You're All on Dope

Leave it to myopic and drug-induced Husker fan to get me fired up in the middle of the off-season. As you may have noticed, I try to tone things down during the spring and early summer as not to give myself a stroke. (You would probably have one too if you had to deal with these people 24/7) Anyhow, three absolutely ridiculous items got me thinking about some things..and thus sent me off into a state of elongated pissed off.

* Apparently, Husker fan is not only worried about J.C. Keller's little spat with the law, (Which was..SURPRISE, dropped of all charges) but he is actually ENJOYING the fact that Keller somehow shows the "spunk" and "moxy" of a true leader. I hate to go off on this again, but I cannot state this enough.

For YEARS AND YEARS we have been hearing about great players on the rise for Nebraska. I was told that David Horne would set the Big 12 on fire with his great cutting ability and upright "Marcus-Allen" style running. I was told that Harrison Beck was the second coming of Dan Marino, and would lead the Huskers to glory for years to come. I was told Thunder Collins was going to come out of the hood and put Lincoln back on the map with his multitude of Heisman trophies. And yet EVERY SINGLE TIME..what happened? Same hype, different player, same result.

For that, you'll have to pardon me if the rest of us mock the way you wet yourself looking at old ASU game film. I completely understand that all you see are great numbers and a plug to keep Joey Ganz on the bench for another year. I also understand you're feeling pretty confident, considering he fell out of the sky and into your lap. But the complete and total disconnect from reality is beyond description. I've seen you people drunk on faith many many many times before...but I've very rarely seen you put so much faith into a guy who not only is a proven clubhouse cancer, but also a guy who has never played in anywhere CLOSE of a fishbowl of what he's getting into. In other words...this thing has trainwreck all over it, and you people are too fucking stupid to notice it. That's fine, makes it more entertaining for the rest of us.

But it doesn't stop there. For some reason, an 8 month off-season is going to turn Marlon Lucky into Reggie Bush, and Zach Bowman is going to shrug off that little blown knee and come back like the champion he is. Didn't we hear that about Matt Herrian last year? Was he the same when he came back despite having the (insert chuckle) "Big 12 player of the year" (insert another chuckle) throwing at him? What's that? Your DB's sucked last year? No worries..they're all back, and that means they'll be 10x better than before. Same goes for your crapy linebackers, your crappy O-line and your crappy special teams players.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The more confident you people are, (and by confident, I mean high on dope) the easier it is to write this blog. Without you people making predictions of going 13-1 with a guy who has never even played in the rain before, this wouldn't be as simple as it is. J.C. wasn't just a gift that fell into your lap. I couldn't have better material if Steve Pederson was busted watching bestiality movies in his office.

* Speaking of idiotic things that make no sense...did I read it correctly that Doc Sadler...yes DOC SADLER was asked by a reporter about the Arkansas job? (Please step back from your computer to let the ridiculousness of this line sink in).

So let me get this straight. Dude finishes in 10th place in a watered down Big 12 and he's now rumored to take over for a pretty decent SEC job where they have actually won National Titles before? Did I read this right? Can somebody tell me how good his team would have been this year had they not had a 7 foot Australian down low who feasted on undermanned teams all season? The Arkansas job? Are you kidding me? I can barely muster up a reply to something that ridiculous.

* With that, it was great to hear Jaysker fans (Creighton basketball/Husker football) calling into every radio show they could find yesterday to complain why Dana Altman would take a "lesser job" at Iowa. Is there a gas leak in this town? Is somebody slipping something in the water? A "lesser job?" in the Big 10? The Missouri Valley gets two teams in the tourney, one loses to a WAC team in the first round, and the Big 10 job (any Big 10 job) is a "lesser job"? How can you people be this stupid? I'm serious. This is a growing concern I have that some sort of "stupid cloud" has parked itself over eastern Nebraska, and is causing people to say things that are so outlandishly stupid, so completely idiotic, it defies reason.

I understand that ALL of these issues that I've touched on today starts and ends with the same simple concept: NOBODY on earth loves themselves more than Husker fan. Not Yankees fan. Not Kansas fan. Not Manchester United fan. NOBODY digs themselves more than you people. I realize it's hard to understand, but we live in a place so remote...so far off of the radar, that nothing you say matters to anyone.

Why would you believe the Huskers are National Title contenders next year? Why would you think Arkansas would want your shitty second-hand coach? Why would you call Iowa a worse job than Creighton in basketball?

Because you're all fucking insane. That's why.

Go throw on a special helmet, hop in the back of the short bus, and log back into this blog when you've figured out what a complete and total bumbfuck, hick redneck you sound like.

Idiots.