October 11, 2007

A Hot and Lonely Place

Here near the blast zone, the earth continues to glow under an light grey colored sky. Survivors slowly walk the earth looking for answers. Many hope for death (of their team) as they struggle with the question of “what the hell went wrong?” The white flakes of radiation of slowly come to an end, as the wind howls through the thin wood poles that once stood as trees.

Welcome to Irrelevant-ville, population: You.

How the hell did this happen? How the hell did you people go from talking about BCS bids and “taking the next logical step” one minute…and then giving up 1.3 miles of offense in four games the next? How can a group of fans who were so confident and cocky one minute, turn to despair and misery (heh) the next? I actually heard some callers on the radio yesterday WISHING for their team to lose out so changes can be made.

How in the hell did you fall this far?

Well, there are a few reasons.

First, as I’ve stated many times before…you people bought into the hype that snake oil salesmen like Tom Lemming and Jeremy Crabtree were selling you. What I don’t understand is that if ANYBODY should NOT buy the hype of recruiting, it should be Nebraska fans. Wasn’t it you guys that used to take raw farm boys and nobody’s from all over and made them All-Americans? Wasn’t your walk-on program something of legend at one particular moment in time?

I’m not necessarily buying the whole, “we have athletes, but our coaches are just horrible” thing. Oh don’t get me wrong, Kevin Cosgrove is HORRIBLE, and the moment he is gone, you will have improved your team ten fold. However, there are two huge variables that recruiting services often overlook…leadership and coachability.

If your team lacks natural leaders, even the best coaches won’t help you succeed. Hell, even with my own team…take former Tiger Brad Smith. #16 was an outstanding quarterback…one of the best the program has ever seen, arguably THE best. However, Smith’s offense tended to completely fall apart during crunch time. Why is that considered the coach’s fault? Not that Gary Pinkel doesn’t deserve criticism, but it’s the players on the field who choose to fall apart under pressure..not coaches. If you’re 18 years old, there isn’t enough ranting on earth a coach can do to motivate you…you must do it yourself.

Secondly, the mass love-fest and all-surrounding hysteria that the local media has spread on this program over the past four decades has actually worked against you in this case. The same legions of Husker fans who shower their team with love and affection, have proven to be every bit as impatient and angry as any other fan base who’s entire program and surrounding tradition has been melted into butter. That makes you a big fat red hypocrite in red overalls, and nobody likes that.

Finally, I think I can blame your decent into sporting hell on good old fashion denial. Was it not me who told you that Bill Callahan’s offense had no shot of working in college? Didn’t I tell you that kids today don’t give a shit if you beat Oklahoma in 1971. They don’t care about Christian Peter, Johnny Rogers or anybody else that came before them. That’s not a Husker thing..that’s a society thing. The sooner you get over that, the better off you’ll be. The fact that you idiots think Grant Wistrom can somehow motivate your team with some fiery speech is hilarious.

Regardless of how you got to this barren landscape known as “barely-better-than-Baylor”, you are no doubt here for a while. Are you willing to wait another 3-4 years for your team’s new coach to get his players into “his system?” Do you honestly think your precious reputation is anywhere close to salvageable after firing a 9-3 coach, and then verbally destroying his replacement in less than 4 years?

But, since you’re wallowing in college football purgatory for the foreseeable future, let me give you a few words of advice. Since my team has sucked for so long, I think it’s my duty to pass down these handy tips of cheering for a really shitty team.

1) When arguing with other fans, change the subject to other sports quickly. Since your basketball team sucks too, I suggest talking volleyball smack. Sure, nobody else cares, but it’s better than nothing.

2) Stop getting tattoos of players’ names on your arm. Wait for them to pan out before you go for the ink.

3) Don’t get too excited if you get up 10-14 points in the second half. Now that you’re a losing program, you’ll most likely blow it with penalties, turnovers, or some asshole will kick a ball over his head into the hands of some nobody wide-receiver from the sticks with no time remaining.

4) Don’t look at the Top 25 every Monday. Too depressing.

5) Don’t give Husker gifts. Most likely, your friend or loved one has jumped off the bandwagon and started rooting for South Florida, Rutgers or Cincinnati. Save them the trip to the return counter at Husker Hounds.

6) Don’t waste your time looking for Husker games on TV. They’re not on. They won’t be on next week, and they won’t be on again anytime soon.

7) Don’t go to the spring game. It will just depress you when you can’t even score on yourselves.

8) When playing College Football on Xbox, try using a variety of teams. Most likely, you’re not going to like the ratings for NU when the new game comes out next year.

9) Consider tailgating throughout the game. You’ll most likely have more fun drinking in the parking lot, and let’s face it…you’ll just be leaving midway through the 3rd quarter anyway.

10) When you wear your Husker sweatshirt out of town…those people aren’t laughing at somebody else. They’re laughing at you.

I was going to stop right here..but I probably should keep going. By the time Okie State lays 49 on you at home on Saturday, there probably won’t be any Husker fans left reading this blog.

Oh well…more fun for the rest of us.

Enjoy.

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35 Comments:

Blogger PlusDrew said...

1) I don't argue with other fans. It's pointless.

2) Patience is a virtue.

3) Nebraska is not a losing team until they finish the season with fewer than 6 wins. Patience is a virtue.

4) Nebraska fans are not ineligible from being curious about other teams across the country. Perhaps they will want to see where Mizzou lands when Kansas beats them on a neutral field.

5) My family knows that I will never have enough things that say "N".

6) Until the sellout streak stops, the games will be on PPV. If they're on PPV, they're at a sports bar. It's more fun to watch the game with other fans anyways.

7) Any semblance of football in April is welcome as far as I'm concerned.

8) Playing with lower rated players just adds to the challenge. Nebraska fans should relish the opportunity to play as Nebraska on the Xbox, so they can call the plays themselves instead of letting Callahan do it.

9) I'd rather be in the stadium, thanks.

10) I live in Iowa, I'm used to it.

No amount of shitty gameplans and defensive breakdowns will make me stop caring about the Nebraska Football Program. No amount of AJ blog posts will make me realize that I don't like football as much as I used to. I will lick my wounds, take a day off from reading football websites, and get ready to wear red next Saturday.

Good luck to Mizzou against Oklahoma this week. I hope you don't really think that the win over Nebraska speaks to the quality of the Tigers, all things considered.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous ohf said...

Not gonna lie AJ, this week has been the first week in my life where I didnt give a shit what went on in practice, who is moving around well, etc. After captain meth and his cronies kicked the shit out of the worst coach in the nation (not Callahan, COZ) all the energy I used for my football team was taken out. And I disagree with Okie Lite score prediction. There is no way we hold them to 49, we will give up at least 56. I have no doubt about that. GO BIG RED.

2:27 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

OHF - Good to see ya back.

plusdrew - There is nothing more lame than the, "I hope you enjoyed beating the worst Husker team in xx years" routine. If that's the case..I hope you enjoyed crushing Mizzou with Kirk Farmer, Jimmy Dougherty and Kent Fucking Skornia at quarterback.

It goes both ways. Hell, you're only 4-2 (for the moment), and you're already starting to break. If/when you go 6-6 (or worse), we'll see if you say the same kind of stuff.

In the meantime..just sit back and take your Verbal beating from fans who really don't like your team's act over the past 40 years or so.

2:32 PM  
Blogger PlusDrew said...

AJ, I never said "enjoy your win over the worst Husker team since WWII" I simply said that Nebraska hasn't played well this year. It's what you've been saying all along. The Tigers win over Nebraska shouldn't really be much more of a sign than their win over Illinois, or Ole Miss.

I've been preaching about how good Missouri is under Chase Daniel for 2 years now. It's not about saying that you couldn't beat a good Husker team - that's not what I'm getting at. I'm not playing that card. I'm just saying that, rivalry factors aside, you shouldn't really be ALL that excited about this last win. Any more than your previous wins.

"If/when you go 6-6 (or worse), we'll see if you say the same kind of stuff."

That's what "No amount of shitty gameplans and defensive breakdowns" means. I don't care if they go 11-1, or 1-11. It has no bearing how my feelings toward the Nebraska football program. If I can be there, I'll be there. My demeanor may change, my devotion won't. That's what being a fan is all about, Nebraskan or otherwise.

Right now I see this season pretty much as a mirror of the 2002 season. Nebraska went through non-con season with 1 big loss, and then got a lesson in humility during Big 12 season. After the Iowa State game in 2002, many football fans played the "they won't win another" card, but that team went on to beat Texas A&M, Missouri, and Kansas that year. It wasn't a particularly fun year, but to think that the season is over - well that's what bandwagon fans think. I'm looking forward to 6 more games, and I plan on being at Buffalo Wild Wings bright an early Saturday morning to watch Oklahoma State run all over us like we've subbed in Omaha North.

2:38 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Fair enough.

Many of your brethren have said that though..and it's lame.

You make valid points.

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Missouri Husker Fan said...

Dude, you're crackin me up with this whole nuclear winter theme... :-)~ It's so RIGHT ON in alot of ways.

3) Don’t get too excited if you get up 10-14 points in the second half. Now that you’re a losing program, you’ll most likely blow it with penalties, turnovers, or some asshole will kick a ball over his head into the hands of some nobody wide-receiver from the sticks with no time remaining.

See the Cowpoke game from last year.

I'm still rooting for the fuskers though....keep bringin it.

GO SOONERS!

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ...I too am enjoying the nuclear winter imagery - some of your best written entries in that regard. Of course you're still a dick, but nobody is perfect.

I agree that leadership is huge (clearly one of CD's strengths)- so, I sorta understand your point about the recruiting fascination, but be honest...as Mizzou, wouldn't you trade recruiting classes with USC or Florida if you could?

I am not convinced that Callahan's offense can't work - it worked well last year and I expect it will recover nicely from last week's poor perfomance.

Some kids do care about tradition...if you pay attention to interviews with recruits, tradition is often mentioned when discussing teams like Michigan, NU, Notre Dame, etc. How else can you explain that a team like ND, which has been mostly bad for about 20 years, can still get commitments from a lot of great athletes?

I will echo plusdrew's comments that no matter what, my willingness to cheer the huskers will not be diminished. I may be angry and curse the team's ineptitude, but I'll still love them.

JH

P.S. Any Husker fans hoping that we lose the rest of our games this season need to be taken out and given a sound ass beating..JMHO.

P.P.S. The Huskers aren't dead yet, but a loss in either of the next two games could change my mind.

3:31 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thanks.

The nuclear winter analogy actually goes back to the post I had right before the NU-MU game last year. I just didn't want to waste that idea.

Heh

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

long time lurker...infrequent poster...you have out done yourself here, absolutely fucking hiliarious...How 'bout my buffies? we both have big games on Sat. good luck with OU.

Billy Bear

3:51 PM  
Anonymous jalexand42 said...

A+ sir.

4:14 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Thanks.

I think Hawkins is a great coach, but they're still a year or so away. Once he gets a couple more recruiting classes in..look out.

Still, a very good team and still my pick to win the North.

4:21 PM  
Anonymous Missouri Husker Fan said...

My God! What do we have here? Intelligent conversation! I'm all for that too. But I still enjoy the levity in your ass-holiness, AJ.

5:52 PM  
Anonymous Missouri Husker Fan said...

I like this guy's blog too:

http://firebillcallahan.blogspot.com/2007/10/motivational-poster.html

I can relate.

6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AJ:

Just for once I wuold like to see some real class from some of college football's new most classy fans. (ie.......your self and the rest of "tiger nation").

Please for God's sake, show the rest of us red neck, low life, sister marrying husker fans how to behave as bottom dwellers.

Show me, as they say in your mother country how the blue bloods are supposed to act and live. We to (someday) want to live like the gods and be one the haves instead the have nots.

Sincerely,

Dale Jr.

8:26 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

What the fuck are you talking about?

I welcome all comments, but if you're trying to make a point or be funny...please try a little harder.

Thanks

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How'd you know about my Bobby Newcombe tattoo???

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop getting tattoos of players’ names on your arm. Wait for them to pan out before you go for the ink.

---

lol, ok even I think you're piling on the poor Husker fans.... but, that one was really funny! An internet classic.

go Sooners!

11:13 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

As a sooner fan the downfall of the Husker program sounds very familiar to what OU went through when I was a student 92-96 and beyound

Legend retires

Trusted assistant takes over, run out of town too ealry.

A name is hired - at least the Sooners were smart enough to have the abortion only last one year.

Calls to bring Barry back rang through Norman, I am hearing some of the same calls for TO from friends in Nebraska, but he will not do it. You will want somebody that understands the tradition.

The Sooners took Blake, I know some huskers liked him, but he couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag. If you make the same mistake, tack on three more years of suck.

Its more fun when you are good, but I am enjoying watching BC struggle like a fish on dry land.

I just feel sorry for Huskers, cause we have been there.

9:06 AM  
Anonymous bhg said...

AJ,

Do you really think a guy that believes THUGS=HAPPY FANS is a universal truth is qualified to comment on what does an does not motivate a student athtlete in any sport? It's like taking advice from a second grader on the theory of constraints in the modern world economy. (A guy gets a blog, and somehow he mistakes that for about 10 IQ points.)

If you read the article and thought AJ was right on the money, then in all likelihood you're the guy I make fun of at football games that thinks he knows enough about football to give pointers to the coach.

Stick with your strengths, make fun of the Husker Kool-Aid drinkers that think Pedersen and Callahan will soon have an off spring that will be the second coming of T.O. (It's about as believable as THUGS=HAPPY FANS.)

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're still just Missouri.

2:11 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Is there anything worse than trying to write a really good slam like, "You're still Missouri", and then fucking up the whole "send" button thing?

Well done.

PS - BHG...without your own team to fall back on, and a 41-6 ass pounding last week..your posts are even more lame and pointless than usual. I admire you for the effort, but it's probably best to just quit.

Seriously...you're out of ammo. Drop the pop gun and throw your hands up.

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But you're still just Missouri.

Send

4:43 PM  
Anonymous ms said...

You're still just Nebraska. No one likes Nebraska. I consider Nebraska the armpit of America. Thanks for the delicious corn though. Oh, and I hear the volleyball team rules!

Worst state in the union..

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Setting out to watch the NU game at a local sports bar. Great potential for a depressing outing...for NU fans. Strange, I'll bet you could do a study on the corrolation between sales/give aways of Husker Shots to Wins/Losses.

10:51 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

Sorry about lack of a pre-game post...got busy.

I'll update with Instant analysis later on today..after NU's loss.

11:23 AM  
Blogger midzman said...

will the greatest fans on the planet (how many tractors did you clowns give corso anyways??) stay past halftime as another team drills them?? 17-0 pokes already!!!

12:22 PM  
Anonymous davepowers said...

holy cow, 38 to zip Cowboys still in the 2nd quarter

well, you're going to have a field day on this one.

1:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least the Mighty Big Dead are showing how they can road-grade Okie Lite. Well, sort of. Maybe that first half is just to get those Cowboys right where the Big Dead want'em. Kind of a battle feint. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Oh, and please don't bore the rest of us anymore with "classy fans" comments. I met plenty of nutty Nowledge fans in Columbia a week ago - enough to write my own column.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nebraska fans getting mocked on ESPN's Gameday...hilarious. The Big Red getting beatdown after beatdown? Also hilarious. After years of having to put up with all your fans' condescending shit, this is fun to watch...Kick 'em while they're down...just like they did to everyone else for years. Classy my assy.

Signed,

The Big 12

1:20 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Classy my assy?

Holy shit..that might be the line of the year.

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Missouri Husker Fan said...

Classy my assy? Line of the year? You're reachin, AJ, even for you that's reachin. I suppose I'd be vengeful, hateful, sorry-assed, bitter, and yes, CLASSLESS if I had years and years and years and years of ass-beatings and hurt feelings and inferiority complexes at the hands of the Huskers. Now all the AJ wannabees show up here and the anonymous poser-fest is on! You're having a winning season and the Methzou fans can't stop acting like losers. Shameful. Makes me proud to be a Husker fan...win or lose....it will never change.

GO SOONERS! GO JAYHAWKS!

Anonymous poser-fest......there's your line of the year.

1:50 PM  
Blogger AJ said...

Your team is a complete and total disaster. Acting like a whiney little girl isn't going to help your cause.

Your team sucks.

Deal with it.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, I'm pissed & laughing at the same time. Good job.

Could you pass #5 along to my grandma about 5 years ago?

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why isn't MIssouriHuskerFan at the game? Why is he online trying to talk smack about everything BUT what's going on at Memorial Stadium?

3:24 PM  
Anonymous bhg said...

AJ,

Wow, that was an amazing ditribe that went straight to that marrow. I mean that cut really deep, I was torched, I stayed up with tears in my eyes.

Come on, you would think that the guy that comes up with THUGS=HAPPY FANS is a universal truth could muster up some type of retort.

12:18 PM  

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