show. KU may be a challenge!

I will give your boys credit for one thing, they don't have players running into the goal post on the way out to the field lol! That ISU kid had to feel like a dumb ass!

We have Baylor this week and I am fired up, another power house will be in the house! A must win game against another bad team, this shit is getting old!

Go Huskers!

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I love it when it gets all personal about Chase Daniel..like he's a close personal friend of mine or something." -- AJ

Weren't you the one jacking off his high GPA and his allegedly hot girlfriend a few posts ago?

AJ=Fraud

4:18 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

For slamming the very existance of this blog at every turn...you people sure do hang on every word quite a bit.

And no...I said Chase Daniel would be fine because you clowns were going back to the tired Arena league card.

I was simply stating he'll be fine in life. Then again, I'm still waiting for Brad Smith's arena league career to start that many of you predicted back in the early days of this blog.

All in all, my point is this: Just because I don't go apeshit for having Jason Peter on my sideline like a fucking 10 year old girl at an NSync concert, doesn't mean I don't see how things are. He'll have a college education. He has a hot girlfriend.

I don't think there is any need to shed tears for him.

Thanks for being so precise and taking everyrhing out of context though Mr. Anonymous. Not that I would expect anything less.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you can't say this is not a Mizzu blog, remember hate week? You wanted are attention now you have it. It sucks to be the hunted doesn't it?



-Andrew

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sure love to hide behind the "Mr. Anonymous" card when backed into a corner don't you... So if I said my name was Marquis Booker and I live in Huntington Park, what would you do something about it? If it's such a huge deal, put your last name on your rhetoric you hypocrite. I'm not the one with the blog that encourages comments...

Signed,
Quis

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ -

Looking forward to CU-MU and your thoughts leading up to the game. Prediction: the winner of the game wins the North.

-BuffsFan99

5:55 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Sucks to be me? My team beat your 52 to 17....TWO weeks ago?

Are you people seriously this stupid? (Wait, don't answer)

Speaking of which...I've called out anonymous pussies for quite some time....about four years to be exact. Doesn't matter to me, because I have an IP log, but for your argument's sake...I just figured you'd want to call yourself out for being the idiot calling me out 15 days after your own team was blasted by 5 TD's to my "shitty team".

Remember, my team is not the one with all the moldy back-to-back t-shirts either.

Regardless, you're not the first person to call yourself out and try to act all tough. It's been done long before you got here and will continue to do so long after.

And why would I throw my name out there to begin with? The people who are important to me know who I am. THe people who need to know I write this blog know who I am. My pen name is on every post and I publish 99.9% of ridiculous comments such as yours for all the world to see.

Point is..it's a fucking game played by 18-22 year olds. If you can't handle some trash talking by ONE guy on the internet, then I'm not the one with issues.

That's the last time I'm explaining it.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a KU fan, and although I think AJ is a slaver Mizery rat bastard, he does have a point.

Some of you nubs make yourselves look more foolish with each time you post. His team absolutely crushed yours, far worse than his lost to Texas. Then again, I don't blame yall for wanting to pretend it never happened.

I hate you all more for making me defend him.
Brad - Topeka

7:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

I bet the Corn Ridden Shit Guy would like to verbally bitch slap you if he was around here.

Are the tires still on your truck or did you have to put them on your boat trailer for the weekend?

Gomer

7:25 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

I actually really miss Corn-Ridden shit guy.

Gomer actually has held his own for quite sometime. I may be a lot of things, but at least I recognize good effort and persistance when I can.

7:31 PM  
Anonymous SDHusker said...

LOL, A KU pretender supporting a MU motor mouth, now that is just flat funny!

I have no problem admitting we got our ass handed to us by Missouri. Hell anything can happen once in a decade and I can deal with it. Especially since it appears our guys have finally pulled their heads out of their ass and started playing ball after that obscene ass ripping! Thanks for the face fuck MU, it looks like you hit the spot!

Could it happen again before the ship is sailing straight again? You bet my Big Red Ass it can! I don't think it will but I didn't think Missouri would beat us like a bunch of Feerless Frankies red headed step children either but they did.

AJ your a prick but you admit it. I know I am a prick and I am happy to admit it! So fuck KU and MU and the gelding horse they rode in together on! As far as you Buff fans go, kiss my Big Red Ass!

Go Huskers

10:20 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Heh, Thanks SD. Of course I admit it. What fun would it be to try and hide it?

8:12 AM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

You were wrong about ISU and you are wrong about slavery. Quit beating your slaves, AJ.

9:17 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

I was wrong about Iowa State. I thought they'd at least have a pulse.

I am not wrong about your state killing women and children in the name of "Union solidarity".

Godamn Redleggers.

PS - I might start a Civil War blog next

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You were never going to beat Texas or any other elite college football team because Missouri is 100th in Total Defense. 100th!!!!

Let me name a few teams ahead of you:

Iowa State
Akron
Buffalo
Hawaii
Ohio
Kent State

100th in Total Defense while ranked #32 in strength of schedule.

Your team just isn't very good.

JP

3:03 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

As Apu said on the Simpsons, "The South shall come again!"

Nah, it won't. But thats why KU-MU is so much fun.

5:26 PM  
Blogger KSTATER said...

I enjoyed the big 12 therapy question. As for Husker engineer, I haven't had much to say, just like you assholes, we suck.

I know we suck, and our fan base is focused on throwing itself at Gary Patterson, hoping he comes home and brings his Texas Recruiting ties with him.

If we actually make a sound hire, something you haven't had since Ozzy, then I would like to think we will be respectable by 2011. I am realistic!

I can at least rest easy knowing that while we get our program fixed, you will be stuck in neutral. Mizzou will lose enough of Pinkels staff if not Pinkel himself that their run will end. Mangino's heart is going to explode and when it does so goes the lil program he built. The only program left to worry about will be CU, I can deal with that.

AJ, great work on the blog as always, you have a lot of fans on KSU message boards.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

I have to give credit when due. The following is taken from the Kansas State Rivals Board and the author goes by "KSU3". I am not sure who he is (maybe it's you), but who cares it's kind of funny just the same. Maybe this guy will pick up where you leave off!
---------------------------------

Big 12 Group Therapy Session

-----------------------------------
Counselor: Okay, everyone, sit down. We're going to start our first
therapy session. Who would like to share first?

Kansas State: Uh, I guess that I'll go first. Well, our defense...

Counselor: Before you go on, make sure you tell everyone your name and
why you're here.

KS: Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Kansas State, and I don't have a defense.

Everyone: (In unison...) Hi, Kansas State.

KS: (Scratches behind head...) Yeah, anyway, I don't know exactly what
happened, but my defense just packed up and left over a year ago. I
can't figure out what I did wrong; just, one day, without any warning,
I showed up to the stadium and there it was, a "Dear John" letter,
saying that things weren't working out and it was leaving.

Counselor: Kansas State, how did that make you feel?

KS: Well, it made me feel vulnerable. Timid. Scared, and not smart.

Counselor: Have you tried finding your defense?

KS: Of course. I called. I left messages. I even wrote it a song. I
told it that I missed it and wanted it back. It told me, "No."

Counselor: What did you do after your defense said that?

KS: I cried.

Counselor: Okay...OKAY! I think we're making progress here. What have
you done since to overcome your loss?

KS: I'm basically letting every offense score on me like I really need
the money.

Counselor: Alright...that's not healthy. We'll address that later.
Moving on. Let's see here, anyone want to volunteer to go next?
Anyone? Do I have to call on someone? Alright, then, Nebraska, what's
going on with you? Why are you here?

Nebraska: Nothing's wrong. I'm only here because the conference told
me that I had to come today.

Counselor: Are you sure nothing's wrong? Nothing is bothering you
right now? Also, tell everyone your name.

Nebraska: Ha! Give me a break. Everyone knows who I am. There isn't a
damn thing wrong with me. Sure, I've come on hard times in the last
couple of years, but I'll be back. The great ones always come back.
I've just got to try harder. That's all.

Counselor: (Turns head and whispers into a recorder) Classic case of
denial with a hint of narcissism.

Nebraska: I'm sorry, did you say something?

Counselor: Nope. Who's next?

Colorado: I'll go.

Counselor: Good. Go ahead; tell us who you are.

Colorado: I'm Colorado, and I'm really confused right now.

Counselor: Why are you confused?

Colorado: I was told there would be beer and strippers at this party.
But from what I can tell, there's no beer, and this isn't a party.

Counselor: Who told you there would be a party here today?

Colorado: The guy that recruited me to come here. He said there'd be
beer, weed, and I'd for sure get laid. But, I gotta tell you, all I'm
seeing are a bunch of lame teams, and Kansas State is really creepin'
me out. Dude keeps telling me he'll let Cody Hawkins score on him all
day, long time.

Counselor: K-State, stop letting everyone score on you! Have you no
self-respect?

KS: (Sobbing...) I can't st-st-st-oooooop...

Counselor: Alright, anyone else?

Iowa State: Hi, my name's Iowa State, and I'm invisible.

Counselor: Who are you again?

IS: Iowa State. You know, the Cyclones?

Counselor: Are you on my sheet? When did you join the Big 12?

IS: I've been here since the league was founded.

Counselor: Really?

Texas: I've never heard of you. Hey, Okie, you heard of this guy?

Oklahoma: Nope.

Counselor: You can share if you want, but I'm not sure anyone paid for
you to be here.

IS: You're all a bunch of dicks.

Oklahoma State: (Flashing a mouth of gold teefus...) Yo, yo, yo! What
up ya'll! Oklahoma State in the hizzy.

Oklahoma: Seriously? What are you up to Vanilla Ice?

OS: Fo' rizzle. I gots mo' money than all ya'llz. I'm 6-0, I've got
more coin than Kanye, and my coach gots more oil in his hair than T.
Boone's got in his wells boooyyyyeeee!

Counselor: God help me.

OS: Don't be down, yo. I'm just keepin' it realz. Okie State in the
hizouse.

Oklahoma: You're an idiot, and I'm going to kick your ***.

OS: Bring it biznatch. I'll bring my crazy option offense, and we'll
see if you can do a better job stopping it than Missouri did.

Missouri: (Shrieks in pain...) Oh GOD why? WHYYYYYYY?

Counselor: Missouri, would you like to share?

Missouri: No, I don't want to SHARE. You saw the game on Saturday. I
don't want to talk about it!

Counselor: Now, now. It's okay. Teams lose big games all of the time.

Missouri: We don't. When was the last time we were this good? When was
the last time we were a legit contender for the national title? Huh?
When? If you answered "never" then you'd be right. No one knows how
this feels.

Kansas State: If I may interject...

Missouri: Don't give me that sob story about 1998.

Kansas State: I'm just sayin'. At least you lost to a really good
team. Look at what's become of the team we lost to.

(Texas A&M sits in the corner eating a bottle of Elmer's glue...)

Kansas State: See?

Missouri: Yeah, we'll you didn't lose to Flava Flav over there. Mine's
worse.

(Oklahoma State admires it's diamond encrusted chain...)

Kansas State: Oh, really. Let's see shall we. Hey, A&M, what's the
capital of Texas?

Texas A&M: Unicorns.

Kansas State: And what's your school's mascot?

A&M: Burt Reynolds.

Counselor: A&M? Jesus, what happened to you?

A&M: We hired Mr. Fran, and he said that we were gonna be real good,
and then he made us not real good, and then he beat our program with a
brick until we was retarded. Then we hired Mr. Sherman, and he picked
up the brick and started beating us until we gots more retarded.

Counselor: I don't think I can help you.

A&M: That's okay. You gonna eat them sparkles?

(A&M starts eating glitter...)

Counselor: Moving on. Baylor, would you like to share?

Baylor: Is it my turn to pray?

Counselor: Well, you can do what you like, but this isn't a prayer
circle. It's our group therapy session.

Baylor: Oh, I know, but I figure you God-forsaken, public university
heathens could use it.

Texas Tech: Someone's bitter.

Baylor: I would be too if I lived in Lubbock.

Tech: Hey, wait a damn minute!

Baylor: Oops. Dear Lord, I apologize...

Tech: I'm gonna whoop your *** son!

Counselor: Hey, Tech, back off. He's saying he's sorry.

Tech: Does it look like I care? Out in West Texas, we shoot first and
don't even attempt to play defense later.

Counselor: Well, now you've gotten better with your defense in the
last few weeks. Let's explore that.

Tech: What is there to explore? Keep it simple stupid. Score more
points than the other guy. We win.

Oklahoma: How many South titles have you won there big guy?

Tech: (Grumbles...) Shut up, butthead.

Counselor: Oklahoma, would you like to share?

Oklahoma: I got nothin'. The only thing that I'd change about myself
is, well, nothin'.

Texas: Spoken like a true narcissist.

Oklahoma: I can't believe you even know what that word means.

Texas: I know what a lot of words mean. You know, like, SCOREBOARD!

Oklahoma: You son of a...

(Texas drops its pants and moons Oklahoma...)

Counselor: Well, I think we've heard from everyone, but I think I'm
missing someone. I only count eleven. Who's missing?

(Kansas pops its head into the room...)

Kansas: Hey, has anyone seen my running game?

Counselor: Kansas! There you are. Why didn't you show up for the
session? The Big 12 said everyone needed to be here today.

Kansas: Yeah, I'm not big on ʽrules'. Rules are for people that are
too stupid to find their way around them.

Baylor: You should be ashamed of yourself!

Kansas: Hey, you do things the right way, and you're in the basement
of the conference. I go on probation in multiple sports, commit
academic fraud, and get the dreaded "Lack of Institutional Control"
tag, and I get an Orange Bowl win and a national title.

Oklahoma: See, he gets it!

Counselor: I don't think we need to be promoting that kind of behavior
Oklahoma...

Nebraska: Hey, can you tell me how to cheat and get away with it? I'm
getting kind of desperate over here.

Missouri: Me too. Dude, you know that I, like, hate you, but could you
tell me how to cheat too?

Oklahoma State: Yo, homes, me too. I'll pay cash money.

Kansas: Anyway, I just stopped by to see if anyone saw my running
game. If it's not here, I gotta run. I've got tests to take for
incoming recruits. If you guys want the scoop, ring me on my cell.

Oklahoma State: I'll hit you back dog.

Counselor: Okay, I think this is a good place to end this week. I
don't want this going off on a bad tangent. Everyone, please don't
cheat, like Kansas. Please don't let everyone score on you like Kansas
State, and for God's sake, don't hire Mike Sherman. That's borderline
criminal over there.

(Texas A&M urinates in its pants...)

-----------------------------------

Have a nice week.

Gomer

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://missouri.fandome.com/video/105383/Chase-Daniel-Loves-Colt-McCoys-***/?q=k

No comment.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous SDHusker said...

Now I can get into a Civil war blog, a very interesting time in our country's history. Hell we may need a second one the way these dumb ass people in Washington are taking this country down the tubes.

11:10 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Holy jumping shitballs...a JP sighting?!?!?!?!

Wow.

PS - Mizzou's defense has been serviceable, especially since their opponents early on were always airing it out..trying to get yards quickly to catch up.

They played OK against Okie State, but looked absolutely pahetic against Texas.

Not going to win many BCS births when your defense is playing that poorly. Look at William Moore...8 int's last season...zero this year.

That isn't going to cut it.

PS - Love the KSU fans

8:02 AM  
Blogger Husker_Engineer said...

Good to see you back Mildcat. Yes, I have noticed that the KState boards are full of GP fans. We will see how that works out. Whoever replaces Grimace next year--and someone will be replacing him--will have a huge mess to clean up.

P.S. Can we simply link the fucking 'Counselor' joke? Everyone has seen it. It is funny. But jesus folks, learn some HTML and link it so we don't have to scroll through that crap for 5 mins.

It is as easy as this.

9:12 AM  
Anonymous SDHusker said...

This stuff is simply priceless!

We may suck by our own standards right now but we are the same great fans regardless and all the smack talk from you pretenders confirms it!

By the way John Werner is a writer from Waco.


By John Werner

Tribune-Herald staff writer

Eighty thousand fans wearing scarlet and cream routinely engulf Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium on Saturdays throughout the fall.

The passion of Cornhuskers football fans is legendary. No other sport even comes close in popularity in this midwestern Plains state.

Baylor coach Art Briles experienced this unique atmosphere as an assistant coach at Texas Tech in 2001. He’ll taste it again when the Bears play the Cornhuskers at 11:30 a.m. Saturday in Lincoln.

“The thing I remember most is that it’s a great environment for college football,” Briles said. “Fans there are solid Nebraska, but they treat the visiting team friendly and respect college football. It’s not a hostile crowd, but a very intelligent crowd. I’m glad we’re getting a chance to experience it.”

None of the current Bears played in the team’s last trip to Lincoln in 2004, a 59-27 blowout win for the Cornhuskers. But they’ve heard stories from other players who’ll attest that it’s one of the best atmospheres in college football.

“As a college football player, you look forward to playing in those kinds of environments,” Baylor linebacker Joe Pawelek said. “When the ball is kicked off, we’ll be ready to play.”

Armed with national championship caliber teams, the Cornhuskers used to be almost unbeatable at home. But their home field advantage took a hit during the Bill Callahan era, as the Cornhuskers went 10-6 in Big 12 games at Memorial Stadium from 2004-07, including a 45-14 homecoming loss to Oklahoma State last season.

Under first-year coach Bo Pelini, the Cornhuskers suffered a 52-17 loss to Missouri in their first Big 12 home game on Oct. 4. But there’s no place Pelini would rather play.

“Nebraska fans are very passionate and stay behind us,” said Pelini, who served as Nebraska’s defensive coordinator under Frank Solich in 2003. “But the fans really appreciate a good effort on both sides of the football. When other teams walk out here, they appreciate the way they’re treated.”

The Bears and Cornhuskers have one thing in common this season: The only Big 12 win for both teams was against Iowa State. The Bears (3-4, 1-2) blew away the Cyclones, 38-10, on Oct. 11 in Waco. The Cornhuskers (4-3, 1-2) picked up their first Big 12 win with a comfortable 35-7 decision last weekend in Ames.

After giving up 89 points in losses to Missouri and Texas Tech in their first two Big 12 games, the Cornhuskers limited Iowa State to 218 yards and one third-quarter touchdown. Nebraska’s pass defense held Iowa State quarterback Austen Arnaud to just 113 yards on 16 of 29 attempts.

“We played more consistent defense last weekend, but ultimately we have to do it all the time,” Pelini said. “There are still breakdowns and technique issues, so there is still much to be fixed. There is no sense of satisfaction by the staff or the players yet because we still have a ways to go.”

Led by quarterback Joe Ganz, Nebraska’s offense has been explosive all season, averaging 33.3 points. Ganz has completed 70.1 percent of his passes for 1,967 yards and 12 touchdowns, while Todd Peterson and Nate Swift have combined for 67 catches and six touchdowns. Marlon Lucky is the Cornhuskers’ top rusher with 372 yards and six scores.

“Ganz is poised and accurate and is capable of running, and that worries you a little,” Briles said. “He can run the option game, and the defense has to be aware of that.”

After last weekend’s 34-6 blowout by Oklahoma State in Stillwater, the Bears hope their second Big 12 road game will be a better experience.

“We know we’re going into a stadium that has been sold out for years,” Baylor cornerback Dwain Crawford said. “But after playing in a hostile environment at Oklahoma State, I think that experience will help us playing in front of Nebraska’s crowd.”

So take that and shove it up your jelous ass MU,KU,KSU and Buff fans! I excluded ISU because I doubt they can read at this level.

9:58 AM  
Blogger NE-Jhawk said...

Signs you may be a KSU fan...

If you mention KU cheating more than 3 times a sentance, you might be a KSU fan.

If your season is over the minute you get done playing KU, you might be a KSU fan.

If you have a towel you have, and have brought to every game, you might be a KSU fan.

12:47 PM  
Blogger colo4nu said...

Buffsfan99 Prediction:The winner of the MU/CU wins the North??? I'll be rooting for MU in that one .The last time CU "represented" the North, they held Texas to a measley 70 points in the first 3 quarters. I don't think they can pull it off with freshman QB with less that 1 game under his belt. 3 teams could be tied for the North (MU/NU/KU) championship with MU winning the tie breaker. Hey KStater..the fans are ready to fire their coach after only 3 years and they should be respectable in 2011 (hmm sounds familiar)..yea right 3-4 good years in the last 100..Let's face it, right now the top teams in the north can't compete with top teams in the south..Maybe if we fire all our coaches and fill our rosters with Texans..

12:48 PM  
Blogger daddyact said...

No offense, aj, but it ain't a fucking heavyweight fight and there sure isn't any belt being won. You're like the kid who scores a TD in a touch game, then tells everyone he has to go home cause his mom's calling him. Yeah, always call it over when you're ahead.

Oh, wait, maybe it is like a fight. So far we've had 99 rounds, and while the Tigers certainly won the last two rounds, that still means they need to win the next 27 just ot get even.

You're actually pathetic because you think it's over now that you've seen the tigers win a game in Lincoln. Course, CU fans are still living off a game that took place seven years ago. This 52-17 win might be able to last you til you die from homesickness.

2:26 AM  
Blogger daddyact said...

buffsFan99,

You are kidding, right? Do you honestly think beating KSU by a single point proves the Buffs are ready to win the North?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hawkins offense is in serious trouble or was pulling that rs just a lark to him?

And your defense isn't very good either.

Now, I'll admit, I don't know if the Huskers are good enough yet to beat either one of you, but both games will be competitive. Ah, I long for the days when we used to know we were going to beat your sorry asses. Not that either program has gotten any better, it's just that the Huskers have so far to come all the way back.

2:36 AM  

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