My Belt and Your Delusions

I’m going to give it to you people straight. I’ve VERY rarely shocked. I’ve been doing this “job” for a long time, and I spend a lot of time looking at the overall big picture when you are completely unable to. I try and break down not just stats but the “sight test” on every team/game/situation I can. I know that pundits…for the most part…are complete idiots, and that all you need is a computer and ½ a brain these days to match Todd McShay, Bill King or any of the countless other “experts” on college football that fill the airwaves, cyberspace and cable boxes across America.

This weekend of course is no exception.

I’m not going to lie to you people. I didn’t watch the Nebraska game. I didn’t realyl care. It was a game pitting two horrible programs…one of whom had lost three straight games and the other who was just assrammed by mightily Baylor. Nothing was on the line for either team except pride, a rare conference win…and maybe bragging rights within some married couple who lives in Council Bluffs. (Besides, I thought Versus was a made-up network. You mean your game really WAS on that channel? I thought they only ran Babe Winkelman reruns? Heh, who knew?)

I don’t know if you played well. I don’t know if you flexed your “order” and put down the wrath of God down on the mightily Clones and once and for all showed them who was the 5th place boss of this 6 horse division.

Wasn’t home. Didn’t watch. Didn't break my neck to try.

Oh don’t get em wrong…I’ll go back and look at highlights and some stats and some articles on the game. But let’s face it…all I need to know is the final score to know exactly how you are going to act the following week. (Again, did I mention I’ve done this a while?) All of this was and will be a given…but that’s not the predictable part.

No, the predictable part is the avalanche of chest pounding, name calling, and all-out guffawing that surrounded Missouri’s 56-31 demolition in Austin.

Now, I will say this first and foremost..and for those of you who are new (and apparently there are many)…this is not something that just popped into my head. I've said this many times, and I will say this again: This is not a Mizzou cheerleading blog. I don’t pretend this is a Mizzou cheerleading blog. I mention Mizzou over the past few years more because they happen to be the team I was saddled at birth with and the team that has pretty much moved into the apartment atop the division that you used to live in for quite a few years. But regardless of what I say, I know good and well that you are going to read into this whatever you wish to read into this lame duck corner of cyberspace.

It is not a shock. It is not unexpected. In fact, I would be greatly disappointed if you didn’t wet your overalls in laughter, point, laugh, scream, giggle and high five your mom as you sat around the dinner table this morning. It is what happens to teams when they move into the spotlight and carry the bullseye around for all to see. People celebrate their downfall. Downtrodden fans mock their falls. Disgruntled fans start blogs about them. It’s all been done.

But, since you’ll throw a fit otherwise..I will throw down my 2 cents anyway. 1) Because you have nothing better to do. And 2) Because it’s far more exciting than breaking down a 5th-6th place matchup between two teams that nobody cares about anymore. (Well, one of them at least.)

Anyway, Mizzou was not going to win that game.

Oh, don’t get me wrong..Missouri had a chance to win that game because they do have weapons on offense and have shown the tendency to make opportunistic plays on defense. However, when you’re playing #1 in front of 98,000 of their fans, you better be able to come up with a creative way to hit the other team in the mouth right away. You better be able to get turnovers, run the football and basically out-physical a team that is coming off of an emotional high.

One play into the game, you know that wasn’t going to happen.

Regardless of Texas’s standing as the #1 team in nation, Missouri’s season changed not in downtown Austin…but at home the week before, while letting a talented, but beatable Okie State team finish them off on their home field. Had the Tigers been able to pull that game out last weekend, they could have afforded themselves a blowout loss in Austin, and still not fallen far enough to put them out of contention by the time the Big 12 title game comes around the first week of December. However, since they did lose to the Cowboys, they then put their slim National Title hopes on pulling an upset against a powerful team, a hostile prime-time crowd in a place their school hadn’t won since the mid 90’s….1890’s.

So with that being said, not a whole lot has changed this week. I didn’t expect the Tigers to win the National title. (Go and find where I did if you're bored) And no, I didn’t expect them to go undefeated. Hell, I didn’t even pick them to win the conference at the beginning of the year. But if it makes you feel better to slap your knees, spit through your tooth and drop that bottle of moonshine in a hysterical fit of laughter…have at it. You don’t author a blog like this for years and years and not expect to take crap when your own teams loses. I can handle it. I've been through worse.

However…the funny part is: Is your own team any better today because of it? Are you any closer to restoring your order now that Missouri won't be punching a ticket to Miami? Do you really feel that much better beating a bad bad team like that? Didn’t you beat the hell out of that same team last year when you finished face down in the Big 12 toilet? Did you even watch your own game? (Again...Versus...who knew?)

Regardless of what my team does…or even your team for that matter…the apathy I spoke of on Friday is just as much about me as it is you. Ok, my team got beat by the #1 team in the nation. You may forget this is the same team who lost 77-0, 66-0 and 73-0 within a 5 year span in the late 80’s and early 90’s. This is the same program that AVERAGED 3.7 wins per game from 1984 through 1997. Think I’m really all that upset? (Hell, they weren't even favored) Did you forget that prior to last year, the highest my team had been ranked IN MY LIFETIME was 13th? (in 1998) Do you have any idea how bad that program was?

If you would have told me 5 years ago that my team would get gouged by 25 points on National TV against Texas …I would have quickly shot back…”YOU MEAN WE GET TO BE ON NATIONAL TV!?!?!”.

If you don't get what I'm saying...you may as well quit reading right now. I don’t expect you to get it. I wouldn’t dream in a million years that you would get it. I know the world will not spin backward in order for you to get it.

This fight is long since over, because even if things are like old times for a few hours on a given Saturday, the landscape has still changed. Streaks have been broken. Barriers have been knocked down. Your snotty arrogance simply doesn’t sting as much because despite our one week trip back in time….you are still a shell of your former selves, and my team is …well…very much different as well.

Missouri has beaten Nebraska four of the six years. In the past few years...I have witnessed my own team…the very team I was mocked for DECADES in supporting….absolutely destroy you…both at home and away. Even if we slip back into our roles of old…the points have been made and toil and torment will have changed forever. Even if things WERE changing (which I highly doubt)...You can’t downplay the past few years, just as you can’t change the stained pompous egotism that has soiled your soul for generations.

I’ve made my point.
I’ve won my battle.
Nothing will change the outcome…not even one Saturday in October where time seemingly goes backwards.

So please keep up the hate mail. Please tell me how bad my team is..all the while ignoring the little fact that they are still light years ahead of yours. Tell me how bad I’m supposed to hurt, when I’ve already long since watched you destroyed. Tell me how awful I’m supposed to feel when I’ve already lived through years so lean they would have driven most fans insane.

I’ve already crossed the finish line and no single event..no matter how hard you try..will ever change that. I'll still be me, and you'll still be a fuzzy shadow of the fan you once were.

I've already won your belt. There is no rematch.